Chapter Twenty
Eliza
The moment I walked into work on Monday, my eyes zoomed in on the conference room. I went to make myself a cup of coffee and then I stared into the room. Visions flashed before me as I pictured myself and Ian on and against the table. I wanted to do it all over again. I was so lost in thought that I jumped and spilled my coffee when Mae walked by.
“What are you doing? You’re just staring at the table.”
I laughed. “I don’t know actually. I’m in my own world today.”
“I see that. Hang on, let me get some coffee and we can chat. Let’s talk here. John is not in this morning and this way we can talk without Paul eavesdropping. I swear, that guy likes to know everything.”
I sat down at the table while Mae went to make her coffee, and immediately started thinking about the sex again. Then a thought occurred to me. What if there were cameras in the room? I looked around in a panic but didn’t see any.
“What are you doing?” Mae asked as she walked in with her cup.
“Are there cameras in this room?”
“Cameras? I don’t think so. Why? Are you worried we’re getting filmed?”
I laughed nervously. “No, I was just wondering. Like I said, my mind is all over today. I need this coffee.”
“Good weekend?” she asked.
I blushed. “Yeah, not bad. How about you?”
“Wait. Why are you blushing?”
“No reason. It’s warm in here.”
Mae lifted her eyebrows at me and looked pointedly at my cardigan. “Is it? Come on, spill the beans; what did you do this weekend?”
I sighed. “I went out with Ian again,” I said.
“Ian? Oh, Gunner. You need to stick to one name!” she said.
I chuckled. “Sorry. I switch between them constantly. Sometimes he’s an Ian to me. Other times he’s a Gunner.” In bed, he’s a Gunner, I thought.
“Well, another date, huh? And, where did he take you? To some rock club?”
“No!” I laughed. “He took me out for sushi. The best sushi place ever. We even met the owner. Very cool place.”
“He took you for sushi? Seriously?”
“Yep. I tell you, Mae, there’s more to this guy than you think. Sure, he’s a bit macho, and a bit rough around the edges. But he’s also an absolute sweetheart. And he’s been nothing but nice to me.”
“You do sound very happy, I must admit.”
I nodded. “I am. And it’s nothing serious. Don’t worry. I’m not jumping from one relationship to another. I wouldn’t do that. I’m just having some fun and getting to know Ian a bit more. We’re more friends than anything else. But he’s a cool person to talk to. And right now he’s actually making me think that there are good guys out there. And he’s taking my mind off from Raymond.”
“That’s good, then. I don’t want you to be thinking about Raymond. And you’re right; there are good guys out there. Just be careful, okay? I believe you when you say he’s nice, but I still don’t want to see your heart getting trampled on.”
“I promise you, Mae. I’m being careful. And we’re not dating or anything.”
I had no idea what Ian and I even were. We saw each other at least once a week, we went on amazing dates, we spoke about everything under the sun, and we’d already had sex twice. We were certainly more than friends. But were we dating? I didn’t think so. For now, I was more than happy not to put a label on it.
My phone rang.
“It’s my mother,” I said to Mae.
“Answer it. I better start my work.”
She got up to leave, and I answered the phone.
“Hi, Mom,” I said.
“Hey, darling. Sorry, I know you’re at work. Is this a good time?”
“Sure, it’s a good time. Is everything okay?”
“Well, yes, everything is fine. But there’s something I wanted you to know.”
“Uh oh. That doesn’t sound good. What’s going on, Mom?”
My mother sighed. It was one of those deep sighs that seemed to come from her entire body. She’d always been a bit of a drama queen though, so I was used to it.
“It’s Raymond,” my mom started.
I groaned. “Raymond? What does he have to do with anything? I told you that the two of us are over.”
“Well, that’s not what he said.”
“You spoke to him?”
“Don’t be upset, darling. He came by the house. He misses you so much. You should’ve seen the look on his face. He was devastated. And he says you just walked away without even telling him. I didn’t know that. You told me that things were over and that it was a mutual decision. Oh, darling, you shouldn’t have done that to him. He looked like he was going to burst into tears. I felt heartsick for him.”
“Mom, things were not well between us. Don’t believe what he says.”
