I lost track of how many days it's been since I heard from her. My heart, or what’s left of it, is in the blender all over again. Except now it’s on high and Jenny is pulsing the “ice crush” button.

How could she not respond to my letter? It seemed perfect and had all the good feels that women like to hear. Everything I said was for her and how I feel.

I held nothing back and didn’t want to. She needed to know how she made me feel and how she changed me. Fuck! I want to be a better man because of her. Instead of having her in my arms, I’m holding nothing but my dick in a futile attempt to satisfy my current case of blue balls.

I haven’t wanted to touch myself, but today I woke up so fucking hard it actually hurts. I’ve tried to wrap my hand around and stroke it but my head is too clouded. Jenny enters my brain and not in a good way.

Instead of me fantasizing about her touching her bald wet pussy with those deliciously long fingers, I’m wondering why the hell I haven’t heard from her. That’s when the horrible ache continues and I can’t seem to finish the job.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” I squeeze harder in protest and actually hurt myself more. No woman has ever made me feel this crazed about them. My focus is shot and clearly so is my ability to jerk off. She has gotten under my skin in more ways than I imagined. She has sucked me dry and not in the way I like.

Giving in to the notion that I will not be coming today, I make my ass get out of bed. I look at the clock and realize it's only six a.m. I could have slept for another hour. Maybe going for a run will help clear my mind and body from the shit stew it’s swimming in.

* * *

Turning down the hill, I decide to head for Fisherman’s Wharf. The fog is lifting in the distance and I can begin to make out Alcatraz and Sausalito. As I head south, I can make out the tops of the Golden Gate Bridge. As long as I have lived here, the beauty never ceases to amaze me.

It’s early and the city is slowly coming to life. The seals are on the dock, lying on top of each other. Delivery truck engines hum, and street merchants are beginning to set up for their day.

The tourists are still slumbering, and the residents are just waking. It feels like I have the city to myself for a bit, and I revel in the peace and solitude. My mind tries to focus on what’s in front of me with each stride. Every time my sneaker hits the ground, I feel a bit more of my sanity coming back.

By the end of my run, I grab a coffee and decide to get some of my manhood back. If she thinks she can blow off my declaration to her, then she doesn’t know Jack. My mind is made up. Jenny will not be allowed to have her time.

Maybe I sound like a caveman but we are finishing what we started. There’s no plan for what I do next and I haven’t a clue the outcome. We will have our ending, but for now the middle of our story needs to be played out. Besides the center is the heart and core of the story, the part where all the juicy stuff happens.

My feet skip steps as I climb up to my apartment. I have a new purpose and I will not stop until I make her see we are meant to be together. No amount of crap and heartbreak can keep us apart any longer.

I’ve let my mother’s depression and death conceal me for far too long. I hid like a coward behind meaningless relationships and fucks. For the first time in a long-ass time I’m feeling again. I won’t bury myself anymore. It’s scary as hell to be open but for Jenny I want to. I need her.

Picking up my phone, I open up a new text message. Typing in her name I send a simple message.

Jack: I want you.

I wait for those three little dots…

…

Jenny: I want you, too.

I decide not to push and let that sit and ruminate. It’s a small step forward but those words imply a lot.

To want someone means you long for them, wish for them, yearn, crave, and hope for them. It’s more than a need. It’s your desire for something more that only they can provide you. You are present and essential for each other. You are never lacking or absent of the other.

Smiling and staring at the text again, I turn off my phone and walk to the shower whispering, “she wants me.”