A.J

 

When A.J arrived at the school the next morning, he felt sick to the pit of his stomach. He knew telling Stan the truth was the right thing to do, but it didn’t make things any easier.

He had left Rae earlier that morning because he needed to get changed for work, but if he was totally honest, he was glad of the time alone to think.

When he reached the office, he was surprised to see Rae already there. She said she had to get to the school early, in case Calum turned up, so he hadn’t expected to see her in the office already. He wondered if maybe Calum hadn’t turned up, or if she had just cut the lesson short. He knew she was worried about what was going to happen when Stan found out the truth, and he knew there was nothing he could say to calm her fears until it was over and done with.

Rae looked up and smiled when she saw him walking into the outer office. He was just about to make his way towards her when Stan’s office door opened, and he stepped out looking like he wanted to kill someone.

“Rae,” Stan said as he looked towards her before he turned his attention to A.J. “A.J. My office. Now!”

Rae gave A.J a worried look, as her face instantly paled. It was clear what she thought because A.J thought it too. Had Stan found out about them?

A sickening feeling settled in his stomach. He wanted Stan to know the truth about him and Rae, he just didn’t want him to find out like this. This was the worst thing that could have happened.

If Stan found out, rather than A.J getting to tell him himself, it would seem like he was hiding the truth and that he was ashamed of him and Rae.

They walked towards the office in silence, and A.J could feel the nervous energy emanate from Rae. He wanted to reach for her hand, but he knew that it would not help. If anything, it would just make everything that much worse.

“Shut the door,” Stan said when they walked back into his office. He took his seat behind the desk before he looked up at the two of them. A.J did as he was told, and closed the door.

“Is everything okay, Stan?” A.J asked trying to sound more confident than he felt.

“Not really,” he said as he looked from A.J to Rae. “Quite honestly, I’m speechless.”

“If you just let me explain,” Rae said as she stepped towards his desk. “This was not A.J’s fault.”

“I don’t care whose fault it was,” Stan said as he pinned her with a stare that told A.J that Stan was conflicted about what he needed to do. “What possessed either of you to take those boys into a classroom, and show them the pictures that you did?”

“Pictures?” A.J repeated stunned by what Stan had said. He was sure that he knew about him and Rae.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what the hell I am talking about,” Stan said as he stood up and looked at A.J. “I have had two furious mothers on the phone first thing this morning, demanding to know why their sons were exposed to pictures of a woman beaten to a bloody pulp. What in God’s name were you thinking?”

“I can explain,” A.J said, but before he could say another word, Rae stepped forward.

“It was my idea,” she quickly explained. “The pictures were of me. Those boys beat Calum Banks and the rest of them did nothing to stop it. They beat him because he wants to dance…”

“That still doesn’t make it okay for you to show those boys pictures of a bloodied, beaten woman…”Stan argued, but Rae quickly corrected him.

“Bloodied pictures of me,” “Rae replied. “I couldn’t stand by and watch them destroy him, just like I was…”

She stopped for a moment and took a deep, steadying breath.

“Calum is a talented boy, with a bright career in front of him,” Rae continued. “Those boys beat him, and he was too afraid to speak out. You told me that what these kids needed was someone who would go that extra step for them; that’s what I did. I wanted them to see that it’s not okay to hurt someone because they don’t like what you like. And I wanted Calum to know that I understood what he was going through.”

Stan stared at her for a moment, and A.J knew she had struck a nerve with what she had said. Stan released a deep sigh before he sat back down.

“What am I supposed to do?” He asked as he looked from Rae to A.J. “I understand why you did it, and if I am honest, I admire it. But it was still wrong. These mothers are furious. I need to show that I have held you accountable for what happened.”

“Then sack me,” Rae said, surprising A.J.

“What?” A.J exclaimed. “No! That’s not fair!”

“This was my idea,” Rae continued, ignoring A.J. “I asked Father Parrish to bring the boys to my class. He didn’t know what I was going to show them. I take full responsibility.”

“You can’t fire her,” A.J insisted angrily, as he stepped towards the desk. “I was there too; if you fire her, then you have to fire me too.”

“NO!” Rae exclaimed as she turned to look at A.J. “I can get another job. I was never meant to stay here anyway, but those boys need you…”

“I won’t let you do this,” A.J argued. “There’s no way…”

“ENOUGH!” Stan yelled, stopping them both. “In case you have both forgotten, I’m still in charge here.”

