CHAPTER 29

Sawyer

Reagan looked like a deer in headlights. I knew that feeling all too well. The way my stomach clenched. Hearing the pounding of my heart in my ears. Exactly how I felt walking into this house the night before I left for college and laying it all at their feet. I’d never understood how much my parents loved me before that moment.

It was unconditional.

But Reagan’s fear was real. Many times, people expected their parents to understand and the opposite happened. Most of me believed that of Reagan’s parents. However, there was a small part of me that worried about what would happen if they couldn’t or wouldn’t understand.

He gave me a slight nod and turned to face my mom and dad.

“Mr. and Mrs.—”

“Reagan,” my mother warned. Her eyes flashed to me and quickly back to Reagan. A sparkle brightened her gaze.

She knew. Somehow she already knew about our relationship. Another reason my mom was the best. She didn’t say a word. I knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted to give Reagan a chance to practice saying it all and getting that first time acceptance. Right then, I wanted to jump from my seat and hug the shit out of the woman. Instead, I kept my ass planted to the couch and waited.

“Sorry. Charlene and Derek. Sawyer and I have, uh…we, uh, have…something we need to tell you.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. Not the megawatt one I knew she wanted to use, but encouraging nonetheless.

This time I gave him the nod of encouragement. He sucked in a breath, slowly letting it out. I could see the way his hands trembled in his lap and I had to stop myself from reaching out and taking hold of them.

“Well…um…Sawyer and I…have been, uh…dating for the last few months,” he rushed out on a breath of air.

My mom paused for all of about a half second before she launched herself at the two of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Reagan brace himself as she wrapped her arms around our necks, pulling us into a group hug that stole my breath. And I mean literally stole my breath. Her arm was so tight I couldn’t suck any air into my lungs.

“Oh my God,” she squealed. “I’m so happy for the two of you.”

“Charlene, love,” my dad said from somewhere behind her. I couldn’t see where he was standing, Mom’s hair blocking my line of sight. “I think you need to let them go now so they can breathe. Their lips are starting to turn blue.”

Mom’s grip instantly released. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy. I never thought Sawyer would find anyone who could meet his standards.”

“Mom,” I warned. Reagan and I had come a long way, but that still didn’t mean he knew the depth of my feelings for him. The right time hadn’t come to give him everything.

She pressed a kiss to both our foreheads and moved back to her own seat, giving my dad a chance to stand up and shake my hand, yanking me into another tight hug. At least this time I could breathe. He did the same to Reagan, patting him on the back, telling him how much courage it took for him to tell them.

My parents were amazing even if deep down their words made me a little sad. Not for the way they accepted Reagan without batting an eyelash, but for the fact he had to be brave or nervous. I hoped for the day where no one had to come out of the closet so to speak. We were just all people living our lives any way that made us happy. I knew having Reagan in my life that my happy had already started.

Reagan dropped down onto the couch, a sigh of relief blowing past his lips. I rested my hand on his thigh and his eyes flew open. For one brief moment, I thought he might protest. Outside of the band this was the first time I’d touched him as more than a friend in front of others. Almost like his mind had to catch up, he glanced at my parents, who were still smiling, and laid his head back against my sofa, enjoying the simple touch.

“You are so cute together,” my mom cooed.

I rolled my eyes and glanced at her. “We try our best.”

Reagan took a few calming breaths, then sat up to face the rest of us. “Sorry, I needed a minute.”

Dad nodded. “We understand. What you just did isn’t easy.”

“You’re right. It’s not.”

A sheer line of sweat covered Reagan’s brow. Only his first adrenaline dump of the day. I had a feeling he’d put telling his parents in the back of his head until it was time to head over there. Mom got up and moved to the other side of Reagan on the couch. “Have you talked to your parents yet?”

At least if my mom hadn’t brought it up.

“Not yet. Sawyer thought it would be good practice to tell you first.”

She took his hand in hers. “I think that was a very smart move. Your parents love you no matter what you decide.”

“I hope you’re right.”

