Chapter 14

 

“I’m goin’ in there today, Ghost. One of my boys is on his security team. He doesn’t know shit, just that I need a job.” Roc wiggles his eyebrows while smiling at me. I don’t like this shit. Not even a little. There’s too much at stake here. If Roc gets called out, he’s as good as dead. Aria knows it too. I can see the look on her face and it’s breaking me.

“Fuck!” Roaring, I slam my hands down on the table in front of me. Everyone looks over but they don’t understand.

“Calm down, Ghost.” Dragon grinds the words between his teeth. I know I’m not helping the situation at all but this is all on me. Everything that happens when Roc walks out that door—is on me.

“Calm? You want me to be calm when I’m about to let my boy walk into shit he might not walk out of?” The yells that rip from my throat scare the girls. I saw them all jump and I don’t care. It’s the truth.

“Let me, huh? You don’t control me, Ghost. That boy is family. You caught my ass that first day, robbin’ a goddamn liquor store. You kept my head straight. You gave me a fuckin’ home, man! I’m gettin’ my nephew back! I don’t give a shit if I die in the process. That boy deserves to be with his family!” The look in Roc’s eyes is deadly. Any normal person wouldn’t challenge him.

“You’re my family too, Roc.” Gritting my teeth, I will not lose him. I will not lose him or any of them for that matter.

“So, you’d rather lose your son? You’d rather let that motherfucker kill your ex girl, and keep your kid for his own sick reasons?” Roc hollers. I drop back into the chair, letting that sink in.  Of course, I don’t want that. I wouldn’t want that for anyone.

“I don’t want to lose my brother, either. Don’t you get that? You’ve been by my side for a long fuckin’ time, Roc.” Roc finishes zipping his sweatshirt before moving toward me.

“You won’t lose me. You can’t get rid of me that easily, Ghost. Come on, man. Who the fuck is gonna be a better uncle than me?” The smile on his face is one of want. He wants this. He wants to be an uncle.

“No one, Roc. There won’t be a better uncle than you.” Holding his hand out to me, I grab it.

Roc yanks me from the chair and into a hug.

“I got this. Let me do this.”

Nodding, I hate this idea. I hate that he’s going in there alone. If we were moving in as group, I wouldn’t feel so bad.

Roc gives me a quick nod before leaning down and kissing Aria.

I see the look in her eyes. She’s scared shitless that her man isn’t coming home. I can’t say that her fear is warranted either.  

Walking around the clubhouse with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, I contemplate my life.  So much has changed in such a short amount of time. The world spins, and I’m going with it. Nessa has been a godsend. She’s everything I could want in a person, and now she walks around carrying another person.  Life is crazy. One drunken night has changed so much for me.  Having a baby scared the hell out of me when Nessa told me, but finding out that I have another son? That was mind-blowing. I never thought I’d want a child. I never thought I’d want a family after what happened to mine. The raw reality is that I find myself wondering what my kids will be like when they grow up. Will they be happy? Will they be like me?

Will they have my attitude, or their moms?

It never fails to pull at me but when I think of a future, I don’t see myself being a good father. I’m not a good person, that much is clear.

“Where’d you disappear to?” Glancing over at Devil, I shrug.

“I’m Ghost. I just go,” Devil chuckles, leaning against the wall next to me.

“What are you thinkin’, Ghost?” He asks. Blowing out a ring of smoke, I look at him.

“I don’t know how to be a dad, Devil. I’ve never had one. Mine was a fuckin’ coward.” Devil nods as though he understands.

“We’ve all had a shitty upbringin’, Ghost. That doesn’t make us them. You can be a better father because you know how it feels to not have that. Be what he wasn’t. Love those kids. Make them realize that you’re a good man, because you are, Ghost. You’re a good man.” I watch Devil walk away, letting his words loom inside of me. I don’t know how good of a man I am. I fucked up with Melanie. Wasn’t that bad enough?

I close my eyes, letting everything shift through me. The way I feel, the way I don’t feel. There is so much fear inside of me. That’s new to me, too. I don’t fear a lot of things but failing my kids–failing Nessa–that’s a huge fear. I grab my beer off the small table and head back inside. Taking a long pull, I need to get my head straight.

