Chapter Eleven
Laci
Things can change in the blink of an eye. For example, one minute, I was convinced I’d never want anything to do with Noah Tucker. The next, I’m thinking he may not be as bad as I’d originally thought. That moment came out in the stables when I was having a nice little talk with Rosie, asking her how she liked being a new mommy—of course, I didn’t actually expect her to answer. I didn’t expect any kind of response, which is probably why Noah scared the hell out of me when he came out of nowhere. Getting the hell scared out of me doesn’t typically signify a turning point in most of my relationships—and the actual act of getting scared didn’t—but the conversation that followed gave me a new perspective on Noah Tucker.
“Expecting her to speak up and answer you?” he asked. “I’m fairly certain she can’t speak human.” Well, no shit, Sherlock. I admit, the thought did cross my mind to say just that, but then I remembered what Sara had said about him putting up a wall. In a moment of weakness, I decided to not be a royal bitch. I politely informed him that I had no expectations of getting an answer. Something changed in the way he looked at me as I explained that horses are simply the best listeners out there. A minute later, I was enlightening him to the differences between breaking a horse and training one—being a friend as opposed to being a dictator—and, to my pleasant surprise, he actually agreed with me.
Every other trainer I’ve ever come into contact with has seemed to find my concept of gentle training a little on the absurd side, or so they’ve told me. I’ve gotten responses such as, “I’m the expert, here,” or “Breaking and training are the same thing.” And truth is, I pretty much expected the same reaction and response from Noah. Ever since I learned about the type of cruelty horses can endure, I’ve held the stance that nonaggressive training is the best way to go. Being all Hitleristic and forcing your methods on a horse only breaks their spirit. And yes, they’ll do what you want them to do, but only so they don’t get punished, as opposed to working together to achieve a common goal and forming a bond. It’s really not that much different than it is with people. It was another reason I decided not to be so standoffish to Noah. It damn sure wasn’t getting either of us anywhere.
I was a little shocked when he didn’t give me a hard time about my potty training analogy, too. In fact, Noah actually seemed to be on board. He didn’t pull any of the pretentious crap I’d heard from other trainers. No, he just said he didn’t want the horses to fear him. The moment those words left his mouth, I realized there was more to him than I had given him credit for. And, the more we talked, the more something inside me wanted things between me and Noah Tucker to change. Something else was suddenly more than a little attracted to him. And…
I panicked.
I can’t explain what happened, but my mentality shifted to that of a twelve-year-old girl who didn’t know how to talk to a boy. So, I delivered a verbal kick in the shin. I gave him hell about how sweaty he was—in my defense, he really was pretty sweaty—and then I marched away and headed inside, running into Sara as I barreled through the door. She was on her way out to look for Noah, so I told her where he was and mentioned the conversation we’d just had. Her response set my head to reeling.
“Well, honey, the fact that he agrees with you has gotta mean something,” she said.
What exactly is that? I had no clue how to take her point, so I spent the next fifteen minutes pacing and talking to myself like a total loon. And when I say I was talking to myself, I mean I had a complete external monologue going on that would have made Shakespeare proud.
“Something? What is that something? Does his ability to agree with me mean I should just change my opinion on the guy? I mean, what does it really change about him? Really? All it means is that he actually understands my point of view. Or was he just saying that to be polite? And if he was, why was he being polite now? Damnit, Aunt Sara, why’d you have to go and get my wheels spinning by saying that to me?” I stopped and stared myself down in the mirror. “Well, Laci, if he really does think horses ought to be treated with kindness, he can’t be all bad. Can he? No. No, he can’t.”
That little epiphany brought me to the conclusion that my last half-ass apology really wasn’t sufficient. I needed to do it right. I needed to own up to my behavior and admit that I had been a complete wench and shouldn’t have taken my insecurities out on him. So, I waited for Sara to return to the house so I could be sure I didn’t interrupt whatever she’d gone out there to say to him—and to make certain she didn’t see me apologizing or I’d never live it down—then I walked back out to the stables.
