I wake up in a full on sweat. My body jumps into alertness. My hand reaches over for Jenny and I’m comforted that she’s there. My nightmares of my mother and her death still plague me, but knowing Jenny is here gives me comfort.

I haven’t had this dream in a while, the one where I found her lifeless body. The bottle of pills next to her. I tried to help her but I was too late. As I stared at her and waited for the ambulance, my hand held hers. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry.

For years I carried the guilt. I used women, avoided life, and kept a distance from feeling things too deeply. My hand touches Jenny as she sleeps and that helps me get centered.

My life is going to be different. She makes me want to be a better man and gives me hope that my love is enough. I feel alive and have a purpose. I need to let go of my past and look to my future. Be the man she knows I can be and be the father our child deserves. Holy Christ, if it’s a girl. It will be my life’s mission to scare off any little shit that acted like me.

“Babe, are you ok?” Jenny is watching me with concern. She must see the sweat on me.

“I had the dream about my mom. It never gets easy but the pain is less. It’s still so hard.” Her body sits up as her hand rubs my back softly. She doesn’t speak and the silence is ok. She lets me be.

“I also thought about if our baby is a girl.” Her face smirks at what must be panic on my face. “I will protect her from jerks like me, baby, don’t you worry. No asshole guy will even get ten feet in front of her.”

She starts to laugh before she pushes me down and straddles me. “Now you listen hear, Jack Ryan, I happen to have fallen in love with a reformed asshole, so be careful what you say. I loved your ass and no one was going to stop me. Do you know why?” My head shakes tentatively before she continues. “I always saw the incredible person you were and are underneath. Don’t forget your worth. You are my always and you always will be.”

How did I get so lucky to have her? My mom must be an angel watching over me and sent me the incredible gift of Jenny’s love. “You are my always, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

I pull her into a hug before laying her back down on her side. I watch her yawn as her eyes flutter closed. She’s tired and needs some sleep. “Get your rest. We’ve got a big day tomorrow. I was thinking we should go get married.”

With that, I get one full eye open before the other joins it. “Jesus, Jack, there’s no way in hell I’m falling back asleep now. What are you talking about?”

“I think we should get married today. I don’t want to wait another minute. Let’s go up to my house on the Oregon coast, get married, and have an incredible honeymoon.”

“You’re being serious right now, aren’t you?” She sits up, bringing her legs to her chest. She hugs her arms around them while biting her lower lip. She’s definitely thinking about it. “Ok, then, what about my family? How can I not tell them? They could be either really happy or completely crushed.”

My hand rubs her bare back. “I thought about that. We can tell them first, if you want, and then go away. Or we say fuck it and just go. Tell them when we get back.”

“I don’t know, Jack.”

“Hey, we don’t have to decide right this minute. It was just a thought. Let’s sleep on it and talk again in the morning.” I pull her back down with me and snuggle her in. Her head rests on my chest and I feel safe. I have no fear of closing my eyes again, for she will be right here beside me. My eyes drift, but before slumber hits I sense her staring at me. “What are you doing, baby?”

“What am I doing? I’m looking at you, because I like you.” She gives me a playful smack. It’s sweet but I’m sensing there may be an underlying tone.

“I’m glad you like me but I’m feeling something else. Do you want to say anything, baby?” She gets out of the bed and begins to pace the room. Fuck, she’s gorgeous and she’s completely naked. Focus, Jack.

“Perhaps this is my moment to freak out, Jack. I mean in a matter of a few hours we’ve gone from engaged to pregnant to now eloping. That’s a hell of a lot to process and you want me to sleep?” I jump up to interrupt her path and putting my arms on her shoulders is the only thing I can think of doing.

“Listen to my voice, Jenny Bean. Breathe with me and listen to my voice.” I watch her match my intakes before I go on. “We got this. You and me. No matter what we decide. We got this. Always. Remember?”

She repeats always back to me before sinking into me. Softly, she whispers, “I love you. Let’s only tell Ben and Sam right now. Then let’s pack, baby.”

She’s my girl and do I love her.