Chapter Five
Roy – Wednesday
“Look at that, Tank,” I grinned to my dog whilst we watched the television together. “Lewis is doing one hell of a job with the company.” I didn’t understand much about the stock market, but I understood enough to know that things were on the up. That was why he was the perfect choice: he seemed to have a magical way of just making things happen, whereas I could never have done that. I might have had the smarts to invest wisely in the first place, but that was the extent of it.
Tank barked at me in response before making his way towards the door, letting me know he needed to go outside. He knew my routine well now, just like I knew his, and this was basically his way of telling me that I was supposed to be out at work. I’d done all the tending to the crops earlier this morning, but I did need to get that fence done.
As I stepped out into the warmth, I remembered what this place used to be like when I was a child. Sure, we didn’t have a lot of money back then, but things were much more bustling than now. My parents kept animals of all sorts, which had made it a much more exciting place. I didn’t need any of that because I made my money in other ways, but every now and again, I got a glimpse of the way things could have been.
I lost my mom when I was only seventeen years old. She had been out with a friend in the town, and she was hit by a drunk driver, killing her almost instantly. It was a massive deal at the time, in such a small place, and put me right in the center of attention.
After that, things became a little strained between me and my dad, and he started to drink heavily. Eventually, he got sick, and because he’d already given up on life when he’d lost his love, it didn’t take long for the liver failure to claim his life. That was all that I could remember about him these days: the drunk, the sick guy, the man who didn’t know how to be happy, but of course, he had a whole life before that. I just wished that I could have known that version of him better – it might have made me a completely different person.
Shaking all thoughts of the past from my mind before they consumed me entirely, distracting me yet again, I set about working.
I started in the tractor, pulling up some of the old fence posts and leaving them on the back side of my property. Then I clipped the old barbwire in sections, so that I could still have some fence along the edge of the property, even if it was old and not doing much for keeping things out. I just felt like there was something sentimental about it all. I didn’t want to completely give up the old fence just yet, however stupid that was.
***
By the time midday came around, I was absolutely starving. I already knew that I didn’t have anything decent to eat in the house, so I hopped into the truck with Tank by my side and headed down to the local café to grab something to eat. I knew that there was a chance I could see some people there who might know me and that might want to talk, but I could always grab the local newspaper and pretend to read if it came down to it.
I took the short drive into the center of town, then stepped inside the café, my stomach growling for something to eat. It seemed like I’d neglected myself and my needs as I worked hard, leaving me almost dizzy with dehydration and hunger.
“Right, Tank, where shall we sit?” I muttered to my dog out of habit, but before I could find a nice empty table to sit at, I could already see him sniffing around someone that we both knew very well, someone that I hadn't seen for a very long time: Joe Cooke, one of my dad’s old friends, back from the “good old days” before his demons took control of him.
“Hi, Joe,” I muttered, almost shyly as he fussed over Tank. “How are you?”
“I’m good, my boy.” He shot me a grin, one that made me feel more welcome than I’d been feeling before. “How are you? Long time, no see.”
I happily sat with him when he indicated. This was someone I would enjoy the company of, especially if he started to talk about my dad, which he always did. He reminded me of the good man that he was before my mom died.
“Oh, you know,” I smiled thinly. “Been busy; you know how it is.” I couldn’t tell him that I just didn’t trust myself to be around anyone anymore, I didn’t want to make a bigger deal out of it than it already was.
“Just like your dad, you, he was always busy as well.” The word before hung in the air above us, not needing to be said aloud. “But then, he had animals to tend to. From what I understand, your success comes from further afield.”
Luckily, at that moment, before I felt compelled to explain myself, the waitress came over to take our order, taking us out from what could potentially be a very awkward conversation. By the time we got back to talking, Joe was in full reminiscent mode, having recalled a story about my dad.
“I remember one night, when we’d been hanging about at the bar all evening, we decided to steal the road sign to Butt Lane. I know, that sounds so immature now, but when we were nineteen and very tanked up, it seemed like something that would be hilarious.” I could not envision this version of my dad, however hard I tried, but I liked to hear about it all the same. “Actually, if I remember rightly…” Joe paused thoughtfully for a second, forcing me onto the edge of my seat. “Yep, I’m pretty sure that’s the night he met your mother.”