Noah was brushing Greg down and saying that yours truly knew more than he’d given me credit for. I couldn’t let him go without knowing I’d heard his little confession, so I spoke up. “You’re damn right I do,” I said. It wasn’t hard to see that I’d been the one who’d caught him off guard this time, but he felt the need to make sure I knew it nonetheless.
“Jesus, Laci. Don’t sneak up on a guy like that.”
I grinned. “Sorry.” I managed to take a few steps into the stables and lean against a post several feet away from him. He was finishing up with Greg as I steeled my nerves.
“What are you doing back out here? Come to give me tips on personal hygiene?”
“Actually, I wanted to apologize,” I said.
“Again? What for this time?”
“For being kinda bitchy.”
“You already apologized for that,” he said.
“Not properly. I never told you exactly why I was being that way.”
“Oh?”
“Look, Noah, I just…I know I apologized already, but, I don’t know, I guess I feel like I wasn’t very sincere. My life has been a bit of a rollercoaster lately and I guess I’m just trying to protect myself. I’ve just been going about it the wrong way by thinking being a royal witch was going to shield me from the pain. I’ve been trying to keep a thick skin and deal with it all the best way I know how, and that day you picked me up at the airport everything was still pretty fresh. Hell, it’s still fresh now. I suppose your comments just hit a nerve and I dealt with it the best way I knew how: I fought fire with fire. I’m sorry.” I stood there a moment, feeling about as vulnerable as I had felt in a long time. I waited for a response and when it came, it wasn’t what I had expected.
“You’re the most entitled, spoiled, stubborn-”
I opened my mouth to cut him off, to admit that I knew I’d been a pain, and tell him he didn’t need to rub it in, but then his next words took me by surprise.
“Strong, complex, courageous, fiery person I know.”
I’m fairly certain I looked like an idiot standing there with my mouth open. I wanted to make sure I’d heard him just right. “What did you just say?”
He launched into his own apology.
“Laci, you aren’t the only one who should be apologizing. I’m sorry, too. I should have been a little more sensitive to what you’d been going through when we first met. I based my first impression of you on girls I’ve known in the past and that was wrong. Not something I’m proud of. I had made a judgment call before I took the time to get to know you, and I’m sorry for that. I still haven’t gotten to know you, so I guess I need to keep my mind open until I do.”
“I think we can do something about that,” I replied, trying to use some of my theater training to keep my face from showing everything I was feeling at the moment. This man wasn’t a complete douche as I’d thought. He was, in fact, a person just like me who didn’t want to let anyone in. He was protecting himself so he didn’t have to face rejection. For a moment, things felt right, I felt calm. It didn’t last long.
“Help! Help me! Please, someone, help me!”
My heart jumped into my throat at the sound of the cries. I know that voice, I thought.
Jackson.
I took off at a sprint toward the sound of the panicked voice, Noah hot on my tail. We didn’t have to run far before we noticed what it was—at the far end of the pasture, Jack was dangling from a tree branch, both arms and legs wrapped around it. Circling the trunk of the tree were five coyotes, all baring their teeth up at my cousin.
I can’t lose anyone else, was all I could think. That and a few choice curse words.
When the shock of what I saw wore off, I realized I had to do something. Turning on my heels, I ran back to the barn, all but dragged Greg out of the stall, and hopped on him bareback. I vaguely heard Noah yelling something behind me, but my heart was thundering in my ears too loudly to make out what he was saying. All I was really sure of was the blood rushing through my veins. I practically kicked Greg’s sides, urging him to run faster, to help me save Jackson.
I can’t lose anyone else.
Of course, coyotes have amazing hearing, and when they heard the approach, they decided it was best to make their move then. Two of them lunged up toward Jack missing him by only a few inches. Jack yelled in terror and attempted to pull himself higher onto the branch but his little arms just weren’t strong enough. Two more coyotes howled and scratched at the base of the tree as if their clawing could bring the tree down and their prey with it. The last one turned and snarled at me as Greg and I approached.
