CHAPTER 35

Reagan

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

We sat in the greenroom at the studio, waiting to be called to the set. The thought of being on television had never crossed my mind before. Yet, there I sat waiting to admit to the whole world that, not only was I Bi, but that I was in a relationship with the drummer of one of the hottest up and coming bands. To say my nerves had gotten the best of me was an understatement. I had to concentrate to keep my whole body from trembling.

I glanced over at the man seated beside me, the way our hands looked laced together, and I knew no amount of fear would keep me from standing next to this man forever.

“Yes.”

“You can change—”

I squeezed his hand, hoping he’d look at me. “Would you stop trying to talk me out of this? I made up my mind and we’re doing this.”

The last few days hadn’t been easy for either of us. While I didn’t think it was the partners’ business who I decided to have in my bed, under normal circumstances, I would’ve kept the information to myself. This wasn’t a normal circumstance and I wasn’t dating an average guy off the street. The next day I went to work and spoke with the assistant of the partner who had hired me. The meeting went almost exactly like expected.

Not good.

He told me my personal life was a reflection of the office and he wouldn’t force the clients to be represented by someone like me. I had to choose, the firm or my perverted lifestyle. If I chose Sawyer, I’d be stuck in the office with shit cases. Never seeing the inside of a courtroom again. With a smile on my face, I thanked him for the chance he’d given me in the beginning and walked out the door to clean out my office.

After I left, I stopped by Madison’s office. Of all the people I’d worked with in the last two years, she’d been the one I’d grown closest to. She deserved to hear the news from me, not on replay of our interview. Well, Sawyer’s interview. I had a feeling they wouldn’t care much about what I had to say. She was shocked and a little disappointed that she wouldn’t get to work with me anymore, but she was happy for me.

Sawyer had a few bumps in the road. Thank God the first night he’d had no access to social media. I was able to censor most of the hatred shoved his way. Not that there was a lot of it. Most people had been really supportive of his decision to come out. At least they made it sound like it was his decision. No one seemed to want to mention that an asshole with a camera and no moral compass forced him to make that choice. I knew if he saw it, he’d focus on the five negative comments instead of the thousands of good ones. Seriously, it seemed to be a one to one thousand ratio.

At least Heath had been thinking at the time and gave Monty control of the social media accounts. Monty was already known for his ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude. Once the naysayers got a taste of their own medicine with Monty’s quick wit, they gave up pretty quickly. Unfortunately, my ability to keep him from it ended with his replacement phone. After that I did my best with Mari’s help to make him focus on the positive.

Mari had to be one of the most amazing women I’d ever met. While I went to look for a new job, she made sure to keep Sawyer from freaking out all over again. I was there to stay and he needed to remember that. Easy when I was with him. Not so easy when I wasn’t and he’d start thinking about all the ways a wife and kids could make me happier.

No one could make me happier than him.

“I feel like you’re sacrificing everything for me.”

“For fuck’s sake. What am I sacrificing?”

“Your job for one.”

“No, I had the choice to stay and never practice in a courtroom again. I made the decision to leave. I’ll find another firm to work at. I want my Sawyer back.” I gestured up and down at him. “Not this broody man who always sees the glass as half empty.”

He sighed and leaned his head on my shoulder. “I’m trying. I always thought I’d do this my way.”

I rested my head against his. “Would you have ever come out if you didn’t have to?”

One beat.

Two beats.

His silence said it all. It made me a little angry to think he would have hidden our relationship forever. Then again, maybe I would have been able to change his mind. Either way it didn’t matter. Here we were whether we were ready or not.

“Look at it this way. You don’t have to hide who you are anymore.”

“If only it didn’t come at the expense of the people I care about.”

I opened my mouth to answer when my phone rang. Pulling it from my pocket, I smirked. I’d been waiting for her to call.

“Who is it?” Sawyer asked and I held up a hand to him.

I hit answer and lifted the phone to my ear.

“Hey, Charlene.”

His eyes snapped to mine. I ignored his reaction and kept talking to his mom.

“Hi, Reagan. How’s he holding up? He won’t answer my calls.”

I kept my gaze on him as I answered. “He’s sitting here brooding, thinking he’s taking us all out in the blaze of glory.”

“That’s ridiculous. Did you tell him that’s not true?”

“I tried. He’s not listening.”

Sawyer narrowed his eyes at me.

“He can be anyone he wants to be as long as he’s happy.”

“I know that.”

“Put him on the phone.”

I reached the phone out to his ear, but he shook his head and pulled away. “You better take it,” I warned. “Or I’m going to put her on speaker phone. And you’ll still have to listen to what she has to say.”

He yanked the phone out of my hand and lifted it to his ear. I couldn’t wait for this interview to be over. Hopefully, then he’d see most people were on our side and the few narrow-minded ones who weren’t didn’t matter.

“Yeah, Mom.”

I couldn’t hear what Charlene said to him. Best guess, it was a lecture that people’s opinions didn’t matter. Him being happy did.

“I know, Mom.” He looked at me, a small grin lifting his lips. “I will. I love you, too.”

He handed the phone back to me and I lifted it to my ear.

“Good luck today. And if he starts moping again, kick him in the butt.”

I laughed. “I will.”

“Good. We both love you, boys.”

“We love you, too.”

I hung up with Sawyer’s mom and swiveled my whole body to face him. “She told me—”

“I know. She told me the same thing.” He brought our joined hands up to his lips. “You know how much I love you, right?”

“That I do know. Now please trust me. Everything is going to fine.”

“I’m trying to believe that. I am.”

A light knock sounded on the door. It opened a crack and a woman with long curly blond hair popped her head in. “Mr. Setton and Mr. Alason, we’re ready for you.”

