Chapter Three
Laci
“You’ve got to be joking. Please tell me you’re joking,” I begged. I looked down at my graduation gown at the barbecue sauce stain Emily was pointing to. “Ugh, I am the only person in the entire world who could find a stain on her white graduation gown two minutes before we walk,” I groaned. “I need that stain stick thing you had in the car!”
“You’re lucky,” she said, pulling the stain remover out of her cap.
“How even?” I asked in awe. “And, you’re the only person in the entire world who could find a way to keep a stain stick in your graduation cap. Brava, I’m impressed.”
“Well, it was either the cap or my bra. And knowing you, of course, I needed to have one with me, and these things don’t have any pockets,” she explained, indicating her gown. “They should really have pockets.”
Just as I finished rubbing the stain out, the principal walked up to the lineup and announced, “Alright, people, it’s go time! Let’s get you graduated!”
I shoved the stain stick back into Emily’s hands, and tucking it into her cap, she pushed me forward while hissing, “Go, go!” A few minutes later, we were all seated in our assigned chairs, waiting for our names to be called.
What we didn’t expect was the video they played with pictures of the graduating class when we were kindergarteners, then random shots of middle school and high school events. Next came a video of different staff members congratulating the class, talking about fun memories, and wishing all of us well. Since our graduating class isn’t that large, the video only took about five minutes. I may or may not have cried at the end. The audience erupted into applause as the screen faded to black and a final message scrolled across: “Congrats, Class of 2015! Go make us proud!”
Principal Myers stepped up to the podium and quieted the cheers before he started the ceremony. When every name had been called, every diploma handed out, and all the pictures taken and hugs given, Emily and I walked out to the parking lot to find yet another surprise. Standing there with my parents was Mark. That’s right, my second best friend who was supposed to be in California shooting his second movie. I ran and jumped into his arms. He gave me one of those cheesy, lift-you-off-the-ground-and-spin hugs. When he put me down, I punched him in the arm.
“I thought you were in L.A.!” I hugged him again.
“What kind of friend would I be if I missed your graduation?” he asked. “Besides, my agent made a few phone calls.” He winked at me and squeezed a little harder.
Dad grinned at me over Mark’s shoulder.
“You guys are just expert secret keepers, aren’t ya?” I teased my parents.
Mark and Emily hugged and he congratulated her, as well. After a few photos of Mark and I together, then me with both of my best friends, we all went out for a celebration dinner with Emily and her parents.
Later that evening, after Mark, Emily, and I had made a few rounds to several graduation parties, we dropped Emily off at her house and were heading back to mine when Mark pulled his car into the park in the middle of town. It wasn’t the kind of park with swing sets and monkey bars; it was one of those garden parks. The one the Blue Bonnets, our town’s preservation society, took pride in making the focal point of the community, complete with white gazebo and twinkling lights. In a word—romantic. Which was why I had no idea why we were stopping.
“So, you know this park doesn’t have swings, right?” I asked, trying to get a feel for what was going on.
“Yeah, I know. I just thought we could sit and talk a bit. We probably won’t have any privacy when we get back to your house. You know how your dad likes to talk.”
I wasn’t really sure why we needed privacy. We’d never needed privacy before.
“That’s Dad for ya. He’s a talker.” I didn’t know what to say. I admit, I was a little out of my element. I’d never felt off balance around Mark before. This was new territory. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
Mark turned off the car and got out. He walked around to my side and opened my door for me, holding one hand out and keeping the other behind his back. Very chivalrous. He finally started to speak as we walked the sidewalk toward the gazebo.
“I got you a graduation gift,” he said, pulling a small box from behind his back. I was a little taken back.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” I protested.
“Well, I wanted to. Laci, you’ve been my closest friend for as long as I can remember. When I was struggling to fit in, you reminded me that standing out was more my thing. When my heart was broken, well, you offered to hunt her down and slash her tires,” he chuckled.
“And, she would have deserved it, too,” I chimed in with a smile.
“The point is, you’ve been there for me through it all. I just hope you know I will always be there for you. No matter what. No matter when. If you need me, I will always come running.” He looked down at me with those green eyes I’d looked into a thousand times before and smiled that dimpled smile he’s known for. I was speechless, and he knew it. So, he let me off the hook. “Open it,” he insisted, referring to the gift in my hand.
