CHAPTER 7

Sawyer

 

Throughout the set, I couldn’t stop myself from peeking to the side of the stage where Reagan listened to us play. Many nights I watched Cole do the same thing with Mari and for a brief moment, I wished we could have had the same thing. Quickly, I pushed it aside. Reagan was back in my life and that was what mattered most. Things had still been a little awkward when he arrived, but I had a feeling we needed time to get to be around each other again.

What shocked me each time I looked over was that his eyes weren’t on Mari where I expected them to be. I may like guys, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t see. Mari was hot and she knew it. Considering the shit she pulled in the green room, I thought for sure I’d find his gaze on her. Blood roared through my ears when I saw her hand on his knee. She wanted me to lose my shit on her. She knew if I went off, I’d have to explain why, which I wasn’t ready to do. Hopefully, she didn’t try and pull more of that shit with him.

We waved to the crowd as the lights went down and slowly moved from behind our instruments. The stage hands were already racing past us to change out the equipment for The Black Sails, the headliner tonight. The cool breeze hit me as soon as I stepped past the black curtain meant to hide most of the back from the audience. A small bead of sweat ran down my temple onto my cheek. Normally, I went right for the dressing room and the shower. Not tonight. Tonight, I wanted to see Reagan’s reaction to the show.

He walked toward me, powerful strides eating the distance between us. A smile dawned on his face. “You were awesome.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug. “You did it! I’m so fucking proud of you.”

My arms squeezed tight, enjoying the touch even if it would only last for a moment. Reagan let go and turned to face the rest of the band. “That was fantastic.”

The guys nodded and continued down the hall. Hot and tired like I’d been before getting a hug from Reagan. They wanted a shower as badly as I did. A shower, then drinks. Mari, the little troublemaker, sidled right up to Reagan and smirked at me.

“Thanks,” she said, wrapping her arm around his bicep. I clenched my jaw shut. “I’m so glad you could come.”

“Me too.”

Without letting go, she walked down the hall to her own room. “I hope you’re having drinks with us tonight.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

I had to swallow the bile that rose up in my throat watching the way she squeezed his bicep with her fingertips. Taking the hand of her free arm, I stopped her movement down the hall.

“What’s up?” She turned the most innocent gaze on me, batting her lashes up at me like I had no idea what she was up to.

“Don’t you need to change before we go out? Reagan can wait in my room while I change.”

Reagan’s eyes tracked between the two of us. He was smart enough to know something wasn’t right with the whole situation.

“But—”

I tugged on her hand a little tighter. “No buts. We’ll meet up with you soon enough.”

She snatched her hand from mine and patted the arm she still held. “Oh, okay. I’ll see you guys before you know it.” She winked at Reagan then made a left down another hall to the dressing room she’d used for the night. As I watched her go, she began walking backward and mouthed tell him before facing forward again. She disappeared into the room and I breathed a sigh of relief. The first one since she’d shown up in the green room.

Mari may be the best friend I gained when I lost Reagan, but I couldn’t stand much more of her shit. In my head, I knew she wouldn’t do anything and was just trying to force me to tell Reagan. The problem was my heart and my cock didn’t understand that. They wanted Reagan all to themselves.

If only that were possible.

Taking a deep breath and releasing it, I found the pounding of my heart slowing. “Did you want to head to the green room and grab a beer first?”

He nodded. “That sounds good.”

We stopped by the room where food still adorned all the tables and grabbed a few beers. Now that Mari was away from Reagan, my mind kept coming back to the feel of Reagan’s hard chest as it touched mine. I knew it made me a dick, but I couldn’t stop the fantasies from running through my head of all the things I would have liked to do to that chest if only I’d been allowed. Realizing that my fantasizing wasn’t going to get me anywhere, I mentally shook off the thoughts and drained the beer in my hands.

Reagan lifted a brow at me. “Rough performance? Not that I noticed. I thought it was amazing. I can’t believe how much you’ve grown as a performer.”

That comment seemed to shake me out of my inappropriate thoughts. I opened another beer and gestured toward the hall to keep us moving. “Not a rough performance. Just celebrating.”

“Uh-huh. That’s not how you celebrate unless something drastic changed in the last few years.”

