Chapter Thirteen
Mark
My insides burned and sizzled as I watched Olivia leave. What the hell was with her? Why did she rub me in the wrong way? My heart thumped, my lungs felt raspy and raw: I wasn’t sure what to do about it. There was a part of me that wanted to chase after her, to keep screaming at her, but another bit of me was glad that I couldn’t. I didn’t have the inner strength to get up. I couldn’t see the row getting us anywhere; it would just be more yelling. I hadn’t been in a circle of pointless yelling for a very long time. Over five years…
I chewed the omelet, hating how nice it tasted. It was made by her, and right now she was the enemy. My eyes burned holes in the door as nasty thoughts darted behind my brain. I decided to fire her, even if it would be a nuisance to me, but I decided against that the moment I thought about Justine’s face. She might have been a crazy bitch with me, but my daughter liked her. And if I wanted to be truly honest with myself, she had helped. The whole therapist mess wouldn’t have been sorted at all if it was left up to me. I might have even insisted that she continued going to my guy just to make life easier.
Fucking hell, I thought angrily to myself with rage burning all over. What a fucking nightmare.
I was basically being held hostage in my own home. By the illness, which meant I couldn’t get to work, and by her as well. She had me fixed here because everyone else liked her but me. Maybe I should have considered myself as the problem, but it wasn’t me. I definitely thought it was her. With her annoying wavy hair and her bright smiles that grated on me, and the way that she laughed… ugh, it was her. Even her name was annoying. I should never have hired her; I should’ve sensed that she would be a problem.
I needed to get up. I couldn’t keep remaining in this prison where Olivia had me locked away. My legs didn’t want to hold much weight; I kept falling to the ground, but I needed to try. Maybe a shower would help out. The hot, steaming water running over my head and clearing my mind. I needed that. Immediately I stood up and wobbled, but with a quick grab onto the bedside table I managed to remain standing. Just.
I blinked a few times, trying to clear my vision, and I sucked in a few breaths to keep me up. Then, with a decisive nod, I staggered slowly into my bathroom. As I went, I felt a small sense of victory. This was something that I’d done all on my own without any help from anyone. Haha, fuck you, Olivia! I have strength.
Of course, I almost fell to the floor with exhaustion when I flicked the shower on, but I chose to ignore that and only focus on the good parts of this morning… not that there were many. I waited for a couple of moments for the water to heat up to my preferred temperature and I got my breath back at the same time.
Just as I suspected, with the burning jets bouncing off of my muscles, I started to relax a bit. My mind began to clear. I could think now, but the irritation remained. I couldn’t stop thinking about Olivia and how much she irritated me. The image of her sweet infuriating face wound me up. I just wanted to… to grab her… to shake her… to make her see my point of view… to kiss her…
No, I don’t mean kiss her. I shook my head rapidly. I definitely don’t mean kiss her. What the hell?
I wasn’t sure where that thought came from but I didn’t want to think of it again. The last thing I needed in my mind was an image of Olivia’s soft, plump lips pressing up against mine… and then her clothes shedding and her gorgeous naked body revealing to me. Her pale, slick skin, her round, plump breasts, that sexy little waist of hers… oh fuck, this was nuts. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about Olivia in that way?
Stop it, I scolded myself. Just stop it already. Think of something else, anything else…
But my brain wasn’t fully mine, I didn’t have total control over it, and it kept darting in directions I wasn’t too sure about. More of Olivia’s body came into my mind. I imagined myself tasting her, her sucking me, me being inside of her and riding her hard and fast. I couldn’t seem to stop the pictures; they were on a roll, flickering through my mind and driving me wild. This time my heart thunder for a whole different reason.
Oh great! I glanced down at my cock which had, of course, sprung to attention. What a cliché.
There was no way that I would become the guy that everyone bitched about, the pathetic weakling who couldn’t resist screwing his kid’s nanny. Those people always ended up with problematic children, and I already had enough issues in that department, thank you very much. No, I needed to forget her.
“Oh, Mark.” I could almost hear the words falling delicately from her lips. “I want you so badly.”
“Urgh, no,” I groaned aloud as I thought about that happening. I was becoming everything that I didn’t want to be. It had to be the sickness; this wasn’t me at all. I just needed to focus on getting myself better. Simple.
This was obviously going to happen, I heard a voice in my head that sounded suspiciously like my wife’s. Or maybe my mother’s; I wasn’t totally sure. Of course, you were going to fall for her. She gets under your skin.
