Tessa
Thursdays are always busy for a weeknight. It might be the two for one that we offer or the fact that people want to celebrate that it’s Friday eve. Either way, tips are always great, and the extra money that I make during this shift helps out with the things that we need that go above our household bills.
“A guy is asking about you,” Pam, one of the waitresses, tells me when she comes up to grab her drink order.
“Oh yeah?” I ask as I shake one of the mix drinks that are on her ticket. It’s not new to have guys ask about me. At first, it was hard, knowing that I was being looked at. When I first started, I was serving tables, but after the second time I had a customer grab me, and I completely shut down, Croy and Shae knew that they needed to change it up. Since then I’ve been behind the bar where it’s safe.
My mind flicks to Hawk from earlier today. The way he looked at me when I pulled from his grasp. How broken up he sounded when I teased up in his arms.
“Tessa? You okay?”
My eyes meet Pam’s. “Yeah, why?” She points to the drink that I’m still shaking. I give her a smile. “Oops, sorry.” I open the shaker, pouring the blue liquid into the sugar-rimmed glass.
“Anyway, what do you want me to do about that guy over there?” She twists her body towards where the guy must be. My gaze follows where I think she’s looking and my stomach drops.
Phil Jansen.
He’s staring at me. He brings his beer into the air as he gives me a wink, and an uneasy feeling crawls across my skin. Anxiety rolls through my body. I need to leave. My throat goes dry as I feel my heart pulsing in my neck. My eyes dart around the bar, looking for Croy. He’s not on the floor. He must be in the office.
“Tessa?”
I pull my gaze from Phil and back to Pam. Her voice sounds miles away. My mind is foggy, I can’t think clear thoughts.
I’m stronger than this.
Blinking my eyes, I take a few deep breaths, slowing my heart rate. One, two, three, I count to myself. Another breath, one, two three. I feel my mind start to clear. The panicky feeling weakens. I lick my lips, clearing my throat.
“Sorry about that.” I shake my head, “A lot on my mind.”
Her eyes search mine, and her brows furrow. “You sure it’s nothing more?”
“Yeah, sorry. He knows I don’t date. There’s nothing more to say to him.”
“All right, sure.”
She takes the drinks from the bar and places them on her tray. When she turns her back, my gaze sweeps the room. The dance floor is packed. Multi-colored lights flicker along the dancing bodies. Couples stand close to each while they talk to others near the brick pillars. The tables to the far right are packed with people eating, drinking and laughing. As I continue to scan the area, I pass Phil who is still watching me. I make sure I don’t react. I don’t want him to know that he’s getting to me.
“Hey, T. You good?” Croy comes up behind me as I’m cracking caps from the bottles of beer.
“Yeah, why do you ask?” It’s been two hours since Pam came up to me and she hasn’t said anything more about it. He’s still there, though, sitting in the corner.
“Just checking. It’s been hella busy tonight, and you’ve been slammed.”
I bend over, grabbing another bottle from the trough of ice. “Yeah, well, it would be nice if you were back here helping.”
He laughs. “I know you got this.” He passes me, ripping a ticket from the food server. “I’ll go see if this is ready in the back and take it out to the table. I think Julie’s swapped with the extended happy hour eats tonight.”
She’s packed every Thursday night with the happy hour eats. It’s nothing new. But hey, it’s not my business, so it’s not my place to say that maybe we should have another body or two on staff tonight.
“You do what you need to do,” I say as I pull the handle on the draft beer. “Like you said, I got this.” I cut him a glare, and all he does is throw his head back and laugh before he ducks under the bar and head towards the kitchen.
“Tessa?” My heart drops at his voice. I finish topping a drink with a couple of cherries before I address Phil. He’s sitting in the only vacant seat at the bar.
I force a smile. “Hey, Phil.”
“Busy night.”
“It always is.” I give him another forced smile, and then I keep myself busy, filling drinks as the tickets pop up. Taking dirty glasses, I push them over the scrubbers, glancing up at the red digital clock that’s hanging in the corner of the bar. One more hour until I’m off.
“Can I get another, Tessa?” Phil lifts his glass up. During some point in the night, he went from beer to mixed drinks.
“Sure, what are you drinking?”
“A Tight Snatch.”
I nod and pull out the vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, and cranberry juice. When I place the glass on the matt, he stands.
“A double, please.”
I give another nod without making eye contact and pull out a larger glass. Once I’m satisfied with the drink, I place it on a napkin and push it towards Phil. As soon as I pull my hand away from the glass, he grabs my wrist.
“Tessa.” He rubs his thumb over my irregular pulse. “I know you said no to dinner.”
“I said no—period. I’m not interested.” I tug my hand from his grip, but he only tightens his hold. I can feel my heart rate spike. “Phil–”
“I suggest you drop my girl’s hand before I rip every single one of your fingers off and shove them up your ass.”
