Chapter Nine
Mark
Sunday
Irritation raced through me like a snake darting and weaving rapidly towards its prey. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin; it was as if everything was itchy. All I wanted to do after that long ass flight and that fucking annoying mess with the TSA people was get my sorry ass to bed to sleep it all off. Why did everything to do with flying have to take so long? Why did they have to look through every single one of my belongings like I was a common criminal? I hated to be treated like that. At least the meeting with the investors went well; I would be even more furious if I’d screwed that up too. I’d pulled myself together in time.
It’s time to get a private jet, I thought determinedly to myself as I dragged my suitcase out of the car. I cannot keep fucking about at airports. First class isn’t quite cutting it anymore. I need my own space.
It was something that me and Holden had talked about in the past but it didn’t seem like the right time back then. It felt like something we didn’t truly need for the company and would be just us acting unnecessarily flash. Now it had to be something that we thought about more seriously. It would make all this traveling a lot easier. I would have to make sure that we had a meeting about it sometime soon. And I would force him to see things from my point of view. I wouldn’t let him railroad me. I could persuade others, so why not him?
My eyes felt heavy as I walked inside. I was too shattered to give Lincoln much more than a grunt. Luckily for me, he was used to seeing me after traveling and I didn’t think that my stand-offish behavior bothered him. He didn’t let his professional demeanor drop for even a second, so it was very hard to tell if it did.
“It is good to have you back,” he said with a smile. “The building hasn’t been the same without you.”
“Mmm, yeah.” I couldn’t think of a suitable answer. My mind wasn’t switched on. “You too.”
You too… what the fuck was I talking about? I tried to shake the sleep from my brain, but it was pointless. My brain was already in bed, my body needed to follow it. I would talk properly tomorrow when I could again.
Once in the elevator, I leaned back against the wall and I allowed my eyes to roll closed. I truly did feel like shit; my brain was foggy, and my body ached. There had to be a better way to deal with all these meetings. Wasn’t that why we had conference calling? Or couldn’t we lump them all together so we could stay there longer? Maybe that was something I could also bring up when I talked to Holden. We had to make this simpler somehow.
The doors to the elevator pinged open in my apartment, and the first sound that hit me was the tinkling of laughter. And not just any laughter, but that of a child… of Justine. But how was that possible? Justine was utterly furious at me. The last email that she’d sent me yesterday was terribly upset. How had that changed? I knew Justine, she wasn’t one to let things go so easily, and that only got worse with age.
“Hi,” I said curiously as I stepped inside. I saw Justine, laughing, Olivia, and an old woman I didn’t know at all. Was it someone from Olivia’s family? “I’m… back.”
The setup of a tea party had me stunned too. That didn’t seem to me like something Justine would like, but from the glow in her cheeks and the twinkle in her eyes, she was having the time of her life. It was only when she turned to look, and she spotted me standing in front of her, that the laughter stopped dead.
My heart broke as she stared me down. She was pissed, I got that, but surely, she’d cheered up? That couldn’t just go away because I had returned, could it?
“Oh, hi.” Olivia jumped up, trying to cover up the awkward atmosphere. “You’re back. How was your flight?”
“Yeah, fine, whatever.” I shook my head, forgetting about the shit that I’d just been through. The TSA and their bullshit had nothing on how Justine made me feel. That truly sucked. “How are things here?”
“Good, good. I’m sure you know Mrs. Stedman.” She pointed towards the older woman who made an effort to stand. I narrowed my eyes at her, but I still didn’t quite recognize her. “From floor six.”
The tone in Olivia’s voice was one that wasn’t impressed. She clearly didn’t see it as a good thing that I didn’t know this woman from my building. Well, I didn’t know anyone. I wasn’t like her, befriending all the neighbors with my Virginian charm within a week of living somewhere. I had more important things to worry about.
“Yes, right, Ms. Stedman.” I shook the lady’s hand, actually wishing that I knew her so I could shut Olivia and her stupid judging eyes up. I wasn’t a bad person, damn it! “Good to see you.”
“I have to go, Olivia,” she said, peering over my shoulder. “But please, come and see me for tea. And if you want to, bring that lovely girl with you.” She smiled as Justine. “Because she really is a treat.”
All three of them said their goodbyes, almost as if they had a little club that I wasn’t invited to. I stood awkwardly to the side, wondering how any of them expected me to behave. I was still far too tired and irritable to think rationally, so unfortunately, they didn’t have any hope. I couldn’t be a rational human today.
