Chapter Twenty
Ashlee
Wednesday Dinner
I really wasn't in the mood for drinks with Harry. I’d been all for it when I was in the pharmacy, but then Matthew had come over spewing all kinds of random bullshit that basically confirmed everything Terri had told me about him. He really had become a womanizer, a man who only cared about getting with as many girls as possible, and he could try and blame that on me leaving as much as he wanted, but it was him that drove me away in the first place!
A couple of tears fell down my cheeks as I heard the front door click behind him, but as they were mostly from frustration, I brushed them off and focused my attention on my outfit, instead. I tried to see it as a step in the right direction, as a positive move, but my mind couldn't get off Matthew and all I’d learned about him.
In the end, I decided on a pair of simple, black jeggings and a red, oversized, floaty top. It wasn't the best outfit that I’d ever worn, but it looked okay. It would do, at any rate.
I forced myself out of the house, saying a quick goodbye to my mother, and I made my way to the bar. Well, it was more of a coffee shop that sold alcohol, but that was perfect for me. As long as we weren’t at the bar where things happened with Matthew, I didn’t care.
But I quickly found myself there alone.
Eight o’clock rolled by, and Harry didn’t show up. Then it got to ten past eight. I didn’t particularly want to come on this date, but I was utterly fuming that he wasn't even going to show up. How fucking rude was that? Why ask me to go out with him, just to not show? What the hell was that all about? I just didn’t get it. What was wrong with all the guys in my life?
Just as I was about to give up and walk out, he burst through those doors looking like a completely different person. Gone was the grown-up man in his work attire that I’d seen in the pharmacy, and in its place was a boy that hadn’t grown up since high school. He certainly wasn't dressed like any man approaching thirty that I knew. He had on ripped jeans, dirty sneakers, and a white, leather jacket. On his eyes were a pair of oversized sunglasses, and he was wearing a cap on backwards.
Holy fuck, how am I going to spend a night with this guy?
I sucked in a few deep, calming breaths of air as he waved at me, before making the decision not to judge him so quickly. Clearly the guys I did like weren’t working out for me, so maybe it was time to try something new. I shouldn’t shut someone off because of how they look anyway; how shallow and selfish of me would that be?
I just needed to keep an open mind, just to give him a chance.
*****
Shit!
I’d given it an hour, but things still weren’t getting any better. Not only did Harry still look like he was in high school, he acted like it, too. He kept talking about girls we’d been in school with, and about how hot they’d become. He clearly did a whole bunch of Internet stalking, too, which freaked me out somewhat. I didn’t like the idea of someone I went to school with examining me online without even talking to me, but I guessed that was a side effect of social media.
Then, he flirted with the waitress right in front of me. No, he didn’t just flirt, he asked her out. She giggled and popped her gum without really responding, but I could tell that she would probably connect with him later. She would probably slip her number to him at another point in the night, when she thought I wasn't looking.
“So, who do you still keep in touch with?” he turned to me, finally asking me the very first question of the night. Unfortunately, it was still about school. It was quickly becoming obvious that his younger years were the best of his whole damn life and he couldn't get out of them because of that.
Actually, it was a little bit sad.
“Well, to be honest, when I moved to New York, I didn’t keep in touch with anyone.”
“No, the kids that move away are usually the first to drift off,” he told me quite seriously. “Of the people I’ve actually sent messages to, they are the ones who generally don't reply.”
I didn’t like to ask if he’d messaged me because I knew for a fact that I would have just ignored it and forgotten about it, so I just blew past it instead. “But since I’ve been back, I’ve been hanging out with Kerri Swanson a bit.”
“Ooh yeah, Kerri Swanson, I remember her,” he replied in a smarmy tone of voice, one that suggested they’d hooked up in high school. I knew it was entirely possible, which made me feel a little sick. It reminded me that she’d slept with Matthew, and her bond with him ran so deep they had a child together.
I could never compete with that, and I would never want to. I had no respect for a man that couldn't even look after his child. I also couldn't ever go near Matthew again knowing Grant would always be a reminder of what he’d become. There was just no chance in hell.
“Erm, look, Harry,” I told him regretfully, unable to stand even another second of being in his presence. “I really have to go because I’ve got work in the morning. But this was great...” I trailed off, not wanting to say something stupid like let’s do this again sometime just to be polite.
Luckily, it didn’t matter because Harry’s eyes had already found their way back to the waitress, who was now sending him winks. He would be fine without me, there was certainly no reason to stay, so I pushed my chair back and walked outside.
