Tessa
Seven years ago I ran from New Mexico.
The moment I woke up in that hospital bed and realized what happened I knew that I needed to leave. The town where I was born and raised had turned into a place that didn’t feel safe. I would no longer be able to walk down the streets of Las Cruces without continually looking over my shoulder because the protection I had growing up with Sienna died right along with her. I was on my own, so I did the only thing I could think of.
I left.
The distance I put between Las Cruces and myself did nothing to ease the terror I felt every time I closed my eyes at night. The replay of the attack, the feel of their hands on my skin, grew stronger with every nightmare. Years of counseling, of convincing me that I was stronger than the dreams, only did so much. But every time I thought of the good that came out of the horror, I knew that I would survive. Now, as I look at my phone, at a number that I never thought I’d dial again.
“Hello.” Her voice still sounds the same which makes me smile.
Clearing my throat, I speak, “Bianca?”
The line remains silent, and I’m afraid that I’ve called the wrong number. Why would I think that after seven years this number would work? “Tessa? Tessa, mija, is that you?”
I choke out a sob. “Yeah, Bianca, it’s me. Tessa.”
“Oh Dios mío, oh my God,” she cries into the phone which only brings more tears to my eyes. “Tessa, where have you been? Oh, my girl. How are you?”
“I’m good, Bianca.”
“You aren’t good, mija. You aren’t home, so you aren’t good,” she says matter-of-factly.
“That’s not my home anymore, Bianca.”
“Estas loca, you’re crazy. Of course, this is your home. Your familia is here. Your brothers. Me.”
I wipe the tears from my cheeks because she’s right. “Bianca… Um, I’m cal–I’m calling because I think I’ve found Hawk’s mom.”
“Que, what? You’ve seen Rose? Where, mija? Where have you seen her? Veintidós años que esa mujer se fue, twenty-two years that woman has been gone.”
“She’s in a facility that I work at here in Los Angeles—the New Hope Rehabilitation Center. She’s very sick. I–I heard that it’s the result of alcohol abuse. She has his name on her chest.” I realize I’m rambling.
“Aye, mija.”
“The same initials you have on your wrist, they’re on hers too,” I tell her.
“The brand of an old lady. Yes, she has the same as me.”
“I don’t know what to do. But I had to tell someone.”
“And you chose me and not Hawking? Surely you know he’d like to hear this news? That poor boy, all these years he’s been broken, not whole because he’s always felt not good enough for love.”
“He’s had to have found someone by now, Bianca.”
“No one worth anything. The Fallen keep him busy, but his heart is still so empty.”
Her words hurt. The idea of Hawk sleeping with all those women makes me feel nauseous. Why would I think that way? Hawk and I were never anything really. One night. We had one night, and I know he participated out of pity, why else would he…
“Why are you in the corner? No one puts Tessa in the corner.” Hawk gives me his famous smirk as he approaches, taking a seat next to me. Hawking looks good in a grey suit with a crisp white shirt under his jacket instead of his standard outfit of jeans, boots, and MC T-shirt. It’s pretty sad that out of everyone in this school, he’s the only one who has given me any attention since the moment I stepped foot in this place.
I sigh and roll my eyes. “I’ve got nothing better to do,” I say as I throw the cloth napkin on the table. This is our senior year, and I’m supposed to be making memories, but the only thing I’m doing is feeling sorry for myself. I never should have agreed to come. Not when Sienna didn’t want to. I should have listened to her and stayed with her to watch movies, but my mother insisted. I would have had a better time lying on my stomach at home, eating a gallon of ice cream.
“Where’s your date?” I ask.
He throws his head back and laughs while he pats his stomach. “You know better than that, Tessa. No girl can tame me.”
I roll my eyes because I know he’s right. Hawking Gentry, A.K.A. Hawk, is one of the unattainable. He’s the one guy in school who all the girls drool over, including me. His personality along with his trademark ice blue eyes has always gotten him whatever he’s wanted; passing grades in school, excused absences when he was up to no good and into the bed of any girl willing to give it up.
