Tessa
I look in on Sam one more time. He’s engrossed in his show on the tablet Croy bought him. His headphones are securely covering his ears as his feet move from side to side. Other than the still present swell of his lower lip, you’d never know that he was punched today. My stomach clenches at the thought of my baby being picked on, especially about something that he has no control over. I pull the door closed, making sure I don’t disturb him.
As soon as I make my way to the living room, I hear a soft pounding on my door. I quickly step towards the sound, not wanting the knocking to escalate. Peering into the peephole, I see Hawk standing there. His forehead is creased, and he’s gnawing on the side of his thumb. I watch as he drops his hand from his mouth and takes a step towards the door, lifting his fist to knock again.
I pull the door open before he has a chance to make any more noise. “Hey.” I lean against the door. He doesn’t say anything as he pushes his way into my apartment. “Hawk?” I close the door behind me, leaning my back against the wood.
“Sam in his room?” he asks as he looks down the hall.
“Yeah, why?”
He turns and faces me. “Everything at school okay?”
I shake my head. “No. He got into a scuffle with a kid. He was being teased. Sam threw the first punch.”
He drops his head before he looks up at me, regret present in his eyes. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. I didn’t know anything about it. Sam never told me. The teacher never lets me know, and I’m sure if you hadn’t intervened it would still be continuing.”
“So he’s all right then?”
I bring my shoulders up. “Other than a fat lip. He’s okay.” He slightly flinches. I take a step towards him, crossing my arms over my stomach. “He told me that you did the same thing when you were younger.”
He gives me a smirk. “Yeah, Sin, that fucker. He loved to pick on me since he was older. I had to do something to take the spotlight off me.”
“Is Rose okay?” I ask, changing the subject. “You looked a little troubled at the door.”
“Yeah, I guess.” He rubs his hand through his hair. “Martha said that her dementia should resolve itself once her brain heals from the alcohol. It was a trip. How she thinks her life is. My sisters, who I’ve never met. I think she even thinks their father was the same as mine, but I’m not sure.”
I take another step forward and hesitate before I reach out and place my hand on his arm. “So you’re okay then?”
“No.” He takes my hand in his, and my heart slams into my chest. “I’m nowhere near okay, Tessa.” He brings his hand to cup my jaw, making my eyes close at his touch. I lean in feeling more and more comfortable with him putting his hands on me. “Why didn’t I ever know?”
I freeze and blink my eyes open, not sure what he’s asking.
“Martha told me.” The blues of his eyes dance along my face waiting for me to understand what he’s saying.
“Wha–” The question dies on my lips because I know what he’s talking about.
“Sweet, Tessa.” He peppers my cheek with soft kisses before he carries his lips over my nose and finishes the gentleness on my other cheek. He buries his face in my neck as I wrap my arms around his shoulders. After a slight dip, he hoists my legs up, placing them around his waist.
“Hawk.” I try to push myself from his grip, but it's not used.
“Not going to happen, Tessa.” His voice is muffled beneath the strands of my hair.
My eyes widen as I feel him turn, heading straight to my room. “Hawk,” I say his name in warning, my heart rate increases but he keeps his pace as he enters my room and shuts the door with the heel of his boot. When I feel his body start to lean forward towards the bed, I tighten my legs around his waist at the same time as I wrap my arms around his neck.
“I’ve got you, baby,” he says as he lays me down. The roughness of his hands glides along my waist before he pulls himself up enough to look at me. “So many things I wish I would have done differently,” he says as his eyes roam my face. “I thought I was protecting you, keeping you at a distance. Only allowing myself one night when I all I wanted was your everything.” He’s so close his breath dances along my skin as he speaks his truths to me.
“For so long I itched to feel your skin beneath my fingers. I dreamed of hearing you call out my name like you did that night.” My breath hitches as flashes of that night filter through my mind. Hawk, on top of me, his mouth between my legs, the way he whispered sweet nothings that I always longed to hear.
He takes the edge of my shirt, pulling it from my body, lifting my arms with it. I can feel my hair fanning out along the pillow. His eyes trail down my body, and they flash as they land on my waist. As soon as his hand touches my skin, tracing the intricate detail of my tattoo I revel in the way it makes me feel. Desire, something I was too young to understand all those years ago instantly ignites at my core. His brows pinch as he traces what I know are the roots of the tree. They start from beneath my panty line and travel up to where they lead into a thick base and up the tree. The branches turn in to leaves, which turn into the feathers of a Phoenix that’s rising from the ashes of the burned-out tree. My life from Las Cruces, to who I am now.
The Phoenix Rising.
“I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason.” He continues to trace the inky lines of my tattoo, causing my skin to rise with goosebumps. “But how can that be true when you’ve been through so many things. Your life should’ve been easier, and it wasn’t. From the moment you were born, you’ve struggled.”
I shake my head against the mattress. “That’s not true.”
He stops with the tracing and gives my waist a small squeeze. “How is it not?”
“I might have struggled when I was first born, but it didn’t last long.”
“Why didn’t I ever know? Why didn’t you ever mention this to me?”
“I didn’t feel the need to tell my friends something that wasn’t affecting my life anymore. My mother always told me that the doctors were amazed by how I responded to the treatment. How you’d never know that I was a cancer patient at birth.”
“Until you were told you weren’t able to have kids.”
“But I did, and that’s all that matters.”
“Why did you stay away, Tessa? I understand why you ran, but why have you stayed away from your family?”