Hawk grabs Phil’s shoulder, spinning him around to face him. I pull my hand back, rubbing where Phil’s fingers were digging into my skin. Phil pushes off his chair, standing up, not backing down from Hawk.
“Not sure who you think you are, biker boy.” Phil lifts his hand and flicks the leather covering Hawk’s chest. Phil has a severe case of liquid courage.
Everything happens so fast.
Hawk’s hand shoots up, gripping Phil by his hand before pulling it down. He takes a step towards him, kicking his out foot, making Phil spin around. Hawk has his arms pinned behind his back, lifting them up towards his shoulder blades. Phil squeezes his eyes closed, apparently in pain.
“Hawk,” I call in warning when I see people separating and tall blonde head walking swiftly toward us. When Croy gets closer, I can tell he’s pissed.
“What the fuck is going on here?” He reaches up, ripping Phil from Hawk’s grip, and Phil stumbles forward, grabbing onto his shoulder. Phil is huffing, apparently pissed off.
“This dumb fuck came out of nowhere and put his fucking hands on me.”
“He was touching Tessa.”
“Who gives a fuck?” Phil spits back. “I know her.”
“I don’t give a shit if you know her. You were touching her. You don’t fucking touch her.”
“Look, man, you can’t come in here, putting your hands-on people,” Croy says to Hawk.
“Are you fucking kidding me? He’s been sitting here all night like a fucking creeper watching her.”
Croy turns towards me. “Tessa?”
I close my eyes, giving a slight nod, confirming what Hawk has said.
“Get the fuck outta my bar.” He pushes Phil’s shoulder.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Phil doesn’t move, so Croy gives him another shove.
“Yeah. You don’t touch women without permission, and you definitely don’t touch my staff. I don’t want to see you here again.”
“This is fucking ridiculous,” Phil grumbles before turning to me. “I’ll be seeing you, Tessa.” He smirks before he stalks off towards the front door with Croy on his tail.
The feel of someone touching my wrist makes me jump. Hawk rubs the tender spot of my skin before bringing it to his mouth, kissing it lightly. “You okay?”
“How did you know he was watching me?”
The corner of his mouth draws up. “Let’s just say he’s not the only one who’s been watching you.” When he feels me pull my hand away, he lets go. “Go back to work, Tessa. I’ll be right here.” He pats the bar.
“You don’t have to stay here.”
“You’re not getting rid of me, Tessa. My mind is made up, and there’s no changing it,” he deadpans, and I know there’s no use arguing with him.
I take a deep breath, giving me a second to come to terms that I’m not getting rid of him. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Just water.” He gives me a wink and the old Hawk that I knew all those years ago is back.
* * *
The bar is finally quiet. I’ve done the standard run through, making sure there aren’t any stragglers. Making sure to look in the storage closet.
“Hey, Tessa?” Croy calls for me as I pass by his office making me stop in my tracks. “You got a minute?”
“What’s up?” I ask as I enter the office.
“Take a seat.” He points to the seat directly in front of the desk that he and Shae share.
I slowly lower myself into the chair. He sounds extremely professional right now, and that’s not how our relationship is. We’re friends. He’s basically the only ‘family’ I have anymore.
“What’s going on Croy?” Several different scenarios swirl in my mind. Tonight, how Hawk behaved, how Croy had to escort Phil out of the bar. Am I too much of an issue to keep on staff? I haven’t had any other problems in the past. I make sure of it.
“Is everything all right with you, Tessa?”
“What do you mean?”
“Pam told me how you freaked behind the bar earlier…”
“I’m not sure I’d call it freaking, I mean, we’re all entitled to have an off night, aren’t we?”
Resting his elbows on the arms of the chair, he brings his fingers into a teepee as he rests them on his lips. The intense glare he’s got going on right now is making me uncomfortable. “I worry about you, T. It’s not just tonight. I’ve seen it before. I think you’re getting burned out. You’re burning the candle at both ends, and it’s not doing you any good.”
“It’s my life, Croy. You know this. Just about better than anyone.”
“And you know that if you need anything for whatever reason you’re supposed to ask me.” I fall back into my chair, not answering him. “What was going on with that guy tonight? Why did I have to escort a customer out?”
“I really don’t know what to say to that. Phil lost his father a couple of years back. I guess I consoled him—I’m not sure since I don’t remember much. But I ran into him the other day when Sam and I were out, and the entire situation was strange. I don’t think he’s been around since that night his dad passed, but I can’t be certain. Then he showed up tonight, and if I'm honest with you, he puts off a vibe I want no part of.”
“And the other guy?”
I adjust myself in the chair, trying to get comfortable. “He’s from New Mexico.” I don’t go any further. That’s all he needs to know.
“We’re friends, right, T?”
“I’d like to think we were more than that, Croy. Besides Martha, you’re the only one that I can consider family.”
“If that’s true, then why the secrets? After all these years, why won’t you let me in?”
I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear before I answer. “You are in, Croy.”
