Chapter 26

 

“Doin’ ok, Dragon?” Ghost says as he passes me a beer. I ponder everything about my life. The good, the bad, all of it.

“I don’t know, Ghost. I’ve just been thinkin’ about everything.” His smile falls as if he understands what I mean.

“Which part?” He asks.  Taking a long pull from my bottle, I shift in my seat to look at him.

“Haylee. What I did to Luke. I just don’t know how long it will be until she starts askin’ questions. I can’t give her the answers that she’s gonna want, brother,” I say, and Ghost nods his understanding.

“Don’t tell her. Tell her he took off. She doesn't need to know that motherfucker is in six pieces, sunk to the bottom of the ocean.” I can’t help but laugh at him. I knew Devil wouldn’t leave him to be found.

“Guess you’re right. How you feelin’ bein’ a dad?” Watching the way his face lights up, I know he loves it.

I’ve watched him grow into a good man, a great father.

“I’m lovin’ it, man. I never knew I could love somethin’ the way I love them. It’s a weird feelin’, though. I never thought I’d want kids, Dragon. Now I don’t know what I’d do without them.” Nodding, I do have to agree.

“They are great, man. I wanted to run somethin’ by you, though.” My tone changes, taking on a serious tone. This is something that I’ve been contemplating for a while now.

“What is it?”  He asks. I have his attention now, but the words are lodged in my throat. I don’t know how to spit this shit out.

“It’s actually two things. First, I want to take Ev and the kids out to meet my mom.” Ghost’s mouth falls open. I can see the shock all over it.

“Your mom, huh? Been awhile since you talked to her, hasn’t it?” I nod because yeah, it has been a long while.

“I think things need to change. She has grandkids again. I know shit was bad when Emily died. We fought long and hard.” Ghost watches me waiting for me to say more.

“They blamed me for not havin’ her buckled. They blamed me for the fight we had before she left. Hell, I blame me,” I admit. Ghost slaps a hand on my shoulder before shaking his head.

“You ain’t to blame, brother. Bad shit happens all the time. We all know how that is. If you want to make up with your mom, I say go for it, but if you think she’s gonna give you more grief than you deserve, don’t fuckin’ go. You have made yourself better and put a new look on your life, don’t let her take that from you.”

“She can’t take his life unless she kills him. That would do it.” Both of us turn at the same time to see Trick standing there with a grin on his face.

“Why the hell is he here?” Ghost laughs next to me, but Trick seems confused.

“Oh, I live here.” Trick turns and walks away.

Ghost and I share a look before I shake my head.

“You think that fucker's been hit too many times?” There is clearly something wrong with that kid.

“There is sometin' wrong. Really though, think it over before you all just go out there. What else you thinkin’?” Here’s the tough one.

“I want to marry Everleigh.” 

Ghost damn near jumps off the couch when the words leave my mouth.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Dragon! You just offed her first husband, brother! You think she’s ready for that?” I know he’s saying it in good humor, but it still throws a wrench into my plan.

“I can’t lose her, Ghost. That shit isn’t happenin’. I want her to be mine in every sense of the word,” I tell him. He blows out a breath before scrubbing his hand over his face. It’s a little amusing to watch.

“I get that. I want Nessa too, but don’t you think you’re rushin’ shit?” I shrug because honestly, I don’t know if I am.

“Maybe, I don’t know. I just know that I need her to be mine, Ghost. Nothin’ else makes sense to me. Ev is everything—I need her.” Ghost drops back down next to me.

“I get that, Dragon, I do. She means a lot to you, but don’t rush her. I know you can handle shit, but you don’t want to push her too hard, too fast.” That does make sense, but that does little to settle what I feel inside. We’ve been together for over a year. As much as I like to think she’s settled into life with me, I still hear the cries at night. I don’t miss the sniffles in the bathroom, or the bad dreams that haunt her at night.

“You’re right, man. I don’t want her to flip her shit. I do want to talk to my mom, though. I think it would be nice for the kids to have their grandma. We can’t all say that shit, they ain’t around anymore.” Ghost nods, blowing out another breath.  I know he’s relieved, but that isn’t stopping me. It may take a little longer than I originally thought, but I will marry that girl. 

***

I hold the phone in my hand, staring at it like it might call for me. I know I need just to bite the bullet and go for it, but there is still that little piece of uneasiness inside of me. I’m nervous as fuck to hear what she might say after all this time. I’m finally happy and at a good place in my life, and to hear those words, the blame, the hate, all over again? It might just rip me apart.

“You don’t have to do this, Dragon.” Ev’s hand wraps around mine. She brings it to her lips, pressing a kiss to the top.

“I do need to do it. It’s been far too long for this shit. If any of this was meant as a learnin’ experience, I need to do this. There is so much loss and shit. We take hit after hit. She deserves to know her grandkids. They deserve to know her.” Everleigh leans back slightly before I look over.

“Don’t you dare. Haylee is as much mine as she is yours. I told you that! You won’t take that part away from me, Ev.” I can see the look in her eyes. She knows Haylee isn’t mine by blood, but she is mine.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” Throwing the phone half way across the room, I shove her hand off mine.

“I can’t do this shit, Everleigh. I told you, you’re either all-in, or you’re not. You want to run around livin’ in the past, go for it, but you’ll do it without me. I want this family, goddamn it!”  I don’t care if that hurt her. I see the look on her face.

I’ve come too far, and been through too much, to turn back now.

I thought this was what she wanted. I thought she wanted this family with me.

Maybe I was fucking wrong the whole time. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Dragon! You haven’t lived through what I have!” Here she goes again... I’m so sick of hearing this shit.

“You know what, Everleigh. I’ve lived through hell, too! I also lost a lot! You won’t take this part of my life away from me!” Storming through the room, I grab my phone off the floor and walk out. I need space... I need air.

“What the fuck you screamin’ about?” Devil stomps toward me with a pissed off look on his face.

“I can’t deal with his shit right now. Just fuckin’ take a walk!” I snap. Brushing past him, I head outside. I need a break; I need to clear my head. Losing my shit with Everleigh wasn’t the right choice, but she isn’t taking this away from me.  I grab my helmet, sliding it over my head before climbing on my bike.

Revving the engine, I take off.

I need the feel the open road.

Driving like a bat out of hell, I head down the highway with a new reason in mind.

My mind shifts gears, if only slightly. Why is she acting like this after everything we’ve been through? Is she not happy with me? Maybe Ghost was right; maybe I’m rushing her. My mind drifts, but not far. She is always there. Her face, her body, her heart. It’s all I want. I want her. I don’t know what else I need to do to prove that to her. I’ve given her everything. Including me. I’ve given her pieces of me that I didn’t want to give, and now she’s rethinking it?