Chapter 17

 

  I dreamt about my mother last night. I’ve never dreamt about her before.  She was beautiful. Long hair that cascaded over her shoulders. She was amazingly calm when she walked up to me. I’ve come to realize that my shadows now haunt me. They are everywhere I look. All the bad that I’ve done in my life is creeping its way back on top of me.

I look at the gun that sits in my lap. I cock my head side to side taking in its beauty. It has the power to end a life. It has the power to make things happen. It can take away every shadow that creeps through the dark, threatening to overwhelm me.  But then what? Where does that leave the guys? Where does that leave my brothers? It leaves them to clean up my damn messes that I have made. It leaves them to wonder. It leaves them with a shadow of their own.  That weight is what keeps me going. It’s the reason that I pull out every stop, and make myself wake up in the morning.  Leaving them to deal with my past isn’t an option. They never asked for this, I did. I twirl the gun around my finger a few times before Ghost walks in.

“Doin’ ok?” He asks. Am I? I nod, but I don’t know why. I don’t know what I am anymore.

Aria was something more. She made me feel. Feeling wasn’t a luxury I’ve ever had. I let her hear my heart. I let her call out to it and then I sent her away.

“Pushin’ her away was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?” I ask a little unsettled. Ghost drops on the chair next to me.

“You want my honest answer?” Taking a deep breath, I nod.

“No. But I get why you did. I pushed Melanie away. I shoved until she couldn’t take it anymore. I know what you guys saw, but behind closed doors, I shoved as hard as I could. You want my opinion? When you get her dad, go to her.” I don’t miss the tone of his voice. I know how much it hurt him when Melanie left. I just never realized how much he shoved her away either. Ghost shoves out of his chair.

“I don’t know how to make it work, Ghost. This is all I know.”

“You’re playin’ yourself, Roc! You know how to make it work. Fuck, you been doin’ it for a while now. That girl means somethin’ to you. You shouldn’t walk away from that.”  

***

I ride in the back of the truck with my mind in a blur. Her−it’s always her.

The more I think about her, the more my focus changes. The more my focus changes, the harder I become. It’s a strange concept to think that you want to make something work with someone you barely know.  Thoughts play out in my dreams, but I know that’s all they are. Never a reality. The truck comes to a stop, and I take a deep breath, pulling the ski mask over my face.

“You two hit down, we got up. Watch Roc’s ass when he’s in that office. Anyone pops up, shoot. Don’t you dare hesitate.” Dragon directs us all on what to do. My focus is perfect. I have a game plan, and now all I have to do is set it into motion. Climbing out of the truck, I have a new focus. A future. My future. I’ve never had that before. I never thought past what the day held in store for me. Ghost is right, though. I don’t want to regret not trying to make things work with Aria. Why the hell should I, anyway? She meant a lot to me. She still means a lot to me. I can have her and this life. A lot of guys do it.

“Let’s get in, and get out. If it seems important, take it.” Dragon is speaking mainly to me. I can see it in his eyes. With a quick nod, we head toward the doors. I know there’s one security guard on duty in the front lobby, and one on each floor. I’ve looked into it. I roll my shoulders and ready myself for what’s about to come.

We head in the front doors and before the security guard even looks up, I shoot him between the eyes. His body falls back in his chair.

“Nice shot,” Ghost chuckles next to me.

“You know I have them sharp shooter skills.” I grin at him. Dragon laughs as the other guys file out around us.

“What floor?” Dragon asks as we pile into the elevators, leaving some of the other guys at the front doors.

“Third. You sure about leavin’ Trick out front?” I ask. Glancing over at Dragon, he shrugs.

“He wants that patch bad enough, let him prove it.” Dragon answers. I guess that’s true enough. Trick is a prospect as of right now. He’s been around awhile. He’s always come through when we needed him to. I guess this will be one of the bigger jobs he’s had, though. The elevator dings before the doors open. Ghost sticks his head out looking left, then right.

“Don’t see the guard,” He says, leaning back in, we all nod.

“This floor circles around. Must be on the other side,” I say looking at Dragon and Ghost.

“Go to the office, we’ll circle it, meet you back there,” Dragon says, moving quickly to step out of the elevator. Dragon goes to the right, Ghost to the left. I hurry toward Tomlin’s office.  The lock isn’t hard to pick, considering I’ve done it more than once. I’m inside the office in no time.

I check through every drawer and every file. If anything looks of interest, I stuff it into the duffle bag that hangs off my shoulder.

What stops me in my tracks is a picture on his desk. It’s a picture of Aria. That isn’t what guts me, though. It’s the note that’s attached to the picture.

“I will find her. She will die. C.”