CHAPTER 20

Sawyer

 

Because… What the fuck was I supposed to say? Because I’m scared? Because I love you and want us to be together more than my next breath, except you’re only dipping your toes into the gay pool not even sure if you want to get all the way wet?

Warm fingers wrapped around mine. I flinched but didn’t stop him as he walked us over to the bed.

“You’re scared. I get it. I honestly can’t explain any of this. I’ve never come so hard in my life and the fact it was because of a guy terrifies me.”

I tried to stand up and move away from him once more. All the words that left his lips were exactly what I feared.

“Wait.” He used his grip on my hand to keep me there. “I wasn’t done.”

I moved my eyes to the other side of the room, unwilling to let him see the pain his words caused. Each and every one of them was like a punch to the gut. Many more and I wouldn’t be able to stand.

“I think you’ve said enough.”

He yanked me down onto the bed, rolling me until his body covered mine. I squirmed to free myself, but when our cocks rubbed against one another, it was all I could do to keep the groan from leaving my lips. Fuck, he wasn’t lying. It couldn’t be possible. He’d just come in my mouth. His dick was as hard as mine.

“Would you stop jumping to conclusions and reading things into what I’m saying. I’m not freaking out because it’s you. You’ve been my best friend for my entire life. I’m not going to suddenly push you away.”

Another shot. That one I more than deserved.

“What do you want from me?” I would be surprised if he couldn’t hear my heart pounding in my chest while I waited for his answer. Having Reagan once would never be enough. It was one thing to wonder what it would be like, it was something else entirely to know and then walk away.

“I want you to explore this with me.”

“Am I supposed to believe you suddenly want to be with a guy after finding out last night that I’m gay?”

He lowered down to his elbows on either side of my face. “I have no idea what I’d label myself. All I know is that I’ve been hard since last night when you kissed me. This morning wasn’t enough. I don’t know what any of it means or why I’m suddenly interested in a man. The only part that makes sense right now is that it’s you.”

His eyes held mine captive. This was the chance I’d been waiting for, so why did the small voice in the back of my head scream bad idea over and over again. Reagan talked about lust not love, and yet there I sat ready to jump in with both feet. What if he could fall in love with me? What if this was my one chance?

I wanted to take the risk, to tell him yes, I’d do anything for him. The fear of what might happen held me immobile. The silence stretched on, his eyes never wavering from mine, and he moved them to my lips. I knew what was coming and still stayed frozen. He lowered his head and before I could stop him, his lips were pressed to mine. His hands cradled my cheeks as his tongue traced a path across my lips. The blood raced from my head, heat coursing through me.

Our tongues tangled together, our bodies molded from our thighs to our heads. In that moment, I knew, even with the risk of fucking disaster written all over it, I’d give this man anything he wanted. For some reason, I enjoyed finding ways to make my life harder. He’d been my first and only love. No matter how many times I tried to build a wall around myself and bury my feelings for Reagan nothing worked. Even without him knowing it, he’d buried himself deep in my heart.

He lifted his head to look at me and I was lost. Nothing in this world meant anything without Reagan in it.

“Don’t screw with me,” I whispered.

“I won’t.”

He dropped his head again, tilting it to gain better access to my mouth. This time I let myself enjoy it. This was everything I’d ever wanted and if Reagan might only be here for the experiment, it would kill me, but I would enjoy every second while it lasted. His body ground down into mine and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Even through his jeans, I could feel the way his dick slid against mine. What I really wanted was to feel it without any clothes on, but I had no idea if he was ready for something like that and I wouldn’t push him. Everything was so much more with him. All the pent-up desire for the man rushed to the surface.

I planted my feet on the mattress and shoved my hips up to meet his. This time the groan left Reagan’s lips. I slipped my fingers down to the waist of the jeans he still wore, working my hand between the fabric to touch the smooth skin of his hips. Not like I hadn’t already had his dick in my mouth, but I didn’t want to push too far too fast. The muscles in his stomach flexed under my touch. The strong, defined muscles of his chest begged me to run my fingers along them. I used my other hand to caress the hard wall of chest above me. Each time my thumbs grazed his nipples, his hips shot forward. It seemed as if we both wanted more than kissing and simple petting. Bracing myself for him to stop us, I moved my hand to the opening of his jeans, pushing it aside with a quick flick of my hands. He broke the connection of our lips and I mentally cursed as it seemed Reagan had finally come to his senses.