I carefully tore through the paper to the gift box beneath. When I opened it, inside was nestled a black velvet box. My eyes darted up to meet his, unsure what to expect. The moment felt a little more intimate than anything Mark and I had ever shared. Sure, there had been the occasional spark when our eyes met and for a second something felt a little different, but I always chalked that up to the fact that he is just a ridiculously attractive guy. Those moments are going to happen, right? But this…this was something else entirely. He smiled at me and urged me again. “Go ahead. It won’t bite you,” he laughed.
I pulled the black box from its nest and opened it up. Inside was a necklace with only half of the two masks you find on theater signs. The smiling half.
“I have the other half,” he said, pulling the sad-faced mask from beneath his t-shirt. “It’s like a best friend charm, only I hope less cheesy.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, it’s definitely a little cheesy, but I love it.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed. “Thank you.”
“There’s more,” he added as I let him loose. “Turn it over.”
I quickly obeyed, flipping the charm over to read the words engraved on the back. Even at 3 a.m. A smile crept over my lips, and I moved my hand to the charm around his neck. I didn’t really need to read it; I was fairly sure I already knew what it said. The night before Mark left for California, we went out to dinner. I went on and on about how far away he was going to be and that I didn’t know how I felt about him not being a train ride away. That night, he told me that no matter how far away he was, his phone was always on. He said he’d always answer, even at three in the morning. I flipped his charm over to find the words: I’ll always answer. For the second time since we’d arrived at the park, I was speechless. I smiled and rubbed my thumb over the words on his charm. Before I could say anything, his fingers were under my chin and tilting my head up so he could look me in the eye.
“You know I’d do anything in the world for you, don’t you, Lace?” he asked softly.
I nodded.
“Good. Then, maybe you know how I really feel about you, too.” He searched my eyes for a moment. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for or if he found it, but he continued. “I know this is probably not what you expected. Truth is, I didn’t expect to say anything tonight, but I feel like I need to tell you. It’s only fair you know.”
“I-” Before I could even start to say anything, Mark stopped me.
“No. Let me say this. While I have the nerve. These last eight months have been eye-opening, in a lot of ways. One of them being how I feel about you. Not being able to hop on the train and see you, not being able to hang out with you on weekends or practice lines with you, not being able to see that smile of yours when I’ve had a tough day… It’s been hell. And, it’s made me realize how much I love you. Not just in the way I’ve been telling you for years. It’s more than that, Laci, and I think we could be more than that if you feel the same way and are willing to give it a try.”
I just stared up at him, completely taken by surprise. “Mark, I don’t know what to say.”
“A yes would be fantastic,” he offered with a hopeful smile.
“I…I don’t know if I’m ready to say that. I mean, there’s so much going on in my life right now. Graduation, the new movie, and I have to figure out what to do about college once the movie is finished. It’s just…”
He smiled. “It’s okay, Lace. I’m not asking you to jump in right now. But I did want you to know how I feel. How I’ve felt for a long time. Since I’m coming clean here, I’ve loved you since that time you fell down the steps on opening night and jumped up like it never happened.”
“That was in, like, seventh grade,” I pointed out, not sure what else to say.
“Yeah, it was,” he nodded, cupping his hands around my face.
“I’m sorry, Mark. You know how much I adore you, but-”
“I’m sorry, too,” he interrupted me.
“For what?”
“For this,” he said, leaning down and placing his lips softly over mine. It wasn’t a deep, longing kind of kiss; it was slow and tender, but respectful. It didn’t come across like he was trying to change my mind—it was the kind of kiss that spoke words he couldn’t say. When he pulled away, he looked into my eyes. “I just needed to do that. Just once.”
I stood there dumbfounded until he chuckled at me and smiled.
“Come on, let’s get you home. You’ve had quite a day.”
That was an understatement. On the five-minute drive to my house, we were quiet. He reached over and squeezed my hand once, but didn’t hold on.
When he pulled into my drive, he came around and opened my door, then walked me to the front porch, stopping short of the first step. He turned to face me.
“You know I have to leave tomorrow morning to head back to L.A., but I’ll be getting a couple of weeks off in July. Maybe we can get together then and hang out like we used to do.”
“I’d like that,” I replied.
“Good. Because no matter what, you will always be my best friend, Lace.” He reached down, took the box I’d been holding from my hand, removed the necklace from the velvet nest, and placed it around my neck. “I mean it. No matter what time it is, if you need me, call me. And, let me know if—when you change your mind because I’m not just going to stop feeling this way. Understand?”
