Having Jenny in my arm feels way more intense than I ever thought possible. I never knew I would have the capacity to feel so deeply for someone else. My relationship with Ben and my sister are about as close as you can get. Yet, I still only let them in at a certain level. It’s easier to keep others at a distance, that way there are no attachments or ties. Clean breaks. You go in, you go out. Nothing complicated.

When Beth died, my capacity to relate and help Ben scared the shit out of me. It brought to the forefront so many painful memories that I had blocked out and pushed away. There were moments I wanted to check out of the situation. My mind couldn’t handle going through that process again. But somehow I managed to get my shit together and help him. Observing him deal with his continued pain is horrible and reinforced that I wanted no part of it.

Losing my mom the way I did changed me- and not for the better. Seeing her slip away a little more each day was just as agonizing as when I finally lost her. Her depression was a slow debilitating process that crippled me. I never knew what to expect one day to the next. The love you feel for the woman who raised you is a strong and unyielding emotion. So I told myself absolutely, no way in hell, would I let myself get sucked in by the power of love. No love – no pain.

I swore I wouldn’t let myself go through that. It would not happen to me. Not ever again. Yet, here I am. I’m letting her in. She’s the one girl who I’m choosing to let in and learn more about me. More than I’ve let anyone. I’m choosing Jenny.

She’s the one who can call me on my shit and I let her. She challenges me and I secretly love it. She’s the one girl that holds the power to love me and the power to break me. And I’m letting it fucking happen.

Wrapping my arms around her tighter I know I’m fucked. This can go two ways. I can keep my mouth shut or open my mouth and tell her how she makes me feel. Either way I will naturally screw up as usual. It’s innate.

My dad reminded me daily how I fuck things up, so I usually do. My friendship with Ben and my sister are the two things I haven’t messed up and I work hard to keep it that way. Opening up to Jenny could be either the best thing or the worst thing to happen.

I want to listen to my gut and Gramps’ busybody ways, but frankly I’m scared shitless. I haven’t a fucking clue what to do here. So internally I decide not to speak. Let Jenny talk when she’s ready. I’ll just hang on tight and keep dancing with her.

I’m amazed at how easy this is with her. Being here with her like this. We fit perfectly together. God, I’m being a complete pussy right now. This is extremely atypical for me. Clearing my throat I decide to go for it and take a chance. “Jenny, you feel perfect in my arms.”

She sucks in a breath but doesn’t speak. I take that as a good sign. Chancing it again, I open my mouth, but before I can get the words out I’m interrupted.

“Jack, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think you’re right.”

I pull away just a tiny bit to look at her. My face must show my disbelief. “I’m sorry. Can you repeat that? I didn’t quite hear you.” My sarcasm can’t help itself as we both laugh. Looking at her I see the humor in her eyes as she playfully taps my shoulder.

“Oh you heard me. You are right.” Jenny tries to hang her head down to hide her face but I’m not having it.

“Hey, you know I’m just teasing. It’s kind of our thing, right?”

She surprises me with a gentle kiss on my lips. It’s a quick peck but it fills me with happiness, a promise for the more that everyone talks about.

“You know what’s funny, Jack? I was just thinking how you and I are not even close to being conventional yet here we are. I like how perfectly un-normal we are. We do fit.” I watch as her smile moves to her eyes. It’s the kind of look I want to see on her always. It needs to be there and I want it to be me making sure it’s there as on a regular basis.

My smile quickly turns into a devilish grin because I want so much more. “That’s good to know. I like our version of normal.”

She watches my face change and takes a small step back. “Jack, what are you up to?”

I pull her back in so that we are as close as two people can get before their lips touch. “Ahhh, Jenny, you know me too well. I am up to something. In fact, I would like to explain myself. But first, I want it noted that as much as I enjoyed your sweet kiss, it just won’t do.” Lifting up her chin so that her eyes meet mine, I state my case. “So let there be no doubt, this is what I’m thinking. Get ready Jenny Bean, I’m going in for more.”

Her soft chuckles warm me as I take my hands and cup her soft face. I let my hands stay, grazing my thumbs across her tender lips. I hold her stare and pause for an extra moment. There’s no need to rush this kiss. It needs to be memorable. Not just feeling it down to your toes memorable, but the kind that you never forget. The kind that she reads about in her wild books she loves. I want it to be the kind of kiss that’s imprinted on your heart and soul.

