Hawk
We spend all day at the beach, playing in the water and tossing a football around. Sam has a nice arm. Something that I might want to discuss with Tessa. I’m sure there’s a club or team or something that Sam can join at his age.
Tessa still doesn’t know how to navigate around our relationship when it comes to Sam. I’m at their house as much as I can be, but I understand where she’s coming from. Her first priority is to protect Sam. She doesn’t want to send him mixed signals. But to me, there’s not mixing anything. She’s mine. I told her that this morning, and there’s no discussing it any further. She didn’t disagree, so as far as I’m concerned, the issue is closed.
I’ve had enough of the whole hands-off rule and break it with one swift grab of her body and a deep kiss on her lips. Sam laughs when I finally release Tessa. She stands there with her eyes as wide as saucers and her mouth opening and closing like she’s trying to catch flies.
“Did you know that the Santa Monica Pier was created to help get rid of poop?” Sam states as he licks his ice cream cone.
“You’re joking,” I tell him as Tessa and I walk hand in hand next to him.
“Nope.” He shakes his head from side to side making his brown hair swish around.
I’m not gonna lie and tell you that how he came to be doesn’t filter through my mind at least once a day, but it’s a fact. I only hope that he never finds out the truth. There’s no reason why this little boy needs to suffer any more on top of what life is gonna throw at him.
“It’s true. Look it up,” he says right before he takes a bite out of his cone. “Mom,” he calls for Tessa with a full mouth. “I’m done.”
We stop walking. “All right, go throw it away and come right back here.”
He nods before he takes off through the small crowd of people, towards the metal barrel that’s lined with a clear plastic bag. A loud bark of laughter pulls my eyes from Sam over to a group of five guys who are leaning over the wooden side of the pier. All five of them are decked out in leather cuts. The emblem on the back isn’t one that I’ve seen before, but that doesn’t mean anything since I’m not in New Mexico. They whistle and catcall at whoever is down below on the sand. I move so that I’m in between her and them. I know she’s been too afraid to venture out in a large populated area with Sam, and I know that she keeps to herself and the small part of town that she and Sam live in. This is a massive step for her. She’s facing the demons of her past without her even knowing.
The wind kicks up and makes Tessa’s brown locks dance around her head. She laughs as she tries to tame the curly mess that frames her face. “Thank you for today, Hawk.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I’m proud of you, you know that?”
Her eyebrows draw together in confusion. “Why are you proud of me?”
I take a step closer to her and brush my thumb over the apple of her cheek. “I know spending the day on the beach is out of your comfort zone. I’m honored that you trust me enough.”
She brings her hand up and grasps my arm. “I’ve always trusted you, that’s never been an issue. Even after everything.”
She doesn’t allow herself to finish, but she doesn’t need to. I know what she’s thinking. “Well, I know it’s hard on you. I know you’ve kept him close for a reason and I’m glad that I was here when he got to experience everything for the first time.”
She smiles as she brushes the hair out of her face and looks over my shoulder in the direction where Sam went. Her face drains of all color, “Where’s Sam?”
I look over my shoulder, but I don’t see him. “Sam,” I call out. I raise my voice a little higher, “Sam!” Tessa’s nails dig into my arm, but she’s frozen in one spot. “Hey,” I pull my attention back to her. I rub my hand over her head. “It’s gonna be okay.” Her eyes are frantic. “Tessa,” I say her name, so she’ll bring her eyes back to mine, but it doesn’t work. She’s zoning out. “Fuck,” I grunt.
I turn towards the crowd and scan the area. People are laughing and jumping around–they don’t notice my panic. The whoosh of the blood in my ears drowns out the carnival music. I feel light headed like I’m standing outside of my body watching this unfold. I don’t see him. I don’t fucking see him. I take steps towards the barrel, pushing people out of my way.
“Sam!” I call out again. “Samuel!” I use his full name hoping that he’ll know to answer. As soon as I hit the barrel and turn back around and look from where I just came from. Tessa is standing there, tears rolling down her cheeks as she slowly shakes her head.
I spin around again, and that’s when I hear it. My name being called. “Hawk!” When I look towards my left, I see Sam, squatting down next to a gentleman who has a puppy on a leash. The tan fluff ball jumps up, licking Sam’s face as Sam laughs.
“Isn’t he cute?” he shouts again, as he rubs the puppy’s head. The excitement in his voice does nothing to set my nerves back.
“Samuel!” Tessa rushes past me towards her son. The look of shock on Sam’s face at her tone tells me that he didn’t know he did anything wrong. “Why did you take off like that?” She falls to the ground. Her knees hit the stained rotting wood of the pier and pulls Sam into an embrace. “I–I couldn’t find you.”
“It’s my fault,” the gentleman says. “I shouldn’t have encouraged your boy here to pet Toby.”
“Mom.” Sam squirms from Tessa’s hold. “I’m sorry.”
She pushes Sam away from her body, and she inspects him. Sniffing, she wipes the dampness from her face. “Don’t you ever do that to me again! I can’t–I can’t even think about what would happen to me if something happens to you.”
“I know, Momma, I’m sorry.” He drops his head to her chest.
“I didn’t mean to upset your wife,” the guy says as she bends over and scoops up the wriggling dog. “I should have never volunteered to watch the little bugger while my daughter took her kids over to kiddie land.” He points to the woman and her three kids coming this way. “I tried to tell my grandbaby that the puppy needed to be left at home, but you can’t argue with a two-year-old.”
Just then a little raven-haired girl flings her body against the man’s legs. “Kinda hard to say no to that.” He looks down at the little girl.
“Everything all right here?” The woman comes up and stands next to her father.
“Everything’s fine, dear. The little boy was so taken with Toby that he didn’t hear his dad calling him.” My gaze drops to Sam’s, but he doesn’t give a reaction.
I swallow down my emotions because this could have turned out to be much different. He could have ended up being a sick fuck who preys on young kids, luring them away with a fucking puppy. Tessa could have lost him. I could have lost him.
“No harm, no foul,” I tell him.
When I look over at Tessa, she’s pulling herself up to stand. “I’m sorry I got so emotional.” She smiles at the man.
“We’ve all been there, sweetheart. Do you know who many times I lost this one at the supermarket? If they invented tracking devices when she was younger, I would have put one on her.”
His comments seem to put Tessa at ease because she laughs with the rest of us. “Ah, yes. I’ve thought about chipping Sam here a time or two. If they can do it with the animals…” She trails off, taking Sam’s hand in hers.
“Thank you for letting me pet your puppy.”
“Not a problem, young man, but make sure you let your parents always know where you are.” He puts the puppy down and hands the leash over to the little girl. She turns her back and gives us a wave over her shoulder.
“I think I’ve had enough fun for the day,” Tessa confesses, causing Sam to whine that he’s not ready to leave yet.
“I agree. How about we grab some pizza on the way home?” I place my hand on the small of Tessa’s back and push her towards the exit of the pier.
“Did you hear that guy call my mom your wife?” Sam squints as he looks up towards me.
I look over his head towards Tessa. She’s giving me the side-eye as she bites down on her bottom lip, allowing me to take the lead on this one. “Yeah, I did, bud. It’s natural when people see men and women together.”
“Yeah, but did you hear him when he called you my dad?”
I stumble at his words. “Yeah, I heard that too.” I lead them both towards the parking lot when I see my truck a few spots in front of us.
“That was awesome.” He laughs.