Chapter 4

 

Nessa’s swimming around. Her hair’s sticking to her face. She laughs as I sit back and watch her jump waves in the ocean. Who the hell knew that something so mundane could be so perfect.  Her words tumble around inside of me. She really threw me off with that. Can I think of having someone else in my life? I’ve wondered this for so long but I’ve never found anyone that could challenge me. Melanie took something from me when she left. As hard as I’ve searched for it, I’ve never found it. That may be my destiny. I’m destined to nothing, and no one. I open my eyes, not even realizing I’d closed them. Looking out at the water, Nessa waves at me. I give her a little nod before she shakes her head. Waving to me, she wants me to come out in the water with her.

“Why the hell not,” Mumbling to myself, I shove myself up and head to the water. When my foot steps in, I’m assaulted with so many memories.  It hurts. It tugs at every string of my heart.  I feel her hands, her warmth, before I realize it’s not my mom. It’s Nessa.  Her wet hand comes up wiping a tear that I didn’t realize had fallen.

“Keep them safe, Ghost.” Her only words to me haunt me. Keep them safe, when all they do is tear me up.

“There are days I don’t want them. Days that just feel like everything is too much.” Nessa’s hands encircle my waist. She leans her head down, resting it against my chest. It’s such a sweet gesture. I don’t know how to take it. I let my hand wrap around her back, holding her there.

“You can talk to me, Ghost. I’m a good listener.” She says. I let out a chuckle before her head tilts up. Our eyes lock and I want to taste those little pouty lips of hers, but I don’t. Instead, I do something I’ve never done before. I talk to her.

“My mom used to bring me here. We’d play for hours. Build sand castles, swim. We never got tired of it either.” Her eyes speak to me. They call to me, but why?

“How did she die?” She asks. How does she see this in me? Am I that transparent?

“She was killed.” Nessa doesn’t move, she just watches me.

“Mine, too. Car accident. I was fifteen at the time. It hurts every day, Ghost. There is something better out there for you, though. Everyone has someone out there looking for them. We just have to let it happen.”

Letting things happen isn’t the problem. Finding someone that can challenge me the way Mel did, is. I don’t take women lightly. I want them to push me. I want them to push me to be better–to be what they need. I’ve always been able to work around my own shit, as long as the woman was happy. At the end of the day that’s what’s important, isn’t it? 

***

Nessa and I have swam around and laughed. We played in the water together before I got out. I was too close to her. Too close to wanting to touch her, and take her the way I desire.  She’s better than that, though. I can see it in her eyes. I didn’t want to push her.Nessa walks over, water dripping down her body. The thoughts of licking that water off her, that are floating around my head, I have to adjust my dick.

“Come on, Ghost.” She smiles.  I climb up and follow behind her.

“I’ve never actually collected shells before.” We walk down the shoreline picking up shells as we find them.

“Are you kiddin’ me?” I ask.  Shaking her head, she smiles.

“I’ve only been to the beach a few times. I never actually looked for shells, though.”

“Where were you born, Nessa?” If she hasn’t been to the beach much, she can’t be from around here.

“Texas. We don’t have very many beaches there.” Her laughter is infectious. It’s perfect.

“When did you come out here to Cali?” Nessa sighs. This must be a part of her life she doesn’t want to talk about.

“I didn’t mean to be nosy.” I grab another shell and drop it into the bag she found.

“It’s not that. I came out here after my mom died. My dad got really depressed. He cried all the time. He couldn’t take care of me.” That makes sense. It sounds a lot like my parents.

“Sorry about your mom. Who’d you live with when you came here?”  I ask her with interest. Nessa stops to grab another shell before popping up next to me again.

“My aunt. She’s the best person I know. She took care of me.” She says. A genuine smile crosses my face.

“It’s good that you have that with her.” Nessa nods with a smile on her face before turning toward me. She walks backward, watching me.

“What about you, Ghost? Where’s your dad or other family?” She asks the one question I don’t like answering. Swallowing hard, I reach up, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear.

“My dad couldn’t handle it after my mom died. He killed himself the same day. They were both the only child—so no other family.” Her face suddenly falls. I don’t need her feeling sorry for me.

“The MC is your family though, right?” Nodding, I smile at her. So, smart.

“They are. They’re all I have. Most times—all I need,” I say. She seems to question that. I can see the look in her eyes.

“What’s the look?” I ask her when I noticed she dropped her head. Looking at her feet in the sand before bringing her eyes back to meet mine, and says, “Do you ever think you would be able to love again, Ghost?”

I don’t know how to answer that. I don’t know why she’s asking that to begin with. Her words slam into my chest. It feels like I’ve been punched.

“Hard to say—I don’t know that I have it in me. Melanie ruined me in a lot of ways. It wasn’t just her though, I pushed her. I broke her as badly as she broke me.” Before anything else can be said, Nessa wraps her hand around the back of my neck, pulling my mouth to hers. Her lips move tantalizingly slow over mine. The light touch of her makes me quiver.

“I don’t think you’re that broken, Ghost,” She whispers. My hand comes up to tangle in her hair while the other slides around her waist.

“I’m beyond broken. I’d ruin you in ways you’d never recover from,” I say in honesty. Her cheeks flush, turning a pretty shade of pink. Her eyes dance with lust but I can’t wreck her. Pressing my lips to hers once more, I slide my tongue into her mouth. Her softness tugs at me. She feels so good, but she isn’t the club type of woman. She’s better than that. I know she is.  She’s like Aria. She wasn’t meant for this world, and I’ll be damned if I’m the one to drag her into it. I place small pecks on her lips before pulling back.

“We should get back,”  I say, but Nessa doesn’t listen. She kisses me again, this time her free hand landing on my stomach. I let out a groan that she captures in her mouth.  Her fingers trail over my skin, igniting a need inside of me. If her lips weren’t wrapped around mine, I’d be groaning right now. Nessa lets her hand travel further south, wrapping around my dick.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Nessa.” Her giggle hits me in face. She looks me in the eyes, so sure of herself in this moment.

“I can’t be hurt, Ghost. I’m like you—I was ruined.” No, I won’t take that as an answer from her. Not after the day we’ve had together. I may not know her but I can see her. She is far from being broken.

“I don’t believe you. You’re fragile, and I’m not him, Nessa. I would take all the good and suck it out of you.”

She wants to push me on this, I can see it. As much as I want to fuck her, I can’t be that guy. I can’t be the one that takes away all the goodness in her and leaves her with nothing but a hollow shell.  The look in her eyes though, hell help me she wants this. It’s taking all the strength I have in me to back away from her.