Chapter Sixteen
Olivia
Friday
Just act normally, I warned myself with my eyes fixed low. Don’t even acknowledge him at all.
That barely made any difference to the storm brewing inside. I couldn’t control my emotions at all. Knowing that Mark was standing across from me in the kitchen sipping coffee almost killed me. Since he made a point of not coming back until very late last night and the entire place stank of booze when he came in (I knew because I crept out of my room when I heard him stagger through at God knows what time, and that hurt), he clearly didn’t want to talk about it. And I had to assume that this pointed radio silence was going to be the way that we dealt with it. We were never going to discuss the kiss; it was as if it had never happened…
I wasn’t sure that I could do that; the kiss was something else. It blew my mind, and I had a funny feeling from his star struck expression that he felt the same way afterwards. Fair enough: we couldn’t ever do that again, there was no way we could start some form of relationship, but not talking about it wasn’t going to work either.
“Do you want something to eat?” I asked. I wanted to sound normal but there was a real tremor in my voice.
“Oh, erm, yes please. Thank you.” I wasn’t sure if the croakiness was because of the late night or me.
What if he went out last night? I asked myself. Like out, out. To a bar… with women, where he met someone?
I didn’t want my brain to immediately leap to that conclusion, but it went there regardless. I pictured him hanging out with sexy blondes and brunettes dripping from his arm, giggling at his jokes, blowing kisses at him, running their hands down his body… then I thought about him at home with one of those women, fucking me out of his brain. A nasty snake of bitter jealousy coiled right through my body.
“Right, I’ll make some pancakes then.” I didn’t feel like he deserved my omelet. “Is that okay with you?”
“Sure, sure…” He glanced idly towards Justine’s room. “Shall I get Justine out of bed?”
“You could.” It would be so much better with her here dispelling the atmosphere. “But she doesn’t have anywhere to be today. It’s a teacher training day at her school so she can lie in if she wants.”
I chewed down on my bottom lip, wondering if he knew this already. I never told him specifically, but it was on the schedule and since he had a much better relationship with Justine, she might have told him.
“Oh, I see.” Nope, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “So, do you have any plans for the day?”
“Yeah, we’re going to the Natural History Museum. Justine told me she wants to go.”
He nodded slowly, taking this in. For a horrible moment, I wondered if he was going to offer to take the day off work to spend it with us. I could not have this hanging over my head all day long. I was jittery as hell anyway. I couldn’t have these buzzing nerves coursing through my veins all day long. It’d utterly destroy me.
“Oh, right, well that sounds nice.” I breathed out a sigh of relief. “I’m sure she’ll love that.”
He moved over to the sink to clean out his mug, passing me along the way. He didn’t even get close enough to brush past me, but I could feel him all over me. Butterfliers flapped so violently all over my body it was as if he’d grabbed me tight and held me to him. I could almost feel the warmth of him everywhere.
“Morning!” Luckily, at that moment, Justine burst in. “Hello, Dad.”
Mark turned on his stool to look right at her. I tried to focus on the cooking rather than them, but my eyes kept darting towards them both anyway. “Morning, sweetheart. I hear you have a day off school today.”
“I do, but I have some homework that I might need some help with. Math.” She screwed up her nose.
“Oh, I’m great with numbers. I can help you with that. But if you’re going out today, it might be better to wait. We can always do it tonight, can’t we? And we have the whole weekend if we miss out on the chance.”
Justine nodded and smiled. There was still a little awkwardness between them, but their relationship had grown by leaps and bounds. I was proud of him for that. I hoped that some of my words had gotten through to him and that his changes would be permanent. Surely, he could see how happy his daughter was.
I made them both their omelets and I placed their plates down in front of them. I wanted to avoid sitting with them because I felt even weirder than I did usually, but Justine couldn’t sense that.
“Why aren’t you sitting down?” she asked with a little chuckle. “Come on, eat with us for a change.”
I tentatively crashed my butt down on the chair opposite Mark. Every so often as we chewed, our eyes would automatically meet one another’s. It jolted shock through me every time, and I dragged my gaze away. This wasn’t going to be easy; there was something different between us now that hadn’t been there before. It used to be strange, there was always something buzzing under the surface, but now we knew. There was intense chemistry there that shook us both to the core. That kiss was unforgettable. His eyes sent desire racing through me.
“Right,” Mark finally said in a gravelly voice. “I better get to the office. Work awaits.”
I could barely look at him as he grabbed his briefcase and he headed towards the elevator. I knew exactly where he was anyway; my body was acutely aware of everything that he did. I didn’t need to see him.
