CHAPTER 28

Reagan

 

For the hundredth time today, I thought about telling Sawyer to pull over so I could puke on the side of the road. My stomach was twisted into knots and bile burned the back of my throat.

What the hell am I doing?

Every time the question popped into my head, I forced myself to really look at Sawyer and remember all the time we spent together the last month. The fear made it easy to forget how quickly I was falling for my best friend. We’d told the band about our relationship. Outside of the public finding out, there was still one hurdle left to climb.

My parents.

Sawyer had gotten the call last week that Jaded Ivory would be heading out on a PR tour for their upcoming album. The buzz the single Midnight Dream had already created led the bigwigs at the recording studio to believe the album would sail up the charts once it was released, making Jaded Ivory a household name. With my new case heading to trial, I needed to stay and get work done. Not to mention we didn’t want to give the press wind of anything they didn’t need to know.

The band had the weekend off before getting on the road Monday morning. Even though I had no idea if I was doing the right thing, I convinced Sawyer to take a trip home with me. We could tell our parents about our relationship. Since his parents already knew he was gay, I had a feeling they’d be a little shocked the two of us ended up together, but in the end I knew they would be happy for us. They knew Sawyer leaving had a lot to do with his feelings for me.

My parents, on the other hand, were about to be blindsided with the fact their son, after twenty-six years of being straight, was now in a relationship with a guy. No matter which way I tried to say it, I couldn’t think of a way that wouldn’t give my parents the shock of a lifetime. Although, telling them was the only fair thing to do. Especially after I almost forced Sawyer to tell the rest of the members of the band.

Now faced with my own reveal, I understood his choice to keep it under wraps for so long.

I shoved my hands under my thighs to keep them from shaking. Sawyer must have noticed the move from the corner of his eye. He reached between my thighs and extracted my hand, lacing our fingers together and bringing it to his lips for a kiss.

“What can I do to help you relax?”

“I don’t know that I can find a way to relax.”

He ran his thumb along my knuckles. “I’d help you relax the way you helped me, but then I’d have to pull the car over.”

I rolled my eyes at his joke. “Your mouth may not be available, but your hands seem to be.” I shook the hand he held for emphasis.

He released my fingers and ran his hand down the front of my jeans. “Is this what you mean?”

When his fingers slid over my denim-covered cock, I had a hard time not thrusting up into his hand. “Mmm, I think you want that.” He slowed to a stop at a red light and leaned over to trace the shell of my ear with his tongue. “How about I promise that tonight I’ll make you forget about everything that happens today?”

“I’m holding you to that. Not that it helps me here and now.” My stomach was tied in knots as the light changed to green.

“How about we go to my parents first? Since they already know about me and my feelings for you, you can be the one to tell them about us. It will give you some practice to face your own parents.”

It wasn’t the worst idea. “I haven’t seen your parents in years. I didn’t bother once they refused to tell me why you left.”

He lifted my hand to his lips again and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “I have to take the blame for that one. I begged them not to tell you anything.”

“Doesn’t mean they even like me anymore. I caused you pain for a lot of years.”

“That wasn’t your fault either. I kept the truth from you. They know that, and they’ll understand.”

I quirked a brow at him, but he continued.

“Honestly, they’re going to be thrilled that we’re together. They want me to be happy and I’m guessing that’s all your parents want from you.”

“I hope so.”

I really did. The difference between me and Sawyer was he had the advantage of knowing he was gay and watching his parents for signs about the way they might react. I, on the other hand, was about to throw a grenade in their laps and hope the explosion didn’t cause too much damage. Unlike Sawyer, my parents were all I had. There were no siblings to help me through this like he had with Julia. I’d be gutted if they couldn’t accept our relationship.

“When did you tell your parents? You said before you ran from them, so I guess it wasn’t right before you left.”

He shook his head. “No. I had so much to work out in my head when it came to my feelings for you. Plus, I was scared to death of what they would say.” He rested his hand on my leg. “I knew my parents loved me, but this was a game changer. That’s how I know exactly what you’re feeling, but I promise everything is going to be okay.”

As each day passed, I fell a little bit harder for the man next to me. It might have seemed fast, but I knew him almost as well as I knew myself. His likes, his dislikes, his favorite food and movies. I even knew every one of his pet peeves. He was a slob to my neatness and a night owl to my early riser, but there was nothing about Sawyer I’d ever change. If my parents made me choose, even after raising me for the last twenty-six years, I’d still choose Sawyer. The realization smacked me in the face like I walked into a door.

I love Sawyer.

I was 100 percent, hands down in love with Sawyer. And nothing anyone said or did was going to change that. I’d stick by him no matter what and glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, I knew he would do the same for me.

The closer we got to Sawyer’s childhood home, the more my hands started to clam up. Lines of perspiration ran down my temple and neck. Deep down, I recognized that Sawyer was right about his parents. Didn’t make the thought of telling them everything any less terrifying. When Sawyer pulled into the drive, my heart slammed into my chest.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Each breath seemed hard to draw in.

Sawyer turned to me, taking both of my hands in his. “I would kiss you and promise you can, but I don’t want to give anything away. Please just trust me. You can do this and everything is going to be okay.”

