Hawk
The skies are cloudy as I walk up to the building to visit my mother. I haven’t seen her over the past few days. Since the incident at the pier, I’ve wanted to focus on Tessa and Sam. I’ve watched Sam while Tessa has worked, needing that one on one time with him. I’m not sure if it was the threat that he could have been taken from us or the fact that he thought it was cool that the guy mistook me for his father. The thought of being that little boy’s father makes my heart swell. I never thought I’d want that connection with a child, that responsibility but Sam makes it so damn easy. His eyes hold so much admiration when he looks at me, and I know without a doubt I would lie my life down for that little guy.
“Well, hello handsome,” Martha greets me from her station. “I guess I need to thank you.”
“And why do you need to thank me?” I ask as I lean against the high counter.
“Our girl has been nothing but smiles since she spent the day with you. She’s floating around here without a care in the world.”
“She deserves that feeling.”
She nods. “That she does, young man, that she does. So I take it you’re here to see your mama?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I have to say, Hawk, since you’ve been around it seems that Rose has been making an effort to get her life back on track. She’s improving health-wise, and her mental state is just about back to normal. She’s even talking about the future and what it has in store for her. I think seeing you, and you being here for her, has given her what she’s been missing all these years.” She places her hand on top of the one that’s gripping the counter.
I’m glad my mother has some sort of drive to improve her life, but I’m not going to always be here. New Mexico and the club are my home. Tessa and Sam are keeping me here, and that’s only because I haven’t been able to convince her that her life would be better for her back home. I understand Tessa’s fears, the fact that she’ll have to face her past, but the truth is that most of the men who attacked her are already dead, and the one who isn’t will be very soon.
“I’m glad Rose is improving, but I can’t have the weight of her recovery on my shoulders, not when I don’t plan on always being here. My life is back in New Mexico.”
Martha takes her hand from mine and leans in closer to me. “And where do Tessa and Sam fit into all of that? You can’t pick up and leave, not when that girl has finally come out of her shell. She’s living for the first time since I’ve met her, and if you leave, you’ll be taking her spirit with you.”
“I plan on her and Sam coming with me. I’ll get her to see that’s where she needs to be.”
She leans back and shakes her head. “I don’t think that will ever happen, son. Do you know what you’re asking that girl to face by going back there?”
“I know exactly what I’m asking, Martha. For her to live her life with me and give Sam a family. Things aren’t the same as they were when she was there. Her life wouldn’t be lived in danger, not anymore.”
“You’re still a part of a life that took so much from her. You can’t expect anything from her.”
“The MC will always be a part of me, and me of it. There’s no way I’m walking away from the only family I’ve ever really known.”
“And you expect her to walk away from her friends, the only people who’ve stood by her over the past seven years? What makes your life so much more important than hers?”
“It’s not about that. I have commitments back home. I have loyalties and responsibilities.”
She purses her lips. “All of which she has here. You need to watch how you approach this, Hawk. It may not play out how you have planned. And if that does happen, then you need to respect her decisions.”
She grabs a chart from the counter and heads in the opposite direction of my mother’s room.
* * *
As soon as I open the door, my mother gives me a smile, and my worries about the future with Tessa seem to lessen a bit. There are too many things up in the air, too many decisions that need to be made, and one of them is what my future with my mother looks like. But her smile, and seeing the recognition in her eyes, makes me think that everything will turn out the way it should.
“Hawking.” She stands from the chair where she’s reading a book. “You’re here.” She pads over and wraps her arms around me. This is the first time she’s greeted me like this. “Oh, how I’ve missed you.”
I wrap my arms around her tiny body and place a kiss on the top of her head. Her hair smells just like I remember. It’s crazy that I remember things like that. “I’ve missed you too, Mom.”
She pulls her body from mine and places her hand on the side of my face. Her eyes are full of unshed tears. When she blinks, they fall, rolling down her face. “I never thought I’d be able to spend this time with you. I’m so grateful for Tessa.”
I take her hand off my face. “Tessa?”
“Yes. I know she’s the one who called Bianca. I know she’s the reason why I have my son back in my life. She was always such a sweet little girl, and now she’s a beautiful and kind-hearted woman. So understanding.”
“Understanding?”
“Oh, my boy.” She pats my stomach. “There was no reason for her to call Bianca, not when I’ve done nothing to deserve it. I abandoned you, and yet she felt that it would be better for you and me to reconnect rather than for you to go on thinking I left you because I didn’t want you.”
I squeeze her hand. “You didn’t abandon me.”
The light in her eyes dims slightly as her smile falls. “Yes, well, I didn’t quite put up a fight either. I ran because I was scared.” She lets go of my hand. “And look where that got me.” She walks back towards her chair and sits down.
I take a step towards her. “Mom–”
“Mother?”