She covered his hand with her other one and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t worry, I am.”

“Thanks, Charlene.”

I cupped Reagan’s jaw with my right hand and turned him to face me. “I told you everything would be fine.” I didn’t give him a chance to protest, just pressing my lips to his, hoping to ease his tension of the last few hours.

We broke apart, but he pressed his forehead to mine. “Thank you for being here with me.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

Once it seemed as Reagan calmed down, we sat and talked with my parents for a bit. I gave them all the information about the PR tour I was about to head out on. Reagan filled them in on his time working as a lawyer. I noticed the way his leg bounced up and down as he told them about the types of cases he handled. He hadn’t even given them a true accounting of how much time he put in at work. My mom must have noticed it as well.

“Reagan, honey, I’d love to hear more about your job. Believe me, I find what you do absolutely fascinating.”

“Thanks a lot, Mom,” I said, letting the sarcasm bleed into my tone.

“Don’t start, Sawyer. I hear about the band every other day. This is something new.” She turned back to Reagan. “I can’t help but notice the way your leg is shaking and the way your gaze keeps traveling around the room like your mind is somewhere else.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head. “Don’t be sorry. You have a lot on your mind. Why don’t you let Sawyer drive you over to your parents? If you and your parents feel up to it afterward, we can all have dinner together and catch up some more.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” I chimed in.

Reagan slowly stood. “You’re right. My mind is definitely elsewhere. I need to get this off my chest. No matter what their reaction might be. I can’t keep hiding from them.”

“I promise.” Mom held up her one hand. “They are going to be fine with all of this.”

“Mom, you talk like you have some kind of inside knowledge.”

“Absolutely not. I just know how Kathleen and Tommy are. They’ll love you no matter what your choices are.”

He gave her a half smile, one that didn’t reach his eyes. The color slowly drained from his face. He needed to get this over with so he could breathe easy again. Even if they hurt him, he wouldn’t have to worry about the unknown anymore.

I stood and reached out for his hand, lacing our fingers together. “Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He looked at my parents. “Hopefully, we’ll see you later.”

“Even if you don’t do dinner, you’re always welcome back here.”

I waved to my parents on the way out the door, wanting to get Reagan to his parents before he threw up or worse, decided not to tell them. That this was all too much for him to deal with.

We climbed in the car. Reagan didn’t make a sound on the short ride there. He sucked in short, shallow breaths and for one minute I thought he might start to hyperventilate. I put the car in park and faced him.

“If you want me to, I can stay in the car.”

He shook his head emphatically. “Absolutely not. You may not be able to hold my hand while I tell them, but I want you as close to me as possible. I need you to be my rock, no matter what happens.”

“I’ll be anything you need me to be.”

We got out of the car and I followed a short distance behind him, trying to not stare at his ass, making everything more than obvious. He lifted his hand like he was knocking on some strangers’ door. Just as quickly he lowered his hand and blew his hair off his forehead.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” he whispered under his breath and pushed the door open.

“Mom? Dad?” he called.

“In the den,” his dad called out to us.

He gave my hand a brief squeeze before starting toward the back of his parents’ house. The TV blared in the background as we took the three steps down into the room. In the years since I’d been there, they’d replaced some of the furniture and the TV. A large U-shaped sectional took up the middle of the room on one side. The wall to the left still held a ton of pictures of Reagan throughout his life. Looking at that wall, I understood what he was afraid of losing.

“Hey, Reagan, what are you—” His mom stopped mid-sentence, her gaze flying to me. “Sawyer?”

“Hey, Mom. It’s him.”

She stood and like my mom, rushed over and pulled me into a hug, rocking me back and forth. “Where have you been hiding? We’ve been keeping tabs on your band since Reagan pointed out it was you behind the drums.”

“Awww, thank you.”

She stepped back, holding me by the shoulders, her gaze examining every inch of me. “That doesn’t explain where you’ve been.”

I glanced at Reagan out of the corner of my eye. It was now or never. Sweat formed on his brow, but he straightened his shoulders.

Now.