He searched my eyes. Maybe trying to find my confidence, my sense of calm? I had a good feeling I threw them both out the window and left them on the interstate on the way here. Something deep in his gaze made me nod and suck in a breath. He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles and waited for me to release the breath I’d been holding. I blew it out and reached for the door handle.

You can do this. I chanted it in my head over and over again, hoping it might give me the strength to face the next twenty minutes. By the time we reached the front door I had a hard time staying upright. Even my knees were shaking, threatening to drop me to the floor.

Sawyer wasted no time pushing the door open and gesturing for me to step inside. I did, just a little happy his parents hadn’t greeted us in the foyer. It gave me a few more minutes to calm my racing heart.

“Sawyer?” a soft female voice called from the top of the stairs.

“It’s me, Mom,” he shouted back, then leaned over to whisper in my ear. “Breathe, Reagan. Breathe.”

My eyes darted to his and for the briefest of seconds, I thought about begging him to take me home and forget about telling anyone. We could keep it between the two of us and his bandmates. No one would ever have to know. But how fair was that to Sawyer? I didn’t want him to think I was ashamed of being with him, but I also didn’t know if I could face the reality of my parents pushing me away.

“Hey,” she said, walking across the top balcony that led to the stairs. “What are you—” She froze at the top of the stairs, her eyes staring directly at me. “Reagan? Is that you?”

“It’s him, Mom.”

She raced down the stairs and wrapped her arms around me in a tight bear hug that practically cut off my ability to breathe. “Oh my God, I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Awkwardly, I patted her on the back. She’d been like a second mother to me growing up, but that had been a long time ago. “It’s good to see you again, Mrs. Alason.”

She leaned back and stared me down. With a little more than a foot on her, she still happened to be one of the most opposing figures I’d ever crossed. “Don’t start with that Mrs. Alason crap.”

I smirked. “Sorry, Charlene.” The tension in my body started to flow from me with the familiarity of being in her home.

“That’s better. Now, tell me what you’re doing here.” She turned to Sawyer. “And why are you here with Reagan. You haven’t seen him in years.”

“Where’s Dad? Do you think we could all sit down and talk?”

She watched him closely. “You’re being very mysterious.”

“Mom, please. I…” Sawyer glanced over at me. “We have something to share with you.”

She didn’t move. Didn’t blink for a few minutes before she threw her hands up in the air. “He’s out in the garage. Let me get him and we’ll meet you in the family room.”

“Thanks, Mom.” He bent down and kissed her on the cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to hear what you have to say.”

Charlene left us standing in the foyer. Sawyer took my hand and squeezed it when she was out of sight. “Want a drink? My dad still hides the good stuff in the cabinet above the stove.”

One thing we knew about sneaking liquor from Sawyer’s parents’ house was to leave the stuff in the top cabinet alone. His dad always managed to catch us when we did that. I laughed. “No, I’m not sure it will help right now. I may definitely need one when the day is over, though.”

He led me down the hall to the back of the house. The only things that had changed in the years since I’d last been there were the pictures. Many of the frames now held pictures of different graduations and some of Jaded Ivory’s successes.

The couch still sat along the back wall, with a chair on either side. Sawyer pulled the chairs closer and sat down on the couch. It felt like my whole body trembled as I paced back and forth in front of him.

He placed his hand on my arm, stopping my movement. “Would you sit down? Everything will be fine. Remember, I’ve been here before.”

I sat down and rested my arms on my thighs. Sawyer rubbed his hand along my back.

“Hey, if you want me to tell them, I’ll do it. I don’t mind.”

That brought my head up and I stared into worried eyes. He cupped my face in his hand, bringing me closer to cover my lips with his. I stopped for a brief second before I realized we’d hear the door to the garage close when they were on their way back inside. Our lips connected and the room around us faded. All I could pay attention to was Sawyer’s tongue as he drew it across the seam of my lips. Every time we kissed it was like the rest of the world no longer existed. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of feeling his mouth on mine.

A door slammed in the background. Sawyer and I jerked away from each other, facing forward and trying to pretend the last few minutes hadn’t happened. At least until they knew everything.

Sawyer’s dad stepped through the door first, followed closely behind by his mom, crossing the room with his hand extended. “Reagan, it’s so good to see you again.”

I stood and returned his handshake. “It’s good to see you, too, Mr.—” At that his dad’s brow lifted. “Sorry, Derek.”

“Much better.” He smiled and practically yanked Sawyer off the couch, tugging him into a hug. “Glad to see you finally called Reagan to work things out.”

Sawyer laughed and the sound traveled straight down my spine, setting my blood on fire. I loved his laugh. “Not exactly, Dad. Reagan hunted me down at a meet and greet.”

He looked over at me. “Good for you, son. I wasn’t sure this guy would ever get his head out of his ass.”

“I didn’t expect him to either, so once I heard they were playing at the arena near Hayward, I decided to go see him.”

Sawyer glanced back and forth between his parents. “That actually has a little bit to do with what we wanted to talk to you about. You guys mind sitting down?”

They glanced at each other warily before moving around to take their seats.

“What did you want to tell us?” Charlene asked.

Sawyer looked over at me, waiting for a sign that I was ready to do this. I’d probably never be ready, but it was now or never.