“I didn’t think stag was your style.”
He scoots his chair closer, making sure to lean into me. His arms casually rest on his knees, but his eyes seem dead serious. “What if I told you I only came for one reason?”
I copy his movement and scoot closer to him like we’re sharing a big secret. This is the most action I’ve had all night. “Oh yeah, what’s that?” I ask with a smile.
He drags his gaze towards my breasts, and I wonder if he can see down my dress. My first instinct is to pull it up, but I force my arms to stay where they are.
“I’m here for you.”
I sit up. “Wh–what?”
He leans back in his chair. “I’m here to make sure you’ll always remember tonight.”
“And how are you supposed to do that, Hawking?”
He pulls himself up and lays his hand, palms up, on my thigh. “Do you trust me?”
My eyes sweep across the gymnasium to find my date. Clint is grinding into the backside of his ex-girlfriend. His fingers are digging into her hips with nothing but lust on his face. I look down at the hand he’s offering. Taking a deep breath, I swallow, trying to find the courage. I lift my gaze to him, and that’s when I know. I trust him. Of course, I trust him. It’s stupid of me to even question it.
“Yes.” I place my hand in his, and his fingers instantly circle around mine.
“Good.”
He stands, pulling me up with him and takes a step toward my date. Confused, I stumble slightly trying to catch up as Hawk all but drags me to the group of dancing kids.
“Hey, fuck face,” he calls out over the music.
When Clint turns his head and sees me standing there, his eyes grow wide. “Tessa,” he says, taking a step back from the girl he’s been dry humping.
“Just letting you know,” Hawk says as he takes a step in front of me, blocking Clint’s view. “I’m taking her home.” He squeezes my hand. “She’s far too good for the likes of your punk ass.” When I look around, I see the majority of the gym has stopped what they’re doing and are watching us. “You’d rather have your hands on that piece of ass while you’ve got my girl in the corner? You’re pathetic.”
“Yeah well, at least I know that I’ll be getting laid tonight,” Clint fires back. “She won’t put out for anyone.”
“Wrong, douchebag.” He takes a step towards Clint. “She won’t put out for you. It’s called having standards.” He jabs a finger into his chest. “I gave you a chance to prove your worth, and you fucking failed–miserably.”
Without another word, Hawk pulls me from the crowd, low murmurs run rapid as we exit the gym. As soon as the door clicks behind us, I pull my hand from his grip and throw my arms around him. “Thank you,” I say with my face nestled in the crook of his neck. “Thank you for standing up for me.”
“Always, Tessa. Always.” He tightens his hold around my body.
“I can’t believe he did that to me. Why did he even ask me?”
“He’s a total ass gasket, Tessa. He always has been. You have no idea how hard it was not to say anything to you when I found out that you were coming here with him.”
I pull away and search his eyes, hoping to see some trace of interest. “It bothered you?”
“Why did I tell you I came, Tessa? For you. You’re mine, girl.”
I pull completely away from him and cross my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling a tad bit too cold. “I’m not yours, Hawking.”
“Come on, Tessa. I’ve seen the way you look at me. I see the jealousy in your eyes every time I’m with another chick. Don’t lie to me. We’ve known each other far too long for you to start pulling that shit.” He takes a step closer, pulling my arm from my body and stepping into my space. He tilts his head down and lifts my chin, so I meet his gaze.
“Do you trust me?” he asks again, but I don’t want to answer. My heart is pounding in my chest. The adrenaline is spiking through my blood, and I can feel my body start to shake. “You know you do,” he answers for me. “You know I only speak the truth, and you know that you and I are going to happen. Tonight...”
“Mija, did you hear me?” Bianca’s voice pulls me from the past, from the night I gave so much more than my heart to Hawk.
“I’m sorry…”
“Never mind, mija, never mind. I know what I need to do.”
She doesn’t say anything more, ending the call without a goodbye. It’s then I know that Martha was right, and, by one phone call, I’ve invited the demons of my past to invade my present.