I smirked. “Maybe not, but tonight I do.”

“Fair enough.” Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed with every swallow he took.

We reached the door to my room for the night. I pushed it open and led Reagan inside. He took a seat on the couch and a picture of me straddling his lap popped into my head. My dick immediately began to fill. I needed a cold shower before things got any worse. I lifted the hem of my shirt to wipe the sweat from my brow.

“Why don’t you relax while I jump in the shower really quick?”

“Sure. Where are we going when you’re done?”

“Not sure. It’s Jackson’s turn to pick.”

I walked into the small bathroom in the room and shut the door. If I didn’t get the blood flowing north soon, things were going to go to shit fast. Every single thing he did had my mind wandering to places it really didn’t need to go. Something had to give. I was not into torture of the blue balls kind.

I flipped the shower onto cold. Kill two birds with one stone. Wash off and get my body under control. The water felt colder than I thought it would be. Didn’t stop me from climbing in and letting the frozen water race down my skin. Goose bumps broke out along my arms and my balls shriveled up to my body. At least my mind wasn’t focused on Reagan any longer.

I raced through the shower, clenching my jaw to keep my teeth from chattering. The longer I stood under the spray, the more pain each drop against my skin caused. I rinsed the soap from my body and turned off the water, sucking in lungfuls of air. Apparently, I’d been holding my breath the entire time.

After drying off, I pulled on a pair of boxers and picked up my phone from the counter. Now that my head was clear, I needed to deal with Mari and the bullshit she pulled in the green room.

Me: What was that shit earlier in the green room?

While I waited for her answer, I pulled on a pair of jeans and T-shirt. A drop of water slid down the side of my face. I rubbed the towel over my head to get rid of the excess water. My phone buzzed.

Mari: What shit? We were hanging out before the show

What shit? She had to be fucking kidding me. My fingers were flying across the keys before I stopped to think about it.

Me: Don’t start. Why were you flirting with him?

I held the phone tightly in my grip, waiting to hear her answer. Mari had never been good at hiding things from me. She was definitely up to something.

Mari: I was being friendly

Me: I know you’re up to something. Knock that shit off.

Only a few seconds later and my phone buzzed again.

Mari: I’ll be on my best behavior

“Bullshit,” I said even though there was no way for her to hear me.

I had to find a way to keep my cool. Best guess? Mari was trying to provoke me into losing my shit and spilling to Reagan about being gay. I wouldn’t let that happen. A quick glance at the clock and I realized I’d been in the bathroom way too long for a quick shower. I ran my hands through my hair a few times, letting the shaggy mess fall wherever it landed. It never stayed where I put it when styled anyway.

I threw my stuff into my bag and reached for the handle. Before turning it, I stopped and took a deep breath. Mari was out to get me all worked up. I had to keep my focus on ignoring her attempts. She’d promised to find a way to force me to tell Reagan and I needed to make sure that didn’t happen. Why she was so hung up on him knowing was beyond me. Did she think it would change anything? No matter what was said, Reagan would still be straight.

I finished pulling on my Chucks and opened the door. Reagan lounged on the couch, playing with his phone. Something so simple, yet it reminded me of many nights we spent after practices or rehearsals watching TV and laughing about the shit we saw online. It hadn’t hit me until that moment how much I missed having Reagan in my life. The jokes, the laughter, the arguments about winning teams. I missed it all. It was my fault we were in this awkward place. Somehow I needed to find a way to fix it. I’d find a way to push my desire for him aside and be happy with the parts of him I could have.

“Ready?” I asked when he hadn’t noticed me.

He looked up from his phone at me. “Yeah. Who’s driving?”

“You are.” I smirked. “You have the cleaner car.”

Reagan rolled his eyes. “I can only imagine the disaster that is your car. Some things never change.” He shoved his phone in his pocket and dangled his keys in my face. “Let’s go.”

My phone buzzed. I pulled it from my pocket to read the message. “Jackson says we’re heading to The Lighthouse. It’s down on fourteenth.”

“Great. I’m fucking starving.” He yanked the door open and held it to make sure I’d followed him out.

If I had the chance, there wasn’t anywhere I wouldn’t follow him.