I nodded, and he wrapped his arms around me, the kind of hug you give someone you know you aren’t going to see for a while. Then he placed a soft kiss on my forehead and told me goodnight. He waited for me to get inside before he walked back to his car and drove off.
I immediately called Emily and told her every detail. She assured me that everything was going to be fine.
***
A week later, I realized that Emily was wrong. Everything was going to be far from fine.
Emily and I were on our way back from the beach. Senior week was a tradition at our high school. The windows were down, Emily was driving, and the radio was blaring our favorite, upbeat music. It was your typical montage scene from any summer movie—the wind blowing through our hair, our sunglasses on, my feet up on the dash, singing at the top of our lungs. Then, my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered it, anyway.
“Hello?” I shouted. The person on the other end said something, but I couldn’t hear exactly what, thanks to the wind and music around me. I turned down the radio, put up my window, and told Emily to shut up for a second.
“Sorry, we’re in the car,” I said. “Who is this?”
“Laci?” questioned the other voice. I put my finger in my ear trying to muffle out the sounds of the wind still whipping through Emily’s window.
“Yeah, this is Laci. Who is this?” I asked again, motioning for Emily to roll her window up so I could hear better.
“Laci, sweetie, it’s Aunt Sara.”
I was a little surprised to hear from her. She’d just called me last week to wish me a happy graduation and apologize for not being able to make it.
“Hey, Aunt Sara. How are you?”
She paused, and I could hear her take a deep breath through the phone. Something was wrong. I looked over at Emily, who must’ve noticed the expression on my face. She flashed me a quizzical look, and I shrugged.
“Laci, there’s been an accident. Your parents were hit by an eighteen-wheeler that swerved across the median.”
“Oh my God! What’s going on? Are they okay? Nobody was hurt, were they?” A little part of me already knew the answer.
“I don’t know right now, sweetie. They’re in surgery at Wings of Hope Hospital. Is there any way you can come here?”
I was barely able to choke out my answer. “I…I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Be careful, sweetie. I’m sorry you had to hear it like this. I’ll meet you there. Call me when you arrive and I’ll let you know where I am.” I hung up the phone and looked at Emily in shock.
“Mom and Dad were in an accident. They’re in surgery. That can’t be good, can it?”
“Oh my God! Where are they? What happened?”
“Wings of Hope. An eighteen-wheeler crossed the median. Emily, what am I going to do? I can’t lose them.”
“Everything’ll be okay, Lace.” The doubt in her voice said what I was feeling. She wasn’t so sure they would be. Trucks like that didn’t just dent a bumper; trucks like that took lives.
I could barely breathe, let alone say anything.
Aunt Sara was already at the hospital when we got there. She and Mom are twins. Thank God they’re fraternal, because if I had seen a clone of my mom at that moment, looking completely perfect while my mom was in some room hooked up to a bunch of machines, I probably would’ve had a complete meltdown.
“Any word?” Emily asked as I fell into my aunt’s arms.
“Still in surgery. The doctors said there’s a lot of internal bleeding,” Aunt Sara responded.
I had to know when I could see them. “Any idea how long it’ll be ‘til they’re out?”
My aunt shook her head. “No, but these kinds of reparative surgeries are always up in the air, sweetheart. It just takes however long it takes to fix the damage.”
I felt sick to my stomach. I knew that wasn’t the effect she was going for, but I couldn’t help it. What has Dad been teaching you all your life? Be realistic. Keep your feet on the ground. Somehow, I hardly thought that being realistic would be the best thing in this situation. Even if I was realistic and they didn’t make it, I knew I’d still be just as crushed as if I gave myself whatever hope I could muster. So, that’s what I tried to do.
“They’re fighters, it’ll be alright,” I started. “Remember that story you told me about how Mom got trampled by that horse when ya’ll were eleven? Her skull was fractured, and she made it through that.”
Sara nodded.
“And, Dad was a champion wrestler all through high school and college, so that means he can take a hit and recover from it, right?” When neither Emily nor Aunt Sara answered me, I asked again. “Right? Please tell me I’m right.” Still, I got no answer and desperation rose in my chest. “I’m not the only one who believes they’ll make it, am I?” I felt like I was talking to a wall. Suddenly dizzy, I sank to my knees, my body shaking with fresh sobs. Two hands started rubbing my back just as I heard a voice.
