She’s here with me and that’s all that matters to me now. True, I’m terrified of what’s going to come out of her mouth, but the fact that she’s here is a good sign. I really have no idea what could have changed. Everything seemed to be on track with us finally.

We both admitted our feelings and are ready to commit fully to each other. Sure there are some details to work out, but we have each other. It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around it. We have each other. It's ironic how things happen and how circumstances shape us.

Was it fate all those years ago when I met Ben? Or the circumstances of her school boy crush? Or how we would talk when no one was around? Whatever the answer is, it led me to Jenny and this moment. I can’t fuck this one up.

I pull her into me as we sit on my couch. My arms fold her in so that her head is resting on my chest. My shirt turns moist from her tears, and my heart internally sighs from her sadness. We sit like this for what seems like hours but in reality it’s only been minutes.

The silence is deafening but necessary. I’m better off waiting and listening for her. I know Jenny and she’ll speak when she’s ready. My body feels paralyzed with both fear and overwhelming love for her. Scared is not a feeling I let myself have. The fact is, most of my youth I lived in the thick of it. I try hard not to let it creep in. Unfortunately, for me, it’s the only emotion that’s screaming inside me right now.

Her head moves off my chest as her nose sniffles. I reach for a tissue on the table next to me. She takes it from me, wipes, and then blows it. It’s so friggin’ loud that I can’t help but laugh. She looks irritated at me but then soon follows me in laughter.

“Jesus, Jenny, for a tiny thing, you sure can blow your nose.” She gives me a playful smack on my tear-stained shirt while I roll my eyes and feign injury. This makes her smile wider and I hope that’s a good sign.

“What the fuck am I going to do with you?” It’s a playful tone but her question is legit.

“I haven’t a clue. I don’t even know what I’ve done to make you so upset.” My finger catches a stray tear as I place her hair behind her ear. “All I know is that I haven’t felt this scared in a long time.”

Her eyes widen in surprise as if she can’t believe I would feel this worried. “Tell me why, Jack. Why are you scared?”

She wipes her nose again as she waits for my answer. Her hands play with the wet crinkled up tissue in nervous anticipation. My insides are yelling at me to speak but my fear won’t escape me. The tissue is crumbling into tiny pieces as her eyes get dimmer. She’s losing hope in me and I hate it. It’s time for me to unleash and let it all go.

“I’m scared of everything, Jenny. I’m scared of you and me. I’m scared of how you make me feel. I’m scared of saying and doing the wrong thing. I’m scared at how much I need you.” The light in her eyes begins to come back, so I keep going. “But, babe, honestly, the thing that scares me the most is fucking up and losing you.” My hand reaches for hers. I need to touch and feel her skin. “You ran from me today and that cut me deep. My life is not the same without you in it.”

Her breath changes as she smiles at me. It’s a slight grin but I’ll take it. Her body moves toward mine as her arms surround me. Her hug is overflowing with warmth, care, need, and love. It’s filling me up in a way that sex never could. “I love you, Jenny,” my light words whisper in her ear. Our hold tightens as our bodies shake from the rawness of our emotions.

“I love you, too, Jack. So much.”

I don’t want to break the hug but I need to know what happened. “Why did you run off? Did I do something wrong?” Her hands slide down my neck and rest on my chest as her head hangs low.

“I think we have some things to discuss. We said that we wouldn’t let our past dictate us but I’m afraid it is. There are many hurts that exist between us and I don’t know how to let them go.”

I adjust my body so that I am facing her better. I want her to see into my eyes, so I lift up her chin. “You told me that you wouldn’t run from me and you would always be here. Do you remember saying that?” Her head nods in agreement. “As frightened as I am of what your answer is, I need to know. Have you changed your mind?” Again, I wait in silence as my stomach twists in knots.

Finally she speaks. She licks her lips, her voice is low and cracked, but I hear her loud and clear.

“Yes, Jack, I have.”

Well, shit, I wasn’t expecting that.