Chapter Six
Six Weeks Later
I stood looking out across the lively city of Barcelona. Even after the sun went down, there was still plenty for people to do. The weather was gorgeous and the atmosphere romantic and couples strolled hand and hand along the sidewalks that wound between the beautifully designed and built ancient buildings. I couldn’t remember ever being so content with my life and so at peace in my heart. I leaned against the wrought iron barrier at the top of the beautiful city and let my mind wander back to how I ended up here.
For several weeks after Paul won his title he was a really busy man. He was invited to do interviews and photo shoots and endorsements for pro sports shops and brand name boxing and cage-fighting equipment. I stayed busy too, I was getting more and more clients of my own at the gym and I also picked my mother up from the rehab and helped her get set up in her new apartment. She was doing so well and I was so proud of her. She thanked me profusely for helping her out and promised me she was going to pay me back for everything and for the first time in my life, I believed that she really meant it. I got her a little place about a block from my own apartment. It was in a good neighborhood and there was a park nearby where she could take a walk every day and feed the ducks if she wanted to. She had already begun applying for jobs with the help of the staff at the rehab and she had a few interviews set up.
Marie and I had gotten close and we tried to get together for lunch a couple of times a week. She and Justin were getting pretty hot and heavy and Paul was doing okay with it. Maybe it was because he’d been too busy to worry, but I think he was really starting to like Justin. I was convinced that Marie had finally found a man who would treat her and her son the way they deserved to be treated. Marie found a job in a lawyer’s office, working as a receptionist and Victor was enrolled in a new school and making new friends. He was adjusting to his mom having a boyfriend and he seemed to really like Justin.
I came home from work one day in early September and found a huge bouquet of red and pink roses on the doorstep. The card attached to them said, “Para mi corazón,” I wasn’t fluent in Spanish, but I knew enough to know that meant “For my Heart.” I let myself into the apartment with a smile on my face. Once I closed the door behind me I went to sit the vase of beautiful roses on the table in the foyer. I found an envelope lying there with my name on it and something else written in Spanish. It said, “Puesta de sol en Barcelona?” That one I had to look up. It meant “Sunset in Barcelona?” I suddenly couldn’t stop smiling. I slid open the envelope and inside were two airline tickets and boarding passes for a flight to Barcelona leaving the following week. There was another note inside. This one was in English and it said, “You better get your passport in order.” When Paul got home that day he got very lucky. Then that night, he got lucky again and in the morning luckier still.
So now I’m sitting here on the balcony of the five star Hotel Claris in downtown Barcelona and I’m pinching myself to make sure it’s all real.
“What are you doing?” I looked up to see Paul standing in between the French doors of our suite and the balcony that attached to it. He was wearing one of the fluffy, white robes they left for the guests and I was wearing the other. We’d made it in time to watch the Sunset. After watching it we were both feeling so romantic that we had to try out the giant, fluffy bed. Paul took his shower first afterwards while I sat out on the balcony and had a glass of wine.
“I was pinching myself,” I told him.
He laughed and came over and put his strong hands on my shoulders. “Are you making sure you’re awake and not dreaming?”
“Exactly,” I told him. “Sometimes it’s all so surreal.”
He leaned down and kissed the side of my face. “I can understand that. But this is real. Get used to it. One of my goals is to make sure you have to pinch yourself on a daily basis to ensure that it’s all real. I don’t ever want to stop surprising you.”
I reached up and put the palm of my hand on the side of his face. “I love you, Paul. You know that I don’t need all of this. I was in love with you when you lived in an abandoned gym.”
“I know,” he said. “I love you too.” He sat down next to me. I wanted it to be like this forever. I wanted to believe that someday we would get married and have children and grow old together. I know it was still soon to talk about it, so I hadn’t brought it up. It was maybe too soon to think about it, but that, I couldn’t help. The only problem was that there were still two questions that poke at my brain sometimes…two things I needed to ask Paul to explain.
“Can I ask you a question, babe? Two questions, actually?”
“Sure, anything,” he said.
“Well, I’ve been wondering since that night we went to look for my mom at the church…how was it that the pastor knew you by name?”
He hesitated and for a second I felt a flutter of doubt. I chastised myself for it. Paul had given me no reason to do anything but trust him. He finally said, “I dated a girl who had a problem with drugs. I took her there for her meetings sometimes and for a while I volunteered at the church…when I had the time.”
“I thought that you said you never really had a serious relationship.” I didn’t want to sound like I was accusing him of things, but I really needed to understand. Surely a man wouldn’t take a woman he barely knew for drug treatment.
“That’s the truth. I have never had an actual relationship until now. I only went out with her once, but I was stupid and let things get complicated.”
“Yet you decided to help her with her drug problem…after only one date?” I guess that’s the part that didn’t really make sense.