“Miss Daniels? Laci?” I didn’t recognize the man, but he introduced himself as Detective Mahoney. I lifted my head as he knelt down beside me and asked, “How’re you holding up?” I didn’t answer. What kind of detective couldn’t tell that I was a mess? “Can I ask you a few questions?”
A few questions were the last thing I wanted to deal with. Aunt Sara’s motherly instincts kicked in. She looked him dead in the face and started in. “If you think for one second that she’s in any shape to answer questions, you should go hand in your badge now. I mean, look at her.” Aunt Sara stared the man down until he muttered something under his breath that I couldn’t hear and walked away.
“What an ass,” Emily said.
“Why does he want to ask me questions, anyway? It’s not like I’m gonna know anything about the crash.”
“I doubt he actually expected you to have any answers, but he’s got to cover all of his bases, right? He’s just doing his job, even if he picks the worst possible time,” Aunt Sara explained. Footsteps approached again, and I geared myself up to tell the detective to buzz off when I noticed that it wasn’t Mahoney. It was a doctor.
“Hello, Sara. I assume you’re Laci?” she added, looking at me. I nodded, then she continued. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Your father is out of surgery. It went as well as can be expected with injuries this extensive. We were able to stem the bleeding, but your dad had such an extreme head injury that he suffered a severe stroke from the swelling in his brain, restricting oxygen flow.” I was so numb I couldn’t even react at that point. The doctor seemed to be so practiced in this sort of next of kin notification that she kept droning on like a robot. “Your mother should be out in about an hour. Her spinal cord was severely damaged. If she makes it through, there’s a high chance she’ll be paralyzed. We’ve lowered your father’s body temperature to preserve as much brain function as possible; we’ve done everything we can for him at this point. The next twenty-four hours will be critical. Your parents both have living wills registered so that you don’t have to make any life or death decisions. We are hoping it doesn’t come to that. I’m sorry. I’ll keep you posted on your mother’s surgery.” She attempted a sympathetic look, but failed, and walked away.
At that point, I’m certain both Emily and Aunt Sara expected a total meltdown because they just stared at me like I was a ticking time bomb. All I could get out was, “I want to see them.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Emily asked.
“Dad’s out of surgery. I want to see him,” I repeated. Fully comprehending that I wasn’t going to budge on the matter, Sara agreed to find out what she could. When she came back, she told me that the nurse would take me to Dad’s room and asked if I wanted her to come with me. I shook my head. I needed to him alone. I needed to talk to him (even if he couldn’t hear me or respond) and try to make some sense of what was going on.
They made me wash my hands before I could go inside. When I’d finished, a different nurse than the one who’d brought me to the room opened the door and followed me inside, showing me the button to press if I needed anything at all. I thanked her, and she bowed out of the room with an apologetic expression that actually looked genuine.
I stood by his bed and just looked at him. He looked so broken, so battered and beaten up that I could barely recognize him. For a minute, I almost thought about walking out of the room and demanding that they check for a DNA match or something to make sure it was really him, but deep down, I knew they’d probably already done something to positively confirm their identities. I sat down in the chair by his bed and took his hand, trying not to sob uncontrollably.
“Hey, Daddy. It’s me. I’m here.” I tried to pull myself together enough to talk. “I love you, Dad. I love you and Mom so much. And, if you can hear me, I need for you to know how much I need you both. I need you to pull through this.” Suddenly, everything I hadn’t done yet started running through my mind. Things I wanted my parents by my side for. My first movie. My wedding. Grandkids. They had to pull through. But what if they didn’t? What if this was my last chance to tell them everything I never told them? I cried uncontrollably for a few minutes, then tried to calm myself down. Something deep inside knew I needed to tell my father what he meant to me, just in case.
“Dad, I know you can hear me. You’ve always heard me, you and Mom both have always listened when I talked. And, I can never thank you both enough for that. Thank you for all the time you spent with me, the lessons you taught me, the love you always make me feel. You and Mom are the best parents a daughter could ask for. I hope you know how grateful I am for you both. I love you, Dad.”
