Chapter Twenty-One
Mark
Monday
I flicked my eyes open as the much too bright sunlight filtered into my vision. Why was my bedroom so bright? This was the exact reason I purchased black out blinds! I didn’t want to be woken up in such a brutal way. I never ever forgot to shut them, so why… oh, right. As I turned to my side and I spotted Olivia there next to me, all became much too clear. She was with me; I overstepped the boundary that I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I propped myself up on my elbow for a moment to gaze down at her, sucking in a deep breath of air as I saw her spread across the sheets looking like an angel. Her expression was soft and peaceful, her hair spilling across the pillow; her beauty well and truly shone through. This was why I found her so hard to resist. I was a red-blooded male, a man with needs, and she wandered around the apartment like sex on legs. She challenged me, infuriated me, made me think terribly inappropriate things… but I suppose I didn’t have to act on them. That was on me. I flopped my head back, pressed it into the pillow, and sighed with anger at myself.
I was in my office, supposedly working, and imagining what it would be like to… well, do what we just did. The idea was there, I was happy to admit that she was on my brain doing all kinds of naughty things to me, but there it was supposed to stay. It was supposed to remain in my mind; I wasn’t sure how I’d gone so nuts and ended up in bed with Olivia. My blood ran burning hot through my body; the storm brewed in my chest. I wasn’t sure how to make up for this mistake. Could we just forget about it and go back to normal?
“What happened?” All of a sudden, my heart stopped dead in my chest as Olivia’s voice snapped at me. It was safe to say that she didn’t sound impressed. “Why?” I twisted to see her reddened face. “Why did we have sex?”
“Erm…” Because you’re gorgeous, because you create a spark inside of me that I haven’t felt in a very long time, because I one hundred percent like you more than I should… “Because you were there.”
Holy fuck, that wasn’t what I meant to say at all. I wanted to come out with some dignified answer that left us both in the know that this was to be a professional relationship and nothing more. Much as it was fun to have sex with Olivia, and my God she blew my freaking mind, we couldn’t keep doing it. It had to stop somewhere.
Well, goal achieved, I supposed. Judging by the less-than-impressed expression on Olivia’s face, she wouldn’t ever want to look me in the eye again, never mind crawl beneath the sheets next to me. The color completely drained from her face, and she looked like someone had slapped her. That was me, with my words.
“Because…” She gulped down a thick ball of emotion. “Because I was there. Right, yes, I see…”
“I didn’t mean it quite like that.” She glared at me as she waited for me to explain myself but unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to find the words. They were stuck in my throat. “I’m sorry, what I mean is that… I…”
I suddenly felt a sting across my cheek as Olivia reached her hand across and slammed me. Instantly, I touched the painful area, and I gave her a stunned look. I knew that I’d been an asshole, but she could sense that I couldn’t mean it, couldn’t she? I gave her a wide-eyed look and wondered where the fuck we went from here.
“Don’t ever touch me again,” she growled. “I don’t ever want you anywhere near me.”
She leaped out of the bed, grabbing the top sheet off my bed to wrap around her body as she went. As she raced towards the door, I jumped out to join her. I couldn’t let her go until I’d sorted this out. I grabbed her arm, just to keep her in place, but she immediately threw my arm off of her and glared at me furiously.
“But I… I just want to talk…” I tried to make her understand, but she wasn’t having any of it.
“If you come anywhere near me again, I will start looking for a new job right away.”
We stared at one another for a moment, both panting desperately. Terror coursed through my body; all I wanted to do was start this over again, but it was too late now. The words were out there, and the damage was done. I had a funny feeling that anything that came out of my mouth next would only make it worse.
Olivia slammed the door behind her as she left my bedroom, almost shaking the walls as she did. I winced, slid my eyes closed, and found myself sliding into a pit of panic. Shit, how the hell could I make this right?
I shook my head quickly and snapped into action. The main thing I needed to do right now was get myself dressed for work. I might have had personal issues going on at home, but the office needed me too. I had to be there, so I got myself washed and dressed as rapidly as I could, with my heart racing the entire time.
“Dad!” Justine called out happily as I raced from the bedroom. “Do you want breakfast?”
“Erm…” I gave Olivia a look. No, she definitely didn’t want to make me any food today. Since I’d already pushed her too far, for now I felt like the best thing to do would be to let her calm down. “No, I don’t think so.” I glanced at my watch. “I have to get to work, but I’ll be back for dinner, okay? I’ll see you then.” I leaned across her and kissed Justine on the top of the head. “Erm, Olivia…” I couldn’t leave without saying anything. I didn’t want to go on a sour note. “Is there anything that you need? Do you want me to do anything for you?”