“The poor guy just wanted to know where you were. Now listen, I know that you said it was over, and that is fine. If you really don’t want to be with him, then that is up to you. Although I don’t know why you wouldn’t. He’s such an angel. But you should at least talk to him. Tell him why you feel the way you do. He wanted to know where you were. He said you’ve been ignoring all his calls, and he just wants the chance to speak to you, face to face.”
I felt a coldness sweep over my body, and I pulled my cardigan tighter. “Mom, you didn’t tell him, did you? You didn’t tell him where I was?”
“Well of course I did. Why shouldn’t I?”
My body was shaking now. “Oh, Mom. You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why? Why not? You could at least talk to him.”
“Mom, there’s a reason why I left him. I didn’t want to tell you this because I didn’t want you to worry about me. But I left him because he was abusive to me. At first, it was just emotional abuse, but it didn’t take long for that to turn to physical abuse. And he’s an alcoholic, Mom. That’s why I left him. That’s why I left.”
I was crying. I had hoped to never tell my mother the truth about my life with Raymond. But now that it was all out, I was glad that she knew. I expected her to tell me that she was going to come and see me immediately. That she was going to drop everything that she was doing to wrap her arms around me. The last thing that I expected was for her to gasp in disgust at my words.
“How dare you say that about him!”
“What? What do you mean? Did you hear what I just said?”
“Of course I heard what you just said. You said that he beat you. Eliza, I’ve met Raymond many, many times. And if there is one thing that I know for certain, it’s that he’s not an abusive person. He couldn’t harm a fly. Why are you saying all these things about him? Did you leave him for someone else? Is that why you had to go all the way to Arizona? Are you trying to make him out to be the bad guy? That’s not fair to him, Eliza. Not fair at all.”
“You don’t believe me?” I asked. My voice came out in a whisper.
“Darling, I know you’re going through a rough patch. But you need to take responsibility for what you did. Talk to the guy. Hear what he has to say. He loves you. And you don’t need to make up a story just to make yourself feel better about leaving him. If you really don’t want to be with him, then just tell him.”
I didn’t say anything. Every time I tried to speak, the words wouldn’t come out my mouth. The tears were falling down my face. Eventually, I just put the phone down. My mother tried to call back, but I just ignored it. I put the phone away and walked out the office. Mae saw me and ran straight toward me.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “My mom told Raymond where I was.”
“Why? Why would she do that? Did you tell her what he did to you?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. Then a whole new wave of tears streamed down my face. “She didn’t believe me.”
“Oh, Eliza!” Mae said and wrapped me in her arms. “Listen, do you want to go home? I can tell John that you aren’t feeling well. He won’t mind. And I don’t mind doing your work for you. Honestly.”
“No. Thank you, Mae. That’s nice of you to offer. Work is probably the best thing for me right now. I need something to distract me. I’m just going to go for a walk around the block though. Just to clear my head. I’ll be back soon.”
“Should I come with you?” she asked.
“No, I need a bit of alone time. Thanks, Mae. I won’t be long.”
“I love you, Eliza,” she said.
I smiled sadly at her. “I love you, too.” My own mother might not believe me, but at least Mae was on my side.
I walked outside and started walking around the block. If I went home, I’d only feel sorry for myself. And John had already sent through quite a bit of work for the day. I needed that. But I suddenly felt an urge to see Ian. I got out my phone and called him.
“Lashes? This is a nice surprise,” he said, and I smiled through my tears.
“Hey, Gunner. I’m sorry to bother you at work.”
“Oh, you could never bother me.”
“Are you free tomorrow night?”
“Tomorrow. Yeah. Why?”
“Come to my place after work? I’d love to see you.”
“I’ll be there. Hey, is everything okay? You sound strange.”
“Nah, I’m fine. I better get back to work. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“For sure. See you then, lovely Lashes.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Ian
I was even more grateful for my job after talking to Raymond, and I spent the rest of Monday with my head down. Thankfully the walk had done me good, and so had speaking to Ian. I came back to work with a fierce determination. I wasn’t going to let Raymond take over my life again. I was finally in a good place, and nothing was going to stop me. Mae had suggested that I spend Monday night with her, and I’d gratefully accepted. The two of us had stayed up late eating ice cream straight from the tub and watching comedy shows. Every now and again, I’d think about Raymond knowing where I was, or my mother not believing my story, and I’d feel the weight of sadness and fear on my shoulders. But for the most part, I was able to put it behind me.
