Chapter Nine
Ian
Just before noon I walked to the pizza parlor, dragging my feet. I was late and she probably thought that I wasn’t coming. I could picture her sitting there, thinking what a gutless son of a bitch I was that I couldn’t even break up with her in person…and she would be right. The thing she had wrong though was that I wanted to break up with her. That’s why this was so fucking hard. I never wanted anything less in my life.
I pushed open the door to the crowded little pizza parlor in the brick building, buried and almost invisible in the heart of the city. It was one of those places that attracted locals and got a lot of delivery and take-out business, but someone from out of town would probably never see it and walk inside because of the outside décor. They were missing out though. There was nothing better than their pizza. The crust was crunchy on the outside but it didn’t taste like cardboard. The toppings always tasted fresh where sometimes at other places, the cheese could taste a little bit overcooked or congealed. It was casual and laidback, but the food was good enough that you could get away with taking a girl there on the first date. I knew, because I’d done that more than once.
I saw Alexa sitting near the back. She was sipping on a Coke and she hadn’t seen me yet. She had on a pair of jean cut-offs and a pink T-shirt with white roses or something on it. Her shiny red hair was down around her shoulders and she barely had any makeup on. She was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen and I suddenly felt like I wanted to throw up again. I was so close to turning around and walking out…but then she looked up and noticed me and it was too late. Taking a deep breath and trying to man up, I went over to where she was sitting and sat down.
“Hi,” she said. Her eyes looked sad or nervous or something and I felt bad.
“Hey,” I said, sliding into the seat across from her. “Did you order?”
“No. I’m not really hungry. I just wanted to talk.”
“What about?” I asked her. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t want to be with her. It would be the biggest lie I ever told.
She sighed loudly and said, “Really, Ian? This is ridiculous. We’re not kids. Can you please just tell me what has been going on with you, like an adult?”
I took a little bit of offense at that comment. I may have taken more, if she hadn’t been right. “I’ve just had a stressful week. You want pepperoni or just cheese?”
“I just said I’m not hungry.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back.” She looked at me like I was crazy…and again, I don’t blame her. I got up and went to order a pizza that neither of us wanted. I was stalling as much as I could. While I was up there, I got myself a drink and went back to join her again. I sat the number plate they gave me at the edge of the table and she watched me until I was settled and then she said,
“Got everything you need?” Her tone was sarcastic, obviously annoyed. I nodded and she went on to say, “I wasn’t mad when I left the other night. I was…annoyed, I guess and I let myself wonder if you and I were doing the right thing by being together. I thought about all the ups and downs that we’ve already had…but Ian, I decided that right or wrong didn’t matter, because I really want to be with you…”
God, she was fucking killing me. I wanted to reach across the table and pull her towards me and shove my tongue in her mouth. I wanted to take her in the bathroom and push her up against the wall and rip those little shorts right off of her. I wanted to tell her that as much as she thought she wanted me, I wanted her more. Instead, like the chicken-shit I was turning out to be, I said the opposite.
“Alexa, I know you weren’t mad. You asked for space and I gave it to you.” I tried to will the vision of her naked against the brick wall in the bathroom away. It wasn’t easy.
“I appreciate it, but I don’t need it any longer. I’m sitting here telling you that I want to be with you. You say you’re not ignoring me and you don’t want to break up with me, so why are you pushing me away?”
“I’m not pushing you away. I told you, it’s just been a really stressful week. I’m still not sleeping well, and then there was the stuff with you and crazy Kristie. I have a champion ship fight coming up too and I need to focus.”
“And I make you lose focus?”
The pizza arrived. I let the server set it down and ask if we needed anything else. Then I did what any coward would. I picked up a slice and shoved a big bite in my mouth. Alexa stared at me the whole time I was chewing it. When I swallowed and took a drink of my Coke she said, “Are you going to answer me?”
“I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to tell me what’s wrong, honestly. It’s not much to ask…at least I don’t think it is. You keep saying nothing, but I don’t believe you. I know you well enough now to know that this behavior is not you. Something is going on. Why won’t you just tell me what it is so we can talk about it and move on?” Her tone changed then. I could tell she was trying to keep it steady, but it quivered a little as she said, “If you don’t want me, I’m a big girl, I can take it. But I deserve for you to tell me that to my face.”
I choked on those words. I couldn’t tell her that I didn’t want her. Even if I managed to say the words, there was no way they would come out sounding sincere. She was sitting here telling me that she wanted me. I want her. Why is what her father said so much more important than that? Maybe he didn’t know what he was talking about at all.
