Chapter 5

 

“She was in the car with Maggie,” Ghost says under his breath.  He put two and two together. He gets it without me even saying it.

“I tried to call her. She didn’t answer.” Sniffing, I wipe the tears that run down my cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, Dragon.” His hand lands on my shoulder.

“I should have buckled her in—she wouldn’t have died that night.” Swallowing the hatred that I hold inside myself, I can’t look at him.

“That wasn’t your fault. Don’t do that to yourself,” he mumbles to me.  I shake him off and shove off the couch, heading toward the bar.

“It was, though... I started that fight, Ghost. I live every goddamn day of my life regrettin’ that day.” Ghost stands, walking toward me as I throw back a few more shots.

“Shit wasn’t your fault, Dragon! You can’t hold onto that, brother. It will end up killin’ you,” he yells. I know it will. I give him a slight nod of my head, but he doesn’t leave.

“What, Ghost? You want me just to forget that shit ever happened? I can’t do it, brother. Do you know how many times I’ve tried?”  I roar, slamming the bottle onto the counter, I spin to face him and say, “I can’t get away from the look on her little face when I had to go and ID them, Ghost.” Breaking down completely, I lose it. Everything that has haunted me over the years all comes rushing back to me at once. The look on her bloody face—the way the tube stuck out from her mouth where they tried to save her—it all slams into me.  Ghost puts his arms around my shoulders as I lose myself to a past that I wanted to let go of a long time ago, but couldn’t. A past that is eating me alive, and there is nothing I can do about it. A past that has killed a piece of me slowly. I’m slowly dying inside, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. 

I can smell the food cooking all throughout the clubhouse.  I went back to my room and drank myself to sleep. There wasn’t much else that I could do. My heart hurt too much to even face anyone except for Ghost.

“Somethin’ is smellin’ delicious ladies,” I say as I smile and walk into the kitchen. All the girls turn to smile at me.

“Thanks, Dragon.” They all speak at the same time. It does a part of me good to see them all here coming together.

The other part is dead. I remember Thanksgiving with Maggie and Emily. I remember the times when I was happy.

I’ll never have those again, and that’s the part of me that needs to let go and die.

“You ok, Dragon?” Aria’s hand lands on my forearm pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just little lost. I’m goin’ to run perimeter if the guys need me.” Aria nods with a smile on her face.

I find it refreshing that the guys have their girl’s. They need them. They rely on them for a lot.

I head out the front door, looking around at all the bikes. I know more are on the way. We invited Bear, and Hell’s Country out to join us this year. I figured after all they’ve done for us; it’s the least we could do. Walking to the front, I make my way around the side. Something inside of me feels off, and it isn’t the feelings that talking about the past have dragged up. No, it’s something more. I never did like the feelings I’d get when shit was about to go south. There was always this little nagging feeling that lurks up on me. I’ve always had that instinct, but I never really wanted it. 

***

My hand wraps around my gun as I make my way around the area.  I know this feeling far too well, and I don’t like it, not even a little. The closer I get to the corner of our lot, the more my heart thumps in my chest. Someone’s over there. I walk slowly, careful not to make any noise when I see them.

“What the fuck you doin’ over there?” Aiming my gun, they don’t move. What the hell are they doing? Stepping closer, I see two bodies. The irony of what I’m seeing isn’t lost on me. It’s a little girl with an older woman curled up together. Flashbacks of burying my girl’s slam into me. It’s like I can see it all happening all over again. The cries are the only thing that pulls me back to reality. The next step I take toward them, the little girl pops up, her eyes locking with mine, and then the gun in my hand.

She cries, “Please don’t kill us!” My eyes move from hers to the gun. Sliding it back into the back of my jeans, I hold my hands up in defeat.

“I’m not gonna kill you. Who are you?” I ask, lowering my tone. Her eyes are full of tears, and I find myself lost in them, longing for my own little girl.

“Daddy hit mommy again. She said we’d be safe here for the night, but she won’t get up.” Her voice rips my heart to shreds.

“Is it ok if I come over there?”  I ask softly. I don’t want to scare her. I know how kids can be with strangers.

When she nods her head, my world flips.

Moving closer, I look down at a pile of dark hair, that’s matted up with blood. My stomach drops. The little girl watches me with wide eyes when I say, “I need to take your mom inside. I will get a doctor to come and look at you two. Is that ok with you?” She shakes her head, stepping away from me quickly.

“She said never trust a man.” She drops down next to her mom, and I’m lost. I almost want to cry along with her.

“There’s girls inside.” The way she grips her mom’s hand chokes me. She’s scared.

She watches me like a hawk when I say, “I’m gonna get my phone out, ok? I’m gonna call one of the girls to come out here.” It’s admirable the way she protects her mom. I pull my cell out and call Aria.

“Where’d you go?” Her voice is full of light, the girls laughing in the background.

“Tell Angel to call the doctor. I need you to calmly come out the back door, you’ll see me.” I hear her gasp. She thinks it’s me and she thinks it’s bad.

“Remember what I said, Aria. Calmly,” I remind her. Hanging the phone up, I slide it back into my pocket before kneeling down.

“What’s your name?” I gently ask her. Her eyes come to meet mine, bright green and full of life.

“Haylee.” I give her a soft smile when she answers me.

“I’m Dragon. It’s nice to meet you, Haylee.” Giving me a soft smile, I can’t help but smile back.

I heard the door close a minute ago, I know Aria is on her way over here.

“Hi, I’m Aria.” And there she is.

“Aria, this is Haylee. She and her mom were sleepin’ out here. I think her mom needs to see the doctor, but she told her that men couldn’t be trusted. I thought you’d help her mom out.”