Tessa
The hardwood beneath my feet doesn’t help the ache I feel as I continue to pace back and forth in front of the couch in my living room. The silence is deafening but having the television on right now will make my skin crawl. I sent Hawk a text an hour ago, and there’s been no response. I’ve never been good with confrontation, which is kinda comical growing up with not only two brothers, but all the boys that hung out at Sienna’s. My heart drops thinking of my friend, and how her life was stolen from her. The ache I felt when I woke up in the hospital with my mother hovering over me with a look I’ve never seen before…
“If you had only listened to me. If you had only made the decision not to befriend her, then none of this would be happening.”
“Mama…” My throat feels like sandpaper as I try to swallow. The lighting in the room has dimmed, but I blink trying to make out my mother who’s leaning over me.
“Por el Amor de Cristo, for Christ’s sake. Drink.” She shoves the plastic cup and straw into my hand.
With every swallow I manage, the liquid begins to soothe my throat. The room suddenly becomes too bright, causing my eyes to wince closed.
“Ow, Mama.” I bring my hand up to cover my eyes. “It’s bright,” I whine.
She ignores me. “So many choices I’ve made in my life. So many regrets when you make those choices out of love and not out of common sense. My life went down the wrong path so many years ago, and because of you, I’ve had to stay on that path. To keep my family in tact, I’ve had to stay there. But no more.”
She’s not making sense, and I’m not sure because of my mental state or hers. “What are you talking about?”
“Just you wait, Tessa. One day you’re going to have to live a life based on things you have to do, and not on things you want to do. You’ll understand.” She takes the cup from my hand and sets it on the table next to my bed.
“Mama?” I squint, my eyes finally adjust, and I take her in. Her makeup is smeared beneath her eyes. Dark smudges are on her always pristine skin. There are stray hairs around her face, falling this way and that. She looks undone, and that’s one thing that Gloria Reese never is.
She leans over me, getting closer to my face. “Sienna is dead, Tessa. Devin and that Hound fell right along with her.”
“What?” I don’t understand that she’s saying. My heart slams into my chest. Images race to the surface of my mind.
The parking lot.
The men.
Fists slamming into my face.
Hands grabbing at my throat cutting off my oxygen.
Sienna kicking and fighting as they hauled her away.
Screaming, as I feel them tear through me, one after another.
“That club killed your friend,” she sneers, “and I’ll be damned if I see it kill you, too. Devin is dead, and I no longer have to continue on with this lie.”
I watch as she brings herself to her full height. Pulling on her wrinkled dress shirt, she turns on her heels and walking out of my room...
For days I tried to call my house with no answer. It wasn’t until the night before my release that I was visited by my father. Instead of love flickering in his eyes, there was only disgust. He didn’t even approach me, didn’t try to show me any compassion. His daughter. He stood in the doorway of my room, placing two large duffle bags near the door and tossed a white envelope on my lap. He told me to go. Not to ever come back. That I was no longer his daughter. The ties had been severed.
I was alone.
The sound of a knock on the front door has me stumbling over the rug. I stop at the door and take a deep breath. This is it, there’s no turning back now.
As soon as I pull the door open, I see Hawk standing there. He’s dressed in worn jeans with holes the knees, his infamous black chucks, a black T-shirt is covered by his leather cut. My heart spikes at the sight of it. A symbol of who he is. Of what I ran from.
His dark hair is cut short, styled with a blunt side part and gelled to perfection, something that has been covered with his hat the past couple times I’ve seen him. His eyes are what catch my attention the most. They always have. Picture an evening sky, right before dusk when the sun is kissing the horizon. How the sun makes the sky turn shades of pink and orange but the further away you get from the sun, the brighter blue it becomes. A soft, bright blue—crisp and calming before the darkness takes over. That is what Hawk’s eyes remind me of.
“Hey.” I stand back to allow him to enter my apartment.
His lips tug up slightly giving me his boyish smile. “Is Sam asleep?” He steps into my house.
“Yeah, he has been. I didn’t think you were going to make it.” I closed the door, securing it with the lock.
He turns towards me. “I wanted to make sure I gave you enough time.”
“For what?”
“To ready yourself before you give me the answers to the questions I’m about to ask.”
I close my eyes, and that’s when I feel his presence next to me. My body is so aware of his when he’s this close, and I think he knows it. When he takes another step to me, I can feel the coolness of his leather brush against the thin fabric of my shirt.
“How do you want to do this, Tessa?” His voice trickles to my ear. I can feel his breath on my skin, and it makes my pulse spike.
I take a step back, trying to gain my composure. I need to think clearly here, and he makes it so damn hard. The past feelings I had for this man hit the surface with such a force I know that I can so easily give into them and my fears all at the same time.
“Not gonna happen, Tessa.” His hand grabs my waist, not allowing me to go anywhere. “Not until you tell me how.”
“I–I’m not sure,” I say as I open my eyes and find him looking down at me. His stare is hard, and if I didn’t know him, I would be afraid, but I’ve never been fearful of Hawk. He has a way about him. Always has. He can make the evil seem right. The darkest of night seem as bright as the brightest of days. He’s never allowed the club life to hardened him. Well, at least not seven years ago, but I’m sure a lot has happened in that time.
“I need to know, Tessa. What happened? I need to know from you. Not the rumors, not the cops, but from you. Why did you leave?”
He takes my hand and pulls me into the house. Leading me to my couch, he has me take a seat. “Do you want something to drink?” he asks.
“Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to be asking that question?” I get up, but the hand on my shoulder has me staying in place.
“I’ll get it.”
“All right, there are drinks in the fridge. Help yourself.” He comes back with two sodas and a smirk on his face. “What?” I ask as he hands me my drink before taking a seat next to me.
“It’s funny that you still like that Ruby Red Squirt.”
“Yeah, well, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” I crack the can open and take a sip. The carbonation tickles my nose as I swallow it down. “As much as I love this stuff, I was hoping you’d bring me something a little stronger.”
He laughs as he shakes his head. I place my soda on the table in front of us and turn to face him.
“What do you want to know?”
“What happened the day at the mall?”
I wipe my hands down my pants. Martha is the only one I’ve told this story to, and that was years ago, but the time lapse doesn’t make it any easier. “What did you hear? I thought the club would know everything by now, Hawk. It’s been years.”
“Like I said, I want facts.”
I slide my body back into the couch and look straight ahead. There’s no way I can say this while facing him. I take a deep breath, clearing my mind from the present and allow myself to go back to that fateful day. The day when I lost everything. My family. My best friend.
My life.