Mae had come with me to my apartment that morning, and we’d made sure that Raymond was nowhere to found. I changed into new clothes, locked the door, and then headed out to work with her. Mae was great company to have, and the following day at work things were busier than usual. I wondered if Mae had asked John to keep me busy, because he seemed to be acting a bit strange toward me. But I decided not to ask or to care. The more work, the better. And I went through almost the entire day without really thinking about my problems. At the end of the day, I grabbed my bag and went over to say goodbye to Mae.
“Another busy day,” I said. “I just wanted to say thank you for last night. It meant the world to me, and it was exactly what I needed. I think we might’ve eaten our weight in ice cream, though.”
She laughed. “I know. I’m going to need to work it off. Are you coming back with me? I just need to finish sending this email, and then I’m good to go.”
I shook my head. As nice as the offer was, I couldn’t hide away forever. I told her so. “And anyway, I asked Ian to come over tonight. So at least if anything happens, he’ll be there.”
“Oh good. For once, I approve of having Ian around. Gunner is the perfect man to have around in times like this. Raymond will take one look at him and run away.”
“I like how you’re using Ian and Gunner interchangeably now,” I said.
She laughed. “I try my best. Anyway, I’m glad he’s going to be there, Eliza. But if you need anything, you let me know okay.”
I nodded. “I will. And thank you. Unfortunately, I can’t hide out forever. But I’ll put you on speed dial for sure. Hopefully he won’t come, anyway. Now that he knows I’m all the way in Arizona, he might just leave me alone.”
Mae looked doubtful, but she nodded regardless. “I sure hope so.”
The moment I got home, I saw that Ian was waiting for me. I’d been hoping to have time to shower and change before he arrived, but he was at least an hour earlier than I thought he’d be.
“Looks like I beat you to it,” he said and grinned. “Hi, Lashes.”
“Hey, Gunner,” I said and immediately blushed. Why did he have that effect on me? “Thanks for coming. I hope you weren’t waiting too long?”
“Nah, only about an hour and a half.”
“What? Are you serious? Oh no, I’m so sorry. You should’ve called me.”
He laughed. “Nah, just kidding. I literally just got here.”
I punched him lightly on the arm, and he pulled me in for a kiss.
“Asshole,” I said.
I opened the door and let him in.
“So, I thought since you’re always taking me out, that I’d cook you dinner.”
“You can cook?” he asked. “I thought you just baked amazing cookies.”
“I do bake amazing cookies, and if you’re lucky, you might get some later. And can I cook? Not all that well. But I do know how to make a mean chicken curry.”
“Curry? Nice. It’s the one thing I can’t make and exactly the sort of thing I feel like tonight.”
“You’re easy to please,” I said. “And I’m glad you like curry because I had no plan B.”
“You never need a plan B when it comes to me. I told you, I like most food.”
“Oh yeah? Is there anything you don’t like? You know, for future reference. Also, what would you like to drink? I have red wine, white wine, and beer.”
“A beer would be great. And let’s see,” he said and followed me into the kitchen. I handed him a beer and poured myself a glass of wine, and the two of us went to sit in the living room while he continued to think about what food he didn’t like.
“Are you seriously still thinking about the question? There must be something you don’t like.”
“I think I like everything. Oh, wait—cinnamon. I’m not a fan of cinnamon. But then again, I’d probably still eat it without complaint.”
I laughed. “Good to know. And thanks for coming over, by the way. I know it was short notice.”
“It’s no problem at all. Can I ask you a question?”
“Yeah, of course. Ask away. I’m an open book!” I said.
He raised his eyebrows. “Are you?”
“What do you mean? Of course I am.”
“You are, for the most part. But I get the feeling that something is going on in your life that you’re not telling me about.”
I looked at Ian in surprise. Here was a guy who hardly knew me, and yet he’d picked up on the fact that something was wrong in my life.
“You’re pretty good with people; you know that?”
His eyes widened. “Seriously? You’re the first person that has ever said that to me. I’m terrible with people.”