“Bye, Dad!” Justine called out, blissfully unaware. “I’ll get you a gift from the museum shop.”
Once he was finally gone, I let out a breath that I didn’t even realize I was holding. I felt everything inside of me sag with relief. Thank God, I knew that he said he would be back early to help Justine with her homework, but maybe I wouldn’t have much to see him. I could just hide away in my room for it all. I was going to have to do a lot more of that if I wanted to survive this. Hiding away, keeping away from Mark.
“Right.” I brought the biggest smile that I could onto my face. “Shall we go?”
Justine shook her head, but then she ran into her bedroom to get ready. I whistled happily to myself as I cleaned up the dishes. Now that Mark was gone, I was looking forward to today. I hadn’t ever been to the Natural History Museum before, and it was exciting. Anything to see more of New York was fine by me. And I also had a surprise for Justine that I couldn’t wait to show her. I hoped that she was quick because I didn’t want to be late.
“Are you ready, sweetheart?” I called out to Justine. “We better get going in a second.”
At that moment, she flew out of her room in a sparkly dress with a handbag to match. She had better style than me! Nicer clothes as well, but that was what it was. I would have to do with my leggings and oversized tee. It was still an improvement from the way I used to dress back at home. I didn’t ever look quite so… sheeny there. New York agreed with me; my dream coming true looked good on me. I wasn’t ever going to be one of those incredibly beautiful women that grabbed attention on the street, but I looked good enough. I was happy.
“Oh wow, Justine, you look lovely!” She spun around quickly. “Wow, you’re a great dresser.”
I took her hand, and we walked over to the elevator. I was more used to it now, but every now and again the strangeness of the situation would hit me. I mean, what sort of person had an elevator in their home?
“What do you think we’re going to see today?” Justine asked me curiously. “Will there be animal bones?”
“Erm, probably.” I wasn’t sure myself, but it seemed like a reasonable assumption. “We’ll soon see.”
Excitement built in my chest as the elevator descended downwards. I couldn’t wait for Justine to see what I had planned for her, and as the doors flung open, she nearly squealed with a happy shock. Her hands clapped to her mouth, and she bounced up and down like a crazy person, which made me so, so happy.
“Mrs. Stedman!” Their friendship was so adorable; I loved it. It was unlikely, the slightly cranky older woman and the troubled young girl shouldn’t be friends, but there was something between them that just clicked. I couldn’t explain it, but I didn’t want to. It worked, and that was all that mattered. “Are you coming with us?”
Mrs. Stedman ruffled her hair. “Yes, I sure am. I haven’t ever been before so it should be fun.”
“I haven’t either! It should be really good.”
As Justine slipped her hand into Mrs. Stedman’s, I had a feeling that I wouldn’t get much of a look in, but I didn’t mind that. As long as we all had a good day, that was all that mattered to me.
***
“She’s a lovely girl, isn’t she?” Mrs. Stedman commented as we sat down to lunch. “Very friendly. I never thought it before. I used to see her around the building and think that she was frowny.”
We looked over to where Justine was currently getting herself a little glass of orange juice and smiled. She had shiny eyes; the day had been wonderful for her, and it made me want to do more things like this for her.
“I don’t know about that.” I offered a one-shouldered shrug. “She wasn’t angry for long with me.”
“No, you’ve changed her.” Mrs. Stedman cocked her head and looked at me curiously. “Your presence has been very good for her. You’re a wonderful influence in her life. She’s lucky to have you.”
I truly felt like I was the lucky one to have her in my life. She had opened my eyes a lot. I parted my lips to say that, but I could feel something else threatening to come out. The secret that I’d been keeping inside was almost too much, and it wanted to come out. I couldn’t tell Mrs. Stedman that I’d kissed Mark; I didn’t want her to look at me any differently. She would judge me, and I couldn’t blame her I judged myself.
“Yeah, well, I hope so,” I eventually whispered. “I want her to be happy.”
I made a mental decision to order takeaway tonight rather than cooking. I couldn’t face standing in that kitchen again with all those memories flooding me. I needed to just stop thinking about the kiss. Just forget about how it felt to have his lips pressing against mine. Simply stop thinking about it forever more. Every time that it cropped into my brain, I needed to shove it to one side as if it was nothing.
“You are on the right track anyway.” Mrs. Stedman nodded seriously as she dragged her eyes away from Justine. “So, whatever it is you’re doing, keep it up. Do whatever you can to stay in that girl’s life.”
Everything aside from kissing the boss. Simple. Easy peasy.
“I will.” I smiled thinly. “I’ll do what I can to make her life as happy as I can.”