He sighed. “I went out with her one night. We saw a movie and had dinner. When I took her home she invited me in. I should have said no, but I didn’t so I have no excuses. We had sex and I also agreed to do it knowing I didn’t have any more condoms. She got pregnant. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of months when she called and told me. I knew that I had to step up and be a father, but I had no desire to be a husband…or even a live in boyfriend to this girl. I gave her money and I told her I would come and see her often…I didn’t know yet about her drug problem, but I figured it out pretty fast. I went over one time when she was about five months along and I found her and some guy sitting on the front porch of her apartment, smoking meth. I freaked out and I physically removed the guy from her front porch and I tried to make her go to the hospital and have the baby checked out. She said that if she did that and she tested positive for meth…social services would come and take the baby as soon as he was born.”
“He?” I asked.
He looked sad and he had to swallow hard as he said, “Yeah, it was a boy. I was getting used to the idea of having a baby. Marie and I had decorated the extra room in my apartment for him and I was already trying to think of names…I couldn’t stand the thought of someone taking him and putting him in a foster home….I didn’t make her go to the hospital that day. Maybe if I had things would have turned out differently. Then again, maybe not. Either way I will always regret that for the rest of my life.”
“She didn’t stop using?”
“I thought she had. She told me she had. Since I didn’t live with her, it was hard for me to know the truth. I should have looked closer…I should have let her come and live with me…that was what she wanted. I should have put the safety and well-being of my child above all else.” He paused there and looked as if he was hoping I’d let it go. We were in too deep now. I had to know who I was sleeping with.
“What happened?” I finally asked.
“I forced her to go into treatment,” he said.
“You forced her?”
“I threatened to stop paying her bills and I told her that I would take the baby from her when he was born and not let her see him. I was a dick about it and just thinking about it makes me hate myself all over again, so yeah I would call it forced…or maybe even bullied.”
“It’s a common mistake,” I told him. “We think we can “fix them” but the problem is they have to be willing to do the work. When you love someone that’s hurting themselves…It’s almost impossible to just sit back and watch it happen.”
“I didn’t love her, Jessie. I’ve never been in love before, until you. I loved my baby and this woman, his mother was a means to that end.”
I took his hand and I cringed at the tears that welled in his eyes as I said, “What happened to him, Paul?” I knew this would be the harder part for him to talk about.
His voice was shaky and I almost wished I hadn’t asked as he went on, “She went to the meetings for a while. I found out later that she never stopped using. She stopped the meth because it was easy for me to tell when she was using that. She started taking pills…OxyContin.”
“Like my mom.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. That’s why I called your mother a druggie that night. It gave me flashbacks and freaked me out….She was taking lots of pills. She wasn’t paying her bills or buying food with the money I gave her. She was buying drugs. One day she didn’t show up for her meeting and I went to her apartment to get her. She didn’t answer the door and I was mad. I busted it down and I found her in a pool of her own vomit. She overdosed. By the time the ambulance got there, she was dead. They tried to save the baby, but he was gone too.”
I had tears streaming down my own face now. I couldn’t believe he’d gone through all of that. My heart was breaking for him. “I’m so sorry,” I told him. “I know that you have to take responsibility for being a part of the pregnancy…But, otherwise it sounds to me like you did the best that you could. I am sorry you had to go through that.”
“Me too,” he said, “The thing was, I wasn’t a child. I knew what the consequences of unprotected sex can be.
******
Our first morning in Barcelona we watched the sunrise while we had breakfast on the terrace. It started out subtly and little by little it covered the haze that hung over the city with a pure white light. I don’t know about Paul, but as I watched it, I felt the weight of the past few months dissolving and as they did, I felt as light as the breeze blowing across the beautiful old city. After breakfast we took a walk down to the docks and saw some of the city. We window shopped along the stores on the beachfront and I made a mental note of the ones I wanted to come back and explore later. There were entertainers out in the streets, playing guitars or dancing or juggling. It seemed like the entire city had waked up with the sun and they had all come out to play. We found our way to the pier and got on a ferry that took us out to a small island for our first snorkeling lesson. I had marveled at the brilliant clear blue of the Mediterranean Sea while we stood at the edge of the ferry and looked out on it, but that was nothing compared to standing on the beach. The sun was vibrant and the beams shone down onto the sand and made it sparkle like millions of tiny jewels had been scattered across it. At the edge of the shore where the sea met the sand, the waves rolled in gently and their white foam tips would break up as it lapped at the edges. I was speechless at first and then I started snapping pictures like the crazy tourist that I was.
The tour guide gave us a rundown on what we would do and see. They had given us all brochures and a manual as well. There was a number to call on the brochure if they lost the card. After about an hour lesson, the equipment was passed out and we suited up for our adventure. I was used to the Los Angeles beaches where the water was freezing and you couldn’t see a thing under the cover of murky water. The Mediterranean waters were so different. They were so clear that we could see all the way to the sea bed below. I put on my face mask and snorkel and Paul and I entered the water hand in hand. The first thing I saw was a big, orange starfish. My only regret was that I couldn’t squeal and tell Paul to look. Instead I tapped him and pointed. He looked and smiled. Then as a crab scuttled across the sea bed, I did the same thing. I may have even pointed out the shoals of fish that were impossible to miss as they darted first this way and then that. I was in awe of our new environment and I wanted to take in everything.