“You’re actually not. When you let your guard down, you’re actually one of the easiest guys in the world to talk to. And you’re right, by the way; something is going on in my life. It’s sort of why I invited you over tonight. I mean, obviously I want to see you too. But I kind of wanted you here because of my ex-boyfriend.”
“Why? Is he dangerous?”
I thought about that. Never in my life would I ever have considered Raymond to be dangerous. But then, he had started hitting me on numerous occasions.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But the reason I came to Arizona was because I was running away from him. The whole job thing was purely coincidental. They’d offered me the job, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to take it. Then I got home and Raymond, that’s my ex-boyfriend, came home drunk and tried to hit me.”
“He tried to hit you?” Ian said in shock.
“Yeah. It had happened before. A few times. Anyway, that time it got stopped before getting too bad. He was so drunk that he tripped and passed out on the couch. Which gave me just enough time to gather my things and move to Arizona. I went straight to the job, and spent the next two nights in my car as I had nowhere to stay. Mae found out and let me crash by her, and then I got this place. And slowly but surely I’ve been getting my life back together again. I’ve been so proud of myself, you know,” I said. My words caught at the end of the sentence and I started to cry. I quickly wiped away my tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cry.”
“It’s okay. You can cry. So what’s wrong? Did something happen?”
I told him all about the phone call with my mother and how she thought the world of Raymond and decided that he could do no wrong.
“She didn’t believe you? That’s crazy.”
“Yeah. I mean, I guess she just doesn’t want to believe that he’d do something like that to me. He can be very charming and persuasive when he wants to be. I see through it now, but for a long time, I didn’t. So I guess I understand where she’s coming from.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re her daughter! She should believe you, and not him!”
I sighed. He was right. I was making excuses for my mother. But I couldn’t help myself.
“Yeah, I know. I know. Anyway, she went and told him where I had moved to. I’m not sure how many details she told him, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he now has my exact address as well as my place of work. I really didn’t want him to know. I guess I should’ve told my mother about all of this before, but I didn’t want her to worry. And I told her that we had broken up. I didn’t think that he would go and see her and that she would spill the beans on the whole thing.”
“You think he’s going to come and hurt you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what he’s going to do. I’m trying not to think about it. I mean, I can’t. I have to live my life. Maybe he won’t even come. But I . . . I just wanted you here with me tonight.”
“I’m sleeping over!” Ian announced.
“What? You don’t need to do that.”
“I know. But I’m going to.”
I smiled. I didn’t want to argue with that. The thought of Ian with me all night made me feel so much better. “Thank you. Now, can we change the subject? Because I really don’t want to talk about Raymond anymore. The only thing that I want to do is heat up your curry.”
“Heat it up? I thought you made it yourself.”
“I did. My recipe makes so much. I made this a few days ago and had so much leftover that I had to freeze the rest. So all I have to do is heat it up and we’re good to go.”
“Then there really is no proof that you made it yourself, is there?”
I laughed. “Nope. Only my word. If you like it, I’ll make it again, and you can watch me.”
He grinned. “Oh, I do like the sound of that.”
Dinner with Ian was wonderful. He was kind enough not to bring up Raymond anymore. Instead, we spoke about everything else under the sun. I wasn’t sure why he thought he wasn’t a people person. To me, he was the sweetest man in the world. I wondered if it had to do with the club that he belonged to. Perhaps there was a need to be seen in a certain way, even if he wasn’t like that at all. Or perhaps he really was a hot-shot with everyone else, and simply only kind to me. I didn’t mind. He was good to me, and that was all that counted. I liked that I could see how nice he was. But I also loved his rough exterior. He was a walking contradiction in all the best ways.
“That was amazing. Thank you,” he said.
“I’m glad you liked it.”
“I still don’t believe you made it, you know.”
“Is that just an excuse for me to cook you some more?”
He laughed. “I just need proof, that’s all.”
“I’ll think about it.”
I chuckled and stood up to clear the plates. He tried to help me, but I insisted on doing it myself. He was my guest, after all. I took the plates over to the kitchen and popped them in the sink. I was just about to wash them when Ian appeared behind me. He put his hands on my hips and whispered in my ear.
“You’re safe with me, Eliza.”
I turned around and smiled at him. I was just about to thank him, but I couldn’t talk because his mouth was already on mine.