I turn my head at the voice. I’m expecting to see Rhea, but it’s not her. This girl resembles nothing of Rhea. She has a light complexion, and her strawberry blonde hair is straight and smooth held back by a headband. She’s wearing a skirt that hits right above her knees and a shirtsleeve collared button-up shirt. She’s the exact opposite of Rhea which means this must be Loa.
“Loa, dear.” Rose raises her hand towards her daughter but doesn’t get out of the chair. “It’s good that you’ve finally come by for a visit.”
She takes a few strides over to Rose and bends down to give her a one-armed hug. I can feel the indifference she has for our mother. She’s here out of obligation, not because she wants to be. Rhea may have issues of her own, but when she’s here visiting, even when Rose is asleep I can tell it’s because she wants to be. She wants to be there for her mother.
“Yeah, well, I have a lot on my plate with school and all.”
“Always an overachiever.”
“Someone has to be,” she says as her eyes flick to me.
I rub the back of my neck, unsure of how to approach this. “I’m Hawk.” I stick out my hand, hoping that she takes it, but the gasp that comes from her mouth, and the look of uncertainty on her face, tells me that she’s not happy I’m here.
Loa’s gaze bounces between Rose and me. I know that I look like my mother, more so now that I’m an adult than when I was a child. “How did you find her?” she asks me. “I don’t understand what you’re doing here.”
“I take it you don’t talk to our sister?”
“My sister? No. Rhea and I aren’t close.”
“Loa—”
“Well, I’ve been here for months,” I interrupt my mother. “If you would visit our mother more often, you would’ve known that.” I’m not going to take anyone’s crap, especially not from an entitled little brat.
“Listen here you–”
“I see you’ve met our brother?”
Rhea’s voice has both Loa and I turning our heads towards the door. She’s leaning up against the doorframe with a smirk on her face. She’s freshly showered with her hair still wet, and her typical club-looking clothes are replaced with a simple pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt.
“Why didn’t you tell me that he was here?” Loa barks.
“And miss this treat?”
“You knew he would be here this morning when I texted you that I was coming to see her. You could have told me.”
“No way. When he told me that he was coming this morning right before you did, I thought it was perfect timing.” She pushes off the frame. “You deserved to find out the same way I did.”
“Why are you always such a bitch?” Loa snaps.
“Girls.” Rose stands from her chair. “Stop arguing. That’s not the best first impression to give your brother.”
“He’s not our brother,” Loa argues.
“He may not be yours, but he’s mine,” Rhea defends, but I see it more as trying to get under Loa’s skin than her finally being open to the fact that she has an older brother.
“Daddy isn’t going to like this,” Loa hisses. “He’s not going to like your past stirring up trouble between us, not at all.” She shakes her head as she pulls out her cell phone.
“He’s not my past, Loa. He’s my son.”
“Since when?” She lowers the phone.
“Since always,” Rose responds.
“Ah, yeah, since always. Then why have we never met him? Why did Daddy forbid us to mention him?”
“It has nothing to do with you, Loa. Let it stay in the past. The reason why doesn’t matter anymore. The important thing is that he’s here now, and he’s not going anywhere.”
That’s not true–I’m not going to always be here. Loa stands at her full height, one that’s close to mine. She’s taller than Rhea, which means that she must take after her father. “Is that true?” She lifts her chin and places her hands on her hips. She has a strong backbone, and she’s independent, another thing that differs so blatantly between the two girls. Rhea is defiant, but she’s lost. Loa knows who she is.
“If you’re asking if I’m going to disappear and pretend as though I was never here, no.”
“You’re sticking around?” Loa crosses her arms over her chest. She has a smug look on her face like she knows what I’m going to say, and that truth is going to hurt Rose. She enjoys causing our mother pain.
“Hawk,” Rhea, interrupts, “why don’t we let Loa and mom spend some time together. I’m sure there’s plenty of time for the three of us to get to know each other. We wouldn’t want to overwhelm Mom, not when she’s doing so well.”
I turn my head and look at my mother. She’s standing, but her shoulders are slumped slightly. She looks as though she’s been beaten down. The woman who was glowing when I arrived is gone. The creases of worry are etched on her face, and when she places her hands on her throat, I see a slight tremor. I almost want to ban Loa from her room, from our mother’s life because I’m sure it’s her that’s causing Rose distress. It’s the way Loa speaks to her, and I’m sure she’s learned that behavior from her father. I know because there are so many things that I’ve learned from mine.
I’ve never had the urge to protect someone so fiercely as I do right now. She’s my mother, the woman who gave me life and suffered all these years because she lived in fear of my father. She’s had no one in her corner, and I’ll be damned if I let her think that for another day.
I tip my head in agreement with Rhea. I’m not going to cause Rose any anguish, not when Loa is causing enough for the both of us. I’m going to bow out this time, but Loa better be ready to go head to head with me the next time, and I hope she likes defeat because there’s no way in hell I’m going to allow that brat to walk all over our mother another second.