Before I could think anything past that, the heart monitor sounded an uninterrupted tone. It took a second to sink in before I screamed for help and smashed the button as many times as I could. Nurses and doctors stormed the room and shooed me out, closing the door. I pressed my face to the glass and yelled for them not to let him die. Sara and Emily must’ve heard the commotion because, at that moment, they both came and dragged me away from the door. Tears silently ran down Sara’s face, and Emily was even sniffling. When they’d gotten me to the waiting room, I slumped into a ball and just wailed. I couldn’t tell you how long it was, but eventually, a doctor came out to us.
Doctors only come out when it’s bad news.
My dad was gone.
Two hours later, Mom was, too.
***
I was beginning to realize that I couldn’t stay at Emily’s house forever. I plopped into the front passenger seat of her car.
“You don’t have to do this yet, you know,” she told me. “You can keep borrowing my clothes and stay with me forever if you want.”
“No, it’s okay. I have to do this,” I assured her.
She nodded and drove to my house—a house which I was now the sole owner of. When she pulled into the driveway, I looked at her. “Come in with me?” She didn’t say a word, but instead, got out of the car and walked over to open my door. She offered her hand, and I took it to step out of the car. I wouldn’t have made it through the front door if it hadn’t been for her. I wouldn’t have made it through the last few days, really, without Emily and Aunt Sara.
We approached the front door of my house, and I fought down the hot lump rising in my throat. You know, the kind where you’re trying to choke back tears, but you’re failing miserably. I pressed my key into the lock, turned it, and pushed the door open. The aroma of Mom’s potpourri hit me like a brick wall and the tears spilled over my cheeks. It was going to be harder than I thought.
I stepped into the house and took a look around. Bad idea. The first thing I laid eyes on was my dad’s old typewriter. “I can’t do this,” I told Emily. “Em, I can’t do it.”
She squeezed my hand and told me just to hold on for a few minutes. “Keep it together long enough to grab a few bags of your stuff, and then you can fall apart. I’ll be here to put you back together. Come on.” Guiding me up the stairs she knew so well, Emily pushed open my bedroom door and went straight to my closet, pulling out the eight-piece luggage set Aunt Sara had sent me as an early graduation gift. She opened each of the suitcases and started packing them with my clothes, shoes, and makeup. All I could do was pick up the jewelry box my dad had given me and put it in the overnight bag before wrapping the scarf my mom had made for me at Christmas around my neck.
When the bags were packed, she helped me lug them down the stairs and plunk them into the trunk of her car. I locked the door to the house again and slid into the front seat next to Emily.
“You okay?” she asked, putting a hand on my arm.
I shook my head. “No. But maybe I will be, eventually.”
“You know, you don’t have to hold it together for me.” God, she knows me. Hearing those words broke the floodgates and I bawled like I hadn’t before. I don’t think I had really let it out before that moment. Sure, in the hospital I’d lost it, but when the doctor came out and told us they were actually gone, I was just numb. At the funeral home visitation the night before, I was out of tears to cry and screams to scream. But in the car with Emily, I finally let myself actually feel it.
She didn’t say a word, just sat there silently with a hand stroking my hair as I melted down. I needed that.
If I hadn’t had that breakdown, I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the funeral that afternoon. Thankfully, Aunt Sara had made all of the preparations, because I was too busy blaming myself to do a damn thing. She had said that the reason my parents were on the road that day was to pick up some last minute supplies for the surprise graduation party they’d planned for me to come home to. If they hadn’t been trying to finish getting the party ready for me, they wouldn’t have been on the road and they’d still be alive.
After the service, Aunt Sara asked how I was holding up. She knew I was essentially living with Emily because there were so many memories of my parents in the house I grew up in that I just couldn’t stay there.
“You need to be with family now more than ever,” Aunt Sara declared.
I couldn’t argue with her. Only, the family I wanted was gone.
She insisted I come spend the summer on the family ranch in Alabama. A part of me remembered the ranch from when I was very young, maybe four or five. I had memories of riding a horse for the first time ever with my mom there. It dawned on me that I hadn’t seen my grandma in at least ten years. Filming didn’t start until August, and anything that needed dealing with on that front was being taken care of by Jason, my dad’s second in command at his agency—something else I now owned and didn’t know what to do with. Nothing was keeping me from going and I couldn’t just sit around wallowing.
Two days later, I got in my car with the bags Emily had packed for me and the plane ticket Aunt Sara had left for me and I watched it all fade in the rearview mirror.
Airport, here I come.