CHAPTER 30

Reagan

 

Time seemed to stand still. No earth turning on its axis. No cycles of the moon. Each day blended into the one before it.

When Sawyer mentioned the PR blitz tour, I thought nothing of it. We’d spent years apart. Two weeks would be a walk in the park.

Boy was I fucking wrong.

Those years passed in the blink of an eye. After the first few months, I stopped waiting for Sawyer to walk through the door and apologize for bailing. What I should have realized in that time was his feelings for me and maybe even my feelings for him. It would explain why I felt so lost and abandoned when he first left. This time couldn’t have been any more different.

This time I knew what it felt like to have his lips on mine and his fingers electrifying every part of skin he touched. My cock ached at the very thought of being buried deep inside Sawyer or his delectable mouth on my dick. I spent many nights keeping myself company with my right hand, but it wasn’t the same.

Honestly, I couldn’t wait for him to be home.

Unfortunately, there was still an entire week to go. They were flying almost every day as they hopped from one major city to the next, doing interviews or playing live on the radio. Earlier I’d watched the video of them playing in a studio. Things seemed to be going really well for them. Every time they stopped in a city, their single moved farther up the charts.

A quick glance around my living room and I was a little lost. Thankful that Harrison was on a business trip for a week, but still lost. I spent so much time at Sawyer’s place, mine no longer felt like home. The stuff was all mine, it just wasn’t the place I wanted to be. I leaned my head against the back of the couch. The words on my laptop blurred as my focus strayed from the brief I’d been working on to Sawyer. Or more accurately, everything I wanted Sawyer to be doing to me at the moment. My eyes crossed with just the thought.

I slammed the lid shut and made my way to the kitchen for a beer. If I couldn’t get any work done, the least I could do was drink and watch a game. I’d just sat down and reached for the remote when my cell phone rang. I picked it up from the coffee table. The name on the screen had me answering instantly.

“Hey, sexy.”

Sawyer growled into the phone. “What if it wasn’t me on the other end of the line?”

I rolled my eyes. “And who else would it possibly be?”

He sighed. “Ugh. I have no idea. I’m just cranky.”

“Aren’t things going well?”

“Things are going extremely well.”

I placed the beer bottle on the table in front of me. “Then what’s the problem? I thought you were most excited for touring.”

“That was before I had you in my bed every night.”

Something squeaked into the receiver. “Are you guys at a hotel?”

“Yeah,” he said on a sigh. “I’m lying on this lonely bed with no big, warm body to snuggle up to.”

I chuckled. “I’d give you shit about that, but I can’t seem to get you out of my head tonight either.”

“Oh, really? Thinking about my mouth on your cock?”

Visions of the way he swirled his tongue around the tip made every ounce of blood that could possibly be in my head rush south. My dick hardened in an instant. Since Sawyer and I first hooked up, it had been a long time since I’d gone without sex. And my body craved his.

Soft moans sounded over the phone that sent a shiver down my body. “Are you jerking off?”

A louder groan hit my ears. “Yeah. The sound of your voice makes me hard as a rock.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Oh God, please don’t stop talking,” he begged.

If Sawyer was going to get himself off while on the phone with me, I wanted to do the same. Lying across the couch, I tugged down my basketball shorts and boxers, freeing my cock from its confines. With visions of Sawyer’s naked body in my mind, I wrapped my hand around my dick, pulling off one stroke.

“All I can think about is fucking you until you can’t walk the next day.”

“Oh fuck.” That thought made my balls pull tight to my body.

I moved my thumb over the slit, spreading the pre-cum, using it as lubrication over my already aching dick. My hands slid up and down faster. The sounds coming from the phone grew louder. I knew Sawyer was close. So was I. My balls pulled tight to my body. The moment I heard my name shouted from his lips, I lost it. Come shot out all over my chest. Good thing I hadn’t bothered with a shirt earlier.

My breathing slowed and I grabbed a tissue to clean myself up. Even without Sawyer touching me, orgasms were explosive. What else did I expect from the man, when his voice made me hard as a rock? I tucked myself back into my pants and imagined Sawyer doing the same.

“I miss you,” I said, almost hating the sound of vulnerability in my voice.

If we couldn’t make it two weeks how were we supposed to make months at a time when he toured. It wasn’t like I could go with him. No one but the band knew about us and I certainly couldn’t give up my job. I didn’t want to make Sawyer feel worse about the choices he made. This was the career he’d always wanted and I wouldn’t make him feel guilty when it took him away from me.

“I miss you, too.”

“How many stops do you have tomorrow?”

He sighed. “Just one.”