“That’s not it,” I finally said. No matter what I’d promised, I couldn’t give up any chance I had with her. “I already told you. I’m just feeling stressed.” Maybe that excuse would buy me some time to figure out what I could do.
I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t believe me…probably because I was lying. I choked down two more pieces of pizza, just to avoid conversation.
Finally, she said, “Do you want to walk over to Rotary Park with me?”
“I’m sorry, where?”
“To the park,” she said again.
“Why?”
“I just want to be somewhere louder than my thoughts for a while. And I want to be with you.”
Shit. She was trying to kill me, I think.
“Okay, yeah.”
The park she was talking about was a few blocks away. They had a lot of stuff for little kids and a Ferris wheel and water slides for the older ones. There was also a duck pond where you could rent little paddle boats and an inside arcade. She was right about the noise…even outside by the duck pond it was loud. I relaxed a little bit just because it was too noisy to talk. Alexa insisted on taking the leftover pizza and when we got near the pond, she sat down and started tearing pieces off and throwing them to the geese and ducks. The geese came right up to us and if she didn’t throw one fast enough, they would honk at her really loudly. At one point, I thought they were plotting our demise and I suggested to her that we move on.
“Okay,” she said, “I want to ride the Ferris wheel.”
“Really?”
She kind of laughed, “Yeah. You’re not afraid of heights, are you?”
I was afraid that with all that pizza sitting in my stomach like a lead weight, I was going to puke. I didn’t tell her that though. I just said, “No. I’m not afraid of heights.”
We bought tickets and rode the Ferris wheel. It didn’t do anything good for my stomach and sitting thigh-to-thigh with her made that part of my imagination that wanted to pin her to the bathroom wall earlier, stand up and pay attention. I wondered what she would do if I just kissed her…hard. What would she think if I slipped my fingers underneath the edge of those shorts and felt just far enough to see if she was wet? I wanted to know if she wanted me. I mean, I know that she says she does…but I wanted to feel it. I wanted her so bad that my extremities were tingling with the urge to touch her, or the lack of blood since it was all collected somewhere else at the moment.
I breathed a sigh of relief when we got off the Ferris wheel. The quarters were too close. Any longer and I wouldn’t have been responsible for my actions. After the Ferris wheel we played a few midway games. We played the one where you shoot water in the clown’s mouth and pop the balloon. She beat me two out of three. I redeemed myself on the shooting game. She missed every shot.
“Show me how to aim it, “she said. I hoped that she wouldn’t notice my hands shaking as I stood behind her with my pelvis arched so that my erection wouldn’t poke her. I put my arms around her and my hands on her wrists and situated the gun for her. Her hair was in my face and she felt so damned good that only a paper man would not be aroused being this close to her. God, I don’t think I can do this….
She got a funnel cake and tried to make me eat some of it. I was sure I would puke if I did, so I politely declined. When she was ready to go, she grabbed my hand.
“Walk me to my car.”
I know I should have, but I didn’t pull it away. I actually gripped hers back so tightly that she told me I was hurting her. I loosened my grip, but I didn’t let go. I never wanted to let go. When we got back to her car I was finished holding back. I didn’t care how pissed her father was at me. She was fond of telling me that she was a big girl. She could make her own decisions and I had a feeling that she wouldn’t let me get away with much even without her father backing her up.
Every fiber in my body was screaming at me to touch her. I pressed her into the side of the car with my body and trapped her there. She wasn’t resisting anyways, but I was partially acting out my bathroom fantasy. I put my hand on the side of her face and pulled her into a kiss. Our tongues mingled and her lips tasted so sweet…she moaned and I nearly came in my pants.
“Do you want to come back to my apartment?” I asked, panting. I had to have her. I felt like I would die if I didn’t.
“Yes.”
No hesitation. No worries. If I was hurting her, why would she be so willing to be with me?
We left her car at the pizza place and walked the two blocks to my apartment. It took us a while to get there because every wall or fence we passed was more fodder for my fantasies. I loved the feel of her body pressed between me and the wall. I was tempted to take her in the alley behind my apartment complex and take her right there. That would be really hot.
There was no question left about whether or not she wanted me too. We were barely inside the door when she was on top of me…kissing me, licking my lips and sucking my tongue into her mouth. My resistance was completely gone, and when I kissed her back…it was on.