I begged Greg to keep pushing, and he did just that. With my hands wrapped in his mane, he circled the tree and the coyotes, slowing his pace like he was trying to get a better line of attack. The coyote didn’t wait, he sprung forward. Instinctively, Greg lifted onto his rear legs and kicked his hooves out, probably for his own defense more than for mine, but it had the same effect. He connected with the coyote’s torso and sent him soaring back with a yelp. The mangy animal turned to run just as Noah came speeding up behind me on another horse, Stella. Coming to terms with the fact that getting pounded into the ground by roughly three thousand pounds of horse wasn’t worth the meal, the coyotes took off running.
I calmed Greg as quickly as I could and leaped off of his back, making a run for the trunk of the tree. Jack held his grip on the branch, soft sobs escaping as he clung to it. I can’t say I blamed the poor boy. I attempted to climb to him, but I quickly found out the tree wasn’t strong enough to support two people on Jackson’s branch and so I jumped down, rethinking my strategy. Putting my acting skills to use once more, I choked down the alarm in my voice and tried to calm Jackson down.
“Jackson, honey,” I crooned. “Jack, they’re gone. You’re safe now.” Instead of coming down, he just continued to clutch the tree like his life depended on it. I looked to Noah, my expression pleading with him to do something. He patted the horses to reassure them and slowly made his way over to my side.
“Can you try to get him down?” I whispered. “He really looks up to you, and I know that hearing reassurance from my dad for some reason was always more comforting than coming from my mom when I was scared. He might respond better to you,” I suggested.
Looking up at the boy, Noah nodded. “Hey, bud, it’s okay. They can’t hurt you. We are right here. I promise we’ll protect you, no matter what. Can you come down, please?”
Jackson chanced a look over his shoulder, and Noah continued to encourage him. “Look, they’re gone. We’re here. Come on down, buddy.”
Jackson slowly started to inch his way toward the trunk of the tree. He was just about a foot away from a point where Noah could reach him when he lost his grip and fell. Noah reacted fast, extended his arms, and caught Jackson. When he steadied the boy’s feet firmly on the ground, I hugged Jackson as tightly as I could, telling him over and over that I was here and I wouldn’t let anything happen to him. I felt Noah’s arms curl around us and determined that I was completely okay with that. Not only had we just cleared the air, but he had also just put his life at risk to help me save my cousin’s. I wasn’t about to make a big deal out of a hug.
He’s surprisingly good with kids, I thought. It’s not like I hadn’t seen him interact with Jack before, but it had always been in jest. This, a time when Jack was scared for his life, was the perfect test of whether or not he was actually good with him—and he was.
When the adrenaline faded, Noah quickly released his grip and took a step back. I hugged Jackson one more time and then started back toward the barn, my arm still wrapped around his shoulder, not wanting to let him out of my grip. The three of us began to talk about the event as we led the horses back to the stables, Noah and I asking Jackson questions and recounting our reactions.
“What were you doing in the tree, anyway?” I asked.
“I wanted to see if I could climb the tree by myself, without Noah,” Jack replied.
Noah cut in and scolded Jack. “Come on, bud, you should’ve known it’s dangerous to do that alone. Especially out that far by yourself. You know coyotes go for easy prey, and being alone like that makes you easy prey.”
“I know, but the thing is…you guys were here and you saved me.”
“It wouldn’t have been as easy without the horses,” Noah said, caressing Stella’s mane. “I have to admit, though, you’re better with Greg than I would’ve thought, Laci.”
“Why do you say that? What do you mean?” I inquired.
“When I was on him earlier, he didn’t like speeding up. Every time I nudged him on, he wouldn’t do it, but you got him into a full out gallop with no trouble at all. I didn’t even think you could ride.”
