Tessa
“That’s strange, right?” I ask my friend Crystal as we eat lunch.
Not far from New Hope is a deli where I like to eat once a month. I can’t afford to eat out much more than that, but sometimes I need a break from leftovers and sandwiches.
“Yes, very strange. Are you sure you haven’t seen him since his father passed?”
I shake my head. “I can’t be sure, but I’m almost positive that I haven’t.” For the twentieth time since we sat down thirty minutes ago, I look around, seeing if he’s there. Watching me. It’s been years since I had this feeling. But since Phil approached me three days ago, I’ve felt it. Eyes on me. Watching me. Whispering. But, of course, Crystal doesn’t know any of that.
“You can’t make more out of it than what it is, or you’re going to make yourself crazy, and that’s never a good thing.”
Crystal and I met in a group for single mothers. She has two girls, one younger than Sam and one older. Her husband left them right after her youngest daughter was born, and she doesn’t know where he is. About a year ago she got a job opportunity in Nevada. It was a no-brainer financially, so she packed up her kids and left.
“Yeah, you’re right.” I flick the salad around on my plate.
“Tessa, when are you going to start dating?”
My eyes shoot up at her question. “I don’t have time.”
“You know that’s not true. You just don’t want to make the time.”
I drop my fork to my plate before sitting back in my chair. “You’re right. I don’t want to make the time. I have Sam, and he’s enough for me.”
“Tessa, I’m not sure what happened to you in your past because Lord knows I’ve tried to ask, and you’ve shot every single question, but it’s not healthy.”
“Please, women go through life without a man all the time.”
“Yeah, they’re called lesbians.” She pushes her plates towards me and folds her arms on the table. Her green eyes flashing with humor. “Is that it? Is that the reason why I’ve never heard or seen you with a man in the past two years that we’ve been friends? Are you gay? Because I have to say, you’re a beautiful, lady, with all that thick chocolate hair, and those onyx eyes. You’re exotic looking, and both men and women would fall to their knees if they had a chance at what you’re offering.”
“Ha,” I laugh, “if it were so easy. And thank you, but no, I’m not gay. I had some bad experiences in my past, and they were so bad that I’ve sworn off men.” I pick up my fork and start to pick through my lunch again.
“So you’ve never been in love? You have a son, you’re in your late twenties, and you’re telling me that you’ve never been in love?”
“No, I’ve never said that.”
“So you have been in love, then? What did he do to hurt you? Cheat on you? Hit you? Is that why you won’t think about dating? Out of fear?”
If she only knew my fear.
I shake my head, biting my lip. “I don’t think he ever knew that I loved him. But he’s not the reason.”
“Sweetie, nothing can be so bad that you’ve sworn off dick. You’re way too young, and that pussy is way too tight for any of that. You need to bite the bullet and get back on that horse. Hell, try it cowgirl style, but whatever you do, just finally ride it.”