Our food was brought over, but that wasn’t going to derail me this time. I had never heard the story of how my parents met because when Mom was alive, I never thought to ask, and after she was gone, I didn’t dare – but now, I could actually learn something of the truth.
“That’s the night Mom and Dad met?” I asked, trying to keep the tension from my voice. For some reason, it felt imperative to keep the desperation from my tone. “I never heard that story.”
“Oh well, I’ll tell you now,” he replied, much to my relief. “Your dad was up on the pole, trying to tear the sign down, when this gorgeous, sassy girl came over and yelled at us. Told us that was the street she lived on, and that if we were so immature as to find that funny, then maybe we deserved to be locked up for the night.”
I could see it. Mom was always a character, saying what everyone else was thinking. I found it strange that I could remember her before she died, but I didn’t have any before memories of my dad. Maybe my brain had blocked him out.
“Your dad slid down, bold as brass while the rest of us were bricking it, and he told her that she needed to go on a date with him. Of course, she scoffed and told him no, but he told her that he wouldn’t give up. He said that he would wait under that sign every single night at eight p.m., until she came around and agreed to go out with him.”
He started eating, as if the story was done, which had me at almost breaking point. This had to be the most romantic real-life story that I’d ever heard, and it related to my parents. I absolutely had to know the ending. “And, did he?”
“Well, I know he did for the first few nights because we went along to tease him, but we soon got bored. He must have, though, because before we knew it, they were engaged. Knowing your dad, and the way that he felt about her, he probably proposed on their very first date.”
His words had my heart thumping in my chest. A whirlwind romance that ended up lasting forever more…until they both passed, anyway. No wonder Dad couldn’t cope after she died – everything that he did was for her. It reminded me of another story, one that I really didn’t want to think about…
“I’m sure you wooed Shelley like that, too,” Joe continued, dragging it back up however much I didn’t want to talk about it. “I mean, your wedding was fantastic. It’s just a shame the way that things turned out.”
Bile rose from my stomach, and I feared I might throw up if I even attempted to talk, so I simply nodded quickly and kept my mouth zipped tightly shut. I couldn’t talk about Shelley and our short-lived marriage, and I wasn’t sure if there would ever come a time when I could. It was just too painful, and it didn’t seem to get any easier.
By the time lunch ended, and I was sitting in the truck preparing to drive home, my breaths were coming out short and ragged. The memory of Shelley was making me sick, and I knew for a fact that my plans for the rest of the day were already shot. I couldn’t get any more work done while my mind was all over the place, thinking about things that it really couldn’t deal with. I needed some rest and a distraction, and there was only one way I was going to get that.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I warned Tank. “I just need someone to take my mind off of things.” But he continued to give me warning glances all the same.
I didn’t normally call Crystal, I let her come to me, but I felt like I needed to or this feeling would continue, sinking me lower and lower into depression. “Just stop it,” I snapped at my dog like a crazy person. “She knows what this is; there aren’t any feelings involved, so it’s fine. It’s fine.”
Ring, ring…
Ring, ring…
As a panic set in while I started to consider the possibility that she might not answer the phone, I realized that it might not have been quite so okay after all and that maybe I was using Crystal as more of a crutch than I first realized. When I lost Shelley, she made one thing perfectly clear to me: that I had to move on from her and find happiness again, and I promised her that I would. I wasn’t sure that hanging out alone with only Tank for company and occasionally some chick to screw was what she had in mind…
“Hello? Roy? Are you okay?”
But as Crystal answered the phone and relief flooded through me, I realized it was the best I could have hoped for. After all, no woman would want such a damaged man long term – they would have to be absolutely crazy.
“Crystal, I need you. Can you come over?”
She could tell that I was desperate; it was obvious in my voice. “I can come over until Bryan finishes school. I will see you in five.”
At least I didn’t have to be alone; at least I could have some company for the next few hours. It wouldn’t ever be enough, but it would have to do.