I shrugged. “I’ve always been fairly good with horses. I don’t know if they can just tell how much I love them or what. Maybe Greg just sensed the urgency in my voice, who knows.”
Noah’s brow creased a little and he cocked his head slightly to one side. He was definitely curious about something.
“Why wouldn’t you ride when you got here if you’re so good with them?”
“Because she was sad,” Jackson interrupted.
My gaze swiveled down toward Jackson. The kid was observant. I had to give him that much. If I was honest with myself, he was right. The idea of riding without my mom did make me sad. Not that I had wanted to share that with the world. After all, I was putting up those walls though I wasn’t sure why anymore. Had it been two days earlier, I’d have said I didn’t think Noah deserved to know my reasons for avoiding getting on the back of a horse. Now, however, was a completely different story. I gave Jackson a half-smile and affirmed his assessment of the situation.
“Yeah, I guess that is the main reason.” My attention moved over to Noah. “Not many people know this about me, but I’ve been riding a couple of times a month since I was little. My mom always took me. So, yeah, I guess it reminds me of my mom. Not something I’ve been too keen on putting myself through the last few weeks.” Saying it out loud wasn’t as painful as I had thought it might be; I felt oddly at peace with it.
That’s when it dawned on me that maybe riding was exactly what I needed to come to terms with my parents being gone. Sara was right about the fact that getting on a horse is cathartic. I couldn’t avoid it forever, and it would give me the chance to pay my respects to Mom in a way that I didn’t even realize at the time was really so important.
“You feel better, though, don’t you?” Jackson asked quietly. “You seem…serene now,” he said in a wise tone.
“Where’d you learn a word like serene?” Noah asked.
“It was a vocabulary word in school. That’s beside the point,” he said to Noah matter-of-factly.
“Yes, I do,” I offered, almost giggling.
“Good, I’m glad,” Jackson replied with a smile. “I like seeing you happy.”
“Well, I kind of prefer being happy.”
And, for the first time since I had gotten that phone call about my parent’s accident, I was happy. For the first time since the day that changed my life forever, I felt as though everything was going to be okay. There would always be a hole in my life where Mom and Dad belonged, but they would always be with me.
We put Stella and Greg back in the barn, got them settled, and walked back to the house for a snack. After all, saving a life is exhausting business. I nibbled on hummus and pretzels while Noah worked on putting away a plate of pizza rolls and Jack munched on some watermelon Aunt Sara had cut up earlier that morning. When he’d eaten his fill, Jackson declared that he’d had a long day and wanted a nap. He then wandered to the living room where he sprawled on the couch and fell asleep in no time, leaving me alone at the kitchen table with Noah.
We sat in silence, but Noah kept glancing up at me from his plastic plate painted with a stick figure and “I love you, Mom!” across the center–likely something Jackson had made Aunt Sara for Mother’s Day when he was probably five. Each time I caught him, he’d quickly drop his gaze back to the plate where he was attempting to stack the pizza rolls into the shape of a house.
“What?” I finally asked, after allowing this weird back-and-forth to happen for almost five minutes.
“Nothing,” he said.
“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. What?” I insisted.
He looked me square in the eyes and held my gaze. Something in his stare was more intense than any look he had given me before. It made me both uncomfortable and put me at ease all at the same time. He took a deep breath like he was gearing up to say something important.
“I just…I think you’re amazing,” he finally said.
I wasn’t sure how to respond. Shock will do that to you, I suppose. “Why?” was all I could manage to sputter out.
A soft, crooked smile turned up one side of his mouth. It made something in my stomach twist a little. “Without any regard for your own safety, you just jumped on a horse that you knew needed to be trained—bareback at that—and took off toward a pack of coyotes. That takes brass ones.”
Heat rose in my cheeks. “Well, don’t act like you didn’t do the same thing. You did it for someone you aren’t even related to.” I wasn’t really sure how to take this new side of Noah Tucker. And, why was he complimenting me for taking care of someone I love?