On the slow walk home, a sadness started to fill me up. Harry just reminded me too damn much of the ugly New York dating scene, which wasn't something that I ever wanted to go back to. It was frantic, needy, then dismissive. If that was all I had to look forward to post Matthew, then maybe I should just give up and become a nun or something.
*****
As I walked through the front door, preparing myself to fend off a million and one questions from my mom, I was shocked as I spotted Grant tearing into the hallway and jumping up on me happily.
“Ashee!” he cried out. “Ashee!”
Oh God, this is so hard, I thought to myself as I held him close to me. None of this was Grant’s fault, and it didn’t make me adore him any less, but it did sting so damn much that he was the result of a betrayal.
On hearing her son, Kerri raced out into the hallway to greet me, too. “Oh, hi, Ashlee, how are you? Your mom said you had a date. You’ll have to tell me all about it.” When I stared at her with bewilderment in my eyes, she seemed compelled to continue. “I called you a while back because Grant was hyper and refusing to go to sleep, and your mom told me to come around and wait for you... I hope that’s all right?”
“Sure,” I gasped out, realizing this was the best opportunity to confront her about my fears. I needed to know for sure, and I needed to know now before I drove myself insane with it all. “Actually, I do need to talk to you for a minute, is that okay?”
Kerri sent Grant back into the front room to watch cartoons with my mom, and we went to talk in my bedroom where we could have this very difficult conversation in peace. I already felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, and Kerri hadn’t even confirmed anything yet, so I had no idea how I was going to feel when we were done.
“What’s going on?” Kerri asked curiously, plonking on my bed. “Did everything go okay with your date?”
Oh...that was what she assumed I wanted to discuss with her. She was about to get a massive shock.
“Erm, yeah it was fine,” I started, before shaking my head. “No, it was horrible, but more about that later. First I just want to ask...” I breathed deeply, unable to believe that I was having to say these words aloud. “Why you didn’t just tell me that Matthew is Grant’s father?”
“What?” she gasped out in utter shock. “What the hell are you going on about? Matthew isn’t Grant’s father; I’ve never even slept with him. Why the hell would I when I know how much he means to you?” The expression on her face was so stern, so serious, that I just knew I had to trust her.
Matthew isn’t Grant’s father! That had to be good news, right? But then, why the fuck didn’t he just tell me that? He sat there in the front room while I confronted him, and he just said nothing. What the hell was all that about?
And, why did Terri say that he was? Obviously, she was bitter because Matthew had broken things off with her, but that felt too extreme for words. What a weird, potentially life-destroying lie. I mean, what the hell had Kerri and I done to her?
“Look, I might as well tell you the truth,” Kerri sighed deeply, holding her head in her hands for a moment. “Willy is Grant’s father. We’ve been hooking up for years, every damn time I get drunk. I can’t seem to resist him.”
What? I certainly wasn't expecting that!
“So why didn’t you just tell me that?” I asked her curiously.
“I find it embarrassing that I like him so much. It’s something that I don't want to admit.”
Personally, I couldn't see anything wrong with Willy; he seemed like a nice guy to me, one with a full-time job and a sweet smile, but clearly this was an issue for Kerri.
“Does he know?”
“He does,” she confirmed, nodding slowly. “I told him right away and he proposed.” She laughed lightly to herself at the memory, which caused my heart to ache. I’d missed so much while I was away, and now that my New York life felt like nothing more than a dream I’d once had, it all seemed like a waste.
“He was disappointed when I turned him down, but he’s still there for Grant. He pays for him and comes to see him whenever I let him... Urgh, it’s all just a mess!” she exclaimed angrily. “I don't know how I’ve managed to get myself tangled up in such a weird web.”
My advice would have been to give Willy a real shot, to push her preconceived notions to one side and just give him a try, but then again, I wasn't a parent. Maybe that would have been dangerous, risking the tightrope of an agreement that they currently had, so instead of saying anything, I simply pulled her in for a hug.
“Oh God,” she eventually sobbed out. “I need a distraction; please, tell me about your date.”
I smiled secretly to myself, glad that my horrible date could now come in handy for something. It might have been awful, but if it cheered Kerri up, then I would put myself through it again.
“Well, you remember Harry, from high school?”
“Oh no, you didn’t!” Kerri exclaimed in shock. “He’s horrible these days. What the hell were you thinking?”