I nodded and stood, holding my hand out to help Sawyer up. He took it and for a moment, we stood there, face-to-face, neither of us moving. The reality of what was about to happen settled over each of us in our own way. It was also hard not to notice the way the black T-shirt stretched across the muscles of his biceps, or how his shaggy hair fell over his forehead and into his eyes. My fingers itched to reach up and brush it from his face. More than that, I wanted him to feel our connection as we walked onto that stage. I wrapped my hands around his waist and cupped his ass, drawing him closer to me.

“You know how sexy you are in a T-shirt and jeans?” I flexed my fingers to make my message loud and clear.

“Mmm…” He nipped at my lower lip. “About as sexy as you are in this shirt and tie.” He ran his hand down the front of my shirt.

“There’s my Sawyer. Now let’s go announce to the world that you’re mine and everyone else can keep their hands off.”

Sawyer was still chuckling as we followed the woman who came to get us through a few halls and to the door of the set. One of the stage hands attached a microphone to my lapel and I watched as they did the same to Sawyer. Being with him meant that the cameras, the videos, it was all part of my life now too. Jaded Ivory had quickly become a household name and with that came the part where you lived in a fishbowl. People paid attention to what you did. And from now on, they’d be seeing me doing it all with Sawyer.

The stage hand caught our attention, counting backward from five on one hand before opening the door. The heat of the lights hit me as soon as I stepped out onto the stage. What I didn’t expect to see was the entire audience on their feet, clapping and cheering. Some of them even held up signs saying ‘Sawyer, we love you’ or ‘All the hot ones are gay.’ The best one was ‘I’ll be your Grace to your Will BFFS.’ Sawyer practically stopped in his tracks and I could see the tension leave his shoulders. This was exactly what he needed.

Joni stepped forward. “Sawyer. Reagan. I’m so happy you could join us today.”

She must have noticed Sawyer’s moment of surprise and guided us to the couches in the middle of the studio. I sat down, not leaving an inch between Sawyer and me. People needed to see us together and that was exactly what I’d give them.

Sawyer seemed unable to find his voice, so I answered for him. “Thank you. We’re thrilled to be here.”

That snapped Sawyer out of his daze. “Definitely. This was pretty awesome of you.”

“Well, boys, let’s get right to it ’cause I have a little surprise for you later. Sawyer, the last time we saw you, you mentioned there was no one special in your life, so who have you brought with you today?”

Sawyer settled back into the couch and took my hand in his. “Joni, this is my boyfriend, Reagan. I wasn’t trying to mislead anyone. To be honest, I didn’t know how the world would accept me as a gay rock star. It’s why I stayed in the closet for so long. Once it was out, I didn’t want to ruin everything Reagan worked for in becoming a lawyer.” He turned to look at me. “You see, I’ve loved this man since I was sixteen years old and I would do anything to protect him, even if that meant giving him up.”

A chorus of ‘awws’ sounded throughout the room. I brought his hand to my lips and pressed a soft kiss to it.

“Reagan?” Joni asked, drawing my attention. “I’m guessing you changed his mind.”

“That’s an understatement.” Good thing neither of us were blushers. I knew Sawyer’s mind was remembering the hot coupling against his hotel room wall. “I practically kicked down his hotel room door when I saw the press conference.”

Her jaw fell open. “You didn’t.”

“I did. He wasn’t getting away from me that easily.”

A smirk lifted one corner of her lips as her eyes darted to our joined hands. “I can certainly see that. Can’t we, ladies and gentleman?” she asked the audience over her shoulder. Another round of cheers went up.

“Well, I have to say you two make one hot couple.” She pretended to fan herself. “Sawyer has his own fan club, but I’d be willing to bet in no time, you’ll have one too.” That comment garnered a bunch of catcalls and whistles.

“I’m starting one when I get home,” one of the audience members called out.

Sawyer let go to lift both his hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies and gentlemen. You can look all you want, but he’s mine to touch.”

Joni and I laughed with the crowd joining in. And just like that the tension broke. I knew everything would be okay. Joni asked us about how we met. She was shocked to hear we hadn’t seen each other in seven years before finding our way back to one another. Eventually, the conversation turned to Jaded Ivory and their new album and upcoming tour. It gave me the chance to watch the audience, see how they reacted to Sawyer. In it, I saw nothing but excitement and acceptance. They were excited to get to see a member of one of their favorite bands. They didn’t care who he slept with as long as he kept making music.

“Okay, Sawyer, I have a favor to ask. And I’m sure the audience would really appreciate it.” She looked over at them, giving them an exaggerated wink, which caused them to start clapping. When it reached its peak, Joni quieted them down with her hands and turned back to Sawyer.

He laughed. “How can I say no to that? What’s the favor?”

She folded her hands in front of her. “Would you please, please play one of the songs off your new album? Something we haven’t heard yet.”

“Well…” He trailed off. “Joni, I’m a drummer. I’m not sure how much of a song it would actually be.”

She stood and gestured to a part of the stage I hadn’t noticed before. It moved to the side, revealing the rest of Jaded Ivory. “Good thing the whole band is here then.”

Sawyer’s head whipped around. The chanting started for Mari immediately. The crowd loved her.

Joni Looked at Sawyer. “What do you say?”

He shook his head, laughing. “How can I say no to that?”

“I’m hoping you can’t,” she said with a smile.

Sawyer leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to my lips and the crowd went crazy. “I love you,” he whispered against my lips.

“I love you, too.” I gave his shoulder a shove forward, pushing him off the couch. “Now go show the world what Jaded Ivory can do.”

His entire face lit up as we walked over to join the band. Mari handed him a set of drumsticks as he pulled her into a tight embrace. He stopped to give each of them a hug for their support before climbing behind his kit and counting them in.

Everything was how it should be.