Rae

 

Rae sat on her sofa, absentmindedly flicking through the channels of the TV. She tried everything she could to not think about A.J, Calum, and the fucked up mess that was her life.

When she left the gym, she had half expected A.J to come after her, but he hadn’t. She had been home now for almost four hours, and still, he hadn’t come to see her. Rae didn’t know what that meant. Was he angry with her for marching into the gym in front of the whole team? Was he afraid that she was angry with him? Was she angry with him? She really didn’t know.

She had believed him when he said he would find out who had beaten Calum and hold them accountable. But he hadn’t. As far as Rae could see, they had got away with what they had done, and Rae had to wonder if it was because they were part of the basketball team, there for, untouchable.

“I’m so tired of doing this night shift,” Daisy sighed as she walked down the hallway from her bedroom, across the living room, and slumped on the sofa next to Rae. “I’m getting too old for this crap.”

“You’re not old,” Rae sighed as she switched off the TV and looked at her friend.

“I’m thirty in three weeks’ time,” Daisy sighed miserably as she rested her head back on the sofa. “And I am still single. My life is not what I imagined it would be.”

“I know that one,” Rae sighed as she rested her head back too.

“Are you okay, Sweetie?” Daisy asked as she looked over at Rae. “I mean, really okay?”

“I will be,” Rae replied and gave her friend a reassuring smile.

“Is everything okay with you and A.J,” Daisy asked, and Rae knew that her friend knew something wasn’t right between them.

“I honestly don’t know,” Rae smiled again, but this time it was a sad smile. “But right now I am not worried about me.”

“Then who are you worried about?” Daisy asked as she gave her a questioning look.

“It’s a long story,” Rae sighed as she closed her eyes and rested her head back on the sofa once more. “But it’s a story for another day.”

Rae could feel Daisy watch her as she lay back on the sofa, but Daisy didn’t say a word. Instead, she just rested her head back down on the sofa too and allowed a comfortable silence to settle between them both.

“I was thinking,” Rae said after a few moments. “I have about five more weeks left in Saint Mike’s. I think it’s time for me to go home. I miss my family, and I want to see them.”

“You’re leaving?” Daisy asked as she sat up suddenly.

“Not for good,” Rae replied with a laugh as she sat up and looked at her friend. “You can calm down. I don’t mean for good. I just…I miss my family. I miss home. I think it’s time for me to go.”

“I can understand that,” Daisy sighed, but Rae could hear the disappointment in her voice. “I guess I’m just worried that once you get home, you might not want to come back.”

“Of course I will come back,” Rae insisted as she watched her friend closely.

Daisy opened her mouth to say something but stopped before she spoke. Instead, she just lay back on the sofa once more and closed her eyes.

Rae smiled, as she too rested her head back down on the sofa and closed her eyes.

“You know,” Rae said after a few moments. “You could come with me. I could buy your ticket for your birthday. It is a big birthday.”

“You want me to go to Ireland with you?” Daisy asked as she sat up straight and turned to Rae. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t see why not?” Rae replied as she sat back up and gave her friend a happy smile. “You’re my best friend. My family would love to meet you. I could show you around Dublin. It could be fun. What do you say?”

“What about A.J?” Daisy asked giving Rae a sad smile.

“What about him?” Rae shrugged as the smile faded from her face.

“Well, wouldn’t you rather take him with you?” Daisy asked, and Rae could see she was unsure if she was crossing a line or not.

“I don’t think bringing Father Alex home to meet my mother would be the brightest idea in the world,” Rae sighed. “Besides, I’m not even sure he would want to come with me. I not even sure he wants to talk to me anymore.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Daisy said, and she gave her another smile, but she didn’t push the conversation.

They both sat there side by side; both lost in thought.

“Can you imagine it though,” Daisy finally said with a giggle, as she finally looked at Rae once more. “Bringing the good father home to your mom. I think she would lose her shit.”

“I know she would,” Rae laughed for a moment, but then her laughter stopped, and her smile faded once again.

“You know everything is going to be okay,” Daisy said as she reached out and took her hand, then gave it a reassuring squeeze. “You just have to believe that it will.”

“I know,” Rae replied and she gave her friend a grateful smile.

“Right,” Daisy said as she pushed up from the chair, and stood up. “I have to go. Duty calls.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Daisy,” Rae replied as she smiled at her friend once again as she watched her pick up her bag and walk toward the door. “Don’t work too hard.”

“I’ll try not,” Daisy laughed as she pulled open the door and stopped in her tracks, before she glanced back at Rae, then returned her focus to the doorway.

“I need to talk to Rae,” A.J’s voice drifted in from beyond the door, and Rae’s heart instantly began to beat faster.

Daisy looked back at Rae once more, and Rae nodded, confirming it was okay for her to let him in.

“You’d better come in,” Daisy said as she stepped back and let A.J into the apartment. The moment he stepped through the door, he looked straight at Rae, and she instantly held her breath. She couldn’t read his expression at all, so she had no idea what it was he had come to say.

“Will you be okay?” Daisy asked, and Rae could see the surprise in A.J’s face at Daisy’s question.

“Yeah,” Rae replied and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Okay,” Daisy nodded, with one more glance at A.J, before she turned and walked out the door, leaving Rae and A.J alone.

“I’m not sure your friend likes me very much,” A.J said, as he remained by the apartment door.

“She is just being protective of me,” Rae replied, without making any effort to get up from where she was sitting. Instead, she watched him closely, unsure if he had come here for an argument or to talk.

“And I suppose she thinks that you need protecting from me,” A.J sighed, as he finally took a couple of steps towards Rae before he stopped once more.

