CHAPTER 23

Sawyer

 

My palms were sweaty and my stomach rolled. I hadn’t even been this nervous when I told my parents. It didn’t make any sense that I would be this nervous. Then again, I hadn’t only told one of my parents and kept it from the other. Heath and Mari had known my secret for years. Monty and Jackson were in the dark and I had no idea how they might react to the truth. I couldn’t keep it from them any longer. I may not want the press to know about mine and Reagan’s relationship, but everyone in the band deserved to know the truth.

“Would you stop pacing?” Reagan leaned his shoulder on the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.

My feet stopped moving and I looked up shocked I’d been moving. The last thing I remembered was sitting on the couch trying to figure out what to say. A drumstick was held tightly in my hand. “I didn’t realize…”

“You know, out of the two of us, I should be the one freaking out. You’ve at least done this before.”

“This is not the same things. And besides, those were my parents. I knew they wouldn’t hate me in the end. Hell, I think they knew before I did.”

He pushed off the wall and walked toward me. “What makes you say that?”

I brushed a stray lock of hair from his forehead. “My mom mentioned the way I watched you the night I told her.”

The corners of his mouth pulled up. “You watched me?”

“Yes.” I wrapped my hand around the nape of his neck. “But you already knew that.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like hearing it.”

“You’re an egotistical bastard.”

A dark brow lifted and he shrugged. “Yeah, but you knew that before you sucked my dick.”

“Woah, way too much information.”

Both our heads snapped to the kitchen door to see Mari standing there, hands raised in the air, a wooden spoon in one of them.

“Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes. “Like I never had to listen to or watch you with Cole.”

“Fair enough.” She pointed between the two of us with the spoon. “Now both of you get your asses in the kitchen and help me before I forget I’m doing you a favor and leave you both to your own devices.”

“Well, at least I can cook.” I threw my thumb over my shoulder at Reagan. “He can make like three things. Hot dogs, grilled cheese, and frozen pizza.”

“I can make more than that,” Reagan protested.

I stopped in my tracks and spun to face him with my arms crossed over my chest. “Oh yeah, like what?”

“I make an unbelievable bowl of Ramen.”

“Eww.” Mari scrunched her nose up as I burst out laughing. We both knew he burned that shit every time. “That shit’s nasty. You’re not eating it in front of me.” Still grumbling, she disappeared into the kitchen.

“Ramen? Really?” I asked, still laughing.

Reagan took a step forward. “What, you don’t like burnt Ramen? Unless someone wants to cook for me more often.”

“Ha. Nice try.”

He cupped my face in his hands. “Relax. They’re your friends, they’re not going to care. If they do, fuck ’em.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fuck ’em? Is that your answer to everything?”

“When someone doesn’t see things the way I want them to.”

“I’m sure that will go over well with a judge and jury someday.”

Mischief lit his eyes. “Maybe not, but who says it will ever get to a jury?” He took another step forward, pressing our bodies together. “I can be very persuasive.”

I wrapped my hands around his wrists. “This I already know.”

“Get in here,” Mari yelled.

Intense brown eyes focused directly on mine. The heat in them drew most of the blood from my brain and suddenly I wished we were alone in my bedroom instead of cooking for the band. Even through our pants, I could feel his body harden against me. I leaned forward to take his lips with mine.

“Sawyer!”

Reagan jumped at the sound of Mari’s voice. He glanced over at the doorway. “She sounds pissed.”

That made me laugh. “She’s not. That’s her way of getting my attention.” I nodded to the door. “Let’s get in there. Since I can’t have the distraction I want, I’ll take what I can get.”

He gestured forward. “Lead the way.”

We walked into the kitchen where Mari was stirring something in a pot on the stove. She looked over her shoulder at the two of us. “The chicken is already in the oven and I’m working on the sauce.”

Reagan clasped his hands together. “Sawyer wasn’t lying about my cooking skills, but I’ll do whatever you tell me.”

She pointed farther down the counter where there sat a cutting board and knife. “You’re on salad duty.”

Reagan lifted his hands and laughed. “Fair enough.”

I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and set it next to the vegetables he pulled from the fridge.

“Oh no, you don’t get to make salad and flirt with your boyfriend. You get to make the garlic bread and pasta.”

Unfortunately for Mari my brain stopped listening at the word boyfriend. Reagan’s eyes met mine and for that moment in time nothing existed but the two of us. We’d never discussed labels or dating or anything more than being together. A relationship with Reagan? Something I wanted more than anything. That didn’t mean he would be ready to define whatever this was as a relationship. He had just accepted he was attracted to another man for the first time in his life and I didn’t want to push him. A part of me still feared him freaking out about all of this and running. My heart pounded in my chest as I waited for his reaction. I should have known better than to question him.

“You’re no fun, Mari. I like flirting with my boyfriend.”

He didn’t blink or flinch as the words left his lips. And to prove his point, he grabbed a handful of my ass and pulled me closer. He must have noticed the shock on my face because he gave me a wink and turned back to the task at hand. In a daze I walked over to the table, where Mari had already set the bread out, and got to work.