I can feel my throat tighten as I struggle to keep my emotions in check. “I have no family, Hawk. Only Sam.” His eyes squint at my comments, so I know that I need to continue. “My entire life my mother was the definition of composed, but the woman who was standing over my bed the evening I woke up after the attack, was someone entirely different. She told me about Sienna and Devin… and your father. She rambled on about decisions and consequences. About choices, and something about the fact that she was finally free. I didn’t understand what she was talking about, I still don’t. But what I do know is that every time I called her, the house, my father and my brothers, no one answered. Not a single one of them. The day I was released from the hospital, my father showed up. He had two duffel bags packed with my clothing. He gave me an envelope full of cash and the keys to my car. He told me to leave town, and I haven’t seen or heard from anyone since.”
“So, they don’t know about Sam?”
I close my eyes and shake my head. For seven years I’ve done almost everything on my own. I’ve had the help of some friends but no family, besides my cousin all those years ago.
The feel of soft lips against mine has me sucking in my breath. I push my head into my pillow trying to escape the feeling of his lips against mine, but it’s no use. He continues his pursuit until I give in and open my lips to his. As soon as his tongue touches mine, I’m thrown back years before. Back to the night when I allowed myself to give into the many feelings that I hold for this man. Back to the last time I was kissed…
The giggle comes out of nowhere.
“Are you nervous, Tessa?” Hawks asks as he places a kiss on my neck. He’s so close to me I can feel the heat of his body along the length of mine.
From the moment we arrived at his house, Hawk hasn’t given me a chance to second guess my decisions to leave the prom with him. He didn’t waste any time before he had me in his room, pulling his suit from his body before he delicately removed my dress from mine. He was gentle, so caring, something entirely different from the boy I’m used to seeing.
“Yes,” I breathe. Of course, I’m nervous, I’m lying in a bed, half-naked with a boy that I’ve probably loved my entire life.
“No need, baby. I’ve got you.”
His hand dances along my skin until I feel his fingers grip onto the side of my panties before he tugs them down my legs. I slightly lift my body to help him in the task, and my nipples harden against the satin of my bra as my heart rates pick up.
“Fucking perfect,” he says as his eyes drift along my body. I see how turned on he is since his boxers left his body as soon as my dress hit the floor. He pulls his body from mine and takes my hand, pulling me to the sitting position.
“I want you to take your bra off for me.”
I swallow, and nod, trying to keep my eyes on his. With shaking hands, I unclasp my bra and release it. As soon as it loosens around my arms, he reaches, pulling it down and tossing it to the floor.
“Fuck, baby. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d have you like this. Lean back on your hands.”
I do as he says, making sure I keep my knees together. My body trembles and I’m not sure if it’s nerves or because of anticipation. When I feel his hands on my knees, my legs tense.
“Tessa,” he growls my name. “Open, baby.”
“Hawk,” I plead.
“I’ve got you,” he reassures me as he puts pressure on my knees again. This time I comply and allow my knees to fall apart.
“Fuck me, Tessa.” His eyes darken as he takes me in. “I’m gonna make you feel so good.” He starts to drop his head between my legs, but I shoot out my hand, stopping him.
“Hawk–”
“Do you trust me?” When I nod, I see a trace of relief flash in his eyes. “Then lie back and let me make you feel good.”
“I’ve never–”
“You’ve never had a guy go down on you?”
“No.” I feel the heat of embarrassment touch my cheeks.
“Fuck, Tessa, you have no idea how fucking glad I am to hear that.”
Without another word, he dips his head between my legs, and as soon as I feel the first warm swipe of his tongue on my pussy, I fall back onto the bed. His fingers dig into my legs as he continues to use his tongue. Gathering enough courage, I lift my head to see his eyes on me. He gives me a wink and applies just enough pressure to my clit to cause an orgasm to roll through my body. My head goes back as I moan out his name.
My breaths come in rapids pants as he moves his body up mine and kisses my neck, “That was so fucking hot. I’m so hard for you, always so fucking hard for you. Tell me you want me. Tell me I’m not dreaming?”
“I want you,” I say with confidence because there will be no regrets tonight. There’s no seconding guessing, no consequences.
“You’ve always had me,” he confesses as he slides into me. You’re mine,” he says as he pushes through the pain. “Fuck yeah, you’re mine.”
“Tessa…”
My name sounds like a plea along his lips. When he pushes his hips into mine, I know what he’s asking.
Blinking my eyes open I take in his face. The same look that has always brought me comfort. The eyes that have haunted me because I’ve missed them so much. More than I knew. If he only knew that his touch, the feel of his lips on mine, is what kept me sane throughout the worst moment of my life.
“I–I can’t.” I struggle, knowing that I’m going to disappoint him. “I’m sorry.” My voice is nothing but a whisper.
“Shh…It’s okay.” He pulls me closer to him. “I understand. We’ll get there.” He lightly rubs his thumb along the bottom of my lip before dropping a kiss to it.
“I’m not so sure.” I choke out a laugh.
“Mom!” Sam calls from the door to my room. “Mom, I’m hungry.”
I’m entirely grateful that Sam has learned at a young age not to barge into my room. “O–Okay, baby. I’ll be right there,” I tell Sam as Hawk rolls off me, and I sit up. When I look back, Hawk’s covering his face with his arm, and he’s sporting a massive erection. “I’m going to get him something to eat.” I pull my shirt over my head before combing my fingers through my hair.
He lifts his arm from his face and looks at me. “Let me gather myself and then I’ll take you guys to eat.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know. I want to.”
I give him a small smile, “Okay. I’ll get Sam ready.”