“No.” She wouldn’t even look at me. Something that had been so wonderful not so long ago was now utterly terrible. All because of me and my stupid big mouth. “I don’t. Goodbye, Mark.”
***
“I slept with the nanny,” I blurted out the moment I stepped into Holden’s office. The words had been brimming on the edge of my lips all the drive over and they simply fell out of my mouth.
Holden lifted his eyes slowly from his paper and gave me a look. “What the fuck is going on with you?” he demanded with a very unimpressed look on his face. “Will you quit coming in here with shit like that?”
I slid into the chair opposite him and leaned my elbows on his desk. Maybe he wasn’t impressed with my behavior; I wasn’t either, but he was the only person in the world whose opinion I could trust. I needed to know what he thought, and even if it was something that I didn’t want to hear, I had to listen to him.
“I know, I know, I’m a fucking idiot. Just after you told me to back off, but it just… happened.”
Holden shook his head at me. “No. Sex doesn’t ‘just happen.’ There are many steps to stop it.”
I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. “I know, I get that, but I didn’t stop it, and now I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, since it’s too late to advise you again to back away, I have to ask how it was this morning.”
I smirked, but I wasn’t too impressed actually. It stung me that Olivia was so furious at me when I had said something silly. She knew that I wasn’t that much of a prick, didn’t she? “She slapped me.”
Holden tossed his head back in amusement and laughed. At least he was finding in genuinely funny. “Oh, fucking hell. What did you say? Or were you just that shit in bed?”
A little growl flew out of my mouth. “It had nothing to do with my performance, thank you very much. I just made a stupid comment this morning that upset her, and now… well, not it’s a fucking mess.”
“Have you always been this smooth? Honestly, how did you ever manage to end up married?”
I sighed loudly and shrugged again. Talking about it was making me less sure of what to do next. “I don’t know. It’s all just… urgh, what the hell is wrong with me?” I shook my head. “What do I do now?”
“Man, you need to decide what you want next.” I flicked my eyes up to look at him. “Do you want to get rid of her?” I shook my head. “Get back to a professional working relationship.” I gave one nod. “Or do you want her? Because if you want her, then you need to figure out how that’s going to work. Like, are you going to be sex buddies? Professionals with benefits? Or do you want more? Because I haven’t seen you like this for ages.”
Urgh, I let my head hang forwards as I thought about that. I mean, I definitely did want Olivia back in my bed again even if it wasn’t wise. I’d just been telling myself that it wasn’t possible. I couldn’t believe that Holden was giving me the green light. Maybe there would be a cheeky way to have it all. It wasn’t right to think of combining work and pleasure, but if Holden didn’t tell me that I was crazy, then maybe it was worth it.
“Oh, I don’t know.” I raise myself up from my seat. “I better get to work and have a think about it.”
After my talk with Holden, I spent the rest of the day trying to work out what my next move would be. The thing was, I didn’t want to lose her as the nanny; she was fucking incredible at her job, the difference that she had made to Justine’s life was astounding. Absolutely off the scale. So good that I didn’t want to risk it. But, at the same time, I really wanted her in my bed again. She felt so fucking good next to me. Even when she smacked me in the face, I liked her there. It beat being alone anyway.
“I’m off,” I said to Holden once it got to the point that I couldn’t hang around much longer. “If that’s alright with you? Is there anything desperate that needs doing?” He shook his head. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Did you decide what you want to do?” he called out from behind me as I turned to leave. “With the nanny?”
I huffed and smiled to myself. “I think so. I don’t know if it’ll work, but I have to give it a go.”
“Yeah? Well, let me know how you get on. I’ll have my fingers crossed for you. And don’t come back in here blurting something else out shocking tomorrow. Although I don’t know what else you could do, propose, I guess.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that!” I insisted. “This isn’t anything like that. You don’t have to worry about me getting married any time soon.” I twisted my neck to give him a reassuring smile. “That’s off the table.”
Did I protest too much? I didn’t mean to, but this really wasn’t anything so dramatic. My feelings were chemical, physical, that was all. Olivia was hot. I wanted her; she had a gorgeous body, and she was amazing in the sack. I didn’t want to accept, even to myself, that there might be something more.