Chapter Thirty-Three
Brady
The night that Sloan left was probably one of the worst nights that I’d had in a long time. It had been hard enough saying goodbye to her the first time around. This time was so much harder, and I knew it was because I’d allowed myself to fall for her. I was such an idiot. What did I expect to happen? Did I really believe that some famous actress would swap her life of luxury for life in the middle of nowhere? It might be a nice place for her to hide out and to get away from it all, but it wasn’t who she was. It wouldn’t take long for her to get bored of the place. To get bored of me. I lay in bed that night feeling angry at myself. I’d been hurt before by someone close to me, and I’d promised myself that I would never let it happen again. Why had I allowed her into my life?
Despite getting hardly any sleep, I still woke up way before the sun. I got out of bed and made my way over to the ranch. I couldn’t be in my house. The place felt too quiet without Sloan, and I desperately needed something to do. I had to keep busy, and if there was one thing that would help, it was work. It was Sunday, and the ranch was quiet. I headed straight to the barn, even though seeing Betty made me miss Sloan even more. I said hello to her and asked her what I should do. For the first time, I wished that Betty could answer back. Although maybe it was for the best. I knew exactly what I should do without anyone telling me: I should forget all about ever meeting Sloan.
I looked around the barn and wondered what to do first. Harold must’ve been in there the day before because there wasn’t all that much that needed to be tended to. But I’d make work even if there wasn’t any to be had. There was always something to do, even if it was small. I was busy looking around when I heard a noise behind me and jumped. I turned around and saw Harold standing at the doorway of the barn with a shotgun pointed at me.
“Brady? You almost gave me a heart attack,” he said with his hand on his heart.
“And you almost gave me one. Why are you pointing that thing at me still?”
“Oh, sorry,” Harold said and lowered the gun. “I honestly thought that someone was here trying to steal the horses. It happened at some other ranch recently. That’s why I came early, actually. I know it’s usually quiet on a Sunday and I wanted to make sure everything was fine. But what are you doing here? You know I gave you time off for a reason. Are you really sneaking off to do some work without me noticing?”
I shook my head. “Uh, no. That’s not it. It’s . . . well . . . I guess I wanted to take my mind off everything. You know what I’m like. Being at work helps me forget. It’s probably why I work so hard. And anyway, I hate neglecting this place.”
“But where is Sloan?” Harold asked and looked around.
“Ah, she’s gone.”
“Gone? Back to New York?”
“I guess so.”
“Brady, come with me,” Harold said after a while.
We walked to the front of the ranch and he told me to wait on the porch. I had a feeling a serious conversation was coming up because the porch was Harold’s thinking spot. I sat down and waited for him, wondering where he had gone to. When he came back, he was carrying two steaming mugs of sweet tea. I smiled and took it from him.
“I know it won’t take away your problems, but I think it might help.”
I took a sip. “Hey, this isn’t bad, actually.”
“That’s a compliment coming from a coffee drinker like yourself. I gave some to Sloan once, and she also loved it.”
“She did? And she didn’t mind the sugar?”
He laughed. “Surprisingly not. So, speaking of Sloan, when are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Oh, uh, nothing happened. She’s just gone.”
Harold sighed. “You and I are so similar, Brady. But now that I’m older, I’m starting to realize that it’s good to share your problems with other people. I was so much like you when I was your age. I didn’t like to tell anyone what was going on in my head. I also had a lot of family issues, and I guess they’d always stayed with me, no matter where I went or what I did. I liked being the guy that kept his mouth shut. I thought it made me stronger. It’s only looking back now that I see how weak it actually made me. A strong person is not one that keeps everything to himself. A strong person has the guts to let someone else into their lives. And I know you and I have never had that kind of relationship. But that’s mostly because we’re both too stubborn to admit that we’re wrong. I never wanted to force you to talk to me, especially because I recognized so many of my own qualities in you. But maybe when I was younger I needed someone to tell me that I was wrong. You’re a good man, Brady. You’re the best worker I know, and you’re like the son I never had. And for once in your life, I’d like you to tell me what’s going on.”
I’d never heard Harold string together so many words at one time. I looked at him quickly and then looked back at my tea.
“Thanks, Harold. This is strange,” I said. “I’m not sure how to start.”
