Hawk
I’m sitting in the cab of my truck. The air conditioning is blowing because the southern Californian weather doesn’t give a shit that it’s fall and it should be cooling off.
Last night was fucking incredible. Her pussy was the tightest I’ve ever felt, and that includes the night she gave me her virginity. Maybe, because I’ve spent my life fucking chick after chick, sex started to lose something, or perhaps it’s the control I thought I needed in the bedroom, but I know it’s the woman that was missing. There have been so many nameless, faceless woman who have had the privilege of riding my cock, and now I hate to admit it, but I know they’ve all gotten only a piece of me.
Last night…
The feel of her, the way she moaned my name, the way it felt when she clamped down on my dick. Fuck me, that’s the way it’s meant to be, and I know I haven’t been experiencing sex the way it’s expected to be.
Not until last night.
“Dyke,” he grunts into the phone.
“Any news?”
“Yeah. I gathered the names on the Diablos that were part of that shit with Tessa.”
“I want the names. I’m coming home in the next couple of days–”
“There’s only one name on the list, Hawk.”
I grip the fucking steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. “What the fuck do you mean, only one name?”
“Just what I fucking said, man. Only one name. Tre De La Cruz. All the other fuckers are dead, man.”
What the fuck?
“I don’t understand. How are they all dead?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe they had a run of bad luck. I’m just saying that I talked to Louie Jr.–”
“What the fuck do you mean, you talked to him? You believed that punk ass? He hasn’t even turned over his father yet.”
“Actually, he’s doing that tomorrow.”
“What?”
“Yeah, he’s good on his word.”
“Why the fuck wasn’t I told?”
“You’ve got your own shit to deal with. This is something that Sin needs to handle, but we haven’t told him yet. We weren’t going to until we have hands on Louie Sr. so don’t go and call Sin. He doesn’t need to deal with the shit if it doesn’t happen. Anyway, what I was saying was that Jr. told me that those men were killed and not by the club. It happened to most of them a couple of years after the attack. The only one who’s still around is Tre, and he’s been ousted. A couple of years ago is what Jr. told me.”
“Fuck.” I slam my hand against the steering wheel. “Where’s Tre?”
“Up north somewhere. That’s all I got for now. I’ll weed him out. Are you going to tell me what’s going on with all this? Did you plan on taking down everyone who wronged Tessa, Hawk? Is this girl worth it for you? She fucking left.”
“I don’t need to explain shit to you, man. I only wanted the info, not a fucking fatherly lecture.”
“Well, maybe you still need a fatherly lecture every once in a while.”
I squint when I see Rhea walking around the corner of the building and into the front door to Rose’s rehab facility. I push open the door of my truck and get out. Slamming the door behind me, I make my way towards the facility. “No offense, Dyke, but I think you need to focus on your own son then to try to play daddy to me. Bubba’s the one that’s spiraling, or are you too fucking blind to see it.”
“What the fuck you talking about?”
I shake my head. For someone who can get whatever information that he wants from wherever, he has no clue how to deal with real-life situations. “Did you know that Bubba’s been hanging around with Kara?”
“And? She’s part of The Fallen, you boys have all hung around her, or in her.”
I don’t laugh because he’s not wrong. “Look, all I’m saying is that he’s been hanging around with her outside of the club and that shit usually doesn’t happen. Sin’s noticed it too. In fact, not long ago he actually stuck up for her when she and Sin got into it.”
“Fuck,” he groans.
“Yeah, fuck. You know she’s been trying to get into the old lady status for years, and since Sin is no longer an option, it makes Bubba a prime target. You better tell your boy to wrap that shit up before he enters fun land or you’re going to be a granddaddy to a kid whose mom is prime club slut.”
When he doesn’t respond, I leave it with this.
“He’s been distant. So much that even with the shit that’s been going on with Redding, we’ve seen it, so you need to take care of that.”
I end the phone call and focus on the other part of my family that seems to be falling down the same rabbit hole as Bubba. Only instead of the drugs, I think Bubba’s back on, my little sister is playing with fire by dabbling in the same substance our mother is addicted to.
* * *
As soon as I come around the corner, I see Martha at the nurse’s station. With a smile, I give her a wave and head towards my mother’s room. I scan the halls and open rooms for Tessa, but I don’t see her. When I get close enough to the door, I can hear the murmur of two voices on the other side. Without hesitation, I push my way into the room. Rose is the first to look up and smile in my direction.
