Tessa
In all the years I’ve known Matthew, I’ve never seen him look so unsure of himself.
He doesn’t move from his spot next to the door Hawk just left from, and he doesn’t make eye contact with me. “Matthew?” I call his name which makes his shoulders tense. “You all right?”
When he finally brings his eyes to mine, they’re full of regret. “Look, Tessa…” He clears his throat. “I need to apologize to you–”
I shake my head. “There’s nothing to apologize for.” I know he’s been dealing with a lot, and I have no expectations when it comes to him of Cut. How can I? I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to see them as my brothers, so why should I expect them to see me as their sister? And I will never replace Sienna. I wouldn’t want to.
“Yeah, I’ve been a total dick towards you since you came back. I was holding on to some lingering resentment that I had no business holding on to, and I was a complete ass. I need you to forgive me for the way I’ve been acting towards you.”
From what Hawk has told me of what Matthew has gone through since I’ve been gone, I know that he has blamed himself for many of the tragedies that have happened in his life. He blames himself for the loss of his men while he was fighting for our country in the middle east. Then, when he was recovering from his injuries he suffered because of the attack that took his men, the most horrible thing happened. Sienna was kidnapped, tortured, and killed. All while he was lying on his families couch unable to do anything. I can tell that he’s going to find fault in himself when it comes to me and I can’t let that happen.
I scoot over more and pat the bed next to me. His brows knit together, unsure of what he should do. “Come on, Matthew, don’t be afraid now. Have a seat. I think you and I need to have a talk.”
He grabs the back of his neck before dropping his hand. He takes a deep breath then makes his way into the room and sits on the bed towards the foot.
“This is all crazy, right?” I give a little laugh, hoping to ease the tension that I feel starting to build in the room. I was never close to Matthew, but I was never uncomfortable, and I’m not going to start now.
“Yeah, you can say that.” His lips tug up slightly.
I take a deep breath. “I don’t expect anything from you or Cut, or anyone. I need you to know that.”
“You’re family–”
“We know blood doesn’t make a family, Matthew.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” He clears his throat, leans over and pulls out a picture from his pocket. He hands it to me. It’s a picture of me, Sienna, and Matthew. He’s in the middle, with his arms around both of us, and the three of us are laughing at something. I can’t remember when this was taken, but in the background, I see Devin looking at us. The look on his face is one of pure joy. I run my fingers over the picture. It represents a time before tragedy struck our group, our family when we had nothing but hope in our hearts. The future was ours for the taking.
“In my eyes, you’ve always been my sister just as Hawk has always been my brother. When I found out that you had taken off I was so mad, but not just at you, but at myself for not realizing what the death of Sienna must have done to you too. Of course, I didn’t know at the time the real reason you left.” When he clears his throat again, I look up from the picture.
“That’s not your burden, Matthew.”
He shakes his head. “I know that, but the knowledge of it doesn’t make it any easier to grasp.”
I don’t say anything.
“Mom told us this morning what went on when you were born. How they came to make the decision to use Sienna’s blood to help save you.”
“Well, you know more than me. I was always told that I was cured and not sick anymore, but that I would live with the side effects for the rest of my life, including the inability to have children, but obviously, that wasn’t the case with me.”
“This morning Hawk asked me to get tested, in case you were able to have a bone marrow transplant. I was close to a match when you were born, but Sienna was closer.”
“You don’t have to do–”
“I told him no.”
That’s not what I thought I’d hear.
“Oh, okay. I understand. Besides, he shouldn’t have done that. Not when we don’t know what I’m up against or what path I’m going to take. Hawk was jumping the gun.”
“It’s because he loves you.”
I can feel the heat creep up my neck. He grabs my legs and gives them a little bit of a shake.
“Come on, Tessa, you know he does.”
Yes, I know.
“I would do the same for Savannah.”
“I’m so happy you’ve found someone Sin.”
He nods. “I would do it for Sienna—”
“I know. You loved her.”
“And I’ll do the same for you, Tessa. I was wrong for telling him no. There never should have been an alternative other than yes. I’ll get the test and, if it’s possible, I’m going to save you.”
Tears prick at my eyes as my hand flies to my mouth. I’m in shock. “I can’t ask you to do that.” I shake my head.
“You’re not asking, I’m telling. I’m telling you as a… brother, that I’ll do whatever possible to save you.”
The door opens, and Hawk’s head comes around. His gaze bounces from Matthew to me. When he sees my tears, he takes a step inside, his eyes narrowing in on Matthew. “Everything all right in here?”
I look at Matthew and nod. Placing his hand on the back of my head, he brings me towards him and places a kiss on my forehead. He whispers in my ear, “You’ve got four brothers now, Tessa. I can’t speak to your other brothers, but I can for Cut and me. We’ve got your back, baby girl. With our strength, there’s nothing you can’t overcome. Even this.”
He stands and turns towards Hawk. Wrapping his arms around him, they each give each other hard smacks on the back. He pulls back from Hawk. “I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure she’s all right. As her brother, I’m going to do whatever I can.”
“Thank you,” Hawk tells him then turns towards me.
“I love her, and I need her to be all right.”