Tessa
“But why do you have to leave?” Sam asks Hawk as he’s spooning his soup into his mouth.
“Because, buddy, I have a business I need to take care of back home. I have a job. You know how I help build motorcycles? Well, we’re working on this bike, and they need me there to do my part, but I’ll be back. I promise.” Hawk rips a piece of tortilla and dunks it into the bowl.
The bond between the two of them is unmistakable. It’s been building over the past two months since he came back from New Mexico. Other than a couple overnight trips, he’s been with us, and I have to admit, it’s been sweet. Hawk’s focus has been on my son and me, and Sam has been soaking up all the attention. Like a switch has been flipped, they interact like they’ve been in each other’s lives from day one. It makes me regret that I left the way that I did before I even knew I was pregnant with Sam. I didn’t have to run when my family washed their hands of me. I could have stayed with the Sinclairs. I know they would have opened their home to me, even after Sienna’s murder. Sam would have had the love of so many people if I had stayed in New Mexico. And maybe, if I had stayed, Sam would have had Hawk in his life this entire time.
“Tessa?” Hawk’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. “Everything all right?”
I drop my spoon into the bowl and lean back into my chair. My appetite is gone. “Yeah, just thinking.” My anxiety kicks up every time he tells me he needs to go back to New Mexico. I start to wonder if this is the time that he’s going to say to me that he’s not coming back.
Hawk’s gaze falls to Sam’s and then back to mine. I don’t want to answer Hawk’s questions, because if I do, I know he’ll have a strong foundation to stand on for his argument about Sam and I moving back to New Mexico.
“I know I’m not the only one who doesn’t want you to go,” Sam says. “Look how sad my mom is.”
“I won’t be gone for long, but this is something that I need to do. You guys could always come with me.”
I glare at Hawk because I know what he’s doing. “Can we, Mom?”
“Sorry, baby, but you have school, and I have work. Maybe another time.”
“I need to get going. It’s a long drive, and I want to get there by morning.” Hawk scoots his chair back and heads towards my bedroom.
I pat Sam on the head and follow him. Once I get into my room, Hawk closes the door. The click of the lock sends chills down my back.
“Sam’s going to hear us.”
He takes a step towards me as he slowly shakes his head.
“He’s going to come in here any minute.” I take a tentative step back. My pulse picks up, but it’s not out of fear. It’s desire. The knowledge of how he makes me feel. The way his fingers dance along my skin and how he commands my body.
“Do you know how fucking sexy you are?” He grips my waist and pulls me towards him. His nose trails up the column of my neck as he inhales. “How good you smell? How perfect your body feels against mine?”
I moan at his words. The desire pulls in my belly, the need to feel him inside me is overpowering. He’s like a drug, and I’m desperate, ready for my next fix.
He tugs my leggings from my hips before I feel the roughness of his fingers slide into my panties. My legs bow at the knees, giving him access.
“Wrap your arms around my neck, baby. I’m going to make this quick.”
As soon as my hands lock around his neck his fingers push into me. “Hawk,” I moan as my head rolls back.
“Fuck, Tessa, I love the way your pussy feels around my fingers. So fucking tight, so warm.” He pumps his fingers as I climb through the ecstasy. “You get off so easily for me, baby. Only me. Only mine.”
There’s no denying him. He’s right. I know deep down in my heart that I can only be this way with him. There isn’t another man for me, and the reality that I may not be able to keep him is like a crushing blow to my heart. But I’m strong, and I will power through the heartache.
“Christ…”
I feel my pussy tighten around his fingers as I come. I need to feel him inside of me. I need to feel his cock before he goes. I need more. With shaky hands, I reach for his jeans and start to undo his button. I rip at the material, trying to release him.
He laughs and stops my movement. “Do you want something?”
I nod.
“Is there something you need?” He tilts his head to the side and tightens his grip around my wrists. When he pushes his jeans down with the help of my hand, I swallow. “There is, right? The something you need? You need this?”
“I need you.”
This is the first time I’ve admitted my need for him. It’s no longer want, a desire, or a yearning. It’s more than that.
I need this man.
I need him in my life, next to me. I need him here when I come home from work. I need him teaching my son how to be a man. But the reality is, the club needs him too. They call, and he goes. It’s as simple as that. He’s torn in two, with one foot in the sands of California and one in the soil of New Mexico. I know when he makes that final decision he’ll leave us. I know he will, it’s going to feel like salt in a wound, one that happens to be in my heart.
My love for him will never be able to compete with the respect he has for his club.