“You’ll be home before you know it.”

“Yeah, but for how long?”

I may not have been able to see him, but I could hear the defeat in his voice over the phone. “Why do you sound like your mom took away your drumsticks?”

He was quiet for a long moment. The silence stretched on, prickling over my skin. I didn’t think his intention was to freak me out. He was only trying to figure out how to put whatever he wanted to say into words.

“Sawyer, talk to me. I will always be here to listen to you. Just like I’ve been for most of your life.”

“I…” He trailed off and for one brief moment I braced myself.

Was I ready to hear those words?

Could I return them?

At that moment, with so much distance between us, I didn’t think it was the right time. Not that I could stop him if he did say it. And yeah, I was feeling it, but I wanted us to be face-to-face when we said it.

“I,” he started again. “I don’t want to be apart from you for this long again.”

I shook my head, even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “We’ve been over this. We’ll deal with a tour when it happens.”

He scoffed. “That might be sooner than you think.”

I sat up straight on the couch. “Did they offer you a long-term tour?”

“They said if the success of this PR tour continues, they’ll start looking into dates for a solo tour when we return.” Melancholy laced his voice.

“That’s awesome news.”

“Then why do I feel guilty for only part of me being excited about it?”

I ran a hand through my hair. Sawyer hadn’t given me the whole story and without it I couldn’t figure out how to help him through whatever he was feeling. “Why aren’t you excited?”

“’Cause.” In my mind I could see him sitting on the bed shrugging. “I’d rather not spend nine months having phone sex with you.”

My eyes flew wide-open. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

“The thought of spending nine months apart doesn’t upset you?” The sadness had been replaced with a bite. Sawyer was pissed.

“Slow your roll, babe. That’s not what I said. Being apart for that long will be hard, but the tour wouldn’t start tomorrow, would it?”

“No. It takes months to plan.”

I dropped my head on the back of the couch. “Then what are you worried about? We have months to figure out a way around not seeing each other. It gives me time to save money to fly out to you when you’re not playing too far.”

“And how will we do that when no one knows about us?”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’ll make sure we have adjoining rooms, then no one will see us.”

“I never thought of that,” he breathed.

“That’s ’cause you’re too busy looking at the negatives. I’m the optimist, remember?”

“Fuck you.” Sawyer laughed.

It was good to hear my Sawyer coming back to himself. I really liked the way that sounded—my Sawyer. Made it very clear that no one else could have him. “Don’t I wish, but I have to wait until you get home.”

Sawyer stopped laughing instantly. I heard him swallow hard. That was when I realized what I said. I’d been thinking about it, but hadn’t told Sawyer yet. I wanted to be able to give myself to him in a way no one had me before. Something only for him. The one thing holding me back was the fear of the pain.

“Are you serious?” he whispered.

For Sawyer, I knew I could get past it.

“Dead serious.”

It was the phrase we’d used growing up when we were joking around, but we needed the other person to know at that moment we were telling the truth. Any time someone said it, you had to listen because it was important.

“Holy shit, you are serious.” Sawyer growled. “Of course you have to mention this when I’m hundreds of miles away and can’t do a goddamn thing about it.”

“You can dream about it.”

“Fuck, you’re making me hard.”

I knew the feeling. It didn’t matter we’d just come, the conversation alone was making my dick hard and ready. “It’ll give you something to look forward to for the next week.”

“Look forward to? You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s all I’m gonna think about for the next seven days.”

“Focus on the music and you’ll be fine.”

“I doubt that,” he mumbled.

A loud pounding came through the phone.

“What was that?”

“Monty being an ass and beating on my door. They want to go to dinner.”

I heard the chain fall from its lock and the sound in the room grew.

“I’m starving,” Monty whined. “Can’t you talk to lover boy when we get back?”

“Ow,” he yelled a moment later. “Fuck, Mari, stop slapping me.”

“Then stop being an ass. Hi, Reagan, ignore his cranky ass. He’s hungry,” she shouted into the phone.

A chorus of hellos sounded into the phone.

“Babe,” I said. “Go get dinner before they drag you out of there kicking and screaming.”

“Not really hungry for food right now.” And he didn’t have to say what I knew was on his mind. He wanted something else for dinner.

“I’ll be here when you get home in seven days.”

“Fine, but you can’t blame me for what happens when I get there.”

“I want it, so come get me.”

We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone. What had I gotten myself into? True, I’d been thinking about it, but was I really ready to face all that it meant? What if I couldn’t take it? I glanced at the date on my phone. Promises made would be kept, which meant I had seven days to get myself ready.