Rae and A.J both looked at Stan as he sat back in the chair, closed his eyes, and blew out a deep breath. A.J held his breath as he waited for Stan to speak again.

“Okay,” he said finally as he opened his eyes and sat forward. “This is what is going to happen. Rae, I am going to suspend you with full pay for the rest of the week…”

“That’s not fair!” A.J exclaimed.

“Then what do you want me to do, A.J?” Stand demanded. “Do you want me to fire you both?”

“Of course I don’t want you to fire us,” A.J sighed impatiently.

“It’s fine, A.J,” Rae said as she turned and looked up at him and gave him a warm smile. “Please. It’s three days.”

“But I don’t want you taking the blame,” A.J said as he looked down into her eyes. He wanted so much to pull her into his arms and hold her tight, but he knew he couldn’t. “It’s not right.”

“I don’t mind,” she said as she gave him another smile. “Just let it go.”

A.J released a deep sigh. This was not how he saw this day going, and now he was more confused than ever.

“I don’t agree with this,” he finally sighed. “But if it’s what you want.”

“It is,” she replied, and smiled once more. “I just need you to tell Calum. He came back this morning.”

“I will make sure he knows,” A.J agreed and smiled once more.

“Then I guess I should be going,” Rae said as she blew out a deep breath and turned to Stan. “I am sorry for causing trouble. It wasn’t what I had wanted to do.”

“I know,” he said, as he gave them both a strange look. “Next time, maybe you should talk to me first before you decide to give the kids a lesson in morality.”

“I will,” she nodded and smiled before she turned and reached for the door. A.J turned to follow her out.

“Actually, A.J,” Stan said as he sat forward in his chair. “Can you stay, I think there is another matter you and I need to discuss.”

Rae instantly turned and looked back at A.J, and he could see the worry on her face. He gave her a reassuring smile before she turned and walked out of the room, leaving A.J alone with Stan.

“What’s up?” A.J said as he turned back to face Stan.

“You tell me,” Stan said, giving A.J a look that he couldn’t read. He knew Stan better than he knew anyone else, but right at that moment, he had no idea what he was thinking.

“I don’t know what you mean,” A.J replied, but in his heart, he knew exactly what he was getting at.

“Is there something you want to tell me about you and Ms. Sullivan?” Stan asked, holding A.J’s eyes with his.

“Me and Rae?” He asked, trying to buy himself some time.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Stan said as he stood up. “You have feelings for her. It’s written all over your face.”

“It’s not what you think,” A.J said knowing that he couldn’t put this off any longer.

“And what do I think?” Stan asked as he walked around the desk to where A.J was standing. “Do you have feelings for her?”

“It’s complicated,” A.J said as he gave Stan a worried look.

“Complicated because you like her,” Stan replied. “Or complicated because you want more than friendship with her.”

“COMPLICATED BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” A.J yelled in frustration. “I’m in love with her.”

“I see,” Stan said, clearly stunned by A.J’s revelation. He walked back around the desk and sat back down. “And do you think she knows how you feel about her?”

A.J looked at him for a second, surprised by his question. He had assumed that he had figured out the truth about him and Rae, but clearly he had only figured out half of the story.

“Yes, she knows,” A.J sighed as he sat down in the chair in front of Stan’s desk. “And she feels the same. Stan, it’s not just some stupid unrequited love or ridiculous crush. I’m in love with her, and she loves me.”

“So you and her…” Stand said as his face paled a little as he sat forward in his seat. “You’re having some kind of affair with her.”

“It’s not an affair,” A.J replied. “It’s what I want. It’s what I want for the rest of my life.”

“I see,” Stan said as he sat back and stared at A.J for a moment, and A.J could see his mind racing.

“I was coming to tell you about Rae this morning,” A.J continued. “I wanted to be honest with you because I think you deserved that. You have always been there for me, and I don’t want to keep anything from you.”

“So you’ve made your mind up?” Stan asked as he stood up once more and walked around his desk.

“I have,” A.J replied without looking at Stan. “I’m sorry that I have let you down. I know that you’re angry with me.”

“You haven’t let me down, A.J,” Stan said, surprising him. “I’m just worried that you are confusing an infatuation for something more. I’m worried you’re going to throw your life away, and when you realise you made a mistake, it will be too late.”

