BEST FRIEND’S BROTHER #2
Chapter One
Ian
I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and finally feeling like everything in the world didn’t suck. I was riding the high that came from a night with Alexa. It wasn’t just the hot sex…although that was a large factor, it was that I was so comfortable with her and being with her made me happy. My heart still hurt when I thought about poor, sweet Emma, but after being with Alexa tonight I at least felt alive again. Since I got the call about Emma, nothing has felt good…and then again, nothing has really felt bad either. It’s all been just numb and sometimes I think that’s a worse feeling than bad. Tonight I didn’t feel numb, I felt amazing.
When I first met Alexa, I felt a connection to her right then, as soon as I started talking to her at Emma’s funeral. I thought then that it was just about Emma and the fact that we had both loved her so much and we were both grieving. But after tonight, I’m positive there is more to it than that. I’ve been with a lot of women and none of them had made me feel the way she does. She gets me and she has the same feelings that I do about Emma so I don’t have to describe them to her. And then there was the sex…Damn! I’m not usually the kind of guy who seeks out the inexperienced ones and I’ve never really seen the draw in virgins. I never wanted to have to be a teacher in my bed. But with Alexa, although it was clear that she was inexperienced in the sexual acts, the feeling of every one of her touches was so overwhelming that the rest of it was just as powerful.
I finished brushing my teeth and I looked at myself in the mirror. I was actually able to smile and not feel guilty about it. I think Emma would want me to be happy. Most importantly, I think she would appreciate the fact that around Alexa I can be myself. I can be the person that Emma knew. That’s the guy who comes out when Alexa is around. He’s the real me that not many other people know…not even my close friends. I don’t have to worry about what Alexa is thinking of me or this image of being the “tough guy.” I don’t have to stay strong for her the way I do Mom and Dad. She doesn’t need me for that. I can just be me…a guy who just had his heart torn out and finds himself standing and staring numbly in strange places throughout the day, not knowing what to do. I can admit that to her and she completely understands.
I was on cloud nine right up until I came out of the bathroom and found her clutching her clothes to her chest. She must have gotten up and collected them while I was in the bathroom since they’d been scattered from the living room to in here.
“Where are you going?” I asked her. At first I thought I was joking. Surely, she was just going to put on something to wear to bed. It was after two in the morning. She looked at me like a deer in the headlights and I briefly wondered if she was going to sneak out while I was in the bathroom. “Are you leaving?” I asked her, incredulously.
“Yeah, I have a lot to do today.” Today? Does she mean now, at two-fifteen a.m.?
“Oookay….but technically, it’s not even morning yet. Don’t you want to stay just a while longer? I thought you were going to spend the night with me.”
Her voice sounded weird and she had a different look on her face…kind of panicky. I hoped that she wasn’t regretting what we did tonight. I should have thought about the fact that she was younger and not as experienced. I should have questioned more whether or not she was up for this.
“Are you okay, Alexa? I don’t understand.”
She didn’t even look at me as she was pulling on her clothes. I watched her and I wondered if she knew how pretty she was. It would be hard to imagine that she didn’t. My body was responding now just watching her getting dressed. Why was she getting dressed anyways? Weren’t we just cuddling up to fall asleep together? Shit, that felt so good. I just got up to go pee.
“I’m fine. I just have to get going.” She looked like she was a nervous wreck…like the building was on fire, or about to explode. I tried again, “I’m really glad you came over. I had a great time. I was hoping that you could stay a while longer…”
“Yeah, me too, It was nice.” Her voice was like a robot, there was no sincerity in it at all. Did she really not just have the same amazing time that I did?
“Can we get together later maybe? I was just thinking that tonight was the first time since…”
“Maybe yeah,” She didn’t sound like she was even considering it. Could I have misjudged what she was feeling that badly? If I did, wouldn’t she at least tell me she didn’t want it to go beyond this? I would have sworn only ten minutes before that she was feeling the same connection that I was. Hell, she was snuggled up next to me, naked. How else was I supposed to take it? Fuck! All I did was get up to go pee. “I’ll talk to you later, Ian.” She had her clothes half on and she was headed out the bedroom door. What the hell happened while I was in the bathroom? She was tugging her jeans on as she crossed the living room floor.
“Alexa? What the hell is wrong?”
“I said nothing!” she snapped at me. Then she lowered her voice and took a couple of deep breaths. I don’t think they worked because she looked like she was going to cry as she said, “It’s nothing, Ian…really. I’m okay.” Shit! Was she thinking about Emma? Was that it?