“You’re right, too much fabric.”

He batted my hands away and grabbed the waistband of my shorts, yanking both them and my boxer briefs to my ankles. Could this really be happening? I had to be dreaming. To make sure I wasn’t I leaned up on my elbows and gave my side a quick pinch.

Ow.

Nope, not dreaming.

Heaven.

I was in fucking heaven. That could be the only explanation for why I lay there watching as Reagan slid the waistband of his jeans down and dropped his pants to the floor. His boxers quickly followed behind. My tongue darted out to wet my lips as I thought about the way his gorgeous thick dick tasted on my tongue. Someday I wanted to have it in my ass or my cock in his. For today, I’d be happy with touching it again.

Reagan climbed back onto the bed, crawling up my body. He lowered his head and captured my lips again, sucking my tongue into his mouth. Groaning, I reached between our bodies to wrap a hand around my cock. If I didn’t get some friction and soon, I might self-combust right there. Every nerve ending and muscle in my body was wound tightly, ready to explode.

The back of my hand grazed along his shaft, making him shudder. “Touch me again,” he begged against my lips.

My fucking pleasure.

I held his gaze with mine. “Do you trust me?”

“Always,” he whispered. He had no idea how much that one simple word meant to me. If I could record him saying it, I’d replay it at least ten times a day.

“Sit up and straddle my thighs.”

He quirked a brow but did as I asked. I took him in my hand. When I realized he wasn’t close enough, I grabbed his ass, bringing him closer to me. Our dicks sat, leaking and perfectly aligned. I wrapped my hand around both of us and pulled off a single stroke, the pre-cum helping to smooth my way up and down.

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. That feels good,” he moaned.

He didn’t have to tell me twice. His heat seeped into my skin, setting my blood on fire. “Give me your hand.”

He reached out and I guided his hand to join mine around our cocks. Together, we started stroking up and down. Fast then a little slow before picking up the pace again. Every part of me ached with the need to come. Not yet. This time I planned on waiting for us to come together. Reagan’s mouth got filthier and filthier as his hip slammed forward, fucking our hands. His eyes were squeezed shut. The muscles in his thighs tensed as he came closer to the edge. I couldn’t help but pick up the pace.

“Come on, baby,” I whispered. “I wanna see you fall apart for me.”

“Fuck,” he yelled as spurts of hot fluid hit my chest, making the glide of our hands easier as I continued stroking.

The orgasm hit, stealing my breath as I came all over both of our hands. Reagan dropped down, covering my body with his. Mixing the mess between us. I was sweaty and sticky, being crushed under Reagan’s full weight, and I never wanted to move again.

I’d been right earlier. This was fucking heaven.

Time passed and both of our breathing slowed to a normal level. I didn’t want to, but I knew if I didn’t move, eventually I wouldn’t be able to breathe at all. I rolled us to our sides, our faces at the same level. My chest tightened as a million questions ran through my mind. All with answers I wasn’t sure I would like. That didn’t stop me from asking the most important one.

“What do we do now?” I asked, terrified of what he’d say.

“Give me thirty minutes and I can totally go again.”

I shoved his shoulder. Reagan had a habit of deflecting tough conversations with jokes, which made my palms sweat.

“Be serious.”

He locked gazes with me. “Sorry. I’m being serious. Honestly, I don’t know. I can tell you right now, I’ve never come so hard in my life. And while I don’t have any explanation why, I know it’s crazy, but I’m not ready to walk away from whatever this is until I understand.” He ran his thumb along my bottom lip. “Let’s see where this goes. I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said I wanted to explore this with you. Jump in with me and see where it leads us.”

Reagan had handed me exactly what I wanted on a silver platter. I could tell him no and wonder for the rest of my life if I made the right call or I could give in and I hope I wasn’t wrong.

Even with the danger of drowning exceptionally high, I threw off the life vest and jumped in with both feet.

Hopefully Reagan would catch me.