All of a sudden, my eyes popped wide open. There was more to this than I first realized. This wasn’t just a sexual fantasy. I didn’t just like Olivia: I had feelings for her. It was crazy, I barely knew her, but then I knew the last time I fell in love right away as well. With Michelle, I knew in seconds. I didn’t even need to think about it. And we disagreed with one another a lot in the beginning as well. It was actually quite similar.
Shit. I shook my head and rubbed the water over my face. Shit, shit, shit.
Now I was facing a situation where I would potentially have to fire Olivia. I couldn’t actually like her. Maybe I needed to do something to distract myself from this mess. I just had too much time on my hands, that was all.
I hopped out of the shower, and I grabbed my cell phone. I dialed Holden’s number and waited impatiently for him to answer. The only thing that I could ever get really absorbed in was my work.
“Oh, Mark, I’m surprised to hear from you!” Holden did sound stunned. “How are you doing?”
“Hmm, much better,” I lied. “Not good enough to go to any meetings today but can you email me some stuff to do? I want to keep in the loop and working makes me feel better.”
“I think it might be best for you to relax, don’t you? When I saw you, you looked bad. Like you had a real fever, or something. I know that you have a tendency to push yourself and I don’t want to encourage that.”
I rolled my eyes and snorted. “Holden, just send me some stuff. Basic stuff. It doesn’t need to be shit that you’re too worried about. Even just some emails to read that I don’t need to do anything about.”
Holden seemed to sense the urgency in my voice because finally, he threw me a bone. “Okay, sure.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. “Great. Send me whatever. I’ll be sitting by my laptop, okay?”
“Yeah, but make sure you don’t push it, okay? I don’t want you to make yourself feel worse. We need you back here in the office, you crazy bastard. Everyone misses you already.”
“Oh no, I won’t.” Nothing could make me feel worse, and I needed to get back as well. I missed the steady way that the office made me feel. Home was sending me crazy. “I’ll be good. Scout’s honor.”
“Scout’s honor?” Holden laughed, filled with mirth. “Since when were you a Scout?”
“Okay, whatever, I wasn’t.” I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “But send me some work already.”
“Alright, alright, you crazy workaholic. I’ll see what I can find for you. There must be something.”
As I hung up the phone, I felt relieved; it was awesome to have something else to worry about. All this stuff with Olivia was driving me insane. I just needed something more important, something that wasn’t her. It had to be her fault anyway; she was parading around in her new tight fitting clothing, it was bound to create some… stirrings.
Even if, deep down, I knew that was bullshit, I decided to go with that theory anyway. It was easier to blame Olivia than to consider that I might actually have a thing for this woman. Even if I did, it couldn’t ever lead anywhere. I couldn’t exactly hook up with Olivia, could I? She was here all the time, under my employ; having sex with her would probably feel very good for a moment but would end up feeling terrible when everything got ridiculously complicated. Justine would never forgive me if I screwed this up. I had to behave for her.
I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body before staggering back into the bedroom. I still felt like shit, there wasn’t any denying that, but I would be at Justine’s therapy session tonight whether or not it killed me. I wanted to know what was going on with my daughter and how she really felt, but I also wanted to prove Olivia wrong as well. I needed her to see that I wasn’t the neglectful asshole that she assumed me to be.
I paced the room for only a couple of seconds before collapsing onto the bed as the weariness claimed me all over again. It wasn’t going to be easy, today would probably floor me, but I was determined.
I’ll show you, I sneered inside my brain as I glanced towards the door. You’ll soon see. I can be a good father; I can listen and talk, and… I don’t know, do whatever Justine needs me to do. You’ll soon be swallowing your words, Olivi:, just you wait and see.
But soon, since I had no control over my brain at all, the filthy images of Olivia stirred up inside my brain again. I flopped back onto the sheets, lightly stroking my rock-hard cock. It was the hardest thing in the world to not cave to the lustful desire racing through my body, but I would not touch myself over her, I couldn’t. My body was screaming out for me to give in and to just rub already, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t become him.
I flickered my eyes shut, trying to shut out the images more, but they only came harder and faster over me. I saw her writhing and bucking, screaming and yelling, coming hard over me, and it became impossible. My hand took control for me, and I became everything that I hated. I was the man wanking over the nanny like a fucking sad case; it was pathetic. But it felt so fucking good. It sent my head spinning and my heart racing.
I am in trouble, I thought to myself knowingly. Serious trouble.