Hawk
Have you ever felt like it didn’t matter how fast you were going, you’d never make it to your destination? How the road that’s stretched out before keeps going with no end in sight? Yeah, well that’s how I’ve felt for the past nine hours.
* * *
Once I pass through the last of the mountains, I see the same hazy city lined with buildings that look like their stacked on top of each other. Another few minutes and the cab of my truck fills with the stench of exhaust while blaring horns surround me. I twist my head on my neck, loosening the tense muscles that ten hours of driving creates. Flipping on the turn signal, I float through several lanes and get off on my exit.
As soon as the glass doors slide open, the cool air hits my face. It seems warmer today than it did the first time I came here. You know what they say, it’s always sunny in Los Angeles, and I’m beginning to believe them. I stop at the nurse’s station and wait for the nurse behind the counter to lift her head in acknowledgment. She is leaning over—a clear view of her small tits and barely their cleavage. When she’s done jotting in what I think is a patient file she lifts her redhead and her eyes land on me. She bites her lip, trying to hide a smile. Her eyes darken as she blatantly checks me out.
“Can I help you, sir?”
“I’m here to see Rose Calhoon. I know where her room is, so I’ll head over.”
It isn’t until I’m a few feet away that she calls out to me. “She’s down for tests. You’ll have to wait.” I lift my hand over my head, letting her know that I heard her.
As soon as I reach the door, I let myself in. The room doesn’t look any different. Entirely barren, void of anything that would signify that her children, my sisters have come to visit. I wonder if she ever let them in on how her life was or if she left that shit to her shrink. Dyke said her husband left her several years ago. Did he know what she went through? Did she ever talk about me? Do they know I exist? The anger and resentment that I’ve held towards that woman have seemed to weaken. They aren’t entirely gone, but now I’m curious to know why she thought she was saving me by leaving me in the hands of the one man who almost destroyed her. I have so many Goddamned questions in my head with high probability that they’ll go unanswered.
I’m at the window when I hear a squeak of rubber against the tile of the floor. “Come on, Rose.”
I turn around and watch as my mother is being willed into the room by a middle age Hispanic woman. My back is to the window, so I know that my face is cast in shadows. She’s wearing a lilac robe, a color I remember her wearing a lot when I was younger. Her elbows rest on each of the chair’s armrests, and her hair is pulled back away from her face, revealing the deep lines along her forehead and around the mouth. I take a step away from the window, and when she catches my movement, her eyes widen in shock as a gasp falls from her mouth. The nurse reaches for Rose’s shoulder, giving her a squeeze.
“Can I help you?” the nurse asks, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Hawking?” Her voice comes out shaky.
I take another small step towards her. “Hi.” I give her a little grin, not sure how to act.
She brings her hands to her mouth, and a sob breaks from her throat. “How?” Her eyes search my face. When they land on the leather of my cut, she squeezes them shut. Her shoulders shake as tears roll down her cheeks. “No,” she whimpers as she shakes her head uncontrollably. “No.” The slight sobs turn into loud cries. She’s shaking her head so hard that her hair starts to fall from the up-do she had it pulled back in. “No,” she says again as she continues to squeeze her eyes shut. “God, please no.”
My heart rate picks up, and I take another step towards Rose, not knowing what I can do to calm her down. “You’re going to need to leave.” I bring my eyes to the nurse who is giving me a death stare. “Now,” she growls.
“No!” Rose screeches. “No, no, no!” She starts to hit the metal of the wheelchair while she’s still shaking her head from side to side.
“What on earth is going on here?” Martha rushes into the room.
“She’s distraught.” The nurse pulls the handle of the wheelchair, turning Rose to face her. She kneels down, placing her hand on Rose’s knee. “Honey–”
“No!” Rose roars as she pushes the nurse away from her making her fall to her ass.
Scrambling to her feet, the nurse strides over to a plastic box that’s mounted to the wall near the door and unlocks it. She pulls out a syringe, pulling off the cap she turns back around and approaches Rose who’s continuing to shake her head. “Hold her,” she tells Martha as Martha secures her arm to the metal of the chair. “This will only hurt for a second, honey.” She says in a soothing voice.
As soon as the needle is inserted into her arm, Rose’s body slowly slacks in the chair. Her head falls forwards while her arms fall limp at her sides. The cries turn to whimpers before she’s completely still and quiet.
“It’s so much easier when they’re attached to an I.V.”
The nurse caps the needle and deposits into a red plastic container that’s next to the container on the wall.
“Letty,” Martha calls to the other nurse. “Go find, Tessa. Now, please.” Martha eyes me in warning.
“Sure thing.” She scurries from the room.
Once the nurse leaves Martha approaches a now resting Rose. “You need to help me get her back in the bed.” She snaps her fingers at me. “What do you think you’re doing?” she asks as she hoists Rose up from under the arms.
I take a step towards them. “Maybe I should get that end.”
“Maybe you should start talking and explaining to me why you thought it was a good idea to surprise her like that? Was that your intention? To give her a heart attack?” She tugs on Rose’s body as I lift her legs from the chair.
“No, that wasn’t my intention,” I say as I lay her feet on the mattress.
Martha walks over to the closet and pulls out a blanket. “I didn’t tell you she was awake so you could come here and cause her any distress.” She shakes out the blanket and settles it over Rose’s body. “She’s in a fragile state. She’s in recovery, not to mention the fact that she’s spent the past couple of days hallucinating that her long-lost son was standing in her room. Then, poof, her long-lost son shows up.”
“She’s been hallucinating?”
“Yes, that’s what I said. Why didn’t you call me to tell me you were coming?”
“Tessa sent me a text.”
She nods in understanding. “That’s all I need to know.”
Before Martha and I could say anything else, Tessa pushes her way through the door. Her eyes instantly find me. “Hawk?”
“No way. Not in here.” Martha shakes her head. “My patient has had enough for one day. You guys take this outside.” She checks her watch. “You,” she points towards Tessa, “are off shortly. Why don’t you go grab your things, and you and Hawk can visit for a while? Rose needs her rest.” She turns towards me. “We can try this again tomorrow, but only if I’m with you when she first sees you.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She seems to like my answer because she gives me a smile as she walks towards us, swinging her arms, trying to get us to leave. “Tessa, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.” She gives Tessa’s arm a slight squeeze as she walks by heading back towards the nurse’s station.
Tessa stops as soon as Martha leaves. “Listen, I can’t–”
I put my hand up, stopping her. I know she’s going to give me excuses and I’m not in the mood to hear them. “You don’t need to explain.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “What I was going to stay is that I can’t stick around. I need to get home.”
“To Sam.”
She bites the inside of her cheek. “I was thinking, maybe in a few hours, you can come by. Once he’s in bed for the night.”
I can feel my shoulders lift at her words. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’ll text you.”
She steps past me, but I reach out and grab her arm. Her body stiffens again. It takes everything in me not to drop my hold. “Tessa, it’s me.” I keep my voice calm. “Listen to my voice.” I watch as she closes her eyes. “Hear me.” I can feel the tension leave her body. “No more running, Tessa. You say you’re going to text, you better damn well text. I’m not going back home without you and me sharing a few words. You hear me?”
Her head swivels in my direction, her deep coffee eyes study me. “I hear you, Hawk.”
Without warning, I tug on her arm until her body is flush against mine. My nose runs up her jawline, and she sucks in a breath. I press my lips into her temple. The feel of her silken hair against my face almost has me undone. “I’ll be seeing you, Tessa,” I speak into her hair.
I take a step away from her, and without another look, I leave my mother’s facility and head to my truck.