Once Mrs. Stedman finally left, I dropped my bags and felt myself relax just a little bit. I still wanted to fall into bed, but I would have to take part in some niceties first. It was the right thing to do.
“How are you?” I directed my question at Justine. “I’ve missed you. Come here and give me a hug.”
I extended my arms wide and waited for her to run to me. Once upon a time, she was always happy to see me. She would dive on me as if I was her hero, as if she’d been waiting for me all day long. When did that change? How did I allow things to get so bad? I hated the chasm of distance between us, even if I was used to it.
Finally, Justine slunk over to me and she gave me a half hug, but she didn’t put her arms right around me, as if to prove a point. She didn’t want to embrace me and she needed me to know it. I guess I wasn’t quite forgiven after all. It didn’t feel like just the therapist cock up either. I had a feeling it ran much deeper.
“So, how was your week?” I asked while pulling back to look at her. She was back to being surly now, just for me. Any laughter or smiles seemed to be reserved for other people.
“Dunno.” She shrugged at me, refusing to look in my eyes. “Okay.”
“Right, I see,” I replied slowly. “And how has school been? Are you enjoying classes?”
“Yeah, whatever.” She was being dismissive, which I didn’t like. “Can I go now?”
“I haven’t seen you for a while.” I felt taken aback with shock. “Don’t you want to talk to me?”
This was the moment that she decided to stare at me squarely in the face. “About what?”
When I didn’t have any answer to give her, Justine pulled away and she raced to her room, slamming the door behind her. I felt stunned. Did she used to tell me about her life when my mom was around? I could vaguely recall bits and pieces but I didn’t think that I pushed her. I didn’t demand because I suppose I always thought that my mother had it under control. I left it to her for too many vital years of her life. That was a mistake.
As I stared at the trail of dust left behind Justine I wondered if I had left it too late. Maybe things had gotten so far that she would never want to share things with me. The older she grew, the less she would like me, until eventually she wouldn’t be speaking to me at all. She would end up an adult who rolled her eyes every month or so when I bothered to make a call. Michelle would never have wanted that! She desired a close-knit family; she wanted us all to be open and honest with one another. It was me who made a mess of this. If she was somewhere looking down on me, then I bet she was fucking furious. But without her here, I was hopeless.
Olivia eventually distracted me from my thoughts as the plates in her hands jangled. “Sorry,” she said quietly. “I just need to get all of this cleaned up and out the way. I didn’t know you’d be back today.”
“It was on my schedule,” I snapped back, taking my temper out on the wrong person. “You should’ve known.”
“Right, sorry. I guess we were having such a lovely day that we didn’t think to look.”
Urgh, that fucking wound me up. We couldn’t exist without the schedule; she needed to be aware of it all the time or everything would fall apart. How could she be so casual about something so important?
“How am I supposed to know that you got everything done today? Hmm? It has to be checked.”
Olivia shot me a glare, one that reminded me a little of Justine actually. Maybe my daughter was rubbing off on her. I kept thinking that she seemed very quiet, but she did tell the therapist where to stick it. I did get a glimpse of that fire during the interview which intrigued me. I couldn’t hate her for it now.
“We got everything done. Trust me on that one. There’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“So, what was all the laughing about?” I demanded, not done with her yet. I wasn’t sure why, but I needed someone else to feel how I was and there wasn’t anyone else around. “Hmm? Why did that stop? Why did it suddenly come to a moment of silence when I walked in the room?”
I folded my arms across my chest and shot daggers at her, but Olivia didn’t even flinch. She simply gave me a look like that was something I should have expected. Her words about me being away on a business trip instead of at home rose and dragged the anger right out of me once more.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered while shaking my head. “Fucking, fucking hell.”
I couldn’t stand and be judged anymore. Even if I felt far too wired to sleep all of a sudden, I needed to be in my room where I could think things through properly. Olivia might think that she knew things, but she’d only scratched the surface. Before she could even think of telling me what to do, she needed to know it all. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell her! I turned away and walked towards my own room, emulating my daughter’s actions. I even slammed the bedroom door hard behind me, making the walls shake. I didn’t quite mean to do that but I suppose it did make a point. Olivia needed to keep the fuck out of my business and just do her job.