“Rae is not a mistake!” A.J insisted. “She is what I want…”

“And what about your vows,” Stan asked as he sat on the chair next to A.J. “There was a time you believed that was what you wanted too.”

“They were what I wanted!” A.J exclaimed. “But I have changed my mind. This life is not for me anymore. A life with Rae is what I want.”

“And what if you change your mind about that?” Stan replied as A.J turned and looked into his eyes. “What if you change your mind about her?”

“I won’t,” A.J insisted. “I love her, Stan.”

“Enough to give up everything that you are?” Stan asked giving A.J a questioning look. “Enough to walk away from Saint Mike’s.”

“Maybe it won’t come to that,” A.J replied. “I’m still a good teacher; I am good at what I do. So what if I’m not a priest anymore. Unless you want me to leave…”

“It might not be up to me, Alex,” Stan replied with a sigh. “When the bishop finds out about this, he might not be as forgiving as me, or the parents for that matter. This is a Catholic school. How do you think the parents will react when word gets out that one of our priests; one of the supposed moral compasses of the school, has been having some kind of sordid affair with a substitute teacher?”

“It’s not a sordid affair,” A.J shot back.

“But that’s how they will see it,” Stan explained. “When word gets out, there will be all kinds of stories about you two. Are you ready for that? Are you ready to stand by and watch everything you have worked for go up in smoke?”

“I love her, Stan,” A.J replied once more.

“Okay, so you love her,” Stan continued. “Now what. Have you thought about what will happen now? What you will have to go through to be with her because I really don’t think you have. You will be called before the bishop; you will be disgraced. It’s not like leaving your job at the seven eleven. You’re a priest. You made a vow, and now you’re breaking those vows.”

“I don’t care,” A.J insisted as he stood up. “If I have to give all of this up to be with her, then that’s what I will do. I’m sorry for letting you down, but I am not sorry for loving her.”

He turned and walked towards the door.

“Fine,” Stan said suddenly as he stood up and walked back around his desk. “If you really want to do this, I will support you. I will even fight for you to remain here at Saint Mike’s. You are, all but blood, my son. But I need to know that you’ve really thought this through.”

“I have,” A.J assured him.

“I mean really thought about it,” Stan said with an impatient sigh. “Away from Rae, so you can think with your proper head, and not just your little one.”

“What do I have to do?” A.J asked knowing there was a condition to the deal he wasn’t going to like.

“There is a retreat in San Diego,” Stan explained. “It lasts for a month…”

“A month!” A.J exclaimed. “Forget it.”

“If you are going to spend the rest of your life with this woman,” Stan retorted. “What is one month?”

“But I don’t need one month to think,” A.J insisted.

“That’s the deal, A.J,” Stan replied. “You can walk out that door now, and be with this woman who you say you love and turn your back on everything that you are. Or you take this time, think about if this is what you truly want. If you love her as you say you do, a month won’t change how you feel about her. Unless…”

“Unless?” A.J asked.

“Unless you’re afraid that it will,” Stan asked and raised his eyebrows.”

“Of course it won’t,” A.J sighed. “I just don’t see the point in putting off the inevitable.”

“That’s your decision,” Stan said.

A.J stood and stared at Stan for a moment. He couldn’t imagine not seeing Rae for a day, never mind a whole month. But he also hated the idea of walking away from Saint Mike’s too. If there was a chance that he could have both, then maybe what Stan was asking him to do, wasn’t such a big thing. That’s what his head was telling him, but his heart was breaking at the thought of leaving Rae behind.

“When would I have to go,” A.J asked, unsure if he could actually go through with this or not.

“I can arrange for you to go today,” Stan replied, completely throwing A.J with his response. “I will even cover the cost of the airline ticket.”

“I can’t go today,” A.J insisted. “I need time…”

“A.J, this is not supposed to be an easy fix,” Stan replied. “The sooner you do this, the sooner you can move on.”

“I will need to go and see Rae first,” A.J sighed, knowing that this was going to be the hardest conversation in the world.

“Of course,” Stan agreed. “I can drive you to the airport myself. It won’t take too long.”

“Thanks,” A.J said, as he gave Stan a grateful smile, but his heart felt heavy. He knew that Rae was going to be upset, he just hoped that she would understand why he had to do this.