“Roc just called. He said it’s good news.” Dragon smiles, as my heart falls. I don’t know what kind of good news he’s talking about. 

***

“Come sit with me, Ghost.” Nessa tugs my hand as I pace the front lobby. My nerves are firing off. Being near anyone isn’t working out so well for me. I’m on edge. With a quick nod, I follow her to the couch. I sit down first, pulling her into my lap.

“How’s the baby?” I ask, dragging my fingers over her stomach, she smiles up at me.

“Not making me barf, so I guess that’s a good thing.” She giggles slightly. I smile but my smile doesn’t meet my eyes.

“That’s always a good thing. I don’t have to smell ralph breath all night.” Nessa pokes her finger in my chest, laughing.

“I love you, Ghost. I know you don’t love me but I need you to know that, I do love you. You’ve meant a lot to me in this short time.” I wished I could say it back. I wish I could tell her I love her, but I can’t.

“You mean a lot to me too, Nessa. I know I’ll love you one day. I’m bein’ honest here. I feel a lot for you. You make me better.” I admit. Her smile is bright before she leans down and captures my mouth with hers.

“See, I don’t have to taste barf, either.” I say playfully. Nessa laughs against my mouth. It’s perfect.

But with perfection there are flaws. They come in many forms and I fear that her flaw, is being with me.

The front doors open. My heart stops beating. Nessa snaps her head around the same time I look up. Roc stands there with a small human in his arms. “Brought a present!” My breath catches in my throat.

That’s him–that’s my son–the life I created. Nessa climbs off my lap as everyone looks at Roc. The room is packed. Everyone was waiting on this.  Yet, I can’t seem to make myself move. I can’t force myself to my feet. Luckily, I don’t have to. Devil grabs my arm, yanking me to my feet.

“Go say hi to your son, Ghost.” Shoving me forward, I don’t know how to move.  Roc stands there grinning from ear-to-ear. The happy uncle, while I’m the freaked-out father.

“He doesn’t bite.” Roc grins bigger. A slow smile creeps across my face.

“Then he can’t be mine.” I say. The guys laugh. Jordan stirs in Roc’s arms.

The closer I get, the more nervous I become. 

I look down into the dark eyes of my son. He’s perfect–handsome.

“Hey, Jordan. I’m your daddy,” I say. Roc passes him over to me and my heart melts. He does look just like me.

“Ghost, I know you want to enjoy this moment but there’s some shit we need to talk about.” Roc says. I knew there would be. I knew more was going to come down over this little search and rescue mission. Nessa is by my side in a second.

“I’ll take him to the room and get him changed.” The smile on her face is infectious. She’s beaming with happiness right now. I look at the smile on her face before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Jordan’s head.

“Daddy loves you,” The words were a whisper but I heard the sob leave Nessa’s mouth. She heard me. I pass Jordan to her, a piece of me filling with joy and hope. Standing there, I watch her walk down the hallway with my son. My son, I like that. I like how that sounds. Dragon slaps a hand on my shoulder, pulling my focus back to him. “Come on, Ghost.”

Nodding, I clear my throat before following the guys into the dining room. We all drop into a chair but I grab Roc into a hug first.

“Thanks man. You don’t know how much that means to me.” Roc chuckles before pulling back.

“Always, brother.” We take our seats when Roc moves to the head of the table.

“Gettin’ in and out wasn’t easy. Well, the in part was. They saw me leave with him. A few of them came after me. My boy got me past security, but that’s as far as his loyalty lies with me.” I don’t like the sound of this. I don’t like the direction it’s going.

Devil growls next to me. “Meanin’ what?” I know he’s ready for blood.

“Meanin’ they will come after me and that boy. I don’t know when, but I know they’ll come. We need to be ready.” We already knew this. We knew the backlash of what would happen when Roc went in there.

“So, we get ready. I for one, am ready for a good kill.” Devil is always ready for a kill.

“I’m callin’ in some other clubs. Throw some favors out there.” Dragon looks at me when he says it.

“No shit from you though, Ghost. Go enjoy your son before the war comes.”