We floated on our stomachs and let the waves carry us along lazily as we watched the sea life below us. It was an amazing four-dimensional theatre and as we watched it the warm sun warmed our backs. It was the most awe-inspiring thing I’d ever been a part of and I was disappointed when the trip came to an end.
We took the ferry back to the pier and after going back to the hotel to change we had dinner at a place called, La Dolce Vita. At first I thought it was strange that we were having Italian food while in Spain, but once we finished I had no regrets. Paul ordered us a bottle of wine and we had a table near the window where we could look out over the ocean while we ate. The food lived up to its five-star rating and I was so full afterwards that I felt like I could have been rolled right out.
We took a walk through the city then. The sun was just going down and casting an orange glow across everything. We walked through a little plaza where the pigeons seemed to outnumber the people. There was a fountain in the center of it and in the center of that, a statue of a mermaid. The mermaid spit out the water and it would spray up into the air in brilliant colors of red and green and blue. The tall buildings around the edges were brightly colored and there were vivid flowers everywhere. As darkness descended on us, the bright, twinkly lights of the city began to take the place of the sun and cast a dim glow across everything as far as we could see.
Every day we spent there, we did something different. We went to museums and parks and concerts, and some days we just spent hours walking on the beach and collecting seashells. We spent out nights making love and we would wake up every morning in each other’s arms happy to start another day together. I woke up on our last day there with a mixture of excitement because I missed everyone at home, and regret because I was going to miss Spain like crazy. Paul was already gone from the bed and I found him as I was sure I would, standing on the balcony watching the sun finish coming up out of the ocean.
“Hey, good morning.”
“Good morning, beautiful,” he said, “How did you sleep?”
“I sleep like a log here. I’m going to miss it. I told him.
“The sleep or Spain? He asked.
“Probably both,” I admitted.
“Yeah, I’m going to miss it too. This was my first trip out of the country if you don’t count Mexico.” But we have a lot more adventures to look forward to. Look, I found this for you.” He handed me a pink seashell. It was huge, about the size of my fist and curled into a perfect crescent and its smooth exterior looked like it had been polished to a brilliant shine. That was the other beautiful thing about the beaches here. The seashells washed up whole more often than not. I had found a whole sand dollar just the day before.
“It’s beautiful, thank you.”
“Open it,” he said.
“Open it?” I repeated. I was looking around it and didn’t see any buttons or hooks. I can’t remember what it felt like.”
“Yeah, it’s hollow inside. Move that little flap on the end and look inside.”
I moved the delicate little sliver of shell slowly and carefully because I didn’t want to break it. When that was out of the way, I looked inside. There was a little white velvet box inside. I pulled it out, not daring to hope that it was what I wanted it to be, and I looked at Paul. He had slid down to one knee and when I looked at him he took my left hand in his right and said, “Jessie, will you marry me?”
I felt the tears streaming down my face again. He opened the box and I was staring down at a princess cut sapphire set in white gold. It had a delicate ring of diamonds around the primary stone. I had never seen a more beautiful ring and I loved most of all because it was different. I also loved knowing he had gone to pick it out by himself. My hands were shaking and so were Paul’s.
“Oh my God! Yes! I’ll marry you! Yes! Yes!
I know I sounded like I was having an orgasm, but I didn’t care. I was over the moon excited and I would tell the whole world if they cared to listen. Paul took the ring out of the box and took my hand in his. He slipped the ring on my finger. It fit perfectly. “I love it.” “How did you know the size?” I asked him.
“Marie helped with that part,” he said.
“It takes my breath away,” I told him about the ring. “Thank you so much.”
“You make it look good,” he said. “But, I don’t think this matches,” he took the lapels of my robe in his fingertips and pulled on it gently.
“What? My robe?”
“Mm hmm, and whatever you have underneath too. We don’t want anything clashing with the ring.”
“Maybe I should step in off the balcony?”
Paul looked around. “Maybe…You saw that guy on the beach yesterday though, didn’t you?”
“Which guy?”
“The bare-assed naked man that no one even seemed to notice but us.”
“Oh yeah,” I said.
“My point is, no one here is too affected by nudity, and you look a hell of a lot better than that guy.”
“You think?”
He laughed, “I love you…all of you…but if you looked anything like that guy, trust me, I would have never asked you to take off the robe.”
I stood up and brushed past him with a dramatic flourish. Once inside, I took off the robe. I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Paul grinned and dropped his robe too. He came over to me and in one grand swoop; he picked me up off my feet. “What say we try that big tub in there with the jets?”
“I say you come up with the best ideas.”