“I think the only person I need protecting from is myself,” Rae said as she dropped her gaze to her hands clasped on her lap. She knew if she looked at A.J any longer, she would not be able to hold back the tears that was now stinging her eyes “I need to stop believing that everyone thinks as I do. I try to look for the best in people, but I usually find the worst in them instead.”

“Do you think you’ve found the worst in me?” A.J asked, and Rae could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“Maybe,” Rae said, as her voice cracked suddenly, revealing her true feelings. “I honestly don’t know what I think. I never imagined that you would allow someone to be beaten like Calum was; or like I was.”

“I would never let anyone put a hand on you,” A.J replied, and Rae could hear the hurt in his voice.

“And why am I different to Calum?” Rae asked, as she finally looked back up at A.J. “They beat him, and they have broken him. I know he is broken because I see it in his eyes, just like I see it in my eyes too.”

“I know,” A.J replied as he took another couple of steps towards Rae, but still she made no effort to move towards him. “And I want to help him, but I don’t know how. He has shut me out. And now I am afraid that you’re going to shut me out too.”

“I don’t want to shut you out,” Rae whispered as tears suddenly trickled down her face.

“Then talk to me,” A.J said as he finally closed the distance between him and Rae. He knelt down in front of Rae and took hold of her hands. “You never talk about what happened back then, and I know it’s this huge part of your life. Help me to understand it.”

“What’s to tell?” Rae asked as she choked back a sob. “I thought that he loved me; even after the first time, he hurt me. He pleaded with me to give him another chance, and I wanted to believe so much that he hadn’t meant to hurt me.”

“So it happened more than once?” A.J asked, and Rae could hear the surprise in his voice.

“First time it was more of a shove,” Rae explained as she looked down at their joined hands. She could no longer look A.J in the eye because she felt so ashamed. “It was a stupid argument, and he shoved me. I fell over and banged my head; I needed stitches. Dean was so upset, he swore that it would never happen again, but if I am truly honest, I knew in my heart it would.”

“But it was easier to pretend that you hadn’t been wrong about him,” A.J offered, and Rae looked up at him and smiled through her tears.

“Yes,” she nodded and took a deep breath before she continued. “The night he came to the dance studio; I knew that things weren’t right the moment he walked through the door. I knew he had been drinking and that was never a good thing. He started yelling at me that I didn’t care about him or what he thought. He hated that I danced; he said that the way I moved, and the costumes I wore made men look at me, and want what was his.”

She stopped and closed her eyes as flashes of that night crashed into her head, and no matter how much she tried to fight them, she couldn’t push them out.

“I told him he was being stupid,” she continued finally, but this time her voice was barely more than a whisper. “And I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my hair, and pulled me back against him. He said I was nothing but a whore that wanted men to look at me. He pushed me so hard…I…I stumbled across the dance floor and crashed into the full-length mirror that was mounted on the wall. I actually smashed it with my head.”

She stopped once more and tried to calm her now ragged breathing.

“You don’t have to say anymore,” A.J said, squeezing her hands tighter. “It’s okay.”

“I need to,” Rae replied as she opened her eyes and looked at A.J. “I have never told anyone what happened, not fully.”

“If you’re sure,” A.J said as he gave her a sad smile, and Rae replied with a nod before she continued with her story.

“After I had hit the mirror, I was on the ground, and I was dazed,” Rae continued as she dropped her eyes from A.J’s once more. “As I struggled to get up, he grabbed me… He told me that if I were going to behave like a whore, he would treat me like one. He ripped my leotard and held me down…I pleaded with him to stop, but it was like he couldn’t even see me anymore.”

She looked up at A.J and the look on her face almost broke her heart.

“He was too drunk to…you know, and he became angrier,” Rae said, and this time she didn’t look away from A.J. “So he punched me; over and over, until his knuckles hurt, and then he started to kick me. All the time he called me the vilest names he could think of. I knew he wasn’t going to stop till I was dead, and part of me wished I was, but I just couldn’t take anymore, so I stopped moving. I lay there as still as I could, and I held my breath.”

“Jesus!” A.J said as he tried to comprehend what she had just said.

“When he thought I was dead,” Rae breathed out. “He spat on me and called me a whore again… finally he… he relieved himself on my body before he stumbled out of the studio.”

“And for this, he served twelve months?” A.J asked, and the anger in his voice surprised Rae.

“He pleaded guilty, and made a deal,” Rae explained. “Surprisingly, it was his first offense.”

“Or the first one he had been caught doing,” A.J hissed as he released Rae's hands, and took her face in his hands. “I think the fact that you survived is nothing short of a miracle. I know you don’t believe that there is a God, or that if there is, he wasn’t there for you. But I believe there is. I believe he didn’t let you die that night because he had bigger plans for you. I also believe that rightly or wrongly, he brought you to me. I believe that, Rae. You have to believe that too.”

“We can’t let those boys win, A.J,” Rae said as she gave him a sad smile. “Calum deserves to be who he was supposed to be. You have to help him. You have to help me help him.”

“I promise,” A.J replied as he gave her another smile. “I will do whatever it takes...”

“Whatever it takes!” Rae repeated as suddenly she knew what she needed to do. She looked at A.J and gave him a smile. “I know what I have to do.”

“What you have to do?” A.J asked, confused by her comment.

“What I need to do to help Calum,” Rae said as she gave A.J a worried look. “Well two things I need to do, and hopefully it will help Calum be proud of who he is, and the talent he has, and also teach the other boys that raising their hands is never the answer.”

“Tell me what you need me to do to help,” A.J asked as Rae nervously bit her lip, as her mind raced with what she needed to do.

“Can you bring the team to my classroom after school tomorrow?” Rae asked, giving A.J a worried look.

“Sure,” A.J replied, and Rae instantly smiled, then pressed her lips to his.

“Thank you,” she whispered against his mouth before she kissed him once again.