CHAPTER 16
Sawyer
“Is that why you fucking left?”
Reagan stormed forward, his hands landing hard against my chest. I stumbled backward, lucky to catch my footing before I fell on the table.
“Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me?”
Staring at the veins bulging in his neck, the way his eyes narrowed to slits, and his hands clenched into fists, I couldn’t believe he actually needed an answer to that question. I stepped forward and shoved him back a few steps.
“Why didn’t I tell you?” I shook my head. “You’re fucking pissed at me. And you wonder why I kept it to myself.”
“Fuck you. You know I’m not pissed because you’re gay. I’m pissed you didn’t tell me the truth from the beginning.”
Reagan spun on his heel and stormed across the room to the door. “Is that why you ran?”
I raked a hand through my hair. My eyes held his. “Yeah. I ran because I’m gay and I wanted something I couldn’t have.”
Why the hell did I say that? Reagan wasn’t dumb. He would know exactly what I meant. I might as well have said I love you. I flopped down on the couch. Acid burned the back of my throat. How could I admit so much? Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back, unwilling to watch the disgust take hold of his face. “And I was afraid you’d freak out on me and leave.”
Silence filled the space. The same awkward silence that once settled between us when Reagan showed up at the meet and greet that first night. Footsteps sounded as Reagan moved to the door. Opening my eyes, I lifted my head and stood. He laid his hand on the knob.
With a quick glance over his shoulder, he shot one last dagger into my chest. “You’re a dick to keep something like this from me. Apparently, I valued our friendship more than you, because I’d never fucking leave you to deal with that shit on your own. And I’d never keep secrets from you.”
Before I had a chance to respond, he flung the door open, its frame rattling as he slammed it behind him.
For fuck’s sake.
Things had gone to shit. I knew the risks when I went looking for a quick fuck. What I hadn’t expected was for Reagan, of all people, to find me. Pain radiated up my arm as my knuckles connected with the wall next to me. I grabbed my hand, flexing my fingers and hoping to God I didn’t break anything. The last thing I needed at the moment was to lose the only other thing that mattered. Besides the blood covering my hand, everything else seemed to be fine.
The front door opened and for one brief moment I thought Reagan had come back. That I hadn’t ruined our friendship once again. Long dark hair came into view. Heath. His gaze zeroed in on the way I held my hand.
“What the hell did you do?”
I shrugged. “Punched a wall.”
He walked over and took my hand in his, pressing on the edges of my knuckles and fingers. “Looks like only a few cuts. You need to ice it before it swells.”
I went to the kitchen, bypassing the fridge. A beer wouldn’t do after the shit storm that just happened. The sound of the front door shutting reached my ears. I yanked the liquor cabinet open. The half-filled bottle of tequila was front and center on the shelf. Ironic and very fitting at the same time. I grabbed the bottle.
“Damn it, Sawyer. Forget the liquor and ice your fucking hand. We have to play tomorrow.”
He yanked the towel off the counter and filled it with ice. Ignoring him, I pulled the top off the bottle, lifting it to my lips. Heath grabbed my hand, holding the ice over my abraded knuckles, while I took another long sip of the warm liquid. The burn as it slid down my throat helped me calm down enough that I took the towel of ice from Heath and held it. I put the bottle under my arm and went back to the living room. After setting the bottle on the floor, I dropped my ass down onto the couch.
Heath followed me, taking the seat in the recliner opposite me. “Wanna tell me why you’re punching walls and drinking tequila? You hate that shit, unless you’re trying to get wasted.”
I laughed humorlessly and took another swig. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”
“Doesn’t explain why. What happened? I thought you were going out to find a guy to hook up with.”
“Oh, I did.” Another swallow. I set the bottle on my knee. “At least until Reagan caught us.”
Heath’s eyes went wide. “What the hell was he doing an hour outside of town?”
“He wasn’t. The guy I picked up happened to live in the same building as Reagan. He caught us making out against the wall next to his door.”
He glanced at my hand. “So you waited until you drove home to punch a wall.”
“I asked Reagan to come here so we could talk without dealing with his asshole roommate.”
Heath rolled his eyes, as I took another drink. “There are so many things to say about how stupid all of these decisions were, but I know you’re not going to remember any of it tomorrow.” He stood and nodded toward the bottle. “You’ll regret that in the morning.”
“Right now, I don’t give a shit.”
He shook his head and walked down the hall to his room. The door slammed shut. Who the hell was he to judge? The one secret I’d kept from Reagan was finally out in the open and exactly like I feared, he left when the truth came out. I’d known all along Reagan would never be mine. I was completely in love with him. Everything about him called to me. It didn’t matter that he was straight. I couldn’t keep my thoughts off him, even when I knew I couldn’t have him. Hell, it was part of the reason I’d left. But that had never been my biggest fear. I never wanted to see the disgust and anger for me on his face. Leaving seemed like the better choice. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. At least I didn’t have to wonder and worry about what would happen anymore.
I settled farther into the couch, making sure the ice stayed put, and continued to drink myself into oblivion. The hangover would be worth being free of the pain. At least for a little while.