BEST FRIEND’S BROTHER #4
Chapter One
Ian
I was standing there, looking at Kristie and Alexa’s faces. Kristie looked like she was having fun. She probably was. She lived for this drama shit. Alexa was definitely not having fun.
“Kristie, you need to go.”
“You don’t even know what I came by for.”
“It doesn’t matter. I want you to go. You’re not welcome here and you need to stay away from me.”
Kristie looked over at Alexa who was shooting fire out of her green eyes at the other woman. Kristie smirked. “Oh, I get it,” she said in a conspiratorial tone. “Your new little fling wasn’t supposed to know about us.”
“Jesus, Kristie! There’s nothing to know. Now get the hell out before I get really pissed off!”
She was going to make Alexa think we did something. Shit! I should have told Alexa I had dinner with her. This was going to be something else that made it look like I had something to hide.
“I’ll go,” she said, “but you’ll be calling me and begging me to take you back. Like you did the other night.”
“It’s not going to happen, Kristie. You and I are through. Get out!”
With a smile and a wink in Alexa’s direction she said, “That’s not what he said last night.”
“Out!” I said again. She went out the door and Alexa and I both stood there just looking after her for a few seconds. Finally, Alexa turned to me and said,
“What did she mean by that last comment? Did you see her last night? Did you call her and tell her you wanted her back?”
“Yes, I saw her, but never said I wanted her back. It’s not what you think, and it’s not what she made it sound like. Can we sit?”
Alexa looked like she was going to bolt. She wasn’t even really dressed, but she was eyeing the door. All I could think was that she was going to take off and never want to see me again. I screwed up…again.
“I don’t want to sit,” she said. “I want to know why you keep saying there is nothing between you two yet the night we’re not together, you’re with her…”
“It wasn’t like that, I swear. You were angry with me and I tried going to my parents’ because I really needed someone to talk to. They’re still so broken that it didn’t help. It only made me feel worse. Between the stuff that is constantly going on in my head about Emma and the fact that I was so torn up over what happened between us…I just needed someone to talk to Alexa. I was going crazy. She texted me and I did something that I hadn’t done in a very long time…I texted her back. I should have known it would turn out this way. I am guilty of being an idiot, but that’s all, I swear. We went out to dinner and the whole time I listened to her go on about stupid, superficial things, all I could think about was how much I wanted to be with you. I realized why I broke up with her and I can’t even imagine what I was doing with her in the first place. You’re the only one I feel comfortable talking to about Emma and beyond that, I love spending time with you. We have so much fun together…being with you is the only time I really feel whole again. I don’t want Kristie…I’m sorry….I never should have gone out with her….But please believe me, Alexa, nothing happened.”
“I believe you,” she said at last.
I was shocked. That wasn’t at all what I expected. Surely it wasn’t going to be this easy…..
“But…”
Okay, here we go, I knew there was going to be a but…
“I’m not sure why I believe you; you probably wouldn’t have even told me you saw her if I hadn’t been here when she showed up. Omission is the same as lying, Ian. I thought we had cleared that up before…”
“I know, and we did. I’m sorry. I was going to tell you about Kristie but the timing just hadn’t been right. Alexa please let me…”
I reached out for her and she took a step back. I knew I was screwed. She was going to leave and I already felt like I couldn’t breathe. Damn it! I hated feeling this way. I hated it, and I loved it. It didn’t make any fucking sense. I’ve never really cared if a girl walked out before. It’s always been pretty easy to either get another one, or just be alone. Before Emma died, I was never afraid of being alone. Now, the thought of Alexa leaving and not coming back terrified me. I’d like to blame it all on grief, but the fact was that I simply wanted her.
“I just need some time, Ian.”
She was gathering up her stuff as she talked.
“I need to wrap my head around all of this. So far, in the short time we’ve been seeing each other, things seem to be more “off” than they are “on”. I’m not sure I can do this roller-coaster thing….”
“It won’t be roller-coaster. I won’t see her again, ever. I can promise you that…”
“Ian, I’m not saying we’re over. I’m not mad. I just need to spend some time getting my thoughts together and figure out if…whatever this is between us is healthy for me. I’ll call you.” She went into the bedroom and finished getting dressed. I stood rooted to the spot I was in, wondering how I could possible keep screwing this up. When she came back, she looked at me sadly and said again, “I’ll call you, okay?”
I think it was an unspoken, “Don’t call me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m really not mad. This has just all happened so fast. Maybe we both need to put more thought into it. Do me a favor and spend your own time thinking about all of this too. We’ve been through a lot. At first it was okay that we were together because of Emma. We both desperately needed that. But now, I think we need to look at whether or not there are other reasons to be together, and if this is worth pursuing.” I just stood there looking at her like an idiot. I knew that this was worth pursuing. I didn’t have to think about it. I wasn’t sure why I felt differently about her than I ever had any other woman or girl…but I did. I watched her go without telling her that. I should have just told her…what did I really have to lose when she was already walking out the door? I dropped down onto the couch and wondered when my life would ever stop being one dramatic scene after the other.
I finally pulled my ass up off the couch and got into the shower. The more I thought about Kristie’s perfect timing, the more pissed off I got. Yes, I should have told Alexa that I went out to dinner with her, but since that was all there was to it, I really hadn’t thought it was a big deal. Kristie showing up made it a big deal and I may have just lost Alexa because of it. How many things was she going to have to find out…things that I should have told her myself…before she gave up on me?
I got dressed for the gym and threw my things in my bag. I needed to go work out or this anger was going to overwhelm me. I can’t get through this shit without Alexa. If it wasn’t for her…I’d probably be curled up in a corner somewhere…Shit! What the hell am I going to do now?
I grabbed my bag and my keys and headed out. By the time I got to the car I realized that I couldn’t just let this go. I had to try and do something to convince her I was worth taking a risk on. Things have just been so screwed up since Emma died…but they would get better, as long as we worked through it together. I understand why she would need some time. I planned on giving that to her. But, then somehow, I’m going to make things right. Somehow, I’m going to fix this. I’d give her a day…or two, and then I would go talk to her and tell her how I feel.