His arms and body burn me. Sadly, I’m not sure that it’s a good heat anymore. His touch always elicited responses from comfort to passion. However, this time, I’m overcome with anger and sorrow. When you realize what you could have been and it’s lost, you crumble.

My body feels the heartache. It leaves me trembling. There’s so much I want to say to him but the words don’t come. My arms cling tighter as if I’m holding on for my life. I wish he would say something because my thoughts are scattered.

I need him to speak for both of us.

Finally I pull away, the absence of sound wounds me. Does it mean we have nothing left to say anymore? Are we avoiding the pain by staying silent?

My head hurts and I need to move away from him so I can breathe and keep some composure. Breaking down right now is not an option. So as difficult as it is, I step away. I’m filled with regret as soon as I take my first step.

Like all great love stories some you have to wait, or maybe in our case, end.

The night carries on as smoothly as possible. I manage to get Gramps on board with me and we slap some sense into Ben. He’s furious that Jack’s dancing with Sam right now. It’s the exact shove he needs to get his ass in gear.

You would think it should upset me, but I know why he’s doing it. I have to say it’s working brilliantly. So much so, that Ben is finally going after his happiness.

Despite my own miserable state, I manage a slight smile. They both have endured a lot and are worthy of second chances. Some people are born to love each other. That’s Ben and Sam. As for me, who knows?

I look around and watch other couples dancing and chatting. The evening went off without a hitch and it’s evident with the pleasing atmosphere. Sighing, I close my eyes and fight back the tears that I hid all night. I’m exhausted and need a break from all of this.

I open to see a familiar set of blue eyes staring back at me from across the room. Our gaze locks immediately. My feet want to move but I have no fight in me. I’m too damn tired. My eyes break first as my body steps into reverse. I’m done.

At least for now.

The music fades the closer I get to the pressing room. This is the only place I want to be right now. Heading back to my office, I go straight to the private reserve. This evening calls for the best. Popping the cork, I pour a heaping glass of Petite Syrah. The dark chocolate is calling my name, but the double chocolate chip ice cream is louder.

My feet fling my heels across the room and if I wasn’t so damn lazy the nylons would be gone, too. I plop my butt on the couch and grab a spoon. I take an enormous mouthful right from the carton. This is the therapy I need. I wish I could block out the past few weeks. Maybe have a hypnotist erase my brain or take a pill that makes you forget everything.

But then I would lose all the amazing memories of him. How connected and in love we were…are. You can’t lose that so soon. With time it will become a beautiful memory and the pain will lesson, but Jack will always be present. He’s there in each whisper, touch, gaze, and taste. That’s our love.

I go in for another scoop as I rest my feet on the coffee table. My eyes close, savoring the chocolate deliciousness. I’m not sure how many bites I’m in before I sense his presence. We both can’t seem to leave each other alone.

My body immediately betrays me when I’m around him. The butterflies swarm in my tummy as I turn to him. My eyes want to look into his, but my mind won’t betray me. It’s acknowledging that with one more look tonight, I’ll be toast. What’s left of my strength would dissolve and I would melt into him…again.

“Jenny. Please look at me, baby.” In my peripheral vision I see him approach. Even though I’m not looking at him head on, I’m aware of the hesitation in his gait. This is not my confident and cocky Jack. Perhaps we both have lost our resolve.

My feet come off the table and I sit up straight. My head hangs lower the closer he gets. His feet slide the table back as he sidesteps over to sit in front of me. One hand rests on my silken knee, the other pulls my chin upward. “Please. I need to see you. Let me look at you.”

There’s no fighting him and frankly I don’t want to. This is my Jack. So I let him touch me and see me. Whispering to him I ask, “What do you see, Jack?” His gaze widens briefly before he regains his stare. The wait is too long for my liking. He should know by now.

“Say something, Jack. I don’t want to give up on you. Or on us. So, please say something.” My fingers slide down his cheeks, cupping his face, pleading for a response.

I hold them in place until finally I break them away. His head hangs low then lifts back up as he takes a sharp inhale. “I don’t deserve you.”

My body jerks and sobers up more. “What?” Honestly, I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“I don’t deserve you, Jenny.” He stands up and moves away from me now. I hate it. “The past few days I’ve been over-thinking things. The amount of headaches is too high to count. You asked me if I needed you and I didn’t know my answer.”

I watch him pace the room and rub his head before continuing. “You see, I’m good at the wanting but I’ve never known the needing. You deserve the best and I suck at it.”

Jack stops in front of me and I recognize this retreat. For the second time in our lives, he is broken. The first was when his mother died, and the second is now. His vulnerability is genuine and he truly gives me hope he’s finally open. My body responds to his soul-baring as I approach him.

Wrapping my arms around him, I pull him into me and hold him. My lips turn into his ear sighing, “I’m here.” His body softens and we collapse into each other. We let go a bit more. No one needs to be stronger right now. We only need each other for strength.

“Jack, I have to tell you something. It’s extremely important, so I want you to listen.” He stiffens as he looks at me. I try rubbing his shoulders and arms to relax him.

“This has never been about whether you deserve me. We both deserve love and happiness.” I stand on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek before continuing. “It’s about not only wanting to be with me, but needing it, too. It’s about fully loving each other, no matter what, and being present for each other.”

My hands take his in mine. Squeezing them I go on. “Jack, I want to love and be loved. Not just for who I used to be, or even for the person I am now. I want to be loved for who I’m going to be. No one knows the future, but when I see you, I see us. Always.”

His hands tremble in mine as a small tear falls from his right eye. “Jenny. I…I…I’m scared.”

“So am I, baby. So am I. But I know that if one of us walks out that door, our lives will never be the same. I don’t want either of us to leave.”

I watch his forehead furrow, his personal tell of stress or deep thinking. I decide to help him out. “Let me tell you what I see.” I can sense his vulnerability and his fear. This makes my whole body feel weak as a wave of heat flows through me. This is not the time for a panic attack. I suck in a breath and stare at our locked hands. I need to find my center, and quick.

“No. You asked me a question that I didn’t fully answer.” He raises our hands to kiss my fingertips. “You asked me what I see, well, I see you, Jenny Foster. Only you. You were my past, now my present, and soon my future. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” More tears exit his eyes. “I know I make a mess out of things, and I’m not easy to love. But, baby, I do know this. If you give me a chance, I’ll spend our entire lives wanting and needing you.”

That’s all I need to hear. “So then let’s walk out this door together.” I pull him with me when I suddenly realize I don’t have my shoes on. “Wait, my heels.” I let go and grab them from the floor. However, before I can put them back on, he spins me back so I’m facing him again. Then he gives me his perfect Jack response. Sexy. Firm. In control.

“No worries, baby. I’ve got other plans for those heels and nylons of yours. You won’t need to put them on.”

With that, he lifts me over his shoulder and slaps my ass as we walk out the door together.