Hawk
3 months later
The white walls feel like they’re closing in on me. The multiple prints of landscapes try to lighten up space, but they do nothing for me. Not when I’ve been staring at them for the past several hours. My mom, Rhea, Bianca, Cut, Savannah, Sin, and Sam, all the people who mean the most to me, align the waiting room while I wait on word Tessa.
Sin grunts as he lifts himself from the chair. He’s still sore from the marrow harvest that happened two days ago. He limps towards the window and looks out on the skyline of downtown Las Cruces. Hospitals are never easy for him.
“How much longer do you think it’s going to take?” Rhea asks as she adjusts in her chair. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but this wait is killing me.”
“Head home. I’ll call you when we hear anything.” Rose says.
My mother and Rhea moved to Las Cruces two months ago, right before Tessa started chemotherapy. They live with Bianca for the time being. It was the best situation since my mother didn’t have the means to live on her own, not since technically she was never married to James and was never allotted any alimony. Loa, of course, took her father’s side and washed her hands of our mother. When she found out she wasn’t getting a dime from James, she was pissed, but what did she expect? She knew she was still legally married when she said those vows. Now, when she isn’t sitting with Tessa, or watching Sam, she’s working at the shop, manager actually.
“No. I want to wait.”
“Mr. Gentry?” a nurse calls my name, and I look up. “Tessa is awake and asking for you.”
“All right.” I get up, but before I leave, I give Sin one more glance. I’m not sure the last time I saw Matthew Sinclair have a look of complete contentment on his face. His demons have stopped roaring. I think he’s finally at peace.
* * *
I gently push the door open and peek my head into the room. Tessa turns her head. Without hesitation, I walk towards her and place a kiss on the top of her bald head. Chemotherapy was rough. They introduced a healthy regimen for the eight-week cycle, and it knocked her on her ass pretty fast. There was a week that she was on lockdown in the hospital because her immune system was nonexistent. I was scared shitless, but I never let her see it. I kept that shit to myself. After Sam was long asleep was when I would allow myself to break down and cry.
So far so good.
“I love you,” I tell her. I tell her every damn day, all day long because I’ll be damned if she goes a minute thinking that she isn’t loved by someone.
“I love you, too.”
Her cold hand comes up, and she places it on my cheek. Her circulation still isn’t great. It’s been three weeks since her last round of chemo, and her body is taking a little longer than usual to get back to how it’s supposed to function. I know it’s not going to happen overnight. I know it’s a slow and steady race. I’m patient.
I have to be.
“How’s Sam?” she rasps.
“Good. He’s good.”
That little boy is remarkable. He’s stepped up and been the man Tessa has been raising for the past seven years. He hasn’t faltered once in front of her. He keeps his emotions tucked inside and has been everything she’s needed him to be. He’s said it because they’re a team. It’s what they do.
“Why are you crying?” I ask her as I wipe the tears that continue to flow.
“I was so afraid I wouldn’t wake up. I was so afraid that I was going to leave you and Sam.”
She gives me a worried smile. Her lips are dry and cracked, results of the chemo, and her eyes that were once bright are lined with dark circles and are slightly sunken in. Her cheekbone protrudes from her skin with sharp edges. I swallow a lump in my throat.
She’s fucking beautiful.
“You can’t think like that, baby. You aren’t going anywhere, Tessa. I’m not done with you yet. I’ll never be done with you.”
I place a kiss on her forehead. My heart pumps with adrenaline at the thought of me losing her. She’ll never know, but I was scared shitless in that waiting room. My biggest fear is losing her, living a life without her.
She’s fucking amazing.
I place my forehead on hers and close my eyes. “Marry me.”
She blinks. “What?”
“Marry me. Be my wife, Tessa.”
A sob breaks from her chest. “Hawk,” she whispers my name.
“I love you, Tessa. Please marry me.”
“Yes.”
And with one word, my heart fucking soars.