“Is it Emma?” I had to ask her that, right? We had both talked about how the grief hit us in waves when we weren’t expecting it. I would just start shaking all over sometimes and start feeling like I needed to throw up and that was how I knew the sadness was coming. Is that what this was? Was this her version of it?
“No, Ian! I’m fine, damn it! I have to go, thank you for dinner and…everything,” she said. She buttoned her jeans and grabbed her purse. She was out the door before I made it across the room. She slammed it behind her. I looked at the clock. It was three o’clock in the morning. Who the hell had “things to do” at three fucking o’clock in the morning. What the fuck just happened?
I went back into the bedroom and collapsed down onto the bed. It was so fucking surreal that literally fifteen minutes ago I was feeling better than I had in weeks…maybe even months and now all of a sudden I’m feeling like shit again. I tried to get comfortable, telling myself to go to sleep and I’d just think about it tomorrow. It was after three o’clock in the morning. I needed to get some sleep. I closed my eyes but all I could see was that look on her face. She looked so…anxious…maybe? I don’t know what the look was, but it wasn’t happy. We should still be lying here together, with her pretty legs draped across mine. I have no idea what the hell I did. I said I had to pee, she giggled and when I went into the bathroom and the light was on, I’d glanced over at her. She had snuggled down into the blanket and she had her eyes closed and a smile on her pretty lips. I closed the door and I was gone less than ten minutes. How did I mess this up when I wasn’t even in the room? My head felt like it was going to explode.
I lay there like that for another hour…maybe two before I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. I woke up a few hours later, disoriented at first. As usual, I had to remind myself that my little sister was dead. I hated that feeling…it was like someone carved a hole in my chest and just scooped out what was supposed to be in there. Next, I had to remind myself that somehow I’d screwed up things with the only person who made me feel almost whole again. I was used to screwing up, hell; I was good at it even. I could probably win awards for screwing good things up. The difference between this situation and the others was that I could usually look back and figure out where I went wrong. This time, I still had no fucking clue.
I sat up on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. I guess I was hoping for a big sign to appear with an arrow that pointed to whatever had offended her and said, “This is why she left.” No such luck. I walked over and looked out the window. It was a nice day, the sun was shining. That just pissed me off more for some reason. I guess I wanted the weather to be as gloomy as I felt. How fucking dare the sun shine when I was feeling like shit? I guess if it didn’t stop shining when beautiful, perfect Emma died, it wasn’t going to stop shining for me.
I heard my phone buzz then and I turned around and looked for it. It was sitting on the nightstand, up on top. I don’t remember when I put it there. I went over and picked it up. I had a text message from my trainer Dean. I pressed on it and read it. He just wanted to re-schedule our session for later in the day. I also had two others, but from my crazy ex-girlfriend Kristie. She’d been hounding me for months about getting back together. I broke up with her because she beat up another girl that she got some crazy idea about. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her. I told her that I think she is crazy. Yet, she shows up on my doorstep sometimes and knocks on the door and when I answer it she just smiles and acts like things are normal and she’s not living in bizarro land. Sometimes when I leave the gym I find her waiting by my car. I’ve told her each time to go away and leave me alone, but nothing seems to penetrate. Emma used to even tell me that she worried she was the creepy stalker type and I might come home one night to boiled bunny on the stove.
The messages she had left there today were more of the same old crap. They said things like: “I love you, I miss you, and I can’t wait to see you.” The girl needs medication, seriously. I started to sit the phone back down when I realized that there were two other messages from her from last night. I looked closer and saw they had been sent in the dead of the night. I had been with Alexa. I know that I didn’t read those, but then how was it that they’d already been read? I checked the time on them…they came in one minute apart from each other, two a.m. and two o’ one a.m. Fuck! I think I just solved the mystery of why Alexa left like she did. She thought I had her over here, naked in my bed while I had a girlfriend waiting for me somewhere else. I can be an asshole if the situation calls for it, but I’d never cheated on a girl…and I’ve never taken advantage of one. Shit! That’s what she thinks. It made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it, but she thinks I took advantage of my own sister’s death to get a piece of ass. No wonder she couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here! Damn it! I wish she would have just asked me. I could have shown her the other messages and told her what a crazy person Kristie is.
I got pissed then and I sent Kristie a text that said, “Stop texting me! We have nothing to say to each other! If you don’t stop, I’m going to get a fucking restraining order you crazy…” I left that part blank, she could fill it in. Then I sat there staring at the phone, wondering if I should call Alexa and explain. I wondered if she would believe me if I did.