He laughed. “Strange isn’t always a bad thing. You’re just a little out of your comfort zone. But don’t worry, so am I. And you can start by just telling me why Sloan left.”
I took a deep breath and told him the whole story, about how the two of us had gotten close and how I’d started to fall in love with her. The only parts I left out were the fact that we’d had sex in the barn and in the field. He didn’t need to know those parts.
“The thing is, Harold, I actually started to believe that she loved me too. I really did. Which, I now realize was my biggest mistake in all of this. That is the one thing that I should’ve known not to do, but I went and did it anyway.”
“Why would that be a mistake? Surely there’s nothing wrong with falling in love with someone? It’s only natural.”
“Oh come on, Harold. I shouldn’t fool myself. Look at Sloan. She’s a beautiful actress from New York City. She has an exciting life, a beautiful loft apartment and more money than I could ever imagine. Then look at me. I’m just a small-town country boy. I don’t care about fancy apartments. I don’t care about making more money than I know what to do with. I just enjoy being outside, and working hard. I like my life to be simple. She likes complication. I didn’t even like her when I first met her, and from what she’s said, she didn’t like me either. You’ve never met two people that are more different from the two of us. Why did I ever think that it might work?”
“But that’s where you’re wrong, Brady. Since when do people have to be the same to be in love? You both bring something different to the table. And you can’t force yourself to love someone you don’t have feelings for. You also can’t force yourself to un-love someone that you do have feelings for. The fact that you didn’t like each other to start with and you both ended up falling in love with each other only proves that you were meant to be together. You both had walls up, and you both saw right through them.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. But I felt like I gave her everything while she gave me absolutely nothing in return. Nothing. Do you know that I never once asked her why she had come back? I mean, clearly something is going on. I know that. I know something big has happened and that she’s run away from it all. But I just accepted her without asking her anything. She gave me nothing back. If she really loved me as much as I loved her, then she would’ve told me what was going on. She wouldn’t have shut me down like that.”
“Is that why you asked her to leave?” he asked.
“No, it wasn’t because of that. I was willing to be with her despite not knowing. I asked her to leave because I walked in on her talking to someone on the phone and telling them that she’d be back on Monday. That’s why she left. She was never going to stay here. I was just a place for her to run away to. But I wasn’t anything more. I never was.”
“I know how hard this has been for you. I wish she’d just told you about everything, but you should know more than anyone that it’s not always easy to open up. Sloan has a lot going on right now. Probably more than you or I could ever imagine. She does come from a different world, and I don’t think you realize how tough that is for her. She does one thing wrong, and the whole world is against her. Can you imagine how that must feel for her? She’s a good woman, Brady. I know it. You know it. And you were probably the only person that she could be with that didn’t judge her. That’s probably why she didn’t say anything to you. You were the person that she needed. Just by being there.”
I sighed. “I hate it when you’re right,” I said.
Harold chuckled. “It’s always easy when you’re not the one in the situation. Don’t beat yourself up about this, Brady. You’re only struggling because you finally let someone into your heart. It’s a tricky business, this love thing.”
“Did you love your wife?” I asked suddenly.
“I loved her more than you could ever imagine.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that? You made it seem like you were better off without her. I always thought that you and I were the kind of men that didn’t need a woman in our lives.”
“I’m sorry, Brady. I shouldn’t have said all those things. I only did it to make myself feel better. But you see, it didn’t work. Being closed up and angry doesn’t work. I miss my wife every single day. I don’t want you to be like me. A bitter and lonely man with far too many regrets. You don’t have to be that guy.”
“But it’s too late, Harold. She’s gone.”
“You said she was only going back on Monday.”
“Well, yeah, but I highly doubt she stuck around. Why would she? She’s probably in her apartment as we speak.”
“Are you sure about that?” Harold asked.
“I’m sure.”
“Really?”
I looked at Harold and frowned. He pointed to a car that had just pulled up into the driveway. I squinted out to see who it was. The door opened, and Sloan stepped out. She turned to say something to the driver, and then she closed the door and the car drove off. For a second, our eyes met, and we both froze on the spot.
Harold stood up as Sloan started to walk toward us.
“Good luck, my boy,” he said.
“Where are you going?”
“To make you both a cup of tea,” he said, and I smiled at him.
“Thanks, Harold.”