Chapter 27

 

Pulling into the cemetery, it’s the one place I haven’t been in a while. I know I need to come out here more often than I do, but it’s always so hard.  My dad was the one constant in my life. He was the one that made me the man I am today. I’d like to think that he would be proud of me, and what I’ve done with the club. I brought it back to life after all the guys left. I knew he wouldn’t want it any other way.

Driving to the back, I park before climbing off. The walk to his grave is short. He is the second from last at the back of the cemetery. He has the bike shaped headstone. It was perfect for him. Hell’s Fire MC emblem is proudly displayed on the front below his name.

“John Michael Jacobs.”

I place my hand on the top when I get close enough.

“I’ve fucked up a lot, pop. Made a lot of mistakes. I miss the hell outta you. I know if you were here I wouldn’t even be thinkin’ about this shit. You always had the right answer whether I wanted to see it or not. She’s all I want, though. Everleigh brought light into my life. She brought me everything I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know why the hell she can’t accept it in return.” Blowing out a breath, I sit in front of it.

“You got more grandkids. I know you have Emily with you, but I have the other two here. Haylee reminds me of her. She’s outgoin’ and funny. She’s special, pop. Jeremy, too. He’s the spittin’ image of me. You’d love him. He’s so laid back and easy to handle.” Fuck, why is this so hard for me?

“I’m a grandma again?” Her voice slices its way through me. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it.

“What are you doing here? I was gonna call you... I wanted you to meet them.” I don’t turn to look at her. I sit in my spot, contemplating what to do next. Ev made it pretty clear that she didn’t want to be a part of that phase, but I don’t think I really give a shit.

“Same thing as you, I’d guess. I miss him, too. I come talk to him when shit’s bothering me.” She sits next to me, and I glance over. Still as beautiful as the last day I saw her.

“Shit bother you a lot?” I ask. We don’t look at each other, we both look at the stone that is now my dad in front of us.

“Gets lonely, that’s for sure. Look, Dragon. I know I said a lot of things to you back then. I wasn’t a good mother. I was lost in myself. I had to blame someone—anyone. I took that shit out on you, and you didn’t deserve it. Believe me when I say this. I have beat myself to hell for years about the way things went down.” Huffing, I shake my head. Nice words.

“Yet, you never made an attempt to come find me. Say somethin’ to me. Don’t lie, mom.” I hear her huff next to me.

It’s the truth, though. She knew I was running the club. She knew what I was doing, and she did nothing to come to me.

“You have every right to be pissed at me, son. I messed up. I’ll admit to that. I know what happened to Emily wasn’t your fault. It was an accident that changed all of us. I made the mistake of placing the blame on you, and you know what? I’ve lived with that all this time. I lived with the guilt of it all. I was a damn coward back then, and I still am. I should have come to see you. I should have been by your side when you buried your woman and daughter, but I wasn’t, and I can’t change that.”  

The silence is eerie. We sit here together, but we’re a million miles apart.

It hurts me to know that she has felt like this the whole time, but a part of me wants her to feel that pain. The pain I felt when my own blood blamed me. The way it felt to have to bury the two things that mattered the most to me in life, alone.

I was alone also. I was left to wallow in my pity. I was left to fend for myself as I tried to figure out how to make it alone without them. It ate at everything inside of me. I was so lost and out of control.

“I wanted you to feel that pain. I wanted you to feel what I felt. I don’t know how to be anymore, Mom,”  I admit. Her hand rests on my knee. The first motherly thing she’s done for me in years.

“I know. I’m sorry, son. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better person then. I wished I could change all of that. Living a life of loneliness shows you a lot of things about yourself,” she says. Nodding, that much I do know.

I’ve had the guys for a long time, but before that, I had nothing but myself.

“It’s a hard road to travel. I did it, though. I found somethin’ good at the end, and now I don’t know if she wants the same things as me.” Her hand tightens before I shake my head.

“I thought we were on the same page. I did unspeakable things for her and her daughter, Mom. I felt the biggest pull to her from the day I laid eyes on her.” When I finally drag my eyes up to meet hers, there’s understanding in them.

For the first time in a long time, I see my mom.  

***

“You know, you’re a lot like your dad. He was the same way. I was timid and scared when he first came to me. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. I wasn’t sure he could be that. He kept on and on until I gave in and saw who he really was. He amazed me at every turn, Dragon. He was a good man with a heart of gold, much like you. Tell me about her.” She shifts around, so she’s looking at me.  I don’t know why I want to open up to the woman that walked away from me all those years ago, but it feels so right.

“She’s beautiful, mom. Inside and out. Haylee’s seven. She was the only kid she and her ex had. He was abusive. Found her outside at my clubhouse, hidin’ out from him. Ever since that day—she’s held a power over me.” My mom smiles at me with the brightest grin I’ve ever seen.

“She was meant to be yours, Dragon. That’s why she was there. So what’s the problem?” Chuckling softly, I  nervously look at my hands. I’m actually fucking nervous about this.

“We’ve been together since then. I took Haylee in like my own. We just clicked, ya know? Found out she was pregnant not long after. We have a little boy. Everything seemed perfect. I want her, mom. I want to marry her for fuck's sake, but when I brought up the idea of you meetin’ them, she flipped on me. She pulled away and didn’t think it was a good idea. Fuck if I know what the hell that was about. I thought I made myself clear on what I wanted.” Her hand comes to capture mine, pulling it into her lap.

“If you’re anything like your dad—I don’t even need to ask what you did to her Ex.” She laughs softly as if remembering something he did.

“What I can tell you from experience is, she’s scared, Dragon. She was hurt for so long, and then someone like you comes into the picture and shows her what love is like, she’s scared. She doesn’t know real love. She has to feel it, and see it. You show her that. Give her time to adjust to another world, one she’s never known. It may take her a little longer, but she’ll come around.” Patting the top of my hand, she releases it before standing.

“Will you?” I ask. Looking up at her, she looks confused.

“Will I what?”

“Come meet my family.”