“That’s kind of what we’re here to explain.”

She took each of our hands and led us over to the side of the sectional couch. She sat on one side of me with Reagan on the other. “Talk to us. What’s going on? Does it have something to do with your band members?”

Reagan shook his head. “Nothing like that, Mom. We need to talk about why Sawyer left.”

His mom’s gaze shot to me. “Did something happen to you? Were you okay? What can we do to help?”

“Mom,” Reagan groaned. “Would you stop asking a million questions and listen?”

She pretended to zip her mouth shut and folded her hands in her lap, like a schoolgirl who’d just been given a detention for her excessive talking.

“Well…uh…Sawyer…uh, and I…um…have something to tell you.”

His mom moved closer to the edge of the couch. “What is it?”

Reagan looked at me and I could see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. And again like at my parents’ house, he let it out on a rush of air. “Sawyer left because he’s gay and he thought I might not be able to accept that.”

Fiery eyes moved to Reagan. “You better not have given him that indication. We don’t choose who we love.”

With those words, I noticed Reagan’s shoulder start to relax. Kathleen had crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for his answer. I think a part of him was so relieved she wasn’t upset, that he forgot to answer her. One of her brows winged up to her hairline as a sure sign she might lose her shit on him in a matter of seconds. Belatedly, he realized how close his mom was and rushed to reassure her.

“No, Mom. I would never push him away because of who he loves.”

If only Reagan knew he was that person. He had been the only one.

She looked back and forth between us, her stance relaxing as she waited for us to continue.

“Well…” I started, but Reagan shook his head, stopping the flow of words.

He turned back to his mother. “There’s more to it than that.”

Her head tilted to the side, probably running through the million scenarios that could make me being gay different. I would have been willing to bet the reality was nowhere near what she expected.

“What else could there be?”

Reagan opened his mouth to speak and at the same time quietly slipped his hand in mine. Her eyes followed our hands. “Sawyer and I are in a relationship.”

Tommy was staring at our joined hands, and I braced myself for their reaction. I saw Reagan do the same thing out of the corner of my eye. “So you’re gay?”

There was no animosity or hatred in his voice, just curiosity. Just a parent trying to understand what his son was telling him. His mom still hadn’t said a word.

Reagan looked at his dad. “No, I wouldn’t say gay, maybe bi. I didn’t suddenly start not finding women attractive. I’m just more attracted to Sawyer right now.”

He squeezed my fingers. While it felt good to hear the words, there was a part of me that couldn’t leave out the right now. Would he eventually get tired of me, push me away for a woman? Someone who society would be more willing to accept? Digging deep, I shoved those thoughts away. Reagan was with me and I wouldn’t let the what-ifs of the future ruin that.

His dad nodded and stood from the couch, holding his hand out to Reagan. He took it and let his dad pull him to standing. Reagan’s dad wrapped his arm around him, hugging him tight. Reagan began shaking from head to toe.

“You have nothing to worry about. You are my son and nothing will change that. I’ll always love you.”

Reagan’s whole body relaxed against his dad, letting him absorb some of the shaking from the adrenaline dump. A tear glistened in Kathleen’s eyes as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “Tommy’s, right. We love you both no matter who you’re with. All we want from either of you is for you to be happy.”

I hadn’t noticed the tension in my shoulders when we’d left my parents’ house, but those words made it seem like I could breathe again. Reagan turned around and hugged his mom.

He watched me over his shoulder and winked. I loved having my Reagan back. “He makes me really happy.”

“That’s all I care about.”

Reagan sat next to me, closer than before, and laid his hand across my thigh, resting his head on my shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered.

I set my hand against his cheek. “Anything for you.”

The room was silent for a moment while Reagan’s parents came to terms with the new reality, but that didn’t stop them from also asking us to stay for dinner. In the end we decided to take both of our parents out. We talked, laughed, and joked. Things were looking brighter every day. If only the rain cloud of telling my secret to the world would have disappeared.

It was something we still needed to face, but until the time came, I planned on enjoying my little piece of happy.