CHAPTER 34

Sawyer

 

Something slammed into the door over and over again. I ignored the sound. I didn’t give a shit who was on the other side of it. At the moment, there was only one person I wanted and I couldn’t have him.

Pound. Pound. Pound.

“Sawyer, you better open this goddamn door right now before I kick it in.”

His voice drew me from my misery if only for a second when I remembered all the reasons he couldn’t be there. I stood on the other side of the door. The pressure in my chest made it hard to breathe. But I forced myself to not reach for the handle. Not drag him inside and press my body against his to remind him who he belonged to. I clenched my hands into fist at my sides and stood my ground.

“I’m not opening the door. You need to go.”

“Open the fucking door,” he yelled loud enough that I was sure the people in the rooms next to me heard him.

“I…I can’t.” Two words. Only two words and they felt like they were being ripped from my throat.

“Yes, you can.” His voice was softer this time, but still held a slight edge.

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. I had no words left. Hearing his voice, knowing he was on the other side of the door, was like the dagger was back in my chest and being twisted for fun. Why did the cosmos need to torture me that way?

I heard another thud against the door, much heavier than the previous sounds.

“Sawyer, please open the door.”

I told myself to be strong. To tell him I didn’t want him anymore, but I couldn’t make the lie pass my lips. Instead the truth came stumbling to the surface. “I won’t ruin your career too.”

“Is that what you think?”

Think? “It’s what I know. I can’t have you suffer for me.”

“Open the door so we can talk about this.”

“No.”

He was quiet for such a long pause, I thought for a moment he left. “Sawyer?”

I took a step back from the door. “Go,” I begged. “You can find a nice girl, settle down, and have a family. No one knows it’s you in the picture and they never need to know.”

I could hear the scoff through the door.

“Is that what you think? I’m gonna leave after all we’ve been through and find a woman to stick my dick in?”

I was hoping he could. At least a part of me wanted him to be happy. The other part I was doing my best to keep buried, so I said nothing, afraid of what might come out of my mouth next.

He sighed. “Sawyer, I’m not going to go find a girl. I don’t want them anymore. I don’t love them.”

My heart stuttered in my chest as he continued.

“I want you. I love you.”

Three simple words and nothing could have stopped me from reaching for the door this time. I yanked it open and fisted my hands into the front of his shirt, dragging him into the room.

My lips were on his in an instant, our tongues tasting each other like we’d been separated for months, not hours. I had to make sure he was real before pulling away. Positive, I pulled back and gazed into his eyes. “Say it again.”

“I love you, Sawyer.”

My eyes burned as moisture rushed forward. It seemed like I waited my entire life to hear him say those words. It was everything I ever wanted and never thought I would have. His green eyes held mine and for the millionth time I saw the small flecks of gold inside that brightened with desire. I knew that walking through that door tonight took miles and miles of courage. There was no way I could push him away now. Time for the whole truth. All of it.

“I love you, Reagan.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but I covered his lips with my fingers. There was so much more he needed to know.

“I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old. I know that’s a long time to keep a secret like that. When you found out I was gay, you asked if that was the reason I left. A small part of it was, but mainly I left because I wanted you and knew I would never have you. It hurt too much to admit I was gay and that I was in love with you when I thought that love would never be returned.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, forcing myself to continue. “You once accused me of keeping secrets from you. You’re right, I have, because not telling you the truth was so much easier than the risk of hearing you say you would never love me. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

This time, Reagan wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pulled my hand away from his mouth. “Now it’s your turn to listen.”

I wanted to protest, but instead I waited.

“I will never leave you alone to face this mess. When two people love each other, they don’t abandon each other when things get tough. They hold on tighter and face the challenge together. And that’s what we are going to do. No matter what it takes to save your career, we’ll do it together.” My knees weakened and I slowly lowered myself to the floor, unable to stop the single tear from tracking down my cheek. “Nothing is as bad as the thought of losing you again. I’m sorry I walked away.”

Reagan reached a hand down and pulled me to my feet, dragging me over to the sofa in the center of the room. He cupped my face in his hand and used his thumb to brush away the tear. “I know you are. I forgive you as long as you promise to never do it again.”

“You have my word. I have never felt so sick as I did the moment I told those reporters you were no one important when you are the most important person in the world to me.”

He lifted a brow. “I wouldn’t worry about that, because we are going to fix that little bit of information tomorrow morning.”

“How?”

“Heath has already been on the phone with Tom setting up an interview with Joni Taylor so you can introduce your boyfriend to the world.”

I shot to my feet. “Absolutely not. I will not let them make your life a living hell too.”

He grabbed hold of my shoulders, forcing me to stay still. “You think my life is better without you in it?”

“You’ve spent the last few years working your way up in the firm. I won’t be the reason you lose everything you worked for.” My chest ached.

He took my face between his hands and captured my lips in a kiss so sweet, it seared itself in my memory. I wasn’t sure I could survive without it.

When he pulled back, he kept hold of my face. “If I lose anything it will be because people are narrow-minded bigots. If the firm can’t accept me for who I am, then I’ll find a place that will. Braddock & Minetti isn’t the only law firm in town.”

“But—”

He took my lips again, silencing me. This time, he didn’t let go, backing me toward the wall. Right before we reached for it, I spun us and shoved him face first against the wall.

I needed him. I didn’t want to think about pictures or press conferences. I didn’t want to think about being without him. What I wanted was to fuck him until I didn’t have to think anymore.

I ran my tongue along the shell of his ear and watched the shiver run through him. “I wanna fuck you right against this wall.”

“Do it.”

I popped the button on his dress pants and yanked them down to his thighs. We could undress later. Right then, I didn’t give a fuck. I ran my finger through his crease. He was so dry, there was no way I wouldn’t hurt him. There was one way to fix that. I dropped to my knees behind him, spreading his cheeks. At the first swipe of my tongue, his ass bucked back toward me.

“Oh shit, I had no idea that could feel so good.”

I kept at him, getting his ass nice and slick. His hands gripped for purchase on the walls. I added one finger, then another, loosening him up. The sounds coming out of him almost made me come. When I knew he was wet enough and ready to take me. I stood and grabbed a condom from my wallet. After rolling it on, I lined up my cock and with one sure thrust I was balls deep in Reagan.

“Fucking move,” he ordered.

Normally I’d argue with him about topping from the bottom. Not tonight. I needed to come with this man and I’d do anything to get us there. I pulled back and slammed back in, setting a rhythm I wasn’t sure either of us could survive. Reagan reached down and began stroking his cock.

“Make me come.”

“My fucking pleasure.” I moved faster, if that was even possible. Two thrusts later, he erupted all over the wall, shouting out my name. I joined him in ecstasy, thankful we were close enough to fall on the bed. There was nothing sweet or romantic about what we’d just done.

It was rough and carnal and perfect.