“Where’s Sam’s father? Is it him?”
“Who, Hawk, no. He’s just from my past.”
“Who seems to now be part of your present?”
“Yeah, well, not really. He’s taking care of family stuff, and we happened to run into each other. That’s where he and I start and end. There’s nothing more to it.”
He takes a deep breath and nods. “All right. Get out of here and get home to Sam.”
Before I leave the office, I turn back around. “Are you still okay with taking Sam in the morning? Sarah has a paper due, and I really need to get some errands done since it’s my only day off. I shouldn’t be too long.”
“I already told you that I’m good with it.”
Making my way to the front of the bar, I see Hawk is still at the bar. The lights are up, making the room seem so much different. It really is a beautiful place. When my boots hit the wood of the dance floor Hawk turns around.
“You ready to head out?” he asks as he stands.
“What?” I duck under the bar and walk to where I keep my purse. Pulling it from the cabinet, I stand back up and throw the strap over
“I asked if you’re ready to head out.”
I shake my head. “You don’t need to keep watch over me, Hawk. I have my car outside, and I’m not far from here.”
“It’s not up for discussion, Tessa. Let's go.”
I concede, knowing that I’m not going to win this argument, and leave the bar. “I’m leaving, Croy,” I yell towards the back.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Careful going home,” he calls back.
My shoulders tense as soon as I feel Hawk’s hand touch my lower back. “It’s me, Tessa. I’ve touched you a hundred times.” His voice is quiet. He’s right, he has, but I’m not the same person as I was before.
I pick up my steps, making it to my car. “Here I am.” I open the door and slide in behind the wheel. Pulling the door closed, I’m stopped by Hawk’s hand.
“Look at me.” The command in his voice should scare me, but it doesn’t, it makes me feel the opposite.
Safe.
Defeated, I drop my head to the headrest. I’m suddenly so tired. “It’s late, Hawk.”
“Yeah, it is, and as soon as you look at me the sooner, you’ll be able to get home and rest.”
Finally relenting, I turn my head to the side and see that he's now squatting inside my door.
“Good girl. I’m going to follow you and make sure you get to where you’re going safely. Tomorrow you and I need to have a little talk. Things need to be said before I head back home.”
I sit up. “You’re leaving?”
“I’ve got responsibilities with the club, and I’m not turning my back on the one thing that never turned its back on me. They’re my family.”
“What about Rose?”
“I have you to relay her progress to me.”
I shake my head. “I can’t. I can’t do that. There are laws, and I could lose my job. I shouldn’t have called Bianca in the first place.”
“Tessa.” He places his hand on my arm. “Relax, sweetheart. No one said anything about breaking any laws. I only want to know when she wakes up and is coherent. I’ll come back then. Let’s get you home.” He squeezes my arm.
By the time we reach my apartment, I’m exhausted. Tonight’s events have really had an effect on me. I’m physically drained and in desperate need of a shower. Grabbing my purse from the seat next to me, I pull the handle of my door and open it. Hawk is there, stretching out his hand to help me out. I hesitate, not sure if I can initiate the touch, but when he wiggles his fingers my apprehensive ease.
“Which apartment is yours?” With my hand still in his, he looks to the row of doors past the small patch of grass.
“3B,” I tell him. “The third one from the right.”
“What’s your schedule for tomorrow?” We’re standing close, maybe too close. I can smell the hint of mint on his breath.
“I’m off.”
“I’m heading back Saturday. I’d like to spend some time with you tomorrow night.” I don’t work Fridays because I don’t have a babysitter. Friday nights are for Sarah, and I won’t ask her to watch Sam again.
“I can’t do that, Hawk.”
“Yes, you can.” He leans down ever so slightly and brushes his lips across my cheek, making my eyes close. “Listen to me,” he says as he takes my other hand in his. “Hear my voice. Who’s talking?”
“You are,” I say breathlessly.
He quietly laughs. “What’s my name, Tessa?” he asks as his hand moves up my arms, sending chills throughout my entire body.
“Hawk,” I barely make his name out before I feel his hands come up, cupping my face on either side.
“That’s right.” His breath dances over my lips. “It’s me, Hawk. Am I going to see you tomorrow, Tessa?” His voice sets me in a trance. I can feel my body lean into him as I relax under his touch.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Good, girl.” His lips ghost over mine. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Blinking my eyes open, I flinch at his closeness and take a step back but he stops me. “Don’t.” The lines of his eyes deepen. I can tell he’s worried so I comply and don’t pull back. He gives me a smile, finally dropping his hands from my face.
“I’ll wait until you get inside. Then I’ll get going.”
I bite my lip and give him a nod before stepping away. As I make my way to the front door my heart races. Alarm bells are going off in my mind, telling me to stop while I’m ahead and blaring that allowing Hawk into my world means that I’ll be a part of his, and that’s something that I can’t afford to do.
The dangers of the MC world are real. They hurt, they maim, and they kill.