Her soft whisper interrupts my inner ramblings. “Jack?”

“Yeah, babe?” I feel her lips tremble slightly under my thumb.

“Are you gonna kiss me or not?” Her eyes are filled with desire and hope, and I definitely don’t want to disappoint.

Moving my hands away from her face, I place them at the base of her neck. “Yeah, babe, I’m gonna kiss you. I’m just trying to decide my approach and not rush it.”

She tries to look put off but her sly smile says otherwise. “Your approach? Since when did kissing become technical?”

The laughter that comes out of my mouth catches me off guard. But this is Jenny and she usually does. “What I meant was that I could kiss you two different ways.” I can see that her interest is piqued by the way her eyebrows rise.

“Oh, really? Please do tell, Jack. Or better yet show me.” Her last words trail off in a lustful whimper. This only adds more fuel to my desire to make this kiss an amazing one.

I find myself losing a bit more control with each second that ticks away. “You see I could kiss you soft, sweet and gentle with just the slightest bit of tongue. A kiss with a promise of more to come. Or…” I allow my words to trail off to see her reaction.

Her breath whimpers as she speaks.“Yes. Or?”

“Or I could go all in. Kiss the hell out of you using my lips, teeth and tongue. Get us so worked up and breathless that we need to hold onto each other for support.” Her breath hitches as she peeks out her tongue and wets her lips with desire. “So you see, either option works. I'm just not sure what you’re ready for.”

A primal lust washes over her. Her hands move onto my chest, and her fingernails dig in lightly. “I like both options,” she says and my body responds even more. Her fingers scratch my chest as she finishes her thought, “so I want both, Jack. Both. Right the fuck now.” Her nails dig deeper into my flesh. It’s the pleasurable pain that I love. It draws me in closer to her. I’m sure the smug smile I’m showing is a good one because she mirrors it back at me.

“Haha, well okay then, both it is.” My hands circle her head as I pull her to my waiting mouth. My tongue peeks out and brushes her lips. Her soft sigh fuels me to do it again. This time, when my tongue brushes across, she opens for me. Our mouths pause, both open, as we take in each other’s breaths before our tongues meet. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, I pull her into me as our lips close together.

Man, this girl can fucking kiss. It’s soft and gentle, but also sexy, rough and passionate. Who knew you could have both? She matches my tongue and nibbles with ease. She catches me off guard when her teeth come down gently on my tongue, slowly sliding it down to the tip. It immediately makes me think of her doing that to my cock. I can’t believe the moans coming out of my mouth. I’m out of my element here. She’s taking control and I’m relinquishing it to her. And I don’t mind it one bit.

Just as our bodies become flush and our hands begin to roam, we are startled by a loud bang. We jump away from each other like two kids caught groping each other in the basement. I look over to see Gramps walking into the kitchen with a smug look on his face. “It’s about time you two.” That’s all he says as he walks down the hall away from us. I look over at Jenny and at her disheveled appearance. Her face is beet red and it looks like she’s shaking slightly. I don’t look much better, given the raging hard on that I’m sure is quite visible.

We are both silent for awhile. I really have no idea what to say, but I think I know what to do. Reaching out, I take her hand in mine and bring it to my lips. I lightly brush against her knuckles and tickle her with the tip of my nose. My kisses move up to her inner wrist, as she releases soft sighs from her mouth.

“Mmmmmm…Jack…that feels amazing and our kiss was…was…wow…I have no words to describe that. But I think I should walk away before we both say or do something stupid. Let’s end this on a high note.”

My grip tightens slightly around her wrist as I kiss it one more time. “I agree. But promise me one thing. Promise me that I will see you later before I go.”

She brings her free hand up to my face and places it on my cheek. Leaning in she whispers in my ear, “I Promise.” She then places a kiss on my cheek and backs away from me. She doesn’t break eye contact as she exits the room. I watch her move away and I feel the loss again.

“Damn right later!” I yell to her as she leaves. Her laughter echoes from the other room as I grab my shorts in an attempt to calm my cock down. That’s when I look down and see the mess that she left on the floor. I chuckle as I bend down to pick it up. I can’t believe I actually feel like a horny teenager hoping for another make out session later. Jenny is right. We are nothing like normal. And that's just how I like it.