I’d just dumped the pasta into the boiling water when someone called from the front door. “Anyone home?”

Mari dropped the spoon and bolted from the room. I kept my feet firmly planted where I stood.

“Who’s here?”

I chuckled. “Cole. Mari only runs if it means getting down and dirty with him.”

Cole had been on the road so often lately, Reagan hadn’t had the chance to meet him yet. The few times Cole had been around since the season started, Reagan had been at work or home going through a case. Cole came back into the kitchen with Mari’s legs wrapped around his waist.

“For fuck’s sake, get a room.”

Mari scoffed. “I would, but I’m doing your sorry ass a favor. Besides, this is cleaner than what I walked in on earlier.”

Cole glanced down at Mari. The way the corners of his mouth curved up watching her made you realize how in love with her he was. Not for the first time I wondered if I had the same smile when I looked at Reagan. I’d be willing to bet I did. The question was did anyone recognize what it meant? Mari and maybe Heath did, but they were the only ones who knew how deep my feelings went for the man on the other side of the kitchen.

Reagan watched the two of them, then his eyes went wide. “Shit, I can’t believe I’m meeting Cole Wallace.”

Cole wasn’t an idiot and looked back and forth between the two of us. He glanced at me with a smirk on his face. “About time you met someone.”

“I actually met him a long time ago. Things just finally lined up for the two of us.”

He let Mari slide from his grip and turned toward Reagan with his hand extended. “Nice to meet you...”

Reagan dried his hand off on a towel and took his hand. “Reagan Setton.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I see Mari’s put you to work.”

“He apparently has the same ability to cook as Jackson,” Mari offered

Cole’s face scrunched up and I understood the feeling. “That bad?”

“It’s pretty bad,” Reagan assured him.

I nodded. “It’s definitely Jackson level bad.”

Cole walked over to me. “Good thing you and Mari are in charge.”

Mari plunked her hands on her hips. “Who’s this you and Mari? It’s just Mari, thank you very much.”

“Fine, fine.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek. “What do you want me to do?”

Mari watched me out of the corner of her eye as she turned back to stir the sauce. “Get Sawyer a drink before his hands shake so bad he drops part of dinner.”

“I’m fi—” When I saw the movements of the colander in my hand, I knew she was right. I thought I’d pushed it all out of my head. Apparently, I’d been pretty wrong. “A drink would be good.”

Cole moved to the cabinet where we kept the liquor and scanned the contents. “How about a shot of tequila?”

“No,” the three of us practically shouted at the same time.

Cole’s head snapped around. “’Kay, no tequila.”

“Let’s just say Jose and I don’t have the best relationship.”

Reagan lifted a brow over the dark eyes focused on me. “I don’t know. You’ve had at least one good night with Jose.”

“Not sure I’d call that a good night, but I’m happy with what happened the next morning.”

Cole moved to the fridge and pulled out four beers, handing one to each of us. “So what’s the occasion? Why the big dinner?”

Mari sidled up next to Cole. “Sawyer’s finally planning to tell the rest of the band.”

Reagan brought the bowl of salad to the table and came to stand by me. Every time I looked at him, I got caught in his gaze. Being surrounded by our friends made no difference. It was like everything else in the room faded away. “I finally have a reason to tell everyone.”

“It’s time they know.” Heath stepped into the room, running a hand through his long black hair.

I sighed. “I know, I know. You both have been trying to convince me of that for years. I probably should have told them earlier, but honestly, I never thought I’d have a reason it would matter to anyone but me.”

A timer went off. Mari grabbed the pot holders and pulled the chicken from the oven, setting it on the table to cool. I flicked the water off on the pasta when I heard the front door open.

“We’re here,” Monty yelled, dragging out the words.

My breath caught in my throat. Was I really ready for this? Mari walked over and cupped my cheek. “Breathe. For crying out loud, breathe. They’re not going to care. They might be a little pissed you waited this long to tell them, but they won’t care.”

“She’s right,” Heath chimed in. “We’ll go keep them occupied and give you a few minutes to calm down.”

Mari leaned up on her toes and pressed a light kiss to my cheek. With a small smile, she followed Cole and Heath into the living room. Reagan wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. “It’ll be fine. And I’ll be here no matter what happens. Whatever you need.”

I rested my head on his shoulder and turned my lips to his neck. “Thank you,” I whispered.

We stood there for a few more seconds, when Reagan began to fidget. “I know you want to tell them, so unless you want to let them hear what’s going on between us, I think you need to get your lips off my neck and let me calm down for a moment. Otherwise I’m taking you down the hall to your room and let them hear the truth.”

The statement was so outrageous it helped settle my nerves enough that I could draw a full breath. I stepped back and ran my eyes over the room, making sure everything was done. Steam rose from the boiling pasta. I pulled if from the stove and after draining it, poured it into the pot of sauce. I moved it to the table and looked over at Reagan.

“Do I tell them now or after dinner?”