“Riding into a dangerous situation is literally what I do for a living,” he said. “It’s not that impressive if I’m the one doing it.”
“Wow, for once your ego isn’t the size of Alaska,” I teased.
“Quit ruining the moment,” he chuckled.
“Is that what this is? A moment?” I asked softly. I couldn’t deny it. It was definitely a moment, but that didn’t mean I was going to give him that so easily. He was going to have to work to get me to admit it.
“I’d say so.” His brown eyes seared into mine. Something stirred a little deeper in my chest. I couldn’t tell exactly what the feeling was, only that it was strangely pleasant. I lost myself in his eyes, for the first time noticing the flecks of amber that gave them a warm glow. There was a fire in them that burned into me, but a gentleness, too. They were breathtaking. He cleared his throat, effectively bringing me back to the world around me.
“Well, saving a life tends to bring people together,” I told him.
“Is that what you’re chalking this up to? Just the fact that we saved Jack? You don’t feel any chemistry here?”
I glanced down to the cup I held in my hands. Truth be told, I did. Looking back, it had probably been there from the moment I saw him, but there was too much going on in my life for me to see any part of it, except that he infuriated me. The first time I remember being truly aware of it was after I’d just tied the rope swing up and Sara demonstrated the way Noah had looked at me. My stomach did this weird little twirl, and although I tried to shove the feelings down, they were there. I wasn’t sure I was willing to immediately give in to his charm, if that’s what you want to call it, so I didn’t want to acknowledge it right away.
Moving my eyes back up to meet his, my insides did that little flip thing again. “Do you?” I said coolly, putting on my best poker face.
“It’s something more than just an adrenaline rush,” he said with finality. The way he looked at me sent warmth spreading through my entire body. There was something in his eyes almost pleading with me to feel what he felt; something assuring me that when he said he wanted to get to know me, he meant it in more ways than one.
I didn’t want to play any games anymore. If he could open himself up and be honest about it, I should, too. It was time to put all the cards on the table.
“Yeah, it is,” I admitted. I had no idea exactly where I was going with the words that were spilling out—I certainly hadn’t planned for this conversation—but I knew this was the kind of moment when you’re supposed to just let the floodgates open and see where the waters take you, right? So, I did. “Quite frankly, I wasn’t too fond of you when I first met you.”
“Gee, I never would’ve guessed,” he smirked.
“Shush, let me finish,” I commanded with a wink. “I thought you were an arrogant, rude, self-absorbed womanizer. I didn’t want to give you the time of day, much less be friendly, because I didn’t think you deserved it. My instincts were to shut you out and avoid you at all costs. Then, we had that talk about the difference between training and breaking. Nobody has ever readily agreed with me on that before. When you did, you seemed so sincere. That’s when I realized I was wrong about you. I started to think about all the little things you’ve done—and some of the not so little things. You’re great with Jack, so patient with him. You help Aunt Sara and ask for nothing in return. And the way you are with the horses…anyone who has such a kind heart toward horses can’t be all bad.”
I stopped myself short of confessing the hyped up butterflies swarming around when he looked at me like he was just then. Instead, I drew in a deep breath as inconspicuously as I could. I hadn’t expected all of that to come tumbling out, but there it was. He looked at me, popped one more pizza roll into his mouth, took a sip of his water, and then cleared his throat.
“Well, if that’s how you feel, I just have to say that I was completely wrong about you. The moment you started talking to Rose after she gave birth, I saw you in a new light. You weren’t quite the city girl princess I thought you were. When that changed, I started to see someone I want to get to know.”
I shook my head and smiled. “I just poured my heart out, and that’s all you have to say?”
He shrugged. “I’m a simple guy.”
“Keep telling yourself that. I have a feeling you’re more complex than you’re letting on.”
“I guess you’re bound to find out, aren’t you?” He winked at me and grinned.
I could hardly wait to find out.