My body is sore. I’ve already taken several huge hits today and it’s only the first half. The other guys are tough and not letting up. I feel like I’ve got a target on my back. I’m getting sucker punched too many times to count.

I take a quick glance up at Jenny in the stands. She glances at me briefly but turns away suddenly. I know we’re supposed to keep things quiet, but the way she’s acting is making me nervous. I’m probably reading way too much into it.

Taking a large gulp of water, I swish it around before spitting it out. It’s funny how I could have cared less what women thought before, but with her, I want to know. In fact, all I care about is her being happy. I would do anything for her, and that’s a weird feeling to have.

Watching my mom slip away slowly took pieces of me with her. It’s scary how depression can take over your body and eat away at you until you have nothing left. You become a shell of the person you once were.

Your life that was once so vibrant turns gray and ashy until you barely exist. At least, that’s what I saw. So it became easy to not give a fuck about much. Why bother connecting with someone that could only break you down all over again? I focused on other things and lost myself along the way. I became hollow.

Seeing Jenny again, after all this time, I realized that I didn’t want to be like my mother. I didn’t want to live my life the way I had been. This was my chance to fill the emptiness, to be filled with her and her love.

Ben’s hand whacks me on my back, breaking me from my drifting thoughts. I can’t help but look over at her again. She’s so fucking beautiful that it takes my breath away. God, I sound like a fucking pussy. Time to get my head back in the game.

Later I go through my clean-up routine as fast as I can. I need to get out there and see my girl. I know once I’m near her, my mind will be eased. I rush out of the locker room and head into the bar area of the club house. I’m immediately handed a beer, but I could care less about drinking it.

The place is packed and it’s hard to see her. My eyes scan around like crazy but she’s nowhere to be seen. I’m starting to get pissed. Where the hell is she? I finally spot Ben across the bar and he doesn’t look so good. I make my way over to find out what the hell is going on.

“Hey, man, where’s Sam and your sister?” I take a swig of my beer in the hopes of looking nonchalant.

Ben hangs his head down and shakes it. He actually looks sad and it makes me worried. Placing my hand on his back, I try to speak calmly. “What’s wrong? Are they ok?” Growing up the way I did, I learned to mask panic and worry in my voice. I had no choice because there were always so many questions.

Ben looks up and tells me that Jenny wasn’t feeling well so they left early. You can see that he’s disappointed. It’s clear how much he likes Sam. I’m happy for him, but right now I’m more focused on what’s going on with Jenny.

My behavior over the years has not prepared me for moments like this. In fact, I can feel my blood boiling, and if I don’t hit something I’ll explode. So much for being non-emotional. In fact, if I don’t leave the bar right now things could get ugly.

I knew something was wrong. I could sense it. She barely acknowledged me. Well, fuck her. She thinks that running away is the answer? Well, then let her. I don’t need this bullshit. What more could she possibly want from me? I poured out my heart to her and took a chance and then she runs, leaving me to bleed. Just fucking great, Jenny.

Placing my beer on the bar and grabbing my kit, I yell some kind of goodbye to Ben and head out the door. I barely make it about ten steps when Missy pounces on me. It’s quite evident that she’s good to go and it would be too easy to take her.

I can feel my old ways trying to break through. In fact, this is what I would typically do. When things get tough, I fuck. It works for me and makes dealing with reality a hell of a lot easier. Missy’s hands make their way up my arms as she turns me into her.

I do my best to avoid looking at her or even touching her. I close my eyes to try and curb my dangerous thoughts. Life would be a hell of a lot less complicated if I just gave up. Go back to how I used to be. Take her home, have my way with her, and kick her out. But then I see Jenny’s face and I know what I need to do.

Forcing my lids open, I look into Missy’s eyes. She’s not and never will be what I want. I don’t want her anymore. I want Jenny. She’s all I need. I need to call her and find out what happened and make it right.

“I’m sorry, Missy, but not tonight. In fact, not ever again. I can’t do this anymore. I’ll talk to you later.” I back away before she has a chance to respond. I grab my phone out of my pocket and make a beeline for my truck. My fingers slide across and hit call, and it goes straight to voice mail. I yell into the air, “Come on, Bean, pick up.”

My hands bang the steering wheel before trying her again. This time I leave a message. “Please, Jenny Bean. Talk to me. Don’t give up on me.” I hang up and think about what I should do next. Do I drive out to see her or wait? This is new ground I’m covering, and I’m not sure what approach I should take.

Leaning on the cautious side, I decide to give her some space and will drive out in the morning. Besides, I could use the space, too. In a short span of time, I think I became a girl and went from zero to sixty on the crazed emotional scale.

Parking my car, I head into my building feeling both physically and mentally exhausted from the day. It’s no surprise to me that she hasn’t called me back. How we went from being perfect to shit in less than twenty-four hours feels like a shitty roller coaster and I just need to get off before I crash.

Stepping off the elevator, I turn down my hall. My mind is trying to come up with something profound to tell her. I already told her I loved her so what more can a guy do? That’s when I see her. Her eyes are stained red from her tears as she sits on the floor hugging her knees to her chest.

My body stops out of fear. I know I should take a step but I feel stuck. She looks so upset and I don’t know if I can handle it. But one word from her is all it takes to set me straight.

“Jack.”

She only has to say my name and she’s got me. I’m there and there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for her.

“I’m here, Jenny.” I take her hands and pull her up into me. Slowly, I lead her through my door, not having a clue what will happen on the other side. We have to figure this out together. We have to because I can’t live without her.