Chapter 16

 

Nessa is surprisingly calm with all this. She has Jordan in the dining room feeding him. The little bald headed kid sits up in a highchair that Devil, of all people, went out and bought.

“Ain’t he too little to eat that?” I ask pointing at the jar in her hand as she laughs.

“No! From what the doctor said, he’s at least one and a half. He can eat, Ghost.” She scoops some more food onto the spoon and Jordan eagerly opens his mouth for the spoon to slide in.

“Come over and try it.”  She says. Nessa shoves out of the chair she was sitting in, allowing me to sit. I pick up the jar and scoop some onto the spoon. Getting it into his mouth is a whole other story. My hands shake as I bring the spoon to his little mouth. He opens but my hands won’t stop their movement. I guess I don’t get it in there fast enough for Jordan’s liking.

He slaps the spoon in my hand, food flying all over both of us.

“FUCK!” I look down at the food that’s now splattered across the front of my shirt. I hear Nessa giggling off to the side. I should spank her ass for that.

“We made a mess, dude.” I say to my son. Jordan chews his fingers while looking at me.

“Think we need more?” Picking the spoon up off his tray, I try it again.  This time, I make it. Feeding my son is weird. I’m in charge of another human being. It isn’t the same as watching out for the guys. It’s more than that.  I’m in control of him. I have to feed him, clean him, keep him safe. The reality slaps me in the face. Pushing out of the chair, I awkwardly unhook is tray. Picking him up, I hold him.

“I don’t know how we’re gonna do all of this dude, but I’m gonna be a good daddy for you.” I hear her sniffle. Glancing over my shoulder, I look at Nessa as she sobs.

“Don’t cry, darlin’. I hate it when you cry. Come on, let’s get little man a bath before I have to leave.” I say as Nessa presses herself into my side. We walk down the hallway like a family. Shit, we are a family. 

 

***

“What the hell am I doin’?” I mumble under my breath. Looking at the diaper, I’m pretty sure, that isn’t on right. I roll Jordan to the side making sure all his parts are covered but when I roll him back, the front pops open.

“What is this shit?” Again, I mumble to myself.  Pulling at the tab, I have no clue how this shit works.

“Nessa, sweetheart. Are you gonna laugh at me the whole time or help me get this shit on our son before he explodes on the bed?” Her gasp cuts that short. Nessa walks over, pulling the tab and pressing it into the front of the diaper, securing it in place before lifting Jordan.

“You ok, Nessa?” She looks a little off and I don’t like it.

“Yeah, can you get those pajamas.” Pointing to the table where a whole new fucking wardrobe lays, I grab them.

“Let me do it.” Laying them out on the bed, Nessa giggles.

“Make sure you put them on the right way,” She teases. I can’t help but smile at her. She likes fucking with me, and honestly, I love it.

“Come here, little man.” Picking him up out of Nessa’s arms I lay him on top of the pajamas.

“Nessa, why are you so quiet?” I noticed Nessa chewing at her lip. Something I said or did must have set her off. I’m not sure what it was, though.

“You said our son. It just threw me off.” Glancing over, she looks as though she wants to cry.

“That’s what he is, isn’t it? If you changed your mind—” Nessa grabs my shoulder.

“No! I didn’t change my mind, Ghost. It just caught me off guard. I mean, we don’t even know what happened with Melanie.” Her name claws its way into my chest.

Nessa’s right. We don’t know what happened to Melanie but at the same time, Nessa is my future. I finish buttoning up the pajamas before picking Jordan up.

“Melanie will always hold a spot in my heart. She was my first love, Nessa. She gave me Jordan. But that’s all she is. She doesn’t mean anything like that to me anymore. You do–this does.” Tugging her into me with my free hand, I wrap my arm around her waist.

“You are all I want, Nessa. Never doubt that.” Covering her mouth with mine, I make her feel it. I make her feel the way I feel. Without saying the actual words, I love her. I know I do. I don’t know that I can get the words out of my mouth just yet. I know what I feel, though.

I love this girl.