“Hawking,” she says with a slight tremble of her chin.
Rhea turns towards me, and the glossiness of her eyes tells me she’s drunk. I take a deep breath because I don’t want to upset Rose, but this shit with Rhea being drunk around our mother is going to fucking stop. One, she’s twenty, and two, Rose doesn’t need the temptation.
“Hi.” I leave out ‘mom’ or ‘Rose’ because I’m not sure what frame of mind she’s in today. Until I figure that out, I’ll keep my answers short.
“Brother,” Rhea grumbles.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Rose says.
“Why is that?”
“Well, I think it’s time I tell you about your father.”
“I’m going to get going,” Rhea says as she gets out of the chair that's placed next to Rose’s bed. Her feet get twisted, and she stumbles, almost crashing into the side table before she catches herself.
“Oh my, Rhea?”
“It’s okay, Mom. I’m not feeling well today.”
I watch as Rose eyes her daughter with pursed lips. She’s not buying it. “Here.” I reach into my pocket and pull out some money. “Go get something to drink. I hear their coffee isn’t so bad.” I give her a pointed look, hoping she gets my drift. “Don’t go anywhere because I want to talk to you before I leave.”
“Where are you going?”
I glance at Rose who is listening intently to the conversation. “Nowhere, I mean before I leave here.”
Rhea takes the money and jerks her head before striding towards the door and closing it behind her. “She is completely my fault,” Rose sighs behind me.
“Why do you think that?” I ask as I pull the chair away from her bed and take a seat.
“She’s a drunk already, and she’s not even of the age to drink yet. She’s ruining her entire life because she’s had me as a mother.” Her chest rises again with another sigh. “I’m shocked that Loa is turning out as well as she is.”
“Why haven’t I seen her around?”
“She’s ashamed of me. I don’t blame her. Look at me.” She waves her hands around. “I would be ashamed if I were her.” She rubs her lips together as she stares out of the window. I want to comfort her, but I’m not sure if that’s what she needs. “So.” She clears her throat and looks at me. “Where should I start?”
“I’m not sure. I’d say from the beginning, but I’m not sure we have that much time.”
She laughs a little. “You aren’t wrong about that my boy.” She adjusts the blanket that covers her lap, and with a deep breath, she starts. “I loved your father, and it had nothing to do with the club. I loved that man before there was ever a club. He was everything I ever wanted. The club became like an obsession for him. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I thought maybe he would turn his focus on us as a family. Even before we were married, we always talked about having a family.” Her confession makes my stomach dip.
“After you were born he was so attentive to us both. He put us first and the club second. Devin didn’t have an issue about that because he loved his family. But then the Diablos thought having both Devin and your father so family focused made the Fury weak. When word got out that the Diablos were planning a territory invasion, things changed. He became focused on the club, on strengthening it.”
She told me of a man who changed from a loving man to one who wanted more power than what he was granted. She revealed nights where he would come home drunk and rage about being second and never being able to be first because everyone respected Devin more than him. He was full of jealousy, tired of living in the shadows of his president. He wanted to live in the light. He wanted what he couldn’t have, so he thought he’d be able to prove his loyalty someplace else.
The Diablos.
“There was a traitor in the Diablos. Someone who wanted the same thing that your father wanted. Your father told me of this plan. The start of a partnership, the start of a great MC that would rule in both gun and drugs. In that, to prove to himself, he’d have to give them his most prized possession. This was the only way they would be able to work together.” My stomach rolls because I’m sure I know where this is going.
“When he came to me about it I told him he was crazy. The plan wouldn’t work. That he would ruin his life, our life if he went along with it. But there was no stopping him.” She stops and takes a deep breath. My heart is hammering in my chest.
When she looks at me, her blue eyes shimmer with tears. “I loved him,” she chokes out. “I was stupid in love with that man, so I gave him what he asked.”
She told me about being passed around from man to man. The plaything of the up and coming MC that would rule the state. Thoughts of Tessa flash in my mind. Tessa being held down on the filthy cement, crying out as she was forced to give them something that no person should be forced to provide. Then my mind roams to visions of my mother, younger than what she is now, loving a man who didn’t deserve her. Who didn’t deserve to breathe the same air she breathed, let alone have her heart.
“It went on for months. The man who he made a deal with was found dead, throat slashed. To this day, I don’t understand how Devin never found out what your father was up to, but that was the same time when Devin’s paranoia about keeping his family safe grew. He didn’t allow Bianca out without the protection of the club. I know for a fact that if anyone caught word as to what your father was up to, they would have killed him. It didn’t matter that he was VP.” She takes another shuddering breath. “Then I found out I was pregnant.”
Her confession was almost a whisper. When she doesn’t say thing else, my mind starts to work out the timeline. Loa, is older than Rhea, but is she old enough? I’m not sure since I haven’t been able to hold a decent conversation with my little sister long enough to get out the information that I need.
“When I told your father, he blew up at me. I’m not sure what he expected, he was basically whoring his wife out to a rival MC, and yet he was surprised when I came up pregnant.”
“Is Loa my father’s daughter?” I ask the question even though I didn’t want to know the answer. Tessa and Sam come to my mind again.
“No.” She looks away again. “Your father took me to a clinic. I fought him–crying. I didn’t want to get rid of my baby.” She wipes the tears from her face with gentle swipes. “I pleaded with him, asking if he would risk the fact that it could be his, but he didn’t want to hear it. He said he couldn’t take that chance because if this came to light, he knew it would destroy his reputation and his relationship with Devin. He thought it was a sign that the man was killed, that his place was where he’s always been—Fury. The only way to erase his mistake was to get rid of the baby.” She chokes back a sob. “That it was my duty as his wife to stand by his side.”
“Fuck,” I groan.
“I’m not sure where his head was because he knew that I wouldn’t say anything. Even if something were to get out, it would be our word against theirs. There would be no way that Devin would have ever believed anyone in the Diablos. But he didn’t care.”
“So what happened?” The voice comes from behind me. When I sit up and look, Tessa is standing behind me. Unshed tears settle in her big brown eyes.
“He fell in line, I guess you can say. But the anger of not getting what he wanted still simmered under the surface. He never looked me in the eyes after the day at the clinic. I couldn’t look at myself for that matter. I became depressed,” she continues. “I didn’t just lose the baby, but a part of me died right along with it. I wouldn’t leave the house. I wouldn’t participate in anything to have to do with the club. I wouldn’t let Hound touch me. I was disgusted by him. I couldn’t understand how a man who used to look at me like I hung the moon could destroy me all in the name of the club. All because he wanted more out of life. A life he chose. I didn’t ask for any of that.
“When he started to come home smelling like a cheap perfume, I knew he’d been dipping into the club sluts, and I was done. He was living like he didn’t do anything wrong, while I was dying inside. He did this to me, and he acted like everything was fine while I continued to struggle. The day that I planned on leaving, I packed our bags.” She looks at me. “Yes, our bags, Hawking. The plan all along was to take you with me. I thought he was on a run, so I was going to pick you up from school and leave town. But when I heard the roar of the bikes, I panicked. I couldn’t think fast enough, so I ran down the steps and threw what I could into the trunk of my car. There were still bags on our bed, and when he pushed off his bike, he walked right past me and into the house. I should have left right then. I should have driven to your school and grabbed you then, but I didn’t think fast enough. I also didn’t realize that I was being watched.”
When I feel Tessa’s hand on my shoulder, I reach up and take it in mine. “Go on,” I tell her.
“He roared, he was so angry. But so was I. I was tired of being his doormat. I was tired of him taking me for granted, so I stood my ground. When he came barreling down the steps and got into my face, I stood there. I wasn’t about to back down. I told him I was leaving and he laughed at me. He told me that his bitch wasn’t going anywhere and no one was going to walk away from him. He was a completely different man than the one I had loved for so many years. When I tried to walk away, he grabbed me by my neck. He told me that…” She takes another breath.
I feel a slight push on my shoulder, so I get up and go to her. I wrap my arms around her while she sobs into the crook of my neck. “Shh…” I try to calm her.
“H–He told me that he would find me and kill you if I tried to take his son from him. That no whore would raise him. I–I’m sorry that I left you.”
My eyes squeeze shut as Tessa’s quietly sniffs back sobs behind me. “Mom.” I tighten my hold on her, comforting her while she cries. I find my own comfort in the feel of her tears soaking my shirt. Years of regret and pain come pouring out of her, and I’m glad I’m the one who can be there holding her while she does it.
After a while, I feel Rose push back, so I let go of her. “Hawking? What are you doing here?” Her eyes have